Top of the Props!

Another week has passed, and our staff continues to grow!! It seems like every day I see more and more people in the office! This past week segment producers Frank Smiley, Dan Ferguson and Rachel Witlieb started romping around, as well as Graphics gurus Pierre Bernard and Kevin Frank!! Awesome stuff. It's starting to feel like we're actually doing shows... Instead of being stuck in this crazy dream of sun and flowers and new building smells.

The BIGGEST development over this past week was the fact that we are now booking tickets for the first month of Tonight Shows with Conan!! It's a hot ticket - requests have been pouring in! The good news for you folks is that we use a lottery system, so there's always a chance you could snag some dope tickets if you request them relatively soon!! Visit our temporary ticket page for details on how to come see the show we're working so hard to put together!! I wish you all the best of luck!!

Except you. And you.

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Tickets to The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien!

Ladies and Gentlemen. Hello.

Are you sitting down? Because I have a truly awecellent announcement:

I am extremely pleased and excited to announce that TICKETS FOR THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O'BRIEN ARE NOW AVAILABLE!!!

Head on over here: http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show-with-conan-obrien for all the details on how to get them!

June 1st is right around the corner, everybody.... ;)

O.M. to the Motherflippin' G, Y'all!

Why hello there, friends. I couldn't help but noticing that you have that look in your eyes. That look that says you want something. And you want it badly. Oh so badly. That look that says...

WHERE'S MY FREAKING BLOG POST, BLEY?! IT'S MONDAY AND I COME HERE TO THIS SITE AND YOU HAVE POSTED EXACTLY ZERO POSTS TODAY, JERKWEED.

I hate it when you're angry, baby.

Listen, here's the deal - I was out of town this weekend (NYC, if can you believe it) and really reeeeaaaaally tried to get Chill to write a sweet entry about how location scouting and all that differs in LA from NYC - He's got a couple of great stories already! But the REASON he's got a couple of great stories already is that because he's been so busy. So busy... Working. His real job, not his moonlighting job as part time blogerator like yours truly. I was already in the air and out of touch when I got his note that he couldn't swing it today.... And that's about how we arrived here!

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Greetings from The Cuckoo Factory!

Well, it's the beginning of my second week here at the show in LA, and things are already moving quick! I've been working with the web folks on putting together the new Tonight Show website, and I think you're all going to be pumped at what we've got in store for y'all! On that note, a big THANK YOU to everyone who wrote in with suggestions of things that they want to see on the new site... We'll do our best to wow everyone!!!

Also along those lines: People have been asking me about A.) Tickets, and B.) Internships. I don't really know when we'll have Ticket info available for people quite yet; I'm hoping early May. In terms of internships however... CHECK THE BOTTOM OF THIS BLOG POST, SUCKA!! You're welcome.

I thought I'd have a month to kind of get into the swing of things out here, but we're already up and running - Conan shot two remotes last week, and shot ANOTHER one today!! I know exactly how he feels, though; being out here in LA on this lot, you just want to start doing things!! Getting things done!! Making the donuts! Doing the chip chop on the belly flop! You know what I'm saying!? At any rate, Kodak is sponsoring some of our web stuff, and they sent me these sweet new video cameras today to shoot stuff!! I took one up to our sweet rooftop Chillaxing area and fiddled with it... Already it's easier to do things out here in LA. Amazing.

I am currently writing this from my new office, which is sweet! I don't have any windows (because I'm at the bottom of the totem pole), but my new office is on the floor with all the writers... Which will either be fun or terrible. I'm right next to my buddy Roey (our Music Coordinator), so I'm excited about that; I've already hidden a bunch of creepy notes in all his drawers. Here's the thing though: Now that we're out of 30 Rock, and I'm no longer in an office on crappy 8 West, I can no longer call the floor that I work on "The Swamp"! These new offices are just way too nice, and "The New Swamp" doesn't really roll off the tongue. This means that I've got to come up with a new floor name, ya'll - because we all know I can't work on a floor that doesn't have a name. Here's what I've got so far:

- The Monkeyhouse
- Awesometown
- The Cuckoo Factory
- Tiny Little Bacon Man
- Chumbawumbaville (I plan on playing a lot of the Ol' Chum on full volume)
- Dr. Brian McCann's Haunted Indian Graveyard of Comedy Horrors
- Sweetpit

I'm sure that a name will come to me at some point. It's a work in progress. You guys got any ideas?

Finally, many of you have been asking about internships... AND HERE I AM READY TO ANSWER YOU:

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ATTENTION LOS ANGELES: I AM INSIDE OF YOU.

Ladies. Gentlemen. Those still waiting for the operation.

As the title up there implies, I am now a current resident of Los Angeles California!! It's been a big big week full of boxes ad tape and boxcutters and nails and hanging things up and getting lost in the windy confusing streets of LA! Here are some things that I have learned so far:

1. The sun is intense.
2. The sun is REALLY intense.
3. There are a lot of douchebags here.
4. THE SUN IS SO INTENSE LOOK AT IT ONCE AND KISS YOUR EYE JELLY GOODBYE GUYZ I'M SERIOUS.

It feels like I've been living underground for the past 8 years - you come out here and there's sun, and trees, and birds, and clouds, and flowers, and.... MILES AND MILES OF CAR CLOGGED HIGHWAYS. Man, the traffic really is as bad as they say. But otherwise, California is pretty sweet! Maybe I just haven't found out about all the crappy stuff yet, but right now I'm questioning why ANYONE WOULD LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE. Seriously. It's ridiculous! Also, I fit right in with all the beautiful tanned toned people here. It's nice to finally be around people of the same beauty level, you know? KIDDINNNNNG. These people are all robots. Pretty, pretty robots. I'm gonna have to either lose like 30 pounds... Or shoot the moon by gaining like 60 pounds and wearing a muumuu everywhere! Currently I'm thinking muumuu. Preferably in some sort of floral pattern.

Today I went over to the new Tonight Show offices, and saw a bunch of awesome folks! Our director Allan Kartun, Tracy King, Jim PItt, Paula Davis, Brian McCann, Brian Stack, Dan Cronin, Propmaster John Rau, Bruce Brumage, Andy Richter, Jeff Ross, and Mr. Conan O'Brien were all in the offices today!! It was really great seeing everybody - like I've said before, we're all like a big family, and I really missed everybody! Conan immediately threw me onto a couch and started hitting me; I never thought I'd miss that, but I did!! It was all so great. Like coming home, in a way! It made me a lot less stressed out, actually.

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Stop Spreading The News.

Heading into final launch sequence here in Bleyland... Wednesday morning I step onto a plane headed one way to Los Angeles California! ONE WAY. PERMANENT TRIP. NEVER COMING BACK. Well, okay - the plane is probably coming back to NYC at some point; I mean, they're not going to fly a plane to California and then destroy it or something just because I'm riding on it. But you get what I'm saying.

Even though the Late Night offices are technically still open until March 20th, the sweet sweet (former) Late Night with Conan O'Brien Research Gang's last day in 30 Rock was this past Thursday... And we commemorated the event by shooting a little Underground video! Also, like I've mentioned earlier, even though Hardy will be a CA resident, she will not be working for The Tonight Show... So Bruno and I decided to send her off right! I hope you like it!!

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Across The Great Divide...

Packing packing packing packing packing packing packing.

You never know how much stuff you own... Until you have to box it all up. Holy sweet little baby Jesus. You know what sucks more than a papercut? A cardboard cut. And you know what sucks more than a cardboard cut? Nothing. NOTHING. OH GOD, THE PAIN.

My schedule right now is thus:
Now: Packing.
Tomorrow: Frantic packing.
Wednesday: I put my life on a truck.
Thursday: Heavy drinking.
Friday: Heavy drinking.
Saturday: Heavy drinking.
Sunday: Church.
Monday: Heavy drinking. Blog about said drinking.
Tuesday: Reconsider move to LA.
Wedesday: FLY OUT TO LA FOREVER.

Things are getting intense, people. My place is a mess, my friends are a mess, my hair is a mess... And it's all gonna get worse before it gets better. I've got about a week left in New York City, and that can only mean one thing: IT'S TIME TO START MY NYC BUCKET LIST!!! Let's do it:

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Andy, You're A Star!

Why hello there, you fine, good looking people. How are ya? It seems like one whole entire week since we saw each other last! It's so hard to believe that it was only - wait, it WAS a week. I forgot. Sorry. Um... How was your week?

First off, I'd like to congratulate everyone at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon... And wish them the very best of luck on their debut this evening!! If you're like me, you'll be tuning in at 12:35 to check out the very exciting new face of Late Night! Good luck, guys. Do us proud.

This past week for me has been pretty awesome - and one MAJOR reason for that is because of a little piece of news that I'm sure you all heard about: SWEET SWEET ANDY RICHTER WILL BE OUR ANNOUNCER ON THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O'BRIEN!!! How great is that?! I'll tell you: MUCHO great! I never actually got to work with Andy - I started about a year after he left - but I met him shortly after I started, and he's always known my name and treated me as a good friend... And what more can you ask of someone? I mean, besides loaning me an extra 20 to support my crippling scratch off lottery habit? Exactly.

At any rate, as everyone who watched almost any clip package of the last two weeks of Late Night knows, Andy Richter has been an important (and hilarious) part of the Late Night with Conan O'Brien family for a very long time, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that we couldn't be happier that he will be joining us out in Los Angeles!! Andy's the best! Plus, there's a famous story of Andy hitting two home runs against CBS News during a certain softball game at Yankee Stadium years ago... But that's a story I'll save for another time. PS - Let it burn, suckas.

As for me, things are starting to shift into high gear. Case in point: I am currently writing this from a hotel room in the shadow of Universal Studios out here in LA...

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Through the Looking Glass!

Howdy y'all! It's the Monday after the last show... And it STILL doesn't seem like Friday really happened!!

The office today was full of people talking about the party Friday night, discussing the pros and cons of all the different LA neighborhoods they're about to move to, and packing the rest of their offices up! I made a little Underground video about the proper way to pack up your desk, if the need ever arises. We're all just coming down from a crazy last week, and trying to process it all. It's still such a weird feeling, thinking about it being all over!! Everyone is happy and excited about what's to come, though. Lots of fooling around in the office today... I mean, it certainly helps that we have no show to do tonight!

As I mentioned on Friday, I will continue to update this here blog every Monday throughout our transition to LA and our transformation into the very exciting Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien... And today's post is all about PICTURES.

First off, let me hit you with something hilarious that happened on Friday but I didn't have time to write about: The people in the building across 49th street put up this sign on Friday afternoon:

Hilarious, right? Well, Conan responded with this message:

Nonplussed, a little later they hit us with THIS little doozy:

Oh, jokes!! Maybe if it had been warmer we could've broken out our "Late Night Waterballoon Slingshot" or something. As it ended up, we still get to have the last laugh - because we've all seen the guy over on that side of the street who sits in his office and picks his nose all day!!! Ha ha ha - dude, invest in some blinds or something! Jeez!

And now... As promised... A couple pics from the last show and the wrap party:

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Commencement.

Hello everyone, and welcome to the last day of Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

First and foremost, the show is running long tonight. Tonight's finale will be 6 minutes longer than normal, so make sure you set your DVRs to record at least an extra 6 minutes!

To many of us here at the show, it seems incomprehensible that the show is ending. What? The end? It just doesn't make any sense. But whether we've come to grips with it or not, in little over an hour, we will begin taping our very last show - and after the tape stops rolling, the people leave, and the studio lights dim for the very last time... Late Night with Conan O'Brien will be no more. There will be no more show. In the coming days and weeks, 9 West and 8 West and Studio 6A will be packed up and thrown away and moved out and shut down. New, less cool people will move into these offices to begin working jobs that they will probably hate. In all likelihood, they'll never get to experience what we've experienced:

The joy of making something you care about.

To many of us here at Late Night, this show is everything – we work together, we play together, we eat together, and sometimes we even sing karaoke together (I use the term "sing" loosely). Late Night with Conan O'Brien is responsible for introducing all of us here to our best friends; people we will know for the rest of our lives. Over these past 15 odd years, we have certainly spent more time with one another than we have with anyone else – our spouses, our children, our families, our "civilian" friends, etc. And through it all, we've managed to all participate in making a body of work that we can be proud of. We're a show. We're a team. We're a family. But more than that, we're Late Nighters! And as Late Nighters, this show that we've produced every day for the last decade and a half - a show full of Pimpbots, Masturbating Bears, and dogs who like to insult people - this show, that we've bled, cried, argued and laughed over... This show has all been for one single purpose: To entertain you.

I've said this before, but it has never rung more true than it does right now; you are the reason we exist. We could never have done this, worked here, if it wasn't for your love and support. There would be no show... And there certainly would be no blog, or podcast, or any Underground videos - if you didn't care about us. We are here because of, and for, you. So, from all of us here at Late Night with Conan O'Brien, we humbly thank you for taking the time out of your lives to sit down and watch our show. There is no greater feeling than being able to make somebody laugh, and it's been a privilege and an honor to be able to do that for you all these years. It doesn't matter if you started watching our show in September of 1993, or if tonight will be the very first time you'll experience the Conan magic... You are, and have been a part of, something special. You have been an integral part of what we've done. And we thank you for it.

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2,724 Down... And 1 To Go.

Sorry for the late blog, everyone. It's obviously a very busy time here at the show right now! Today packing up the office went into high gear, as we took time out of our busy schedules to all run down to the studio to take an all-show photo!!! Andy showed up - to much applause and fake booing - and jumped in as well!! It seems only fitting for him to be in our last photo. After all the horsing around and shooting of pictures, we all went out in the hall and gorged ourselves on delicious Late Night mousse cake that Jeff Zucker sent our show!! Hardy and I were bouncing off the walls for about an hour!!! I might have, um, dine some damage to the office... But who cares!! The show's done tomorrow, suckas!!

A couple things before I forget: There is a brand new Late Night Podcast today... And, I'm sad to say, it is our very last Podcast. Please join Myself, Sharon Hardy, Sarah Bruno... And our very special guest, Conan O'Brien... As we bid a fond farewell to the internet radio show we've all loved so much these past months. Thank you all for listening!

Also tonight, I've posted a brand new Underground web video for you all to enjoy - it's the fate of LaBamba's Bandstand!! remember last night, when Conan ripped out the bandstand and gave it to one very lucky audience member?! Well, after the show we sent a camera crew after the folks who took it away, and watched as they tried to figure out a way to get it home!! Ha ha ha.... Oh, those crazy kids. Enjoy!!!

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OPERATION: MINDBEAM EXPLODER

Three shows to go, baby. THREE SHOWS. I feel like an idiot saying how many shows we have left on every single blog every day, but it's just impossible to get my mind around. THREE SHOWS!

Up top, I've got some great news: Max and the band will be joining us out in LA!!! That's right, baby! You know what that means: GET READY FOR SOME SWEET LA MW7 ACTION!! With all that sun, LaBamba is gonna have to wear TWO hats!!

Tonight's show features more CLASSIC Late Night bits, of course - but we've also got a slew of secret cameos, and a certain special guest who is sure to go down in history as Conan's "Bette Midler"... Well, kind of. Watch tonight and see for yourself! It's a show not to be missed.

Also something you shouldn't miss tonight - the new opening to our final three shows!! II was lucky enough to be asked by our Head Writer Mike Sweeney to put something together for our last couple how openings, and it premieres tonight! Let's hope it doesn't ruin the whole show, shall we?

Finally, FINALLY tonight... Remember a little while back - say, a week - when I was going all crazy about a little thing called "OPERATION: MINDBEAM EXPLODER"?! Remember that? Usually I just get really into promoting my little special projects and surprises for you guys, but... Well, I'll be honest. I've been a little busy, and I feel like I haven't really gotten everyone as excited about it as I should have. But regardless, the show is almost done, and OPERATION: MINDBEAM EXPLODER IS COMPLETE.

And I think it goes without saying that it's going to make your Mindbeam EXPLODE.

Let's go:

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the future is now

Hey there Internet

Chill here.

It has been a long time since I was last on. I hope all my friends from the past are doing well and all the newcomers who don't know me, "My name is Jason Chillemi and I am the Production Manager for Late Night. And all the location shoots, I am in charge of producing." Which makes these last couple of weeks extremely fun for me!!! We have been showing all these classic Conan remotes that I was involved in during my reign here since 1997. The Napa Wine remote, Ford Taurus remote, Apple Picking with Mr. T remote, Dinner with Jordan remote, and one of my favorites: Dudez-A-Plenti have all aired and I promise more classics on these last 4 nights.

Seeing these remotes reminds me of all the amazing times that I have had while working here. Starting as an intern in 1996 and getting hired in 1997, who would have believed that I would still be here 12 years later. And to top that: Who would have believed that I will be moving to LA in March to continue working with a lot of these incredible people that I have known for so long on the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien!!! Yes folks, I will be Cali-bound, banging out more SWEET remotes for the Tonight Show. And I promise to continue popping up on Bley's blog and videos. You will never get rid of me!!!

I just want to say thanks for being such great fans of the show!!! Thanks for all your awesome comments!!! And I hope you have enjoyed watching Late Night as much as I have enjoyed working on it!! Please stay in touch!!! I will be ready to give you guys some sneak peeks on some of the stuff we will be shooting out west. Good Bye Late Night!!! We will miss you!!!

Until The Future...Chill is out.

Warning! You Are Entering... The Cliche Zone.

Today is the dawn of the very last week of Late Night with Conan O'Brien! It's cliche to say, but we're full-on into the home stretch of the show, kids. And let me say something else - I'm gonna be using a LOT of cliches these next couple days, so get used to it. That's just the way the cookie crumbles! It's a Highway through the Cliche Zone for the next four days!

Oh, you like it.

Speaking of the next 4 days (once again, I astound the reader with my amazing segues), I am trying to do something awesome on the blog every single day this week; try to end things around here with a BANG, you know? Case In Point: Tomorrow's blog will be guest-written by none other than Mr. Jason Chillemi!! He wanted to write a little something to you all before we close up shop, and I couldn't very well deny him... Plus, he said he'd drop out of Trivia Club if I didn't let him do it. And trust me; the way trivia club has been going these last few days, we NEED him. (Cairo? Really? These cards are getting harder than an 8th grader at a MILF convention).

Tonight's show features none other than our dear, dear friend Bob Saget - and musical guest THENEWNO2 - and that's it!! We'll be having a lot less guests on this week, because of all the AWESOME CLASSIC LATE NIGHT COMEDY we'll be showing!!! Tonight's you-absolutely-can't-miss comedy includes our very favorite Satellite TV Channels of all time!! There are ones that even *I* haven't seen (Potato Judge?! Whaaaat?). The last one we show tonight ranks among my personal top three Late Night with Conan O'Brien things ever. It's been awhile, but it still BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN in rehearsal. Oh sweet jesus christ. Please make sure you tune in tonight. This week is going to be a week of television for the ages. AND IT'S ONLY MONDAY!!

That'll just about do it for tonight's lil' blogeroo... Only four shows left, people!! Please remember to check on our most excellent Late Night memorabilia auction that's going on all this week!! This is pretty much your only chance to grab a piece of Late Night history!! Go crazy - after all, it's for a good cause!

Oh, wait; there's one more thing I should mention:

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Our Valentine's Day Gift To You.

As you all know, today is Friday the 13th. Normally a day of unluckiness, right? Well NOT TODAY, BUCKO. No no no. Today, dear readers, I am going to change all that. Are you ready? Great. Let's get started.

As our show has been winding down, the question I get asked the most (other than if I'm going to LA, which I still don't know about yet) is this: Is there any way I can purchase a piece of Late Night history?

Today, on Friday the 13th, I am pleased to announce that the answer is... YES!

Beginning this Sunday night (or Monday morning) at 4:30am, we are auctioning off select Late Night items on eBay Giving Works!! This is your one and only chance to snag a piece of sweet sweet Conan O'Brien history!!! All proceeds will go to the House 2 Home Project, a nonprofit organization started by Late Night staffer Sherri Adler whose goal is to provide families who have been affected by natural disasters the tools to help rebuild their lives! It's a great cause, and an excellent way for y'all to snatch up a one of a kind souvenir from the soon to be legendary comedy program Late Night with Conan O'Brien before we go the way of the dodo and take our place upstairs in Comedy Valhalla!!

Here's a list of the stuff that'll go up for auction this Sunday... MAKE SURE YOU'RE SITTING DOWN:

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Buffaloed!

I've worked at Late Night with Conan O'Brien since Spring of '01. Before I worked here, I was (of course) a huuuuge Late Night fan! However, this show's been on since '93, and there's inevitably stuff that I haven't seen - and one of those gems are on tonight!! Ladies and Gentlemen, the much anticipated and oft requested "Houston" Remote is on tonight's show!!! It was the first time I'd ever seen it, and HOLY CRAP IS IT FUNNY!! Great idea for a remote, and perfectly executed!! Hilarious. And Conan looks really young! It's strange to see him with that cherubic baby face... And adds to the overall facemeltingly funny comedy!

Like I mentioned yesterday, we were lucky enough to snag Head Writer Mike Sweeney for the newest installment of The Late Night Research Department Podcast, which is up now! Check it out, Rainbow Trout!

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Meet The New Boss... Same As The Old Boss!

Today our show got a visit from the man who will soon be carrying the esteemed mantle of Late Night into the future - JIMMY FALLON! That's right, sugarsnap; JF stopped by this evening to talk about the future of Late Night and pay his respects to our very own Mr. Conan O'Brien. We showed Jimmy's first appearance on our show - which, by the way, was TEN YEARS AGO - and it's amazing to see how different he is!! Jimmy also showed a clip of his disgusting lasik surgery that he had on his eyeballs, did a bit with the skinny Bob Barker mic, and practiced his different styles of walking onstage... AND EVERYTHING KILLED!!! I think this guy is gonna do just fine. ;)

The lovely Rose Byrne also stopped by... As well as our good friend (and musical guest) John Pizzarelli! Pizzarelli has been on our show for the past 11 years, and is one of those people (like Tony Bennett) who helped make our show something special for the ages! We've only got a week and a half left, people. We're getting down to brass tacks... And then we're pulling out those brass tacks and scraping off the varnish on the floor. Point: IT'S GETTING INTENSE. And we hate varnish.

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Catch A Cannonball, Now, To Take Me On Down The Line.

Man! What a day!! With only 8 shows left, we're in full-on end mode - and the show still manages to shock and surprise me. Madness! I am going to miss this place.

First things first; tonight's show had us all in stitches - probably the funniest guy on the planet, Norm Macdonald, is on tonight's show, as well as the super awesome Chef Gordon Ramsay, and musical LEGEND (and personal hero of mine) Levon Helm as our musical guest!!! Seriously, if I could pick a lineup of the show that I, Aaron "Danger is my middle name" is my middle name Bleyaert, would most like to see... I would be hard pressed to come up with a more perfect lineup.

And tonight's show doesn't disappoint.

Norm is hysterical. Norm and Gordon's segment where they're all trying to cook with Conan is absolutely FILLED with foul language and horrible gestures... I'm serious. I don't know how they're gonna show it on TV! ;) And Levon's performance... Well, let's just say that he BLOWS THE ROOM AWAY with a little song called "The Weight". Ever hear of it? Yeah, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. Shivers, folks. Cold sweats. And this time, it WASN'T from the thought of having to read about The Jonas Brothers!! KIDDINNNNNNG.

It was an absolutely incredible incredible show, from top to bottom. One for the books! What books? The "Awesome Books", of course! That I keep in MY MIND. Which I'm clearly losing. And losing fast. *Gulp*

That was the show... But my day was much, much more insane:

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Gravity Sale!

First of all, I put up a brand new Underground video for y'all over at The Late Night Underground... It's the highly anticipated "End of The Show Song" that you've heard so much about!!!! If you were never able to make it to a taping of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and you didn't win tickets to any of our last shows, this baby is for you - this is what you would've seen a the end of a taping. Call it a little going away present from moi to vous! I hope you all enjoy it. ;)

As for TONIGHT'S show, The People (you) have spoken, and we (us) have listened - today is the first day that we're showing some of the classic Late Night moments that you fans have requested! This evening's classic Late Night hilarity involves one of Conan's oldest and dearest friends... His Ford Taurus! I think you know what I'm talking about, kids; strap on your mind-seatbelts, and get ready for a comedy blast from the past! My personal favorite moment: The Hornet's Nest! Oh Jesus. Oh sweet, sweet Jesus.

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Top Ten.

After tonight's show, there are only ten more shows left! JUST TEN. To paraphrase the lyrics of one of my favorite songs of all time.... IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!! (Insert Europe's cheesy leather pants here)

On tonight's show, we feature the very last Late Night State of The Show Address - and as such, there's no opening to the show! It's what we in the business call a "Cold Open". Does that mean that our usual open is actually a "Hot Open"? Or a "Hot Opener"? Or an "Hot Openfaced Turkey Sandwich with gravy"? Oh god I'm so hungry right now. Anyway, watch the State of the Show address. It's funny... And delicious!

As today is a Thursday, we've got our 3rd to last Late Night with Conan O'Brien Research Department Podcast up today!! I'm trying to end our podcast with a bang, so today we've got the Hardworking and Talented Late Night Director, Allan Kartun! He's the man who pulls the strings, calls the shots, and snaps the fingers to make sure that our show is the best looking lil' late night program on television... Plus, he directed Britney Spears one time!! GIVE IT A LISTEN AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!! Or hear for yourself, rather. Whatevvvvvvvs.

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OH GOD YOU GUYS JON HAMM IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.

SRSLY I'M NOT KIDDING HE'S DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Sorry. I... Uh... Lost it there for a second. Ahem.

Anyway, in addition to my personal man crush Jon Hamm, tonight's humdinger of a show has got Big Love's lovely Ginnifer Goodwin, and the awesomely talented one woman band Theresa Andersson!!! And as if that wasn't enough AMAZING show for y'all, we've got not one, not three, but TWO remotes tonight - one with everybody's favorite Dean Emeritus James Lipton; and a "Welcome To Sunny Burbank!" remote with our good friend Patton Oswalt!!! HOLY CRAP GUYS. It sucks that our show is ending... But we are going out with ONE HELL of a bang!!!!!

Today we taped the 3rd to last podcast, we did some Trivia Club, listened to the Bale thing some more, went on Google and watched some OTHER celebrity blowups caught on tape, all did our best impersonations of different celebrities blowing up, talked about whether or not it's better for your career to have a blowup or not, discussed if there really is "no such thing as bad publicity", and then ate fried chicken. Fried chicken? Yes. Fried chicken. There was some left over from yesterday. What? Times are tough. The economy is in what experts are calling "The Toilet" and we've got to cut corners any way we can! Also, I haven't washed my socks in a week.

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Mmm... Jelly in a Cup.

Today was filled with comments. Comments comments comments and fried chicken. Fried chicken? Yes. Fried chicken. It was our awesome Head Writer Mike Sweeney's bday today, so there was fried chicken upstairs!! Awessssoommme! Also, Roey bought me lunch for helping him out with his wedding on Saturday night - burger and fries from The Burger Joint, one of my favorite burger places in the city - and for dinner tonight I just ate two handfuls of ham quiche!!! It was all so delicious... But now I can hear my arteries clogging up. IIt sounds like muffled jelly being poured into a cup; in other words: AROUSING.

Most of my day today was taken up by two things: 1.) catching up on comments (you're welcome), and 2.) TRIVIA CLUB. Geez. Chill, Hardy and I got stumped TWICE in one day! It was madness!! Oh, I also had to rip out Taraji P. Henson's file. I actually forgot I had to do her until like 5pm, and then ripped it apart like lion on a baby gazelle!! It was all bones and fur when I was done... Which is weird, because it was just a file folder full of papers when I started!

Today they shot something down here on the 8th Floor for tonight's budget cuts bit - a guy sitting in a chair, asleep, while a tape falls through a tube! I know it makes no sense, but if you check out tonight's show, you'll see what I mean. It's weird to think that the stupid things we shoot around the office are sometimes seen on A NATIONALLY BROADCAST TELEVISION SHOW. More times than not it just feels like we're making this show to amuse ourselves!! I mean, it amuses us ANYWAY (I particularly liked the Roomba with Guns joke on tonight's show), but it's cool that other people get to see it as well!! ;)

That's all I got for tonight - it was a slow yet extremely busy day. Oh! For those of you who haven't seen it yet, Conan's awecellent and hilarious Bud Lite Commercial is after the jump! Enjoy!

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Step Inside my Box of Twitters

Hello, party people! Oh, I am so so busy today.

A few things: One, you might notice a brand new boxy looking box shaped box thing over there on the right side of the screen. It has the lame - yet extremely accurate - title "Aaron's Twitter Updates". Ladies and gentlemen, these are... MY TWITTER UPDATES. GASP! That's right, everybody... Now you can get little updates of what's happening at our show IN REAL TIME!! WILL THE TECHNOLOGICAL WONDERS OF THE INTERNET EVER CEASE?! WILL I EVER ACTUALLY BECOME LESS BUSY?!? The answer to both... Is no.

Like we've been doing all week, tonight we are once again soliciting your suggestions of Late Night clips you want most to see in our coming final few shows. Is there something that made you die laughing? Is there something that you thought was super weird or creepy? Is there something that you only saw this one time years and years ago and you've been searching the internet for it ever since but to no avail?! PLEASE LET US KNOW!! Head on over to The Late Night Underground and leave a comment to tell us about it! We're taking everyone's suggestions seriously, and we really appreciate your help! After all... We do our show for you, the people, and we want to give you guys what you want before we close up shop!! *Cue Aaron's Hysterical Sobbing*

And now I will explain why there won't be a blog tomorrow or Friday.

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IT'S JUST LIKE BEING IN A TIME WARP, GUYS... Okay, no it's not.

Today is another one of those pesky "two show" days where, oddly enough, we've got... Two shows. SHOCKING, I KNOW.

As I write this, we're gearing up for show number 2 at 8pm... It'll feature Jon Stewart, Mary Lynn Rajskub, and comedian Mike Birbiglia! Birbigs is getting up there near Gaffigan as one of my favorite comedians to frequently come on our show - he's here to plug his one man show, which I haven't seen yet, but I hear it's hilarious; Like the thought of me engaging in any kind of physical activity. OH, JOKES. Also, for you hardcore Late Nighters out there, Jon Glaser makes another great appearance tonight! It's always great seeing Glaser around the office... I miss that guy!

Speaking of "missing a guy" (look, I'm trying okay?), I hope you all caught our man Conan on Inside the Actor's Studio last night! Everyone here at the show thought he did great - and not just because our NBC neck microchips would shock us if we thought otherwise! My two favorite things about the interview were 1.) seeing Jordan, Ross, Sweeney, Liepis, and Todd Blass all in the front row of the audience, and 2.) the half hour where Lipton veered off to talk about his own film career: "And then I was in Bolt (ADDA of Bolt), and then I was in this movie (ADDA of this movie), and THEN I was in..." etc etc. Oh, Lipton. You are beyond compare, my man!!

Once again - and for the rest of this week - we are taking suggestions for your favorite Late Night moments!! That's right, sugarsnap; we want to hear from YOU! Make your favorites known LOUD and CLEAR over on The Late Night Underground right now!! Do it!! We'll take your suggestions and show as many as we can in our final days before this whole circus folds up its big top and heads West!!

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The Smell of Leather

First off, let me apologize: I am a liar. A cheat. A no good n'er do well.

There will be no Fed Ex Contest.

I'm sorry, kids - but with the "Fans write in their favorite Late Night Sketch" thing going on, I think it'd just be way too confusing to have that Fed Ex thing happening on the Underground at the same time! They'd "bump" with each other... And, well, the thing that we're doing on the show takes precedence over anything I do on this here little tiny humble blogeroo. Have no fear, however - I will do my best to have another contest in the near future so that you fine folks will have a least one more chance to win something cool and Conan related before we take down the tent and wrap the show up!

And while we're on the subject - head over to The Underground to let us know what you're favorite Late Night sketches are!! We're trying to put together an end of the show spectacular, and we need your help!! The sketches that get the most votes will be featured on our last few shows... THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE HEARD, AMERICA/REST OF THE WORLD!!

Finally, make sure to catch our very own Conan O'Brien as he answers all of James Lipton's insane questions on tonight's episode of Inside The Actor's Studio tonight at 8pm on Bravo! It's a whopping two hours of Conan Christopher O'Brien baring his soul in the uniquely probing fashion that only The House of Lipton can provide!!

And finally...

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Fed Ex In Full Effect!

Let me start off by saying... I'm sorry. Yesterday was an EXCITING, ACTION PACKED show that was a snap to Twitter about. Today? Not so much. I probably picked the worst time in the history of Twitter to start Twittering. I hope those who are following me on Twitter got their money's worth today... Which, incidentally, is worth exactly NOTHING. Twitter is free. And today's crap tweets certainly reflected that! Monday will be more exciting, kids. I promise. And even more exciting than that?

The tweets that'll happen next Friday... When I accompany Conan on a trip to a SECRET MYSTERY LOCATION!!!

Oh yes. Details to come.

Now... Like I said on the blog yesterday and Twitter today, there is no show tonight, and nothing happening here at the office today. So what to do when there's nothing happening? WE MAKE OUR OWN FUN!!!

If you remember earlier this week, I was talking about The Fed Ex Pope. I love the Fed Ex Pope. He's my favorite character of all time. Bored out of our minds today, McCann and I decided to grab a couple extra packing boxes and see if we couldn't come up with a few more ideas of OTHER brilliant Fed Ex characters!! Here's what we came up with:

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Tickets, Twitters, and a Podcast in a Pear Tree!

Hello party people! Tonight's blog will be short... But it will be action packed. That is a promise. LET'S GO:

First of all, we have completed selecting and notifying the winners of the tickets to the Last Shows of Late Night... So if you haven't already been contacted about tickets, then you did not win them. Sorry, folks. As I said before, we wish that we could give everyone tickets who wanted them, but time is short and we have a tiiiiny studio. Seriously. It's really small. Think "head of a pin" and you're close. HOWEVER, PEOPLE WHO DID NOT WIN TICKETS, DO NOT LOSE HOPE. If you didn't win tickets, and would still like to see the show, you are HIGHLY encouraged to try and get Stand By Tickets! We are going to get as many standby people in as possible, so I urge you all to try for that (as a reminder, every day 75 Standby Tickets are given out at 9am under the NBC Marquee on the 49th St side of the building. It's first come, first serve... So get there early!). Again, I wish you all good luck!! We hope to see you in our audience!!

Second, I have joined Twitter under the name "BigBley"! From now on, I will be sending tweets all day, letting you know what's going on minute to minute! Eventually you'll be able to follow the action in real time on the right side of this blog (the tech team is installing something next week), but until then you can either follow me with your own Twitter account, or check on the BigBley Twitter page throughout the day!! I will try not to be boring.

Third, there's a brand new Late Night with Conan O'Brien Research Department Podcast up today! It stars someone who I've been DYING to get on the podcast since day one... And that person is our Intern Coordinator, Chris Formidoni! This one was a really fun podcast to do, and I hope as enjoyable to listen to!

Lastly today...

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42

There's a freaking MADCAP CIRCUS on tonight's show, as we "get rid of" three more childish characters from our Late Night line up! Hey! Stop giving me the finger, party people - it's by decree of OUR NEW PRESIDENT! He said we must "put aside childish things". Look; DO YOU WANT HIM TO FIX THIS COUNTRY OR NOT? We here at Late Night are just trying to do our part!!

Also on the program tonight - the "Conan Goes To The Detroit Auto Show" Remote that we show to the audience (and I told you about) yesterday! That remote is just like a sky blue '59 Chevy... CLASSIC.

The final thing I'll mention about who's on the show tonight has to do with the title of this post. Can you guess who I'm talking about? It's...

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Did Something Newsworthy Happen Today or Something?

Very, very little got done in the office today... Because we were all watching the inauguration coverage of our awesome new President, Barack Obama! How exciting!! I alternated between staring at the TV hoping for a better tomorrow, picturing the walls of racial inequality in our country crumbling, imaginaing what it must be like to have lived through the civil rights marches of the 60's... And doing Ron Howard research.

Besides tons of Inauguration jokes, tonight on the show we've got William H. Macy, NBA baller Steve Nash, the always entertaining Los Straightjackets... And my personal favorite Late Night character of all time, The Fed Ex Pope! Now THAT'S a show!! I asked McCann - one of our writers and the guy who created The FEP - how he came up with the idea for such a stupid and completely pointless character. That kind of stuff interests me, you know? I mean, EVERYONE wants to know where things of genius come from, but very few people ever want to know how something dumb was created. Luckily for you, I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. THE DUMB ONES.

Anyway, I went to the man behind the pope - Mr. Brian McCann.

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Waking From A Peppermint Induced Air Coma Can Really Throw You Off Your Game.

Meet the new work week... Same as the old work week! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend!! I don't really remember what I did. All I remember is huffing all that peppermint oxygen on Friday... And then the next thing I knew I woke up on the floor of the research office this morning wearing a rabbit suit and surrounded by bloody footprints? WTF? Well, it was either the peppermint air... Or all that whiskey. HA HA HA JUST KIDDING EVERYBODY.

Ahem.

ANYWAY. We've got a great show tonight - Teri Hatcher's on the ol' program! I read that book "Coraline" last week, and really want to see the movie... It looks SUPER rad!! She does the voice of Coraline's mom in the movie - or "moms", I guess. Whatevs. You should definitely check it out!! Hopefully, we'll be seeing a lot more of Teri Hatcher in the future; rumor (and by "rumor" I mean "truth") has it that Desperate Housewives is right next to the new Tonight Show studio in LA!! (And before you ask, no, I don't know if I'm going or not. Hopefully that'll get cleared up real soon). Because we've shot in 30 Rock for our (almost) entire run of shows, it seems weird to have to go onto a huge lot to a studio building to shoot something... But then again, that's the way most shows are shot!! Crazy.

Also on the show tonight; Ares Spears! Awesome, AMAZING impressions. I've been thinking of trying to perfect some impressions of my own... Any suggestions?

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GAS ATTACK.

No show today.

Nothing to do.

The office is quiet.

Very few people here.

What did we do? Well... We did what anyone in our position would do:

WE INHALED CRAZY PEPPERMINT FLAVORED OXYGEN!!!!

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Bubblicious!

We didn't TAPE a show today... But that doesn't mean that there isn't a new one for YOU guys tonight!!!! Lucky you! Tonight's show (taped on Tuesday) is one not to be missed - especially the mono! Make sure you've set the tivo or dvr or VCR or your cyborg brain to catch it this evening! I guarantee you won't be disappointed! Especially if you like magical creatures with pots of gold. ;)

Like I say EVERY week at this time... Today is Thursday, and there's a brand new podcast up!! It's newly minted Late Night Scribe Matt O'Brien, who apparently was using some sort of new eyedrops or something right before he came down to our office, because he was in excruciating eye pain throughout the entire podcast! Well, it was either new eyedrops or he caught a glimpse of me naked right before we started. EITHER WAY, IT LOOKED PAINFUL.

Also, there's a brand new Underground video up today!! It will cure the curiosity cat of why I had a highlighter painted gold... And why I spent some time waiting for a tuxedo the other day!! I hope you like it!

On the "Let's Paint Something Gold!" front, I have a little bad news: We share a lot of our departments with SNL, and our scenic department was busy doing (gasp!) actual work for this week's SNL today, so they had no time to indulge my King Midas madness! Hopefully I'll be able to get them to paint something gold for me tomorrow... FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Sooo.... Instead of spending today talking about all the cool crap I got painted gold, I'll talk about some of the crap that people and companies send us for no reason! TODAY'S PIECE OF CRAP COMES FROM:

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I'm a Lover, Not a Fighter... Actually, I'm Not Really That Much of a Lover, Either.

Well well well... Would you look at that! Today we taped our show two hours early - at 3:30 - yet I'm still here at 10:30! Madness!! I spent most of the day editing, and then got hit with a Teri Hatcher booking that I just finished knocking out! I am a victim of poor timing, kitkats. Poor timing.

Today I ran into Conan and a bunch of people taking off for destination unknown, and COB and I had a wrestling match! Okay, it was more him punching me than anything else - but I think my muscular arms really bruised his fists!! HA! TAKE THAT, O'BRIEN!!! BLEY WINS AGAIN!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! In other news... Does anyone know what a cracked rib feels like? No reason. I was just curious. *Cough, cough*

In addition to editing the new Underground vid that'll hit the cybertubes tomorrow afternoon, I also recorded this week's podcast today... And I was SHOCKED to realize that we're down to the last few podcasts!! Soon they will be no more!! I'm really gonna have to get some killer guests as we enter the endgame here. PRESSURE'S ON, POPTART!!

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SOLID GOLD BOMB.

Today is a "Two for Tuesday", sugarsnap! As I write this we're in the middle of taping our second - yes, 2ND - show of the day!! We taped our first show at 5, and we started this second mamma jamma tonight at 8!! It's weird... Right now it's like 8:40, and it FEELS like 5:45! Let's do the Time Warp againnnnnn. It's just a jump to your left!

To generally answer people's questions about this whole ticket thing:
- No, I will not look through the pile to see if you've won.
- Yes, I will let you all know when we're finished notifying people so you can begin the mourning process.
- I'm serious. I will not look through the pile for your email.
- Seriously.
- STOP ASKING.
- Yes, I AM this handsome in real life.

In other, COMPLETELY UNRELATED news: You know something cool about working on this show? If you want something painted gold, all you have to do is ask, baby.... ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK.

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Spring and a Storm.

It is Monday, sinners.

A Monday where there is a new video up over on The Late Night Underground.

A Monday where there is a new show being taped (I'm seriously digging our our musical guest today: Eric Hutchinson!)

A Monday where I have a little photo for you all. Do you know what this is, kids? Take a look:

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T.G.I.A.N.S.T.F.

Thank goodness it's Friday, right? Even better, thank goodness it's a NO SHOW TAPING Friday! Double awesome party time! Today I got here at noon (unless you're reading this and your name is Tracy, Jeff or Conan - then I, uh, got here at 8:30am and started working immediately). I tore through the Salma Hayek file like a man on a mission - that mission being to play videogames all afternoon! It's called "MISSION: HOLY CRAP I LOVE THIS OFFICE".

Sadly, it wasn't to be... But I did get a lot of actual video work stuff done, so I feel like I fulfilled my Skynet-mandated multimedia interaction quota for today! Speaking of, check out the video Chill and I shot yesterday! It's been a while, eh? I hope you like it! Also: LIB.

And that's it for today! Short and sweet - like a hot wing dipped in honey. See you guys Monday!

So. Tired.

We've got a brand new podcast up today - and it's a little bit different than you might expect. Instead of a Late Night staff member, we welcome 30 Rock castmember Lonny Ross to the Research couch! Lonny is a good friend of all of us here at the show, and got his start as a humble Late Night intern - so there's at least a LITTLE bit of a Conan link there. ;) Anyway, it's good to mix it up once in a while, right? Getting all mixed up is a good thing... Unless, of course, you're referring to that 311 song "All Mixed Up". Then you better check yourself, sucka. Also: I have no respect for you. NONE.

Today Chillemi bought me a large pepperoni pizza. Why? Well, because he's a nice guy. Also, he screwed me with this video I was editing - I wanted to get it up today for y'all, but it'll have to be tomorrow! SORRY. But hey; at least you've got something to look forward to... And I got a delicious pizza! Everybody (my stomach especially) wins! Anyway, POINT: There will be a new Underground video tomorrow. Say it with me, sugarsnap: YAAAAAY!!!

Man. I am freaking exhausted. I'm so tired I can barely type the word "Exhausted". E X H A U S T E D. That just took me ten minutes. Madness. Tired or not, there's no rest for the wicked! Tomorrow's time drain is set to include: Salma Hayek's file, an as-yet-undetermined guest file, another web video, and the usual 10 solid uninterrupted hours I set aside every day to concentrate on winning $2 scratch off Lottery tickets. What? A MAN'S GOTTA EAT, CONKY. A man's gotta eat.

Seriously though; things here at the show are nuts for everyone for the next month or so, because Conan is flying all over the country shooting stuff for local affiliates! This means that our show taping schedule is totally crazy; after all, we can't do a show when Conan's not around. You kind of, uh, need that guy for an episode of Late Night with CONAN O'BRIEN.

How's the schedule crazy? Well, for starters, we aren't taping shows on Fridays any more for a while - there's no show tomorrow, for instance - and we're taping TWO (2) shows next Tuesday! It gets even more crazy later on, but I don't have the energy to get into that right now. I'm as tired as an 18 wheeler with a set of spares... And I'm also starting to not make sense, which is scary. Even the three Red Bulls I just drank aren't helping!! And that right there might be the most truly frightening thing I've ever written on this blog.

Okay, I'm outta here. I'll get to those comments tomorrow, if that's okay with everyone... And if it's not, I won't know about it until tomorrow!!! OH SNICKITY SNIZAP!

BLEY OUT.

Just Another Manic Monday Wednesday.

Happy Hump Day, party people! Not much happened around the office today. It was a pretty boring day, actually. Here's what I did:

I...
- Played some Internet Risk
- Killed some Xbox zombies
- Pondered the question of whether or not God exists, and if so then what kind of God could let evil happen on this solitary plane of mortal existence.
- Ate a delicious burrito
- Ate a delicious cupcake
- Had Pushup Club
- Shot a web video
- Edited two other videos
- Recited the daily Late Night Research Department Prayer
- Stared out the window for a full 90 minutes.
- Looked down at all the people walking around on the street below and hummed Dave Matthews Band's "Ants Marching" quietly to myself for 89 of those minutes.
- Contemplated suicide after realizing that I had been humming Dave Matthews Band for 89 minutes.
- Pondered the question of what kind of a God could let a man hum Dave Matthews Band to himself for 89 minutes without interrupting using a giant worldwide flood or plague of locusts or something.

So... You know. Just another normal day here in the office!! Make sure to check out the show this evening; we've got our good friend Chris Meloni (from "Law & Order: SVU"), Sheriff Joe Arpaio (from the show "Smile, You're Under Arrest"), and AWESOME musical guest The Derek Trucks Band!! Derek Trucks band was a particular joy to watch today! Niiiiiice.

See y'all on the flipside!

You Guys Are Not Gonna Believe This

So like I said yesterday, those empty defibrillator boxes have been like that for a month - maybe longer. Suddenly, I make a stink about it on the blog... And I come in today to find THIS:

Yeah... That's me eating a banana next to THE BOX THAT SUDDENLY HAS A DEFIBRILLATOR IN IT HOLY CRAP. Seriously! It's amazing! Check it:

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Fibber.

Happy 2009, Internet! I hope you all had a good holiday and a great New Year's Eve!! Mine was excellentastic! No, that's not a word... Yet. Give it time, Jigglypuff. Give it time.

So, you all saw our awesome jackets that we got this holiday season, yes? Well, that wasn't the ONLY thing that we got!! Oh no. If one wanted to discover what new delight was bestowed upon our lucky show early in the holiday season (nearly a month ago, now) they would have to look no further than our elevator lobby:

I'm not sure if you can tell from Hardy's terrible, blurry photo, but I am sheepishly pointing to A DEFIBRILLATOR!!! AWESOME!!!!

Well... Kind of awesome. See, if you (God forbid) were to actually have a heart attack on the 8th floor of 30 Rock, and someone ran to grab the defibrillator in the hopes that they could use it to save your life... They would find this:

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Happy Holidays, Internet.

Well, the hour is at hand, the time is nigh, the holidays are here and... i am still at work. HA! Don't worry kids; I'll be leaving in two shakes of a lamb's tail! Or three twitches of a cow's udder. Or four scrunches of... A meerkat's nose? Whatever. What I'm trying to say is that I'll be leaving soon. PS - I'm insane.

Because no one loves you more than I do, there's a brand new Underground video up today that you're going to want to check out... And it's one with a bit o' backstory, so do yourself a favor and read the setup if you'd like maximum enjoyment of the video! Oh, jokes!

The video actually has a lot to do with something that happened today - we all got sweet Late Night Varsity Jackets!! Pretty dope! Check it out, Paper Route:

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Dance The Night Away!

Hello everybody! Welcome back. I hope you all had just a really wonderful weekend... Except for you. And you. You know who you are.

First, a bit of business up top: As you all are aware, our show is ending very soon. I mentioned it before in the comments, but our actual last show is February 20th. We're doing a special kind of ticket giveaway for our last 14 shows, so if you'd like to throw your name in the hat to possibly attend one of our last shows, send your

- Name
- Address
- Telephone Number
- And Email

to the special email address "Conangobyebye@nbc.com"! I wish each and every one of you good luck!!!

Now... Onto Secret Santa and the Holiday party!

My Holiday Victim this year was none other than Scott Kronick from the Wardrobe Department! Here's a sweet pic after I revealed myself:

I heard he likes music, is going to Amsterdam in the near future, and is really into gardening... So I got him:
- An iTunes gift card with a note that said "SWEET JAMZ!!"
- A bunch of books and maps of Amsterdam with a note that said "SWEET AMSTERDAMZ!!"
- A bag of yams (yams, like potatos, are tubers - if you want yams, you gotta plant yams) with a note that said "SWEET YAMZ!!!"
- A can of Pam with a wad of cash shoved in the top with a note that said "SWEET PAMZ!!"

What can I say? I wanted to do some crazier stuff, but the guy doesn't have a desk or anything, so it was a little more difficult this year. He was thrilled though, so it all worked out!!

The party was a really good time... AND HERE'S THE PROOF, SUGARSNAP:

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The Aftermath.

Well, as you all know, the last ever Late Night with Conan O'Brien Holiday Party was last night... And it rocked.

It was "unofficial" - meaning that it wasn't sponsored by the show - but a bunch of the higher ups here at the show donated a bunch of money to make an open bar, which was extremely cool and generous. Everyone had a really great time! Music Maestro Jim Pitt was awesome enough to rent this crazy karaoke machine, which got a LOT of use; some of it by yours truly!! It was a total blast. I had forgotten how great it is to hang out with all of the amazing people that I work with on a daily basis. COB showed up and hung out for almost the whole night too, which was super cool!! I'll see if I can't post some pics for y'all on Monday - none of the embarrassing ones, of course. ;)

I have to say that last night's party was really REALLY fun... But also bittersweet. There's an overarching feeling of things winding down; it feels like the end of Senior year in a lot of ways. Even though everyone last night had a rip roaring time, I couldn't help looking around and thinking that this is one of the last times that all of these people - close friends and people that I've seen more, and spent more time with, than anyone else in my life - this is probably the second to last time that all of these people will be in the same room together. We all spend so much of our time and energy and lives putting this crazy circus of a show together every day, that it's hard to imagine things being any different... But things will be different. Very different. And very soon. There's a big change just over the horizon, and while that change is something positive and new and exciting, the fact remains that Late Night with Conan O'Brien is almost over. Completely over. Forever. The curtain will close, the lights will flicker off, and all of these wonderful people will be consigned to memories of a chapter in all of our lives called "Late Night".

It hits me at weird times, you know?

Last night at about 4am, after a crazy night of drinking and yelling and laughing and screaming, there were only about 8 of us left at the bar. The night was just about over, and Jim was like "Bley, let's do one more - pick out the last song!" I went to the book, and my finger magically settled on the perfect number.

As "Build Me Up, Buttercup" by The Foundations started blasting out of the speakers, the 8 of us came alive for one last song. And as the bartenders washed their glasses and the bouncer swept the floor, the 8 of us - the very last of the Late Night warriors - jumped up and down, screamed our lungs out , all the planets and the heavens seemed to align and for a second - a second that seemed to stretch out in front of us - we were living in a perfect Late Night moment. It will be something I'll remember always, for as long as I live; I could almost see myself in the future, when I'm old and (still) gray, looking back on that exact moment with our arms around each other's shoulders and our voices ragged from yelling, realizing how good things were "back then". The Perfect Moment in The Good Old Days. It's a feeling that's impossible to describe... And one that happens rarely. Something you've got to catch and hold on to. Many of us will be going our separate ways soon, but what we meant to each other these past 16 years in the process of doing a show day in and day out, that influence, will last forever.

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I'm Gonna Start This Party Like My Name Was Sharon Hardy!

Okay, this is gonna have to be a quick one - first, a little reminder about the brand new podcast up today! It's with Late Night's very own Web Guru, Lee Dayton! He's The Man Who Makes It All Possible, and also The Man Who Yells At Me When I Use The Bad Words By Mistake. BY MISTAKE.

Tonight we've got our (last ever, boo) Late Night with Conan O'Brien Holiday Partyt! It's the one time a year I wear a sweater, so - how can I put this - EXCITEMENT AROUND THE OFFICE IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH. The party should be a blast; it's a great time for everyone to take a little breather and hang out with each other. I mean, we get to see each other every day all year, but it's rare that we all get to HANG OUT. It was a huuuuuge bummer last year not having the holiday party (because of the strike), so I think everyone is really looking forward to it this year! Different "friends of the show" usually attend, as well as that day's guests... Although Matthew Broderick said on the show tonight that he's got dinner plans, so I don't know if he'll make it or not! At any rate, O'Brien is always hilarious to party with every year!! The man never disappoints!! ;)

Because the party is tonight, today was the last day for Secret Santa-ing!! There were some great gifts given this year... And the fun continues (or concluded, I guess) today!! CHECK OUT THESE SWEET PICS, DAWG:

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Pranks & Cameos!

Well, I heard that, after all my meticulous secrecy yesterday - METICULOUS - the NBC Promo Department ruined my big surprise! Those bastards... Those bastards. What gives, NBC? Can't you guys keep your cool for ONE NIGHT? FOR THREE HOURS?! Sheesh.

Well, since it's going to be ruined by the promo hotshots anyway, I'll tell you that tonight we've got EVEN MORE great cameos on the show!! What's going on?! Is it perhaps that, in these troubled times of economic woe, America is desperately crying out for amazingly hilarious Late Night celebrity cameos??!???

No. That's not it. BUT WE'VE GOT EM ANYWAY!!

Tonight, Conan takes a still crippled LaBamba down to see the world famous Rockefeller Center Xmas Tree... With a little help from Will Arnett and 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer!! Madcap capers and wacky hijinks ensue! They were rehearsing in the lobby and crowds started forming and everything! It was intense, man. Like the end of Apocalypse Now... But like, comedically.

We've only got ONE MORE DAY TO GO before Secret Santa '08 closes down forever - and I've got a couple sweet pics:

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The Season Of Many Secrets.

FLIPPING FANTASTIC show this evening! Why FANTASTIC? And in caps, no less? BEHOLD, SUCKAS:

- The beautiful Eva Mendes drops by ol' Bessie Lou and explains how she can go snorkeling WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO SWIM(!!!)
- The oldest college basketball player in history, Ken Mink, joins us to explain what it feels like to play collegiate B-ball when you're 73 years old (that's not a typo; the dude is seventy three years old)!!
- Musical Guest "Fleet Foxes" comes on and explains... Well, they explain something awesome. Or maybe something heartbreaking. I dunno. I should've listened to the lyrics more closely. Anyway, we all dug em!

Not only does tonight's show feature some great ADVERTISED guests, but we've also got A SOOPER SECRET SURPRISE AWESOME AMAZING GUEST on the show tonight!! I would almost even call it... A Tuesday Surprise? ;) Anyway, I'm not going to spoil it for you. You're gonna have to watch to see who it is; suffice to say that it's one of my favorite people in the world and one of our show's closest friends!!

A lot of people ask me how special cameos like this happen... And the answer (at least in this case) is exactly as you would expect - this (very special and awesome) person just happens to be in town for whatever reason, and called up our show to see if we wanna do anything! How great is that?! I'll tell you: Extremely great.

In other, "around the office" news...

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Santa's Secrets!

First of all: Here's your Monday Surprise!

Tonight's Hotness: The seasonal debut of our Late Night Holiday Decorations!

Speaking of the holidaze, Secret Santa is in full swing here at the Late Night offices! Normally, we have a couple weeks after the picking of the names to dole out our SS gifts - but this year, maybe because of the late Thanksgiving, OUR BACKS ARE AGAINST THE GIFT GIVING WALL. We only picked our victims gift recipients on Friday, and the big reveal is at our Late Night Holiday Party on Thursday!! We gotta work quick! Time is of the essence! The hour is at hand! The end is nigh! I haven't received any gifts yet.

Okay, the end isn't nigh, exactly - but the mood around here is intense and grimly filled with cheer; see, we here at Late Night with Conan O'Brien take Secret Santa-ing extremely seriously. I'm talking fakeouts. I'm talking pranks. I'm talking feints, slights, jukes, horrible gifts... And eventually, spectacular endings!!

Some of the greatest "final" Secret Santa gifts from years past:

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The Grey Shirt Gang!

Mr. Warmth, Don Rickles, is on tonight - and he's hilarious. The guy is a legend, and he delivers. It's like 8 minutes of Conan taking both barrels to the face!!! Unbelievable. The man is 82, and he's still got it. I hope I'm half as funny when I'm even half his age! Crazy. It's an honor to have a legend like Mr. Rickles on our show tonight! How can you follow Rickles? Well, our good friend Johnny "Legzam!" Leguizamo gives it a shot... And rounding out this evening's program, musical guest Erran Baron Cohen (Sasha Baron Cohen's brother)!!! Awesome awesome awesome.

Also on the show tonight: Goof offs, foul ups, and general mad cap shenanigans. Bodies falling from the sky, lights NOT falling from the sky, and Late Nighter Nick Imelio getting called out on the air!! Poor Nick. It's hilarious, though - listen, you can't make a comedy omelet without breaking a few eggsegos. Or something.

Something else awesome; It's been EXTREMELY cold in NYC lately (that's not the awesome part), and Broadway video was nice enough to surprise our whole show with free Broadway video hoodies:

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Fantastic 4

First: New podcast today! We invite Jason Chillemi into the office and onto the couch to answer a few of YOUR AWESOME PODCAST QUESTIONS!!! It was tremendous fun, and I hope you like it. What are you waiting for! Head on over and check it out!!

Second: Great show today! Bill Hader - who does great in his own segment - teams up with COB to play a couple of rather entertaining supernerds when Jessica "Gossip Girl" Szohr's mic fall off during her segment!! You could hear people all over the office laughing at their desks!!! It was one of those great spontaneous moments that you always hope will happen in a segment... So I was mucho happy with how her segment went!! Also, we are honored to have none other than the fantastic musical legend Tony Bennett sing a little Xmas ditty to close out our program tonight! It just doesn't feel like the holiday season without him, you know? Plus, he's so classy!!! It seems impossible to be super nerdy AND super classy in a mere 42 Late Night minutes, but tonight I think we pulled it off!

Third: Thank you for all the concern regarding my nightmarish CaffeineGate '08 fiasco disaster yesterday! I'm feeling much better today, thank you.

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Jay!

If you've seen the news today, you already know what all of us here at the show are talking about:

When Conan takes over The Tonight Show, JAY LENO WILL BE MOVING TO 10PM!!!!!

Like much of the Late Night staff, I heard about this last night when the story broke. My feelings today are the same as they were last night - happiness and excitement!!! Executive Producer Jeff Ross addressed the good news in today's morning meeting, explaining that this wasn't a surprise to anyone; Jay and Conan had been talking and that all was well! And later on this afternoon, EXACTLY ZERO work got done as all of us here at the show watched Jay's news conference!! Wow. Talk about excitement!! People have been calling and emailing me all day, asking what I think - and I think what ALL of us here think; that it's great and very exciting news. Like Conan himself says on the program tonight, Mr. Leno has been an amazing lead-in for the past 16 years, and has been a big part of Conan's success... And he couldn't be happier about that continuing!!! Speaking personally, it's pretty weird to have the front page news of the day directly relate to your job... This hasn't happened to me since the time I was working at Kmart and the local paper announced that it would be turning into a "Big K" (that's just like a regular Kmart but with groceries and stuff)!! In other words: I have lived a charmed life, people. A CHARMED LIFE.

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Late Night IV: The Return Of LaBamba!

Why, hello there! Welcome back everyone! I hope you all had just an absolutely terrific Thanksgiving. Mine was fantastic, although I didn't end up breaking my gravy drinking record of two and a half cans - I think it was thicker or something this year, so I can't say that it was because of a bad Bley performance. At any rate, I froze the extra gravy to make some after dinner popsicles with! What's that? Yes, I AM a genius. Thanks for noticing.

As you might have already known if you happened to glance up at the title of this post, our very own Trombone Specialist, Richie "La Bamba" Rosenberg is back with us today!! And just in time for the holidays, no less!!! Richie was a fender bender a while back, and busted up his foot real good - so good, in fact, that the man is still on crutches! Every day after the warmup, the band runs out to take their place in the studio... And today Richie had to scramble over there on crutches! It was a touching sight. :( Regardless, I think I speak for all of us here at the show when I say that we're incredibly glad Richie's on the mend, and that the accident wasn't more serious!! WELCOME BACK, BUDDY!!!

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Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody.

Well, it's T Minus One Days to Delicious Turkey, and I couldn't be more excited! Just an FYI, this is our last show (and last blog) for the next week and a half, so please enjoy both as thoroughly as you can!! Just because the show is off, however, doesn't mean that you beautiful Late Night addicts have to go without a sweet comedy fix - make sure to check out our brand new Thanksgiving Day podcast tomorrow, and check back the following week for ANOTHER new podcast! Who says that Big Bley don't provide for the people, even in the harshest of winters? No one, friends. No one says that (no one also ever says "The Harshest of Winters - I think I've been reading too much Hemingway lately).

Anyway, we here at the show did a little "Turkey Murder Retrospective" today, and took a few minutes during the show to look back at all the ways that we've murdered fake turkeys over the years... Ending with a brand new Turkey Murder THAT HAPPENS TONIGHT!! Ah, jokes! The great behind the scenes thing about all this Turkey Murder is that Chill is usually the guy puppeteering the terrible Turkey victims! You know what THAT means, kids - when they were shooting the new Turkey Murder that's on the show tonight, I ran down and took some sweet pics of Chillemi and the crew in action. Yes I did. I am like a sweet PHOTO NINJA. KAPOW!! Check em out, yo:

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T Minus Two Days To Delicious Turkey Fiesta, Guys

For the past week, we've been trying to figure out what to do for our special LATE NIGHT THANKSPODCASTGIVING DAY SPECIAL '08 that's happening this Thursday. Coming up with an idea has been tough. So tough. At first, I wanted to do the whole podcast speaking in nothing but "Gobbles". The Research Ladies gave that a no. Then I thought we should do a Thanksgiving Day play that I wrote, starring The Research Gang as heroic pilgrim warriors who come to the new world to slaughter thousands of turkey zombies and save the last remaining vestiges of Humanity as we know it. This was also shot down by Hardy & Bruno, who also mentioned that I really need to stop playing Fallout 3 before I go to bed. Finally, my last idea for the Thanksgiving Day Podcast was to do an entire episode where we're all eating turkey the whole time... But AGAIN I was out-voted because Hardy & Bruno thought that the sound of four people chewing for fifteen minutes straight might be a little much - even as a cheap Andy Kaufmanesque joke! You know what, though? I'm not bitter. They were right. Sometimes the Research Ladies are good at bringing ol' Bley back down to Earth a little bit. I've got ideas, people. Lots of ideas. Some of them are crazy.... And others are even more crazy. I have no normal ideas.

Speaking of crazy, Kanye West is on our show tonight... And his music setup is CRAZY TWO TIMES! It's super intense - there are like all these awesome drummers wailing on these enormous drums, all these crazy lights, etc. It was one of the most BADASS SOUNDCHECKS OF ALL TIME!!! I can't wait to see how it plays out on the show tonight! Plus... Kanye has a shocking announcement at the end of his interview. A very personal announcement. A very HILARIOUS announcement. I wouldn't miss it, if I were you!

Kanye both talks AND performs on the show tonight, and in between we've got our second guest, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane! He's hilarious, and I have to say that I LOVE having guests on the show who do voices! It's so weird to see real humans doing famous cartoon voices; it always looks like they're just mouthing the words and the actual voice is overdubbed. Good stuff, Staypuft!

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T Minus Three Days To Delicious Turkey Fiesta, Guys

Well well well. A very short week here at the show, due to the impending delicious holiday - but we're making these next three shows count! Today we welcome the awesome Hugh "Let's Do Some Pushups" Jackman, Marge "I Show COB How To Cook A Delicious Butterball Turkey" Klindera, and Tom "The Night Watchman" Morello!

Look, I never said I was any good at making up nicknames. GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY.

Speaking of Hugh Jackman making Conan do a metric crapload of pushups in his segment tonight, we here in the Research Office have been having a little thing we call "Pushups Club" where - you guessed it - WE DO PUSHUPS! Every day! Oh, how exciting. How painful. How completely stupid and pointless and fun and hurty. Pain.

How does Pushups Club work, you say? Well, The ladies do one extra pushup every day. Sooooo... I think they started at like 10 or something last week, and now they're up to 14! However, I do NOT do 14. No. iam a MAN, so the rule is that I have to do as many pushups as I can in the time it takes them to do 14! Today I did 30. Also, I hit my face on the floor at one point, and it's starting to throb. Especially my forehead. Yes. Lots of pain. I may have a bruise, people. A BRUISE! PUSHUPS CLUB! NOT FOR THE WEAK! Or maybe it IS for the weak, because why would strong people waste their time doing pushups? No one knows. I can't think with this pounding headache. Where am I? Who are you people?

As everyone knows, doing pushups is good for the body - and, also as everyone knows, we are nothing if not healthy. Green Tea, pushups, meditation... We are by FAR the healthiest department here at Late Night! By far. Let me break it down for you:
- The Talent Department = An unhealthy fascination with popcorn and cupcakes.
- The Casting Department = Used to joyously celebrate something called "Hot Dog Wednesday".
- The Music Department = Murder. Lots of murder.
- The Prop Department = Well known for their seasonal Margarita & Guacamole fiestas.
- The Writing Department = Full of self hating drunks.

See, sugarsnap?! We are BY FAR the healthiest Department! THE LATE NIGHT RESEARCH DEPARTMENT IS GOING TO LIVE FOREVER GUYS I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS JUST LIKE THOSE LAME PSEUDO VAMPIRES IN THAT MOVIE "TWILIGHT" ONLY A LOT LESS SPARKLY IN THE SUNLIGHT.

Oh! One more thing:

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Who Let The... (wait for it, wait for it)..... DOGS OUT?!??

It's Podcast Day here at Late Night, and this week's Podcast is awesome for TWO reasons: 1.) we welcome rookie researcher Sarah Bruno onto the show as our BRAND NEW CO-HOST, and 2.) This week's guest is none other than Late Night's Amazing Music Man Jim Pitt!! As you faithful LNI readers and true Late Night fans already know, Jim has been responsible for booking every single music act on our show - from our very first musical guest, Radiohead, right up to today's musical guest, Brian Williams Wilson! Jim's responsible for it all, and does a GREAT job on the ol' Podcast! Thanks, JP!

Between working and drinking green tea and staring longingly at the Puppy Cam today, Hardy was doing a little holiday shopping on the interwebs - and she found something hilarious on the NBC Store:

Now, I'm no retail expert - the extent of my experience begins and ends with a brief stint one summer in the sporting goods section of Kmart - but if something is on sale, shouldn't it be lower in price? And if it's NOT on sale... Why would you tell people that the price has gone UP?! Is NBC getting all passive aggressive because people aren't buying these mugs? Are they trying to punish mug buyers by making them feel that they missed out on a lower price, like "Na na na na!! You COULD'VE gotten this mug at 9 bucks, but now you have to pay 12!!! HA HA HA HA!!". I don't get it. Seeing that something used to be cheaper but is now more expensive doesn't make me want to go on a shopping spree. It makes me shed a lonely tear... Into my old 3 dollar Late Night mug (I GOT MINE EARLY, SUCKAS!!!)

Tonight on the program; TV's Rosie O'Donnell, Ugly Betty's Becki Newton, and The Beach Boys's Brian Wilson! Fame! Glamour! Excitement - and a cameo from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog! Plus we've got a little poll going on over on NBC.com about which Late Night dog Obama should pick for his kids!! Head on over there and MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT FROM A SHOW, TWO SCOOPS?!? Nothing. There is nothing more you could want. I hate you. I love you.

Oh! And before I forget... One last little thing.

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You Win Some... And You Win Some Others! BAM!!

Howdy, you fine lads and lasses! It is Wednesday, and you all know what that means: IT'S HUMP DAY!! That's right, two scoops. HUMP DAY. A grand day of pomp and tradition. Many people think that Hump Day is so called because Wednesday is the middle of the week - the "Hump", so to speak - of the 5 day working period that occurs between weekends (aka "Aaron's 48 Hours of Blackout Drunk Alone Time"). However, those people are WRONG. DEAD WRONG. Hump Day is a weekly celebration of my humps! My humps! My lovely lady lumps!

Yes, we listened to a lot of Fergie in the office today.

All right, enough psychotic rambling: Here's something funny that happened today. I'm sitting in Chill's office, discussing internet Risk strategy (I got our new intern, Christian, into a pretty heavy Conquer Club addiction), when Brian, one of our awesome Late Night interns, came in with Sarah Vowell's new book! He handed it to me and was like "I'm supposed to give this to you." and I was like "Me?" and he was like "Yeah, you." and I was like "Are you sure?" and he was like "Yeah. Sarah Vowell signed it to you." and I stared at him for like 5 minutes, and then took the book... And sure enough, she had signed it to me:

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Okay, More Like A Chubby Wolverine.

Hand Jive.

Jive Turkey.

Put these two things together, and you get HAND TURKEY (and a whole lotta jive)... As in THE LATE NIGHT HAND TURKEY CHALLENGE '08!!!

Do yourself a favor and enter our sweet sweet LATE NIGHT HAND TURKEY CHALLENGE '08, won't you? It's easy peasy - all you do is make a sweet Hand Turkey and submit it to us via The Late Night Underground Submission Page!! The entries are already streaming in... And I have to say: I like what I see. I will also say this: The more Late Night related, the better! Keep those entries coming in, kids! Remember, you can enter as many times as you want! Just like jail.

Tonight on the ol' Television Program, we've got a bunch of animals. No, we're not interviewing out interns on the show tonight - I'm talking about actual, live, rip-your-face-off animals!! There are scary ones (gators), furry ones (baby panthers), cute ones (Debra Messing), and even smart ones (John Hodgeman)!!! Ha ha ha, just kidding everyone. See what I did there? Pretending that our other two guests, Debra Messing and John Hodgeman, were actually just like all the other animals that Jeff Corwin brought tonight?! HA HA HA HA HA. Oh man!!!!!! GOOD ONE BLEY!!!!!! I am brilliant. BRILLIANT. Also: Modest.

Sorry everyone. I know that I sound a little insane tonight. I'll fess up: Today I ate and drank a LOT of crap. Normally, we here in The Swamp (the Research Office) are all about health - green tea, pushups, organic such and such; you know what I'm talking about. We're usually all Gwyneth Paltrow'ed out up in this piece, dig? Today, however.... TODAY, I went on a bit of a Caffeine and Super Sugar bender! AND IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME. This afternoon I believe that I ate and drank so much crap that I replaced the entirety of my blood and tissue with Red Bull and Mallomars... Annnnnnnnd I can't say that I hate the feeling, party people. I'm sitting here vibrating. It's insane. I cut myself earlier by accident, and I have so much sugar in my body that the cut healed up immediately - just like Wolverine!!!!!!

Tomorrow however, I will probably be more like Professor X: Bald. And in a wheelchair.

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A TreatIse on The Media Trident, and Tridents in General.

An interesting and UNIQUE show today, ladies and gents! That's right! U to the I-N-Q-U-E!! Instead of having the usual fannygazoo of busting out two talkie guests and some music, or two talkies and some standup, we've got a little of everything - first, we talk to one of the coolest men on the planet, Snoop Dogg; then we have the hilarious STAND UP of one Mr. Brian Regan... And THEN we close it all out with musical guest Blitzen Trapper! Weird, right? I have no idea why we pulled a media trident tonight, but we did! And an awesome media trident it is!!

Now, some of you might be saying... "Media Trident, dude? What the hell are you talking about?". And that's a fair question. Honestly, I have no idea what that means/is supposed to mean. However, I DO know one thing: Tridents are freaking awesome weapons, and I will be trying to work them into conversation as much as possible from now on. So get used to it, sugarsnap!! 2009: YEAR OF THE TRIDENT. Mark my words.

And now... The moment that you all have been waiting for: The Announcement of This Week's Contest!!

Ladies and gents, gents and ladies, all you Toms, Drews, Nancys and Sadies... May I present...

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Tightly Wrapped.

Happy Friday, y'all! I know you're all still reeling from yesterday's Thursday surprise, so I'll get out of your hair in a few moments. Not a lot happened today, other than... Oh I don't know... A little thing called... How do you say... FREE BURRITOS?!?!! Yes, that's right. We got burritos. For free. I can feel the heat of your collective jealousy burning my fingers through the keyboard, sugarsnap - and let me just say, it's unbecoming of you.

Thanks to the fine folks over at Chipotle and tonight's offbeat off-broadway musical guest, "Rock of Ages", our show was sent pounds and pounds of delicious burritos for lunch!! It was delightful, it was glorious, it was just like this dream I once had - minus all the screaming, of course. And this time I was wearing clothes instead of an Care Bears costume. But I won't get into that here.

Now, I took a picture of just ONE box of the MANY boxes they sent over, but before I show it to you, I want to warn you all; this is a box of TIGHTLY WRAPPED, DELICIOUS AND BEAUTIUL BURRITOS. Looking at this picture and into the box is not unlike the end of Raiders of The Lost Ark, when they open - you guessed it - the not so lost anymore ark. Be forewarned. I just don't want the guilt of anyone's Divinely caused blindess on my hands, okay? Okay. Prepare yourselves... FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT OF THIS:

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McCain in the Membrane!

Tally ho, internet readers!! There is, once again, no surprise today. Instead of promising and promising, I am just going to stop mentioning it altogether. I love you all.

However, I have an funny story - a "tale of amusement", if you will - for you all by way of our hilarious Head Writer, Mr. Mike Sweeney. And a one, and a two, and it goes a little something like this:

For those of you who watched the show last night (which should be ALL OF YOU, party people), you saw Conan give every member of our esteemed studio audience a clear garbage bag of 30 (yes 30) John McCain dolls! The dolls were sent to us by the company that made them, and they were the last 6000 dolls left in stock. The "McCain Surplus", as it were. I guess the company figured that now that the election is over, no one would want a 'Lil Maverick of their own - and I'm sure they're right! Anyway, for some ungodly reason, they sent all 6000 left to us... And for some OTHER ungodly reason, WE gave them all to last night's audience! So, 6:30pm came and went, and everyone who attended last night's taping was given a gigantic bag of McCains and sent out into the brisk November New York City night. Coolio.

Cut to: 11:00pm. Mike Sweeney, the hardest working man in show business, is leaving the building after a long day of producing the funny. He's out on the street trying to hail a cab, when he sees a young couple walking up the street towards him hauling - you guessed it - two gigantic bags full of McCain dolls!! He introduces himself, and asks what the couple is doing on the street at 11; were they just wandering around Times Square with the dolls for the last four hours, or what? The couple explained that when they left Conan, they then had to immediately run over to the Broadway show Wicked! They had tickets for that night's performance, and didn't want to miss it! Sweeney asked how in the world the couple managed to smuggle the giant bags of dolls into the show - the people said that the theater wouldn't let them take the dolls to their seats, but they managed to convince the theater to "store" the McCains for them while the show was going on! AWESOME.

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There's a reason that the word "Conscience" is made up of the words "Con" and "Science".

Today: A Race Against The Clock!
The Combat Coin gave me tomorrow's blank on the calendar, so I had to rip through a last minute Tom Brokaw file this evening! It's always a little harrowing doing a last minute file, because I'm usually doing it whle the show is going on - it has to be finished by the time the show is over and the Producer is up from the studio, so I only half watched/listened to Seth Green, Artie Lange, and Conor Oberst! From what I half saw.heard, it sounded like a pretty good show, but you all will have to let me know how good it actually was!

Today: No Tuesday Surprise!
It's not happening today. Possibly tomorrow. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT, INTERNET. I have replaced all my guilt with anger. Anger that:

Today: The Office Was Filled With Taffy!
Seriously! WTF? First Brian Williams is trying to fatten us up by inexplicably (and generously) sending us candy, and now there's just pounds and pounds of magically appearing taffy all over the place?! I swear, as soon as I announce that I'm going to try and start eating more healthy, Fate rears its sticky, deliciously pliable head, and dumps taffy everywhere! On the 9th floor, on the 8th floor, the 6th floor... It was everywhere! The paranoid in me warned that it was poisoned... But the glutton in me had four pieces! MMMM! BANANA!

Oh! And -

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My Ring... IT'S A LITTLE TIGHT.

I've been feeling terrible lately. Just awful. A giant grey haired sack full of guilt. And today's blog is going to fix that!

First off, there's no Monday Surprise. Possibly it will be a Tuesday Surprise. Or perhaps a Wednesday surprise. Or "The Surprise That Never Comes". You would thing that after 20+ years of doing this blog, I would learn to keep my big fat (yet also extremely handsome) face SHUT. But I haven't learned!! Instead I promise things and then don't deliver. Like Snickers (Anyone who thinks 4 ounces of chocolate and peanuts "satisfies" has obviously never had a Butterfinger).

Anyway, instead of the SWEET Monday Surprise I had planned, I urge you to go over and visit the Late Night Underground for a brand new rehearsal video! Conan tells a little story from his early days in LA... It's one of my favorite videos we've put up lately!!

Second reason for Late Night Guilt: This whole Parra thing. Me not telling you guys about Parra leaving the podcast, aka "Parragate '08". In between Parra emailing Hardy and I about her new Politician Crushes (that change about every week), I asked her to write a proper goodbye to you all... And here it is!

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My Pants = On Fire

Hello, one and all, to the great Thursday blogeroo. As I do every Thursday, I urge you most highly to check out the brand new (it still smells like the dryer!) installment of our Late Night with Conan O'Brien Research Department Podcast!! This is an extra special podcast, for several reasons... The first being that it is a DOUBLE WIDE episode, clocking in at 30 minutes!! OH YEAH!! The second reason is... Beneath the cut, because of a SPOILER ALERT. If you'd rather find out from the podcast what's going on, GO LISTEN TO IT NOW AND COME BACK.

However, If you're the impatient "just get on with it, pip pip, heave ho" type, then by all means click the link below for the BIG RESEARCH NEWS!

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WTF, KW?

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, everyone! I hope everyone had a great election! Say what you want about who won - at the very least, the whole thing is OVER. Holy moses. Even me - Mr. "Hey Dude, Politics are Awesome" - was totally burnt out. Sweet Fannygazoo.

Let me tell you something about the show tonight; you are going to want to see it. Now, I know I say that a lot - in fact, I say it almost every blog. Tonight is different, and here's why: I'm well aware that many of you love our rehearsal videos on The Underground for the simple fact that you're seeing Conan improv. You're seeing Conan "raw". Unfiltered. Spontaneous. Well, tune in to the program tonight, and you will get all those things. Why? Simple:

Our second guest, comedian Katt Williams, did not show up.

That's right; for the first time in 15 years of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, A GUEST JUST DECIDED TO NOT SHOW UP WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. Unbelieveable. Inexcusable. Incredible. What a jerk.

Here's a list of a few of the people who showed up in the 15 years our show has been on the air: Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford, Martin Scorsese, Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon, Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bill Murray, David Letterman, Anthony Hopkins, Bette Midler, Quentin Tarantino, Barbara Walters, Tom Brokaw, Steve Martin, Robert Duvall, U2, and President-Elect Barack Obama.

Now, Katt Williams, here's a list of people who DIDN'T show up in the 15 years our show has been on the air: KATT WILLIAMS.

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I Pulled A Lever Today... To Vote, Dude! Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter.

Happy Election Day, everyone! I made a little video about voting and what it means to vote - it's up over at The Underground right now! Ch-ch-check it out!

There's no show tonight (unless the election is called extremely early, then it'll be a rerun), so I came in a bit late today; around 11 or so. I got up early to vote, but it wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be... So I lucked out! It feels great to do your civic duty and cast a ballot, you know? Especially if you are fortunate enough to not have to wait 7 hours. BAM!

The offices are rather quiet today, as you would expect. I'm still winding down from the 18 hour marathon Albright research session from yesterday; I won't go into details, but suffice to say that, between my election anxiety and all that Albright goo rattling around in the empty catfood dish I have for a head, I had some pretty weird dreams last night. They involved a giant laughing face of Madeleine Albright, and me naked in a voting booth... So, pretty much exactly what happened this morning! Ha ha.

Oh! And before I go, two things:

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Ghosts and Ghouls, Suckas and Fools

Happy Halloween, everyone!! We've got a FRIGHTASTIC show this evening - Mary-Kate Olsen, SNL's Will Forte, and Extreme Pumpkin Carver Tom Nardone! Tom Nardone's segment is PARTICULARLY frightening - I think COnan got a little blood lust going on the pumpkins!! It was frightening... Yet totally awesome.

The fact that Will Forte is on tonight's show reminds me of a story that I heard that happened last week up at SNL! Last year for SNL's Halloweeny episode, Brian Williams was the host. There was a sketch that was rehearsed, but never made air - it was the sketch where Will Forte is a Child Molester who's trying get out of explaining himself to his neighbors, so he tries to play it off as his costume for Halloween. It was a hilarious idea, and if you happen to have watched this past week's SNL with Jon Hamm, you saw that sketch!! They ended up doing it with Jon Hamm instead of Brian Williams. These things happen from time to time.

Anyway, last week, while they were rehearsing that bit, Brian Williams apparently caught the feed and saw that they were doing the sketch again but with Jon Hamm instead of him! So as a joke, he sent down a note that said something to the effect of "How DARE you try to improve upon my sketch?" to Will & co. as they were rehearsing... Then, a little while later, Brian actually went down to SNL's rehearsal and stood off to the side in Will's line of sight angrily staring with his arms crossed!! HA HA HA HA. What a great joke!! Nice work, B.Wills (that's what he's called on the streets)!!

Now. Onto the eagerly awaited results of our Late Night Halloween Costumestravaganza '08 contest!! There were a LOT of really great and imaginative entries, but there can be only one winner... And that winner is...

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Violence!

Besides Mr. Conan O'Brien himself, the one thing we couldn't do our show without is... Light! After all, who wants to watch a screen that's completely dark? No one. This week's Late Night Research Department Podcast sheds some light on the man responsible for bringing the proverbial fire to our little television program... Lighting Designer Fred Bock! I think you'll all be happy - I certainly learned something!!

Today I got called up to Conan's office during the segment meeting (the meeting where the Segment Producers discuss that day's guests with the big man), to answer questions about the "Enter The Matrix" video game that Jada Pinkett-Smith is in.... Annnnnnnd...I FAILED HORRIBLY!! Man oh man. It was bad. Even though i beat the game a while back, I couldn't remember enough specific parts to answer everyone's questions, so I ended up being pretty useless. It was okay, though. I mean, who can really explain what happened in all those crazy Matrix movies anyway? All I know is that I kicked a lot of robot asses in that game. A LOT. WHAM! SMACK! POW!!

Speaking of kicking asses, Jada Pinkett-Smith graces our show with her lovely presence tonight, and talks all about how she puts the smackdown on her husband in the shower! (Her husband is Will Smith, for the stupid). Awesome. Conan and I have been known to - Ah - "Tussle" on occasion, as well! I must say, however, when COB and Bley throw down, it's usually less straight up wrestling and more boxing. He's got the reach, sure... But I've got meaty arms, so I usually take a pounding on the shoulders and wait for an opening to try and pick him apart from the inside!! CRACK! SLAM! SKA-BOOM!! (Ska-boom?)

Finally, TIME IS RUNNING OUT for you to submit to our Late Night Halloween Costumestravaganza '08 contest! If you'd like to submit a drawing or other visual costume idea for Chill and I to wear tomorrow around the office, you've got until MIDNIGHT TONIGHT TO DO IT!!! Head on over to our Late Night Underground Submission page and let your freak flag fly! The winner, picked by us, will receive something Late Nighty and awesome! Do it, sucka! DO IT! WHAP! SLAP! KA-POOF! (Okay, Ka-poof is stupid)

Here's another couple great costume entries that really made me laugh:

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Simply Maddenowing

You all know me as a pretty happy guy. A joyous person. An upbeat internet personality, if you will. However, there are times that I get... Grumpy! Yes! It's true! Mr. Grumpywumpy pants has been known to make an appearance (like when I tell my officemates that I wish they were dead for eating the last of the "Research Skittles"). Anyway, my point is that we've all got our frustrations and fannygazoos, and I am no exception. So here is one of them. A big one:

It is incredibly annoying to do a whole file for someone (like I did for Rachel Maddow), only to have them change shows at the last minute. This change means that, instead of having a file done for tomorrow's guest, I've got a crazy rush job that I worry about all day and have to rip through in like ten minutes! Crrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaap.

Now, this isn't Rachel Maddow's fault. And it's not the fault of our booking department. It's faultless! And that's one more reason why it's so frustrating; just because it's one of those things that happen (getting hit by lightning, getting mugged, getting mugged by lightning) just because they happen. Oh well. The silver lining is that she's going to be on the show on October 21st, so at least that file's already done! And it's not like she didn't have an excellent reason for wanting to switch - she's interviewing Barack Obama tomorrow night instead! These things happen.

Tonight on the show, we've got one of my faaaavorite bits - The Audiencey Awards! I asked our Photo Researcher Sarah Bruno how they get the pictures so fast, and apparently it happens like this: A couple of the writers go down at 4pm when the audience starts loading to scope them out; then the writers note where they're seated, and then they go upstairs and talk to Sarah to find pictures that match up with the people they picked! Easy peasy! Sarah said that she usually has about an hour to find all the pictures... And she did a GREAT job tonight, because the Papa Smurf joke is SPOT ON. Nice work, duder!

Now... Onto The Late Night Halloween Costumestravaganza '08! The entries keep pouring in, but keep them coming, folks! We won't decide on a winner until Midnight Thursday!! Remember, you can enter as many times as you want, and Chill & I will wear the winning designs all day Friday (and the designer will get something cool). If you want to send in an entry, please do so here: The LNHC '08 Submission Page!

Here are a couple submissions that we've gotten so far that I really liked:

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Happy Tuesday... Or as I like to call it, "Baby Wednesday"!!

What's up party people!? And a Happy Twosday to you all! It's the second day of the week, and if you all have a second, I have two things that I'd really like to share... With the both of you who are reading this. SPOILER ALERT: Today's entry contains many numbers. Why? Well, I just felt like making some lists! Makes me feel productive, you know? At any rate, if you hate numbers, this is not the post for you! CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.

Now let's get to it:

1. There's a brand new Underground video up today! That's right! It's there right now!! Get on over there and watch it! It's from a rehearsal a few weeks back, so I apologize for the lack of "freshness". Anyway, COMEDY NEVER AGES, right? Right. It only matures like a fine wine or a hot MILFF. And by "MILFF" I mean Mother I'd Like to Facebook Friend.

What? Get your mind out of the gutter, dudebro.

2. THIS:

Thanks to everyone who's already entered our awesome LATE NIGHT HALLOWEEN COSTUMESTRAVAGANZA '08 Contest!!! However, I have a little bad news - okay, it's not bad, just annoying: If you'd like to enter, please do so through our Late Night Underground Submission Page. Let me repeat that:

Please submit all your awesome Halloween Costume entries here!!

This means: IF YOU HAVE ALREADY SUBMITTED AN IDEA, YOU MUST GO TO THE UNDERGROUND SUBMISSION PAGE AND RESUBMIT IT TO HAVE IT COUNT.

I'm sorry, about this, guys. Sorry sorry sorry. There are many reasons for why this has to happen; reasons both legal and "oh god I don't want to lose all these awesome entries" related. It's complicated. Thank you all so much for understanding. ps - I am a moron.

Once again, please enter as many times as you want!! All entries are due before this Thursday night at Midnight (eastern time). The winner will receive something cool, and Chill and I will wear the winning costume designs all day on Friday!! To answer a few questions that people have been asking (in list form sorry dudes but I told you there were a lot of numbers on here today):

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100% Awesome, 10% of the Time

A hearty "HELLO" and a high pitched "HOW DO YOU DOOO" to everyone out there in blogsville! How was everyone's week last week? Mine was just delightful. Thanks for asking. I mean, no one asked, but I'm pretending like somebody did. Anyway.

Great show tonight, as we welcome Sir Charles Barkley to the Conan Couch, and follow that up with a healthy dose of Justin Long - and close out the program with musical guest ANNUAL! A solid effort from start to finish, this evening. Absolutely worth a look. True Story and Little Known Fact: I once arm wrestled Justin Long's girlfriend at a bar. I was waiting for a friend, and decided to arm-wrestle a bunch of chicks while I was waiting. She was one of them. Oh, and I should mention THAT I BEAT THEM ALL, EVERY SINGLE ONE.

I trust that you all listened to the AWESOME and INCREDIBLE (and all new!) Late Night Podcast this past Thursday! Stage Manager Steve Hollander was our guest, and was one of the best we've had so far!! The feedback from this last episode has been fantastic! Thanks to everyone who wrote in! If you listened to it already (and why wouldn't you have?), you'll recall a certain story of how Hollander gave up his special lip gloss to U2 frontman Bono right before they came back from commercial... Well, Steve has the picture hanging up over his desk and I'd be remiss if I didn't show it to all of you right here! It's hilarious!! Check it out:

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Intelligence Ball of The Magic

Well, it's about that time again: The last day before we have a week long hiatus! Like I mentioned before, we didn't have a show today, because we taped two shows on Wednesday - but tonight's show with Edward Norton and Ludacris is still all brand new to YOU!! It's a good one... Trust me. IT'S LIKE I CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE, GUYS. The show tonight will be awesome. You will win the lottery. And I am going to burp in exactly 3 seconds... *BURRRRP*.

It's weird burping in real life and then having to actually write the word "Burp".

Since there was no show today, my day was fairly laid back! I edited some Underground stuff (to put up when we get back), I edited next week's podcast (which will still be up on Thursday, rain or shine), I attended a "Conan Workflow" meeting about a new editing type system that we're going to implement on the show (as a precursor to how we'll be editing the Tonight Show when we move to the West Coast); Chill, Tracy King & I rocked out ROCK BAND 2 style (the new Motley Crue songs are KILLER), and I played with THIS:

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Always On The Run

Howdy, party people! I've got to make this quick, because I'm meeting up with a buddy who works at Colbert, and I stupidly agreed to meet him over by their studio, which is allllllll the way over on the West Side! Madness. I am a moron. SHOCKER.

So what's up!? First off, I'd be remiss not to mention the glorious new Late Night Podcast that went up today! It features Writer Andrew Weinberg, one of the originators of the hilarious fan favorite "Walker Texas Ranger Lever"!! He also deserves an awesome congrats for just having his first baby like, a week ago. So... CONGRATULATIONS, DUDEBRO. He named his daughter "Nico Gray Weinberg", which is a pretty awesome name if I do say so myself! I told him that Aaron works well for a guy or a girl, but he told me to shut my mouth. With his eyes. And his mouth.

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Two for the price of... Two!

Madcap capers and wacky hijinks today, as it's another Late Night doubleheader - we taped TWO SHOWS! Madness. Complete madness. As I write this right now, we're taping today's second show - which will be, of course, FRIDAY'S awesome show (Edward Norton & Chris "Ludacris" Bridges)! And before that, we taped tonight's show... Which is a sweet little package of comedy full of Bill Murray & Rob Corddry goodness! Plus that "whirlwind shopping tour" that I was talking about yesterday! Tonight's musical guest is great as well - Ray LaMontagne, for those of you who don't know him, is awesome. I've actually been really looking forward to him being on our show, but it turns out that I didn't even have time to go watch the soundcheck!! Instead, I was called away to go on a complete waste of time shooting in Times Squareawesome remote!

Here's what happened.

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Oh, I Smell A Fruit All Right...

Here's something weird: Today in the morning meeting, there was a bunch of fruit! Like, bowls and bowls of random fruit. Strange, man. No one seemed to know who had sent it, or why - whenever that happens, I immediately think of poison - but I was hungry, so I grabbed two bananas! Game on! So far, I'm full of potassium, and NOT full of crazy fan poison. Unless it's slow acting. GULP!

Today I helped Gordo (writer Michael Gordon, aka "the guy who usually plays the Masturbating Bear") put together the chihuahua bit in tonight's monologue! Fun times! I basically just:

- Tightened up what he had
- Changed the footage at the end (to make it look more recognizable as an auto show)
- Switched out the chihuahua shot with one where the paws were moving around more, and
- Added the LSD swirly eyes!!

Whew! The whole thing took about 40 minutes. The last thing I want to do to someone else's joke is destroy it - which I thankfully avoided! Awesome two times! Personal Sidenote: I am going to try to use the words "Swirly Eyes" more often in casual conversation.

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MSU Telecasters

Annnnnd we're back! Hello everyone. How was your weekend? Mine was AMAZING.

But we'll get to that in a sec.

Today was one of those days that makes people hate me, because I had to (I HAD TO) play some videogames for work. Writer Matt O'Brien had asked me early last week to lay some sweet Halo 3 killing to tape, and I was just too slammed to do anything about it until today. He ALSO had asked me BEFORE THAT to grab some Rock Band footage (a "sustained note" were his exact words) for this bit involving La Bamba called "Trombone Hero" that he's trying to throw together. So I went down and put the battle rifle smackdown on some Covenant Aliens before rocking the 5th floor with a face melting rendition of Boston's "Foreplay/Longtime" on the ol' Rock Band 2!!

See? I KNEW that being intimately familiar with Boston songs would come in handy one day! BAM. WORK COMPLETE.

...Almost. Other than the above, I also ripped through Rob Corddry's research today (he's having a baby next month!), and I got some very exciting news - news that is probably a lot less exciting to you than it is to us here in the office, but EXCITING NONETHELESS. And also, unfortunately, it's also SECRET NEWS - for the time being. You won't be excited anyway. I just like to be a dramatic tease about everything. INCLUDING THIS NEW SECRET NEWS THAT I AM EXCITED ABOUT. Ha ha. Let it burn, suckas!

Now... If you all would indulge me for a second, I'd like to talk a little bit about my weekend. It was awesome. I went back to Michigan State to talk to the students about how to get into the terrible cutthroat world of entertainment the amazing and beautiful world of television production! And if you're interested in how I got my job here, then click that "read more" link already!

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I Am Lazy and Yet You Reap the Rewards: Friday Fotos!!

I try my best to be entertaining on a daily basis. I aim to please with my mix of words. My turns of phrase. My beautifully illustrated prose. But you know what? I'll bet that you guys sometimes get tired of this crazy blog. Get bored reading all these boring WORDS and tedious SENTENCES. And to be honest, I sometimes get tired of writing them. My fingers have been overworked this week - as has by brain - and so I'm feeling a tad lazy. Listen: It's been a busy day and a busier week. I am exhausted. Even eating lunch felt like a chore. So tired.

So. Instead of boring you all with more WORDS and ENGLISH LETTERS, I have decided to take a bunch of awesome pictures!! They say that a picture is worth a thousand words... So this entry should clock in at around 7000 bad boys!! YEAH MAN!! LET'S DO THIS. FRIDAY FOTO TIME.

First up, Conan's special mug - you know, the one that he drinks out of on the show:

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Shame Ball

An embarrassment of riches today, as I slam a brand new Underground video into your eyeballs, and a sweet sweet new Podcast into your ears!! WHAM! KAPOW!! I'M LIKE A SWEET AUDIO VISUAL NINJA!!

Wait. What am I talking about? Audio Visual Ninja? Sorry. The 6 Red Bulls I drank today are making me a little insane.

Speaking of insanity: To my MAJOR disappointment, none of you offered any kind of help with our show's "Mad Pooter" problem I talked about yesterday!! Dudes!! We've got a major issue here!! Listen, there's no point in confronting the person - A. Everyone knows who it is, and B. THEY already know that WE know. It's pointless. *Sigh*. Maybe the only answer is noseplugs. Or a bunch of scented candles sprinkled around the set. Or MURDER. Murder is always an option. Especially after public humiliation fails!

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ANALPOCALYPSE.

I've talked about this before on this blog (twice, actually), and I can't say that I enjoy writing about this... But The Mad Pooter is at it again.

For those of you who are still blissfully unaware, there is a person on our show who has a bit of a farting problem. And by "a bit of a farting problem" I mean "they literally cannot control the gas coming out of their bowels to the point that it is affecting our show". Although I'm not allowed to reveal their identity, you can be absolutely sure everyone who works here knows who it is... And you can be absolutely sure that everyone here knows what he's capable of.

Unfortunately, so do most of our guests. Oh, absolutely.

You see, it's not enough that this person farts horribly and uncontrollably in rehearsal, but they do it during the show. DURING THE SHOW! Dude! And it's not enough that they do it during the show, but THEY DO IT IN THE PATH OF THE GUESTS. That's right, kids. THE MAD POOTER FARTS ON OUR GUESTS. Well, not exactly ON our guests - but they do it right in the path of the guest, so when a person in introduced, the TMP lays a stinky egg right in their path... And the person comes out from behind the curtain and gets slapped in the face by a big poo-nami!

It was so bad for Billy Bob Thornton's last appearance, you could actually see him wrinkle his face in disgust.

It was so bad for one special guest who came on our show, they even asked a staff member "What is that smell?" and that someone had to lie and say "oh, we were just doing some special effects stuff with smoke." WE HAD TO LIE TO A FAMOUS CELEBRITY PERSON'S FACE AND TELL THEM THAT WE HAD JUST USED SOME SPECIAL EFFECT SMOKE TO COVER UP A STAFF MEMBER'S FLATULENCE PROBLEM SERIOUSLY MAN GET HELP. Dude!! DUDE!!! If that's not a wakeup call to The Mad Pooter, I don't know what is. PLEASE. POOT. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, SEEK HELP. CALL YOUR DOCTOR. CALL YOUR PRIEST. CALL THE MAKERS OF GAS-EX AND ASK FOR A LIFETIME SUBSCRIPTION. Have mercy on Hollywood, dude. Have mercy.

Actually, people at Gas-Ex: If you're reading this, hook us up. Please. I'm begging you. I am worried that word's gonna get around that we've got a "loose cannon" here at the show and the famous people will stop coming. I'm not kidding; I am actually worried about this. I mean, if you had the choice to walk through a fart or not walk through a fart, which would you choose? Exactly. These people are famous. Why should they come on our show and plug their movie if you can't plug yourself?

Anyway, some people at work who have to work closely with The Poot have started a list of The Mad Pooter's victims. And they've hung it up backstage, right by where the celebs come out! Once I heard about this, I had to see it. And if *I* had to see it, then so did you! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present "The Hit LIst":

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Tapped Out

"Happy" Monday, y'all! I hope that everyone had a great weekend! We come storming back hard tonight with Jason Sudeikis on the show - and he's actually a GUEST this time, instead of being a super secret cameo person! (and on that note, I'm still looking for a prize, Keith... Sorry man. I will find something cool).

Anyway, today I did the research for this 13 year old kid, Noah McCullough, who's gonna be on the show on Wednesday! He's like a hardcore Republican who plans on running for the Presidential ticket in the year 2032! When I was 13, I was still trying to figure out how to talk to girls and trade my juicebox for something better in the junior high prison yard cafeteria. This kid is like deciding upon the platform for his eventual nomination to the highest office in the land! It makes me feel A.) Old, and B.) Like I have wasted my entire life. We all have different goals, I guess... ;)

So here's something about working at the show that you may not know: We get all kinds of free drinks here.

Soft drinks, people. Soft drinks.

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COMMENCE THE FRIDAY SURPRISE.

lt's Friday! Not only that, but I'm dubbing today "Face Melting Friday" because of the awesome FACE MELTING SURPRISE I'M ABOUT TO LAY ON YOU PEOPLE. Head over and watch the brand new Late Night Underground video that I just put up!! I think you'll like it... It has a little someone named WILL ARNETT in it. Ever heard of that guy? Yeah. You know. No big deal. Just some exclusive behind the scenes FACE MELTING WILL ARNETT FOOTAGE.

Thank goodness it's the weekend.

You guys will need those two days to grow your face back.

Onwards to last night's cameo question: Congratulations to Keith, who was the first person to reply in the comments with the identity of our SUPER SECRET SPECIAL CELEBRITY CAMEO GUEST last night! It was SNL's own Jason Sudeikis, who was the fumbling trombone player in the background of Ben Folds musical performance last night!! If you missed it, here's a clip:

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Stop Making Elevator Eyes At Me

As you all know, we've had a great deal of awesome cameos on our show recently - Tina Fey, Jack McBrayer, Will Arnett, Alec Baldwin... Carrot Top, for pete's sake - and tonight is no different!! We've got a sweet little cameo on tonight's show, BUT THERE'S A CATCH.

You have to spot them.

That's right, party people! Tonight's show features a really cool and awesome special guest, but only if you look closely. The first person to spot them correctly - and identify who & where they are - will get something cool from me! Just make sure you enter your email address in the email field when you make your comment. OH SWEET MOSES THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!!!! Pay attention, kids. Pay attention.

Oh! Before I forget - make sure you check out the brand new Late Night Podcast today! We've had a few glitches this past week, but everything is back to normal... And thank goodness it's just in time to hear what the hilarious Talent Coordinator Lisa Phillips has to say!! It's one of my favorite episodes so far!

Today here on the show, we had our annual Sexual Harassment training. It was boresville... Population us.

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Louis Szekely

CK is the name
Being funny is the game
Take your medicine!

We have probably my favorite comedian of all time (second only to Bill Cosby) on the show tonight: Louis CK. No one else working today can tell a joke like Louis can. The guy is a master. Even reading the notes of what he was going to talk about on the show this evening brought me to tears... From laughing, guys. I was happy. Jeez.

When I was growing up, around 13 or 14, my love for standup comedy really exploded, and I began to worship at The Altar Of The Joke. Along with Louis, I idolized guys like Bill Hicks, Cosby (although I had already been listening to his records for years by that point), Steven Wright, Richard Jeni, George Carlin, Woody Allen, etc. These people were huge in my mind. Gigantic, towering Cloverfield-esque monsters of comedy... But instead of destroying New York City, they destroyed MY MIND with their groundbreaking humor and skewed ways of looking at the world. They all influenced me in ways that I can't explain - Louis was at the forefront of this, his dirty jokes really connecting with my addled teenage mind.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when I met Louis after Conan's wedding.

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Sir. Prize.

First of all, right at the top of the blog, I have to get something out: Make sure you see the show tonight. Beg, borrow, steal - just make sure that tonight's show comes into contact with your eyeballs. You will be extremely happy. If you thought Carrot Top in the audience was funny, make sure to watch tonight. If you liked seeing Alec Baldwin do the Year 2000, make sure to watch tonight. If you liked seeing Will Arnett show up on Friday unannounced, make sure to watch tonight. Many surprises are in store. Many. Surprises. Store. Watch. I'm not even going to spoil it for you, as I am so fond of doing (oh you like it, you bastards). That's how much I like the surprise on tonight's show. Even if there WEREN'T any special things happening on the show tonight, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Michael Cera are two of my favorite people, so it'd still be great... But with the added bonus, it's AWESOGREAT!!!

Now I'm sure you all are aware, I am a huge WNBA fan. I mean, I am constantly talking about it on the blog, making references to it, cracking little WNBA inside jokes, constantly working marquee players like Cheryl Ford and Lisa Leslie into conversations around the office, thinking about it, living it, feeling it, I play WNBA Madden '09 all the time, I am always refreshing the ESPN WNBA blog to see the latest news, etc; the WNBA is a big part of my life. I mean, SPORTS is such a big part of my life that it's hard for me to talk about anything else at all, and within the realm of sports that it my life, the WNBA is basically all of that. As you all know. Clearly. From this blog. And how I'm always talking sports.

Ahem.

ANYWAY, because you all know of my GREAT LOVE for sports and the WNBA (see above), you can imagine the DEPTH of my PLEASURE when I heard that my HOMETOWN WNBA TEAM - The Detroit Shock - were in the Eastern Conference Finals against Chill's WNBA team, the New York Liberty!!! Oh, my joy was boundless. We were excited. There was trash talking. And shoving. And possibly blood or a red sharpie that someone had left uncapped. Whatever. You know what I'm saying. We were pumped. Not only that, being the gambling addicts that we are, Chill and I quickly made a bet - the person whose team was the victor would receive a WNBA team jersey purchased by the loser. AND LOOKY LOOKY AT WHAT HAPPENED TODAY, Y'ALL:

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And yes, I am feeling much better. Thanks for asking.

Okay, well, it might not be a "face melter" like I promised on Friday (I was in a dayquil induced euphoric haze), but there's another brand new Underground vid up today! The deal is this: Due to some desk/office reshuffling in Late Night land, we've got a completely empty cubicle on 9 West! That's wasted space, kids. WASTED SPACE. YOU KNOW HOW I CANNOT DEAL WITH WASTED SPACE. We are renting that floor, and wasted space is wasted MONEY. So Chill & I tackle the problem and try to come up with some way to put that space to better use! I hope you dig what we came up with!!

Today things were a bit slow around the office... We've got a bit until our next hiatus, and it feels like everyone is just kind of chugging along! I finished Robin Wright-Penn's research this morning, and then pulled the 13 year old Noah McCullough to research next!! The kid's even got a book! Hilarious. I'm not sure who he is or why he's coming on the show, but the book has to do with politics... And I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't curious about what his deal is! From Robert Reich to Robin Wright to a 13 year old kid, this job is predictably unpredictable! Madness.

Speaking of madness, I have been in the mood for poetry - so every day this week I shall compose an exquisite and stunningly beautific haiku about the day's show. Today's is thus:

Bill Maher, Simon Pegg
Two souls intertwined like snakes
Comedy snakes. HA!

Now you! Go! Do it!!

Sickness Is Universal

It's already Friday! I don't know about you guys, but this week has flown by faster than a... Something that flies by faster than something else! (Sorry. Brain no work today)

First off, a sweet Friday surprise - head on over to The Late Night Underground to check out a sweet new video! Does the fun ever stop?! No it does not. Just wait until you see the surprise I've got lined up for Monday!! It's gonna MELT YOUR MIND. In a good way. Brain yogurt ain't all bad, fool.

Speaking of fun never stopping, none other than Mr. Will Arnett stops by tonight's show for a little comedy bit! He's great. Great great great. Just such an awesome funny nice guy - it's great to see Conan and Will try to make each other laugh whenever Will is on the show, and tonight is no different! On the hook, anyone? Urinal stance? Check it out and you'll see what I mean!

In less awesome news, I have like face herpes or something. Some kind of terrible cold has descended upon my corporal form; specifically, my nose. Oh man. It suuuuuuuucks. I think I caught it from Hardy. And if I didn't, I'm still telling everyone that I did! SOMEONE MUST PAY FOR MY ILLNESS. I was so sick today that I had Special Late Night Underground Agent Chillcat (Jason Chillemi) go up and show COB the videos that I wanted to put up! The last thing I wanna do is make the host sick... His job is hard enough without having the Face Herp.

All right. Well, this was fun. I'll be honest, I phoned it in today - oh! Speaking of which, I got my phone fixed! How excellent! Just in time for the weekend... That I am about to sleep through. Ahhhhh. Sleep. It is a distant memory. Monday, kids. Monday's blog will be hilarious. Make sure to watch the show tonright... And be sure to watch the Presidential debate! It's the future of our country, y'all. THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY.

Have a great weekend, everyone! See you Monday!! FACE MELTING MONDAY!!

Topical and Emmylicious!

What's this? A blog post before Midnight? Am I feeling okay!? Is everything all right?!!

Yes. Everything is fine. My week is slowing down. OR IS IT?

Thursday is traditionally known as the fourth day of the week, and was originally named after Thor, the Norse God of Thunder. Many world altering and life changing events have happened on Thursdays - The Boston Tea Party, The Stock Market Crash of '29, last Thanksgiving when I threw up after eating three cans of cranberry sauce - WORLD ALTERING AND LIFE CHANGING EVENTS.

That's all well and good, but more important (and awesome) than any of those events is the fact that EVERY THURSDAY WE'VE GOT A BRAND NEW LATE NIGHT PODCAST RIGHT HERE FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO!!! That's right, kids - and TODAY'S podcast is EXTRA awesome, because it's our SPECIAL EMMY PODCAST!! Writers' Production Associate/Assistant Ruth Sinanian went to the Emmys this past Sunday, and we have her back on as a special podcast guest to ask her all about what it's like to be a guest at the Emmy Awards! Fascinating stuff. I hope you dig it!

The show tonight features another great bit by our old pal, Triumph, as he goes to visit everybody's favorite upsidedown hanging man, David Blaine! It's hilarious. Ch-ch-check it out!

Annnnnnnd this is the part where I run out of here before I get roped into staying past midnight! FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW!!!

Later!

Me Am Smart.

Sorry again for the late blog. This show. My ass. Kicking is happening. You understand.

IT AIN'T CALLED LATE NIGHT BECAUSE WE GO HOME EARLY, KIDS.

The whole reason I got into Television in the first place was so I wouldn't have to do smart things. So I wouldn't be tested on my (admittedly feeble) intelligence. So I could avoid having to work at an occupation that routinely used words like "Oligopolies" and phrases like "the escalating flow of corporate money into politics to a conspiracy of big business and Wall Street seeking to usurp the machinery of Government and co-opt both political parties".

Uuuuh... Right. (Insert sound of mind bubbling out of skull and dripping down shirt collar)

Well, last night and today I had to do a rare thing: use my brain. And let me say this: It hurt far worse than I can convey in mere print.

On the show this Friday, following the lovely and talented Brooke Shields, we've got an EXTREMELY smart guy coming on the program - Former Clinton Labor Secretary and Superstar Economist Robert Reich! Talk about a topical booking!! Reich has written a book called "Supercapitialism" that I tried to read last night - I really did, honest - but it was just way too detailed. It made a lot of really great points, but the stuff I was highlighting quickly became a joke; we're not going to get to line-by-line examinations of Reich's theories on how the current flavor of American Capitalism is dangerously impinging on the average worker's democratic rights. I ain't a fortune teller, but I am a Late Night Researcher. And I can't see that happening.

So I didn't read the book.

Instead, I found a couple great and detailed reviews of the book that discussed the basics of Reich's thoughts, and pointed out possible dissenting views in his philosophy while placing them in the current context of the Wall Street Bailout that's currently going down. It just seemed like a way to save (me) our segment producers (and me) about 2 hours of reading through the book (that I would have to do) and trying to decipher all the highlighted passages (which would've taken me hours and wouldn't have been any help). Reich is an eloquent writer, but when I found myself highlighting a table entitled "REAL FAMILY INCOME GROWTH BY QUINTILE, 1947-1973", I knew that I was traveling down a road to Madness. So I stopped.

Reich is great, though! He's a super awesome dude, and was once in a bit with Conan on our show where they both played police detectives - the joke being that Reich is 4'11", and Conan is 6'4". It was hilarious. I'm sure he'll be an awesome guest.

In other news... And I will be talking about this a LOT more in the near future... WE GOT ROCKBAND 2 YESTERDAY!! Awwwwwwwwwwesssssssssome. It is really, REALLY great. A huge improvement over the original, which was amazing in its own right! We played for about an hour yesterday because everyone was so busy... But you can count on some sweet pics tomorrow, y'all!! A big THANK YOU to John and Jeff for hooking us up yet again! DUDES. YOU ROCK. Literally.

Until tomorrow...

Project: Private Eyes

Sorry for the late blogeroo, party people. It is Tuesday (well, actually I guess it's technically Wednesday), and already this week is having me for breakfast. And lunch. And an early dinner. And snacks.

What I'm saying is that I am already getting pwned this week.

However, HOWEVER, I am actually extremely happy because one of my many projects has come to fruition! That's right, kids - PROJECT: PRIVATE EYES IS COMPLETE. They said it would never happen - and by "they", I mean "me". Seriously. I thought it was a wash. Here's what went down:

A while ago, I bought a disposable camera. I wrote out a set of instructions, which I taped to the back.

The instructions were to take an interesting and or totally sweet "behind the scenes" picture, and then pass the camera along to another person. Simple, right? Well, it STARTED OUT simple. Apparently people are fine with taking pictures, but no one wanted to give it to anyone else! On three separate occasions, I had to give it to an intern and be like "go give this to a random person on staff and tell them to follow the directions on the back". THREE TIMES. Man. How hard that? Apparently, mucho hard. Let it burn!

Anyway, the instructions also said that when all the pictures were done, to return the camera to me - or at least call me and I would come get it. Also a rule that was not followed - the camera disappeared for over a month. Gone. Invisible. No one had seen it. After some serious time had passed I tried to track it down, but it had been so long that people had either forgotten who they had given it to, or the interns whom I had instructed to give the camera to someone random had already gone back to school. F!! Please excuse my dirty letters.

It seemed that all was lost, but I still had one avenue left. One last measure of hope. I sent out a mass email to everyone at the show, pleading with them to return my poor camera. Nearly everyone responded with a firm "I haven't seen it" and "sorry I can't help" and "who are you and why are you sending a mass email about a stupid disposable camera?" Also, have you ever sent out a mass email to 13 comedy writers? You're a fool if you think that you'd get a reply that's going to help. Ps - I am a fool.

So that was that. I thought that Project: Private Eyes was over. I wrote it off as one of my many (MANY) failures, and tried to forget about it.

But fate had other plans, kids.

See, in my email, I had promised amnesty to the wrongdoer. I had suggested that, if the person who had mistakenly kept the camera for so long was too embarrassed to fess up to their mistake, they could simply give it to an intern to give to me. There were no hard feelings. All was forgiven. And apparently whomever had the camera took that to heart, but took it one step further and anonymously left the camera outside my door. The creepiness of their action was completely overshadowed by the fact that I actually got the camera back at all!!! Awesome awesome awesome.

So what happened?! Like any true internet warrior would, I threw those pics in a scanner and posted them up in our photo gallery!! Click the "photos" link up top and check them out!! I have no idea who took any of the pictures, but I want to thank all the people on staff who took the time out of their day to take a sweet pic for the blog!! Thanks guys!!! You've made PROJECT: PRIVATE EYES A SUCCESS!!!

In other Late Night news, be sure to watch for LaBamba's big verbal gaffe on the show tonight!!! Oh man. He was walking up and down the hall ALL AFTERNOON repeating those lines over and over to himself... And I wish I could say that it did him any good! Poor LaBamba. You gotta wonder what's going on up there. You gotta. Wonder.

Ha ha. See you tomorrow - or later today, as it were!

Okay, we didn't win.

... But hey, it actually IS an honor to be nominated! Congrats to our good friends over at The Colbert Report - nice work, dudebros (and dudeladies)! You deserve all your tributes and accolades! Look at me. Using big words like "accolades". I've had schoolin!

Seriously though. Congratulations!

Conan and Jeff and Sweeney and all the writers and anyone else who went all took the red eye back from LA last night and came right into work this morning, so about half of our entire show was completely exhausted today! As a result, it was pretty chill around the office, and everyone split for home super quick right after we finished taping the show. So I'm here all by my lonesome this evening. As usual when I'm flying solo in the office, I am rocking out extremely loudly with the windows open... And let me just say; it is a beautiful night. Traffic outside has died down, and the moon has come up above the buildings. A cool, crisp Fall breeze is wafting in lazily through the window, and if I breath deeply, I can smell the delightful Autumnal scent of rotten garbage wafting up from 49th street.

Ahhhh. New York in late September. Just as disgusting as New York in any other time of the year.

So you know how Amy Sedaris did that whole "sinus cleaning water jug" thing? Well, the people who actually make them, Sinucleanse, sent over a bunch of them to our show! Pretty awesome... I refused to do it, but Chillemi LOVED it. Completely and totally. I've actually never seen him so excited! Okay, I've never seen him so excited about something that wasn't the Yankees or Pearl Jam. That dude LOVES Pearl Jam.

Anyway, I will now end this post with pictures of the Chillcat cleaning out his sinuses! Enjoy!

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It's all Crickets & Tumbleweeds round these here parts

I'll keep this short, because - well, because there's nothing really to talk about. Conan, Jeff, Sweeney, and all the writers are all in LA for the Emmys, so the office was pretty dead today. I got in at 1:30 or so, and have just been procrastinating all day! I was gonna do some Julianne Moore research, but instead I edited a bit of a video we finished shooting earlier in the week ("The Bane Of My Existence" video, for those of you keeping track). When I got tired of squinting at keyframes and shortening edge wipes (editing humor guys, sorry) I went upstairs and farted around with Chillemi as he explained the rules of the Ryder Cup and I pretended to listen. Then I came back down here to my office, threw open the windows and blasted some rock n roll for the tourists down below on 49th street! WELCOME TO NEW YORK CITY, SUCKAZZZZ!!!!

And now I'm listening to Brendan Benson at full volume and writing this blogeroo for all you folks.

Check out the show tonight - just because we taped it on Wednesday don't mean it ain't awesome! Dwyane Wade is HILARIOUS on the show this evening... And is wearing just about the biggest championship ring I have ever seen in my entire life. Amazing. You have to be a professional athlete just to LIFT that thing!

Oh! One last thing - I'm still feeling a little guilty about not being able to show you guys that old COB remote, so in an attempt to assuage the dark dank cloud of self pity that's been hanging over my head these past few days, I traded a "Vault Surprise" for a special "Friday Surprise" by going and posting a brand new AWESOME UNDERGROUND VIDEO FOR YOU ALL TO SEE!!! Check it out!! It's one of my favorites I've ever put up... For many reasons. Watch it and you'll find out why. ;)

And that's about it, kids! I hope you all have a fantastic weekend, and make sure root to for us at The Emmys!!! I could sure go for some delicious Jeff-Zucker-bought celebratory bagels come Monday morning, so I'm hoping for victory! Strap on your lucky pants and check out what happens Sunday night!!

GO LATE NIGHT!!

Rockin It Ugg Style To The Maxxx!

ANOTHER crazy day today! We thankfully only had one show to tape today... But we taped it two hours early!! That means that it was a lot like yesterday with everything being all crunched up, but instead of having to rock out an entire other show tonight, we get to leave early! How kickass! What this means is

All the important people and writers = running to the airport to catch flights to LA for The Emmys.

All the rest of us = running straight to the bar to begin the weekend early!

Tomorrow the show is dark, but we'll still have a new show and I'll still be right here with a new blog for y'all! Speaking of new things, check out our brand new Podcast that's up today! Writer Dan Goor (who now writes for The Office) was kind enough to drop in for a quick podcast to lay down some knowledge nuggets before he left a few weeks ago!! It's one of my favorites we've done so far, and I hope you like it!

On the show tonight; Fellow silver fox Anderson Cooper, the iconic Willie Nelson, and the long awaited performance of Southside Johnny with LaBamba's Big Band! I have to say, I was a little thrown to see LaBamba up there rocking out, but they sounded awesome... and Richie's got some sweet DANCE MOVES, yo!! Nice work dudebro!

Okay. Now the event that everyone's been waiting for... THE TOP THREE MAXIMUM UGG PICTURES!! If you missed it, on Monday's show we had the hilarious Ricky Gervais on, and he explained that sometimes when he's bored he tries to take a picture of himself making the ugliest face possible - it's something of a hobby. Something that helps him pass the time. A personal challenge, if you will. Well, on Monday's blog I asked everyone to make their absolute ugliest faces and email them to me... And I promised to post my three favorites today!!

Let me just say that you guys really outdid yourselves. Wow. Man. I've been having trouble sleeping at night after going through all hundred or so of these UGG STYLE FACES! Nice work, everyone. And thank you all for being brave enough to show your ugly and disgusting colors! Here are my three favorites:

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Two Timing!

Well, the Vault Surprise has been cancelled. It ain't happening. Shot down. Crash and burn. Total failure.

Hey man; that's how this comedy business works! Everything and anything has a chance of getting cut. Sorry everyone. It's called "The Vault" for a reason - when things go in, they rarely ever come out! Here's a little taste, at least:

It was a remote that we shot during the strike but never aired; Conan went around the office showing off all the different places that his name or face could be seen! Oh well. Maybe someday it'll escape out into the world. Probably not, though. SORRY.

Sigh.

Anyway, I know it's a poor substitute, but Chill & I shot a brand new video that can be seen over at The Underground today! The amazing and talented Script Assistant John Crotteau recently left the show, so we decide to let the new guy have a little bit of the ol' "Late Night Hazing" Treatment!! I hope you like it! And of course there'll be a brand new podcast tomorrow - (Former) Writer Dan Goor takes the mic and lays down some sweet comedy writing truths!! Prepare yourselves.

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Where Monologue Jokes Go To Die.

Sometimes when people visit the show, I like to give them a memento. A special treat. A gift. Something to remember the show by and prove to their friends that they actually got a sweet "behind the scenes" tour (since the dawn of Photoshop, pictures have become less impressive). One of the things I started doing a while ago was giving people Monologue jokes! They're cool, impressive... And most importantly, once they've been used, they ain't being used again. Like sporks.

Anyway, one day it struck me; where DO all those mono jokes (that I'm not stealing and giving to people) end up? Do we save them? Donate them to the Smithsonian? Is there some kind of "Joke Release Program" where the bad jokes have to go and pick up trash by the side of the highway? I went down to ask our Cue Card guys Steve & Steve (that's not a typo - they're both named Steve - and they're both left handed) to find out. And that's when I learned about magical mystery of The Almighty Joke Dump:

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It's just like that movie "Man Without A Face", except I HAVE a face. And it's ugly.

Okay, well, once again I am a raging d bag. Not only did my little surprise backfire today, but I STILL didn't get a picture of the joke dump! Tomorrow, friends. Tomorrow. The anticipation builds!! The excitement grows!! The amount of you awesome readers who want to murder me because once again I have broken a promise to post something awesome multiplies in numbers!!

Sorry.

Tomorrow, friends. Tomorrow. The magic is right here and waiting to be uncaged from my laptop and let loose on the unsuspecting internet world via The Underground... It just needs a little something special - a little something called "approval from the higher ups". This is coming from The Vault, after all. Not the VAULT vault, but the 6 month ago vault. I don't want to lead you fine people on any more than I already have... As if that was possible, ha ha. Sniff. Sorry. Again.

Oh! A quick piece of business: Remember when we had Jimmy Vivino's band "The Fab Faux" on the show on Friday? Well, this Thursday we've got LaBamba's band coming on!! Hey man - turnabout is fair play, no? They're called "Southside Johnny with LaBamba's Big Band", and they're getting ready to blow the roof off the 6A mothah! LaBamba wanted me to say that everyone should go out and grab (aka "Purchase" - don't steal, kids) his new album! You can find it iTunes, or any place that they sell those archaic things called CDs! Do it today, fool - those hats he wears don't just grow on trees!

MONSTER show tonight, with Samuel L. Jackson, Ricky Gervais, and Marc Broussard!! And it's another full couch night tonight!! Ahhhh... It just doesn't get any better, folks. We are kicking down the door of this week hard! I love it!!

I did Gervais' research, and there was something really awesome I found that we used on the show tonight - Ricky has this blog that he writes in constantly, and I came across this great thing where he says that one of his favorite hobbies is to take pictures of himself looking either as ugly as possible, or as surprised as possible - he captures his ugly mug on his cellphone whenever he's alone or he he has a spare minute. And to prove how fun it is, he makes Conan get on all fours sausage party style (wink wink) to take a picture of a surprised photo! Hilarious, hilarous stuff. Anyway, I decided to give it a shot myself... I took three pics trying to make myself look super ugg (spoiler alert: It wasn't that hard to do). What do you guys think?

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chill hits the twin cities

Hey there internet.

Chill here. It has been a long time. I hope everyone is doing well. I have missed you guys, but I know you guys have been in the awesome hands of Bley. How sweet are those Late Night Podcasts? I love them!!! I can't wait to see what that guy comes up with next. Things here with me are great. We've had a lot of time off during the summer which has been nice. Plus, as you guys know, I am a huge sports fan, so the 2 weeks of the Olympics kept me covered. I literally think I watched like 20 hours of Olympics a day. It distracted me from the major slump my Yankees were in...but that is for another blog. And i do still believe that they can comeback and make the playoffs. Mark my words!!!

On the workfront, last week I headed to the Twin Cities (Minnesota-St. Paul) to cover the Republican Convention. And as the diehards have seen twice already on our show and if you tune in tonight, for a 3rd time: You will see that we sent Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to be our correspondent! You know it is a great shoot when you can basically get 3 different remotes out of it. That is a lot of bang for your buck!!!

The shoot started slow as originally we were going to leave Sunday night and shoot for all 4 days of the Convention but then Mother Nature had a say with Hurricane Gustav. So we delayed our trip until Tuesday day as we were busy worrying about everyone down South. Once we arrived Tuesday day, we hit the ground running as we went right to the convention with the proper credentials to let us in. There will be no sneaking in a la Westminster Dog Show. This time we were legit. It was a camera crew, Robert Smigel (Triumph), a writer, myself and a local guy from Minnesota who helped us. I cannot tell you how huge it is to have someone from the city you are in helping you when you are on the road. San Francisco, Chicago, Toronto, Finland, India...we would have been a mess without a local guy in every place we visited! They know where stuff is, rules for parking, tricks of the town. It is key!!! So we literally worked 2 straight days shooting everything from in the Convention, outside the Convention, talking to delegates, elected officials, other reporters. I hope you have enjoyed the 2 that aired already and the one that is gonna hit you guys tonight. And who knows, maybe there will even be a 4th....

I have attached some pics of my time there and i present them with the heading: They are horrendous!!! I barely had any time to breathe so I apologize for the lack of focus and coolness of them. But you can almost catch Triumph in one of them! Photography is not one of my skills. I'm sorry. "Watching Olympics" on the other hand, I am heavily skilled at.

Click the link to see the (horrendous) pics that I took at the RNC!

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Sell Phone.

You know, it's been too long since we've put up an Underground video - getting all that Podcast stuff up and running really took it out of ol' Bley - so today there's a sweet new rehearsal vid up for all to see!! Head on over to The LNU and brighten up your day with a little sneak peek into the Year 2000! I think all y'all will dig it like a shovel! A pretty shovel. With sprinkles on top.

Mmmmm. Sprinkles.

Our show has been all about cameos lately! Yesterday we had James "The Mighty Lip" Lipton on the program, and TONIGHT... Well, you'll have to tune in to find out! I'll give you a hint, though - we used to have a lever on the show named after him (wink wink)!! The lever doesn't make an appearance, but the man does... And En Espanol, no less!!! On the show tonight, there's some truly awesome Telemundo asskicking acti- SWEET LORD I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.

Watch and see the glory, party people.

Now, you should only keep reading if you want to hear about something bad that happened to me the other day... You know what time it is, kibbles n bits... It's time for a sweet TUESDAY NIGHT PITY PARTY!!!! Whoop whoop!!

Here's what happened:

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Ol' Bessie Lou

With the advent of HD, it's easier to see the details of our set - but there are some things, that unless you're a guest on the show or Conan O'Brien himself, you will never know.

Unless, of course, you're a fan of this blog.

I went down today and took a picture of ol' Bessie Lou, up close and personal - a view that you would never see, unless you're lucky enough to get famous and come on the show (or get a private tour or whatever). Even people who work on this show were shocked to see it:

Click on the picture for a closer view!

Back when we were doing ringspins and all that, a lot of people boasted that they could spin their rings for much longer than COB's record... Well, I'LL BET YOU'RE NOT SO TOUGH NOW, ARE YA?! Trying to spin a ring on that surface is like trying to spin a ring on GRAVEL. It's impossible!

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I must have used the joke "Hey, Look At THESE Tim Gunns" like 20 times today.

Happy Friday, Party People!! it was a crazy day here at the show today; for one thing, today is our intern Alex's last day!! It's not TECHNICALLY his last day, because he'll be back for the Winter semester - so it wasn't as bittersweet as a usual intern goodbye. However, a goodbye is still a goodbye, so to send him off we had our traditional Donut Fiesta in the morning followed by an awesome Pizza Party for lunch! It was disgusting and delicious. It was disgustinglicious. Or deliciougusting. Or disgusicisting. What I'm saying is that I am full of sugar and pepperoni, and it's not a great combination. There's also some bacon in there from earlier... Look, I don't want to talk about it.

Fun show tonight - Triumph, Jerry O'Connell, Tim Gunn, and the "Stuff White People Like" guy - and I have to say, I really love when the guests stick around on the couch after their segments. It so rarely happens that we've got a full couch at the end of the show; but it just looks so much better! Plus, when people hang around, COB can include them and make callbacks to previous segments - which he does tonight to hilarious effect! Awesome, baby. Tres awesome.

Something else that was tres awesome today: We finally shot another Underground video! Well, part of one. We're shooting the rest of it on Wednesday! Here's a sneak peek:

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"E" For Effort!

First of all, it's Thursday (again? Already?) - so that means that there's a brand new Late Night with Conan O'Brien Research Department Podcast up today!! Man, I will never get sick of that obnoxiously long podcast title. NEVER! Today's guest is none other than the beautiful and talented Writer Coordinator Associate person, Ruth Sinanian!! She talks a bit about the writers' room, mice, and a little game called "Baghead". AWESOME, BABY. Thanks Ruth!

I had to get to work a bit early today to take some notes on a little satellite feed action - some of the footage for today's Triumph at the Republican National Convention remote!!! Man oh man, some of the stuff that they get away with is classic! Great stuff... And I think we're showing more tomorrow night as well! Best to finish the week STRONG, knowhatimsayin?! Besides Triumph, we've got Dr. Phil (who is DEFINITELY not getting divorced), Kevin Connolly (the supercool "E" on Entourage), and an AMAZING musical guest, Adele! That woman can sing!! I was especially happy with how well Kevin Connolly did on tonight's show; Dr. Phil is always greenbacks in the comedy bank, but you never know how a guy like Kevin Connolly is going to turn out. Luckily, he was extremely gracious and really happy to be here and he tried really hard annnnnnd it turns out, he's an awesome and hilarious Late Night guest!!! Everybody wins. Today's giant burrito count = ZERO.

Now, let me say that I know that the Olympics were like, a MILLION YEARZ AGO OMFG GUYZ SRSLY - but our awesome Stage Manager Steve Hollander went to Beijing (along with a bunch of our other crew dudes) to work with Bob Costas, and it's just too cool of an experience to not comment on. So LET'S DO THIS:

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Taking a Bite of The Big Burrito

There's that old saying that goes "sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you". Well, today the bear got me.

I'm writing this at... What, 12:30am? and it's the first time that I've actually had a moment to breathe. Yes, sometimes I DON'T play zombie videogames all day and I actually have to work.

Okay, well, to be honest, part of the reason I'm here so late is actually because I had to play zombie videogames - it took hours and hours and lots of hard thinking and trying of different cords and video settings and finally some calls to knowledgeable maintenance men (thanks, Dan) to hook up the Wii to the proper this and that so that Bley could start laying some of the patented Bley Zombie Smackdown to tape! It was a headache. By the time we actually got around to doing what we needed to do, I would have gladly given up my brains to the slobbering undead hordes for violent consumption.

And you know how much I hate having my brains eaten by zombies.

Aside from that there was last minute Vivica research, ripping though Jerry O'Connell's file (he's having twins!), two Underground videos I'm desperately trying to finish editing, ordering turtles and a pan flute for another Underground video we're shooting Friday, editing this Emmy B-Roll situation, massaging Grace's fragile ego so she's not crying all the time... The list goes on and on. As most readers of this blog know, I have somehow like five jobs here at the show - I don't really mind all the work, actually, but there do come days where all the bad planets align, and I have a bad day in ALL of those jobs. Those days are few and far between, but they're bound to happen. You can bet the farm that eventually, you will roll snake eyes, and the bad planet piper will come a calling (sorry if I'm not making any sense - my brain is a sack of wet graham cracker paste).

What having five bad days at at the same time means is that I have basically five bad days all wrapped up into one giant terrible Godzilla of a bad day. Think of it like a giant burrito - instead of delicious cheese and beans and salsa and brown rice and sour cream and possibly some shredded spicy pork, today's burrito was filled with angry people, disappointment, loss of dignity, nervous sweat, falling up the stairs, a sunburned head, and what seems to be an UNBEATABLE LEVEL IN HOUSE OF THE DEAD 3. Seriously, man!! I shot that big dude in the head like 40 times! What gives?! Anyway, my point is: Today's burrito sucked.

Even though the burrito sucked, today's taco platter (aka the actual SHOW) is a delicious treat for your eyes and brain!! Hopefully, uh, you're watching it right now!! We've got Nicolas Cage, the beautiful and sassy Vivica A. Fox, and a band named after the two airlines that I fly most: Delta Spirit!! Awesome! If that's not a sweet comedy enchilada smothered in a creamy sauce of blissful entertainment, I don't know what is!!!

Sorry about all the mexican food metaphors... I think it's time for me to eat some dinner and go home Seriously. I think I can feel my stomach digesting itself. Is that even possible? Anyway, tomorrow's Thursday... I mean TODAY is Thursday... Soooo look for another sweet Late Night Podcast later today!! How exciting!

See you all in a bit! I'll get to those comments when I get back here in 7 hours.

I wish I was kidding.

Ha! Sniff.

Sunburns, Zombies, and Fox Poop... Just Another Tuesday Here at the Show!

Hello Internet! How was your sweet three day Labor Day weekend?! Mine was swell, except for the fact that I somehow got a major sunburn on my head! Not my FACE, not on my NECK, but on my HEAD. The top of my head. Right on the top. It literally stops right at the hairline. Let me tell you something about white hair, kids: It don't do nuthin' to block the deadly rays of the sun. Dig it:

Okay, so you can't see the burn that well in the photo. But it's there. And it burrrrnnnnns. And it makes me look like a fool. A FOOL... Just like every other day! Ha!

ANYWAY.

Every year around this time, there is a bit of a scramble here at the show... A mad scramble for Emmy B Roll! See, this year, like many years, our show was lucky enough to be nominated for an Emmy in teh category of Best Writing for a Comedy, Variety, or Musical - so, while they read off all the names of all the writers, we like to play some kind of funny footage! We're not the only ones; many show carry on this hilarious and dubious tradition. In the past, we've done such things as each writer being a different Charlton Heston from a diffferent movie; a different "Price Is Right" gameshow contestant running to the stage, a bunch of migrant workers piling into a pickup truck, a bunch of different James Liptons dressed in costumes - we've even had all the writers playing themselves while being abused by Conan! Awesome. Well, this year one of the ideas is to have all the writers as zombies in a videogame getting shot to pieces by COB! So, naturally, it fell to me to find the perfect zombie murdering bloodbath videogame to use!! I came up with a list, but the one that everyone liked the best was The House Of The Dead 3 for the Wii! If they decide to go in that direction, I think it'll be perfect... And tomorrow I'll be lucky enough to spend an hour or two laying some of my patented Bley Zombie Smackdown onto tape for editing!! Oh, this job can be a blast sometimes... A SHOTGUN BLAST TO A ZOMBIE'S FACE, to be exact! KAPOW, SUCKA!!

In other "smackdown" news, be sure to check out the show tonight! We've got animal trainer Jarod Miller on the show, and a certain "animal" lays a "smackdown" of their own on Conan during tonight's show!! It's great!

All right, not to ruin anything, but a particular "fox" busts out a little "smelly shotgun blast" of its own right in COB's lap tonight! It's awesome!

Okay, what I'm saying is that a "fox" takes a "big dump in Conan's lap" on the show tonight!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I almost threw up while watching, but can't tell if it's because I was disgusted or because I was laughing so hard! It was probably a little from Column A, a little from Column B.

Annnnnnd I think that'll about do it for tonight - how can you top fox poop? You can't. I'm getting out while the gettin's good! Peace, y'all!

Goor is Out The Door

Even though today is Friday, and even though today is the Friday before a delicious three day weekend (for possibly the first time in 16 years we have Labor Day off), today was a dark day.

Reason #1: Today was the last "Summer Friday" of the year - all throughout the summer, we taped an hour early... For no other reason than it helps us take advantage of the awesome New York Summertime weather, we taped all of our Friday shows starting at 4:30pm instead of 5:30pm! Awesome, no? Not anymore, it ain't!

Reason #2: Today was Writer Dan Goor's Last Day at the Show! Dan has been blessing the late night world with his jokes for the last five years, and we are all sad to see him go; after all, he was behind such brilliance as Gyno-Blast, The Masturbating Bear Bobblehand Doll and that whole "Horny Manatee" thing!!! Excellent work, old friend. Excellent work. Dan is leaving us, but will be moving on to bigger and better things - he's leaving to take a new writing job on the Amy Poehler-helmed Office spinoff!! How exciting!!! He wouldn't (couldn't) divulge any details about the project, but said that he was really excited about the whole thing... After all, sitcoms are a whole different ballgame than late night TV; the ability to really craft something that can really endure isn't exactly the hallmark of late ngiht television, after all. The Masturbating Bear not included.

While today was his last day on the show (he's moving to LA on Wednesday) Dan will actually still be contributing material from the West Coast for the next couple weeks, so I'm happy to see that the "Goor Stamp" on our comedy won't be disappearing quite yet! The Research Ladies and I interviewed him for the podcast yesterday, and we'll be posting that episode in two weeks - on his 2nd to last OFFICIAL final day in the Late Night stables - so there's still a little bit of Goor to look forward to!

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I Could Also Gold Medal In "Poor Personal Hygiene"

Hello, and a happy Turdsday to all you people! Just like every Thursday here on the Internet, we've got a brand new podcast for you all! This week's guest is none other than Ms. Cecelia Pleva, Late Night's Casting Director! Cecelia is in charge of working with the writers and casting all the people who appear in sketches on our show - she talks about her sweet computer brain, as well as the infamous Late Night "Older Sluts" file! Give our sweet sweet ear honey a listen, won't you?

Last night there was a bit of drama, as we had a last minute cancellation - I had to stay late to see who was gonna be booked - and lo and behold Anthony Anderson stepped up into our second-guest slot to complete the puzzle of guests for this evening's program! He's hilarious, and even croons his love for ol' Consie! Awwww. His silky smooth love tune made me flush with excitement! Well, it was either that or this rampaging illness I have plundering what health might still remain in the hopes of finally bringing this whole house of cards that I call "my body" down in one fell swoop! Sometimes it's hard to tell love from sickness. Are those butterflies in my stomach? Or the beginnings of a serious gastrointestinal disorder? This is how I think, people. It's not fun. My mind's a scary place... I probably shouldn't go in there alone!

Getting away from my neuroses and back on track, our first guest tonight is the "King of The Backstroke", Gold Medalist Aaron Peirsol!! I reeeeaaaally wanted to go down and touch his gold medal - if you get my drift - but I restrained myself. Anyway, isn't there that thing where if you touch an Oscar you'll never win one? I thought it prudent to keep away from Peirson's Gold Medal in case "Napping" or "Shame Eating" ever become Olympic events! I'm a shoo in!!

Actually, all joking aside, I hope to one day win an Emmy... So when Stage Manager Steve Hollander brought one of his many Emmys into the office, I refused to touch it! is that weird? Probably. Do I care? Not in the slightest.

Now, you're probably thinking "Why does Hollander have so many Emmys?" No? Well I'll tell you anyway - the reason is because he also does sports stuff for NBC... Like the Olympics, for example! He was actually in Beijing for the last three weeks, stage managing Bob Costas' show! Sweet, huh? I asked him to bring in a couple of pics to post on the blog, so hopefully I can show you guys some of the Far East awesomeness that he got to experience!! He's a great friend, and I'm happy to have him back! The show just isn't the same without him (and for those of you who watch the rehearsal videos over on the web, Hollander is the guy you hear in the beginning always counting down or saying "anytime"). Goooooood grrrraaaaavy.

Today and the past couple days we've been doing a bunch of research on the Republican National Convention that's happening next week - not the most exciting of topics, to be sure, but it's all for one VERY exciting reason... We're sending Triumph out to the RNC next week!!! Oh man. I can't wait for him to start taggin' & baggin' those suckas! It should be a good time, so that's something awecellent to look forward to after the sweet Labor Day Weekend!

Peace out, Girl Scout!

Conan Vs. Tiger Vs. Canada

Rough day today - it seems like everyone here at work is sick! I'm sick, Hardy's sick, Parra's sick, Chill's sick, (Producer Tracy) King's sick - everyone's sick sick SICK. It sucks. There's some sort of cold making it's way around the ranks, and the fact that we all work so closely together here means that if somebody's got it, EVERYBODY'S got it. Also, our daily post-show orgies are probably a bad idea.

CONAN VS. TIGER
Like I mentioned yesterday, the great Tiger Woods was on the show today, and he was AWESOME. I love Tiger - he's just a genuine, down to earth, awesome guy, and he's always great on our show. Today is no different... He comes on the show and plays Conan in his brand new Tiger Woods Xbox game! It was pretty sweet; especially when you see the character that EA Sports made to represent Conan... A STUNNING likeness. I love it when we do stuff like this - we had COB play Serena Williams at Wii Tennis, and it was just as hilarious - although, unlike Serena, Tiger is actually really good at his game. It was hilarious to watch his Tiger's eyes light up when they start playing... That guy must really miss playing golf!

CONAN VS. CANADA
But that wasn't the only battle taking place on the show tonight - during the monologue, COB discovered (while making a Canadian joke) that for some reason 90% of our audience hails from the Great White North! I'm not sure if they all came together, or if they're all one giant family, or if they're all a bunch of liars, or WHAT - but it was really weird. And once that little tidbit of info came to light, IT WAS ON. Conan let fly with Canadian joke after Canadian joke!!! Conan's always great off the cuff, and tonight was no exception!

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Busy as a Bee, Bendy as a Knee

Wow! Totally insane day today - I did the research for Tiger Woods, and he's on the show tomorrow, and... Well, I got slammed with a bunch of last minute research requests!! Everything from getting some of his signature Gatorade, to press conferences, to whether or not he had a cadaver tendon used in his ACL surgery! Whew!!

Man, every time Tiger comes on our show, the guys go WILD. I mean, the men are always excited when we've got a supermodel or another pretty face on the show, for sure... But when it comes to Tiger, the glee is on another level entirely.It's CRRRAZZZZY. I don't know anything about golf and I'm not good at it (mostly because it doesn't involve comicbooks in any way), but there are so many doods who play golf on our show, it's hilarious to watch them lining the halls with forced nonchalance in the hope of sneaking a peek at the golf legend! I have a feeling that there will be LOTS of Tiger "Woods" here at the show tomorrow! HA HA HA HA! ;)

In other less, ah, "erect" news, we recorded a BRAND NEW PODCAST this afternoon, which I think you're gonna like - that'll be up on Thursday - and we also tried to shoot a brand new Underground video, but it turns out that it's "against the rules" to light my hand on fire in the office! Can you imagine that? Against the rules! LOOKS LIKE JOHNNY LAW DON'T LIKE NO FIRE, POPPA. Oh well... It's probably for the best. Listen kids, fire is dangerous. It's a lot like a woman: It's fun and exciting at first, but in the end it'll only burn you and hurt you and break your heart and try to sleep with your best friend and actually succeed in sleeping with your second best friend and then while apologizing slip something in your drink and drag you out to the car and put you in the trunk and dump you under a bridge off I-75 in the dead of winter with nothing but twenty bucks in my pocket all because I said I didn't want to be a vegetarian.

So don't play with fire, kids.

Especially fires named Brenda.

Anyway, I just finished watching the Democratic National Convention for things to make jokes about - and hopefully I got some humdingers! Looks like it's about that time to bust out the metrocard and ride the rails home!! See you all tomorrow!

My Personal Commitment to Faketegrity

Whoa. Where am I? What is this? Who are you people?

Sorry. It's been a while.

WELCOME BACK Y'ALL! I hope everyone had a really great two weeks. How was it? What happened? For my part, this break seemed insanely long - almost to the point that I forgot I had a job or that I do anything other than watch the Olympics, eat delicious Cheetos, and get up at 3pm everyday! Madness. But now we're back and I can feel normal again... Oh, how I missed you, Internet. Did you all remember to listen to the two brand new podcasts that premiered over the break!? If not, check them out now!

Oh, and you can now subscribe to our free podcast through iTunes (Warning: Clicking on that link will open up your iToons)!! Oh glorious day... And be sure to look for another scorching podcast episode on Thursday! KAPOW!

Now, our Augustian two week hiatus traditionally marks the end of one season and the beginning of the next... So I would like to officially welcome everyone to the 16th (and final) season of Late Night with Conan O'Brien! Oh, how the time flies when you're having fun - or when you have to do a show every day. Either way, the time FLIES, people. It's quick. It's nimble. I can't tell you the number of times I've looked up at the clock to find that the day is almost over and the show is about to start - but today, I actually had to do a little clockwatching, which sucked. Why? Well, because I had to fill out all these stupid GE Learning Assignment things: Specifically, "A Personal Commitment To Integrity".

Sigh.

Let me explain.

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Giving Em Eargasms With My Mellow Accent

WELL WELL WELL... WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

If you're an eagle eyed reader, you might notice something a little bit different about the ol' Insider tonight; in accordance with Section 4 Subsection B-2 of the OPERATION SILENT THUNDER Charter, we've added a brand new Podcast Section to the blog!! Just click on the "Podcast" tab up there on the Insider header, and it will take you to our sweet sweet depository of audio goodness! Today's Podcast features our very special guest, Music Coordinator Roey Hershkovitz!! I hope you like it!

Starting next week (hopefully), we will actually be a real podcast and be available on iTunes... When that happens, a "Subscribe via iTunes" link will appear at the top of the podcast page - hopefully by the time our Third episode rolls around next Thursday! So be sure to look for that.

It's a little ironic that I'm posting so late tonight, because we taped early today! It was a 3pm show, and like every time that we tape early, the day was a super time crunch! I busted out some Tiger Woods, figured out some swear words in Chinese for a bit today (hey, we're a classy show), and got shot in the head several times with a Nerf gun by PR Superman Marc Liepis!! That dude is a hard man to kill - he's just like Jason Bourne, except if Bourne used Nerf guns. And wore glasses. And had plans to sing "Owner of a Lonely Heart" at karaoke tonight. PS - good luck, bro! That song is tough!

Speaking of dangerous men, we've got none other than the most dangerous man on television, JACK BAUER, on the show tonight! Okay, okay, it's actually Kiefer Sutherland... But I still wouldn't get the guy angry. ;) Also on the show, the insanely funny Jim Gaffigan; his Waffle House bit tonight had the Research office in STICHES! Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard since... Well... Since Liepis told me that he got sucked into singing "Owner of a Lonely Heart" for karaoke!! HA HA HA HA HA. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. I'm sure he'll do well. Heh. Sniff.

Sooooooooooo... That'll about do it for this evening, AND for the next two weeks! Oh man. It seems like I just had two weeks off! Crazy crazy crazy. I knew these stupid Olympics were good for something! The spirit of International Competition is all well and good, but nothing says "Brotherhood" like not having to work! Yesssss. Anyway, I hope everyone's next two weeks are totally awesome! I want everyone to do one cool and/or unique thing in the next 14 days, and then come back here and tell me about it! Please, people. I have so little left to live for.

Oh! And one last reminder - Remember, even though the show and the blog will be off on hiatus for the next two weeks, the podcast will not!! THERE WILL STILL BE A BRAND NEW PODCAST EVERY THURSDAY!!! So at least there will be SOMETHING Late Night related happening in the next 336 hours, right? Right. Daddy knows you need your medicine! You're welcome, my babies... You're welcome.

Have an awesome two weeks, y'all! Be seeing you!

Take Me To The River...The AWESOME River!

A mad crazy day today!! First off, I command you, COMMAND YOU to go over to the Underground and check out our exclusive TRIUMPH OUTTAKES FROM COMIC CON! Aren't you glad I tell you what to do all the time? Also: Put a sweater on before you catch a cold. And stop being so mean to your sister.

You know, I'm not going to lie: Sometimes researching can get boring. I mean, as completely fascinating and enigmatic as most celebs are, you actually do reach a point where you get tired of reading about them. You actually do reach a point where it's like, I literally cannot read one. more. single. article. about. this. person. That's why I was INCREDIBLY thrilled to do the research of our second guest today, Mr. Philippe Petit! Petit is a high wire artist - more specifically, the high wire artist who walked on a cable between the Twin Towers in '74, which was an important and significant event for many reasons (expand your mind a bit and read about it here). Plus, the guy speaks like a poet - every quote he gives involves being passionate about life and love and... Well, being happy. The guy is a lockpick, a pickpocket, a juggler - the list goes on and on!! His file was DELIGHT to read... And his interview today was a DELIGHT to watch!! All in all, a very satisfying guest! Tonight's show is fantastic, by the way - Seth Rogen kicks things off as our first guest, and the legendary Al Green is batting clean up!! I went down and watched Al Green's soundcheck, and it was amazing... He's just such a sweet and happy guy; he was kidding with Max about playing the song too fast, fooling with the crew, dancing around, joking with us folks in the audience - what an awesome dude. I didn't think he could POSSIBLY get any cooler, YET HE DID. Plus his voice is STILL AMAZING!!!! Unbelievable!!!

Even with all the awesomeness floating around, today was a sad day here in the research office, as today was the last day of one of our AWESOME interns, Rachel!! Rachel, or as I like to call her, "Rach Against The Machine", is totally awesome and smart (she goes to Columbia, people) and sweet and funny and great! The office won't be the same without her good humor and sardonic wit. Good luck with all your future endeavors, Rach!! And tell that machine of yours I said hi!

See youse all tomorrowz!

Can you blame him? Kittens taste delicious!

Hello kids! I have to do this quick, because time is short - and we've got a lot of things to get to!

First off, a big thanks to everybody's favorite hilarious fake newspaper, The Onion, for tapping the Late Night Underground as the coolest thing this week (aka "the Most Tolerable"). Thanks, guys! You're the best!! (Sidenote: If, for some reason, you people out there aren't reading The Onion, you're being huge a-holes. Seriously. Read that thing. It's amazing.) And while we're on the subject of the ol' LNU, there is something EXTREMELY COOL going up on there tomorrow... So make sure to check it out!!! I think y'all will be pretty impressed and excited!

Secondly, awesome show today - "Friendo" of the show Javier Bardem drops by, as does the hilarious Danny McBride! Now, you may remember that I was less than thrilled by McBride's weird confusing fake karate demo he did on our show last time (as seen here in the comments)... But tonight he comes on the show as himself and is mucho funny!! Way to redeem yourself, brother! Nice work!! I can't wait to see him in Pineapple Express!! That trailer really cracks me up.

Thirdly, we'll be posting a BRAND NEW PODCAST THIS FRIDAY, so make sure you stock up on diapers and smelling salts!! It's a doozy!

Fourthly, you look really nice today. Those pants really bring out the color of your eyes.

Fifthly, the airline pilot bit that I was talking about yesterday (that was cut) is now on tonight's show!

Sixthly, I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the kind words about my sweet ass tux t-shirt... And I thought I'd share a pic of one of our awesome interns Dan "The Baker Man" Goodwin's kickass torso cover:

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Feeling a Bit N*E*R*Dy? Mmm?

The Pharrell-helmed hip hop group N*E*R*D was on the show today, and while they were great, I do have to say something: Pharrell is ridiculous. I mean, okay - there is fashion, and then there is "edgy" fashion, and then... Well, then you've got stupid. Come on, dudebro. I mean, the guy was wearing a button up white cardigan and diamond earrings. You know who else wore a button up white cardigan and diamond earrings? MY GRANDMOTHER. Dude. Seriously. You really need to start surrounding yourself with some people who'll tell you no once in awhile. The legend says that even Caesar had a guy follow him around and whisper "remember, you are mortal" into his ear... It's good advice, duder. Especially when talking about fashion sense. Remember, this is coming from a guy who wears tuxedo t-shirts! ;)

Fashion policing aside, there was a last minute scramble with the comedy today as our excellent and amazing writers were called upon to crank out a last minute "Small Talk Moment"! There was supposed to be a Jet Blue pilot bit on tonight's program, but we just couldn't get the blocking right - things weren't really meshing together that well (among other things), so it was decided to hold it for tomorrow and whip out a little witty Weinberg/O'Brien banter!! That's why, in tonight's show, when COB flubs a few lines, he makes a joke about the piece being written "minutes ago" - he wasn't exaggerating! There was no time to rehearse!!! It was all carried off beautifully, though... After all, these guys are professionals! Don't try this at home, kids. Don't try this at home. (Not because it's dangerous, but because you guys re-enacting a small in your house just seems a little creepy).

Oh!! Also tonight: We premiere Writer Dan Cronin's brand new "Google" bit!! I thought it was hilarious, and I think it shows real promise as a future reoccuring desk piece!! Watch it and lemme know what y'all think!!

Finally, thanks to everyone who commented about my sweet tuxedo t-shirt with their own stories of weird t-shirt insanity... Post some pictures, if you got em! I wanna see these bad boys!

Peace out!

That Totally Tux!

... And a happy Monday to you all!! I'm so happy and relieved to hear that OPERATION: SILENT THUNDER was a success!! I was worried, party people. Mucho worried. But hey, it all worked out! Like I said before, we'll be posting a brand new podcast every Thursday - regardless of hiatus or not - and I'm really hoping to get that thing on iTunes before the week is out! Regardless, people without iPods will be able to listen to it right here on the blog... So have no fear either way!!

I had a tough day today - not because of anything work related, but because of my clothing choice! See, a lot of times, being a "comedy yukster", I will wear stupid ironic T Shirts to work. There's no dress code here at the show, and people wear what they want - and I choose stupid looking funny shirts, alright? I've been doing it for years, and have never gotten any comments... UNTIL TODAY. Today I wore one of those amusing 80's throwback "Tuxedo" T Shirts:

And I got ripped apart!! Everything from "Hey, where's the wedding?" to "Yes, waiter, I'd like some extra bread". It was merciless! I know, I know, I work at a comedy show with people who are paid to write jokes... But still! This is like the first time I've been verbally avalanched! I literally got like 30 comments from people. It was crazy!! I don't really understand what the huge deal is... I mean, I work in an office with people who are dressed even worse, and THEY don't get any guff:

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OPERATION: SILENT THUNDER

There are a handful of momentous, truly paradigm changing events in the history of Mankind. The Big Bang. The separating of Pangean Supercontinent. That time that those monkeys found that giant black monolith (as recorded in the famous documentary "Stanley Kubrick's 2001").

And now, the most momentous occasion of them all... THE CONCLUSION OF OPERATION: SILENT THUNDER.

Are you ready? Are you REALLY ready?! Are YOU really ready?!? Are you really READY?!??

Then, Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present...

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Where There's One, There's A Million

Last night there was rocking. Severe, awesome, violent, dangerous, delicious, rock band rocking. The Rock was strong. The Rock was pure. SO pure, in fact, that after we were done rocking there were groupies who tried to make it backstage (or in this case, into the office)!!!

Okay, actually that's not ENTIRELY true - it was only one groupie.

Oh, and I should also mention that the groupie wasn't exactly human.

It was a cockroach.

A MOTHERFLIPPING COCKROACH RIGHT THERE IN THE DOORWAY, ENJOYING OUR ADMITTEDLY PRETTY SWEET ROCKING. Guys, it wasn't just a tiny bug, either. It was HUGE. Like, the size of my thumb! I know exactly how big it was, in fact, because I grabbed the nearest thing I could find - in this case, the glass bowl that Chillemi eats/ate cereal out of every morning - and TRAPPED THAT SUCKER RIGHT UNDERNEATH. It ran around and around trying to get out, but couldn't. Ha HA!! Team Bley = 1, Team Roach = ZERO. Check and mate.

Chillcat, Producer Tracy King, and I then debated what to do with it. Tracy alternated between saying it was "cute" and resolving that we should smash it to death. I said we should take it, bowl and all, and leave it in someone's cubicle for a nice little morning surprise (ps - I am a rotten bastard). Chillemi's suggestion won out, however - we slipped some paper underneath it, took it into this crazy fire escape shaft thing that runs down the whole length of the building, and tossed it over... After we left, I'm sure it just flew right back up and tried to turn on the Xbox to rock out. BUT IT COULDN'T BECAUSE IT WAS A ROACH AND ROACHES ARE STUPID.

So yeah. We might have roaches in our office... Which is INSANE, because we are ON THE NINTH FLOOR OF A SKYSCRAPER MADE OF STEEL AND HATE AND GLASS. However, I guess it's not THAT crazy - after all, about three or four years ago, we were infested with mice!!! And when I say infested, I mean completely infested. They made nests in Susie Santomauro's shoes!! It was insane. We had to move our whole office across the street for several months, while they killed them all (and redid our offices in the process - bonus!). When the mice were at their height (you could see them running down the hall), I actually bought a fake mouse and some fishing line, and strung it across the hall so I could pull the fake mouse across the floor and scare people!! HA HA HA HA. It was awesome. I think monologue writer Brian Kiley had the best reaction; he screamed like a woman and danced around on his tip toes!!! Ha ha. My second favorite reaction was our Executive Producer Jeff Ross, who saw the mouse and without breaking stride or making any sort of facial expression, literally just pointed at it and said "Mouse." THAT GUY IS COOL AS A CUCUMBER. Unbelievable.

The Late Night program this evening features something HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT: The "Scrabulous" bit holds the title for the MOST REHEARSED COMEDY BIT OF ALL TIME. I'm totally serious. It's the sketch on our show that will go down in history for having to be rehearsed and rerehearsed the most times!!! Crazy. I guess it's a little complex, but certainly not the worst we've atttempted. Anyway, check it out and lemme know what you guys think!!

Tomorrow: OPERATION SILENT THUNDER WILL BE REVEALED.

See you then!

...And Sometimes There Is Free Stuff.

Today I received some free stuff. Stuff I did not have to pay for, yet still received. Things that were not asked for, yet are sweet and fun to play with. Well, actually the stuff wasn't exactly sent to moi; it was sent to Talent Assistant Ashley Olivia, and... She said that when she got it, she immediately thought of me. I wonder why? I'll tell you why: It's because I'm like 8 years old.

NERFPOCALYPSE, Y'ALL!!!

We had a sweet Research Department Nerf fight between me, Parra, Hardy & my sister Lisa... Here's what I had to contend with:

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Welcome to Metaphor Hotel, We Hope You Enjoy Your Stay

Hey kids! Do you like Primus? Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my - No? You don't want to see that? Okay. Well... What about a brand new Underground video?! That's what I thought, y'all. Enjoy!

Tonight on the show we've got the hilarious Jason Sudeikis, the frightening yet scary Vladimir Klitschko, and the awesome classic rocking of Rose Hill Drive!! Good stuff!! I'm going to be honest with you folks - I feel like there just hasn't been enough sweet guitar solos on the show lately. You know what I'm saying? You feeling me? Anyway, tonight's musical guest fixes that problem right up! Thanks, dudebros.

Let's see... What did I do today? Well, I spent about an hour trying to digitize this tape of Triumph at the San Diego Comic Con (for a future remote!) onto a laptop for Jordan Schlansky, and I kept running into insane problems. It sucked. It was crap. It was actually so difficult that it was PHYSICALLY PAINFUL. Seriously! It was just like that part in Fight Club when Brad Pitt is giving Edward Norton that insanely painful chemical burn on his hand and won't let Norton stop the burning - only instead of his hand, it was MY MIND. Yeah.

If you've never seen Fight Club... Well, then it was like that part in The Shining where Shelly Duvall hits Jack Nicholson in the face with that bat and he falls down all those stairs and then blacks out - only instead of getting hit in the head, it was MY MIND. Yeah.

If you've never seen The Shining... Well, then it was like that part in The Godfather where Sonny is going to go kill that one guy who beat up his sister and those guys jump out of that tollbooth and shoot him like a million times - only instead of a tollbooth, it was MY MIND. Yeah.

If you've never seen The Godfather... Well... Uhhh... W-well, then it was just like this horribly written and repetitive blog post where I keep referencing movies and making poorly conceived metaphors in the hope of squeezing out a few laughs from your stony exterior - only instead of a metaphor, see, it was -

*Gunshot*

*The sound of a body hitting the floor*

Sorry everyone!! My gun went off. Oh! And I fell off my chair. Nothing to worry about! Ha ha ha... I'm j-j-just going to take a small trip over to the emergency room... Nothing to worry about... I'll be fine... It's so cold...

So... Cold...

Fool School!

Hey kids. Pop quiz! Do you like quizzes? Well, neither do I. But you know what? I like this blog to be informational as well as entertaining, so drag your rotting brainpans out into the light for five minutes and take my awesome Late Night quiz! Follow along and write down your answers! OH THIS IS GOING TO BE EXCITING!!!!

LATE NIGHT POP QUIZ

Question 1: Our first guest tonight was SUPPOSED to be...
A.) Kelsey Grammer
B.) Kelsey Kardashian
C.) Kelsey and the Sunshine Band
D.) Bono

Question 2: When our first guest canceled at 10:41am this morning, we then booked...
A.) Carson Kressley
B.) Carson Daly
C.) Carson City, Nevada
D.) Carson Davidson, who everyone of course knows as the director of the famous 1965 (I swear to god) OSCAR NOMINATED classic "Help! My Snowman's Burning down"

Question 3: Our first guest is plugging a show called...
A.) "How to Look Good Naked"
B.) "Aaron Bleyaert Certainly Knows How to Look Good Naked"
C.) "Aaron Bleyaert Certainly Knows How to Look Good Naked: Tape a Life Sized Poster of Heidi Klum to the Front of Your Naked Body, Fatass. You disgust me."
D.) "Jeopardy"

Question 4: True or False - Hardy freaked out when she heard that our first guest canceled.
A.) False
B.) True
C.) Uuuuhhhh.. The first one?
D.) Both B & C.

Question 5: Max comes back...
A.) Tonight
B.) Tomorrow Night
C.) Wait, Max left?
D.) Okay guys - listen, if Max finds out I made a joke about people not knowing he was gone, I'LL "be gone" faster than you can say the words, uh, "Max hired a contract killer to wipe Aaron off the face of the Earth". Which, admittedly, is not that fast. But still; it's something I'd rather not happen to me, speedy or not. So let's just keep this little question to ourselves, k? Thanks.

All right. PENCILS DOWN. The answers are A, A, A, A... And A & D. Shhh!

See you all tomorrowzzzz!!

I Predict A Riot

Working here in 30 Rock can be, at times, rather surreal. For starters, nowhere else IN THE WORLD is there as much TV produced in such a tiny amount of space: Us, SNL, Dateline, NBC Nightly News, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, The Today Show, NBC Sports, etc. Are all located within like 200 feet of each other. Secondly, the building itself is historic - I'm sure you're all aware of the tours our poor pages give - and the architecture, along with all the sweet murals everywhere, is just phenomenal. Then you've got the World Famous Rockefeller Center Ice Rink in the winter months, as well as the insanely large Christmas Tree. In the summer months, you've got The Today Show concerts rocking out in the plaza every Friday... And to top it all off, we're right next to Radio City Music Hall! They've even made a sitcom (an AWESOME sitcom) about what it's like to work here: Of course, I'm talking about the eponymous "30 Rock".

In short, there is always something crazy going on either inside this building or outdoors. You all saw my beautiful parade picture the other day, right? RIGHT?!

Yes, well, today I get a phone call to run upstairs to Talent Executive Paula Davis' office - whose birthday it is today, by the way ; Happy Birthday P. Diddy! - and when I got up there, I arrived to find everyone hanging out of the windows!! Remember up above when I mentioned how we were right next to Radio City Music Hall? Well, there was a GIANT RIOT outside our building because the Dalai Lama was visiting Radio City this afternoon!!!

Oh, and you guys'll be happy that I learned my lesson from Tuesday and got some pictures that YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE:

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We Gotta Stay Positive

Kids, great news - Operation: SILENT THUNDER is off and running!! Expect something awesome the week we get back from hiatus!!! Oh, and I haven't even TOLD you guys about Project: PRIVATE EYES, which has been going for awhile, and will hopefully be done before the week is out (it's mostly out of my control at this point). OH HOW I LOVE BEING CRYPTIC. HA HA HA HA.

Today went as follows:
- I edited a whole bunch of stuff to show to Sweeney.
- I switched desks with my sister (it was a MASSIVE - but necessary - undertaking).
- I stood by and tried to look tough while Conan mock-seriously explained to Sweeney why he calls me "Blunder Bear" all the time.
- I had a bunch of the Huck Finn commercials that didn't make air bumped off (lingo for "put onto a different format" - in this case, from DVD to an IMX tape) so that we can put them up on the web.
- I sat and daydreamed about what life would be like if I wasn't dead inside.
- I watched Seth Green's hilarious segment... Followed by Russell Brand's hilarious segment (I gotta look up some of that guy's stuff! He's awesome).
- I listened to the CRAZY good new Hold Steady album - Oh man, I hope we have them on soon!!
- I reworked this Google thing to re-pitch for the third time. It's hard to keep being excited about something the third time out... But that's the rub, ain't it?
- I re-found my awesome body fat scale, which Hardy and Parra then used to measure their body fat... And talk about it for the next TWO HOURS.
- I helped Dan Goor out with a problem he was having with his "Audience Holds Up Cards With Pictures On Them" sketch (it's for tomorrow, I think?).
- I picked my nose for a bit. I love picking my nose.

... And what did YOU do today??

My Mom's Taco Casserole is Freaking Delicious.

Guys, I screwed up. Today, all day, right outside my window, was the All Star Parade - all the best players that America's Pastime (baseball, not obsessing about gas prices) has to offer were parading slowly by my office window for a good part of the day. "Awesome." I think. "Today's blog is gonna write itself."

Well, today's blog HAS written itself - only, it's written in FAILURE..

See, I took a bunch of great pictures of the All Star Parade from my window. I'm looking at them right now, actually - Look! There's the one that has all the people laughing and cheering in the stands! There's the one with some famous dude waving at the crowd! Oh, these are delightful. Just delightful. There's just one problem.

I can't get them off my camera.

I won't bore you all with the technical jibber jabber, but basically I lost the cord to my camera - so the pix ain't happening. HOWEVER, in addition to being an awesome amateur scientist, male model, and vigilante crimefighter, as many of you well know I AM ALSO AN ARTIST, AN ARTIST OF FINE ART. And so it is no matter that I can't get these stupid pictures off my stupid camera; I SHALL DRAW THOUST A PORTRAIT OF FINE ART SO LIFELIKE IT WILST BE AS IF THY ARE THERE. (Sorry for my masterful illustrious prose... I've been reading a bit of Shakespeare lately, and I can't help it if the ol' bard's magic has rubbed off a bit). So here's what the parade looked like from my window today:

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Guys The Dark Knight Is Totally Awesome. I Mean, Holy Crap.

Hey hey Party People! First off, for those of you who are awesome folks and who entered our "Make Your Own Commercial" contest, THE WINNER IS ANNOUNCED TONIGHT!! Thanks to everyone who entered - we actually got a lot of really great entries! Tune in tonight and find out if you're the big winner - picked by our very own celebrity judge, no less!!

Now... How was everyone's weekend? Mine was bleeech. Just okay. Nothing special. Not a big deal.

Wait, I'm lying. HA!

GUYS, MY WEEKEND WAS COMPLETELY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT AWESOMETASTIC BECAUSE I GOT TO GO TO A SWEET PRIVATE SCREENING OF THE DARK KNIGHT LAST NIGHT!!

Oh yeah. It may be in all caps, but it's all true, baby. ALL TRUE.

Thanks to Producer Dan Ferguson (thanks dudebro!), I was lucky enough to be invited out with Conan, Segment Producers Dan Ferguson & Frank Smiley, and our Music Coordinator Roey Hershkovitz (no idea how THAT guy got to come along, but whatevs), to a sweet private screening of The Dark Knight last night!! It was in the opulent Warner Brothers Screening Room here in Midtown Manhattan, and it ROCKED. The whole experience was mucho awesome, and the movie... Well, the movie is incredible. Seriously. Holy crap.

I won't ruin anything, but let me just say this: I am a huge nerd. And, as a kid, Batman was my favorite superhero - the guy doesn't have any superpowers! - and so I was super excited to see this flick. Plus, the first one was awesome... AND all the talk of how great Heath Ledger was as The Joker really put a LOT of pressure on The Dark Knight to be an amazing movie... And, well, it is! It surpasses the hype on every level. The action is fantastic, the story is great, the performances are UNBELIEVABLE, and it blew us all away!! We all LOVED IT; and that's saying something, because the five of us are a pretty critical bunch (to put it lightly). To say that it's a comic book movie really doesn't do it justice - it's on a whole other level above that. It's a movie with comic book elements. It's super dark, and really screwed up, but also really gets you thinking - the rare movie that wows with explosions, but stays in your head and makes you think about what you've seen hours after you've left the theater. Definitely do not miss this movie. It's a good time.

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You Gotta Fight! For Your Right!! To Harrrrrdy!

...So how was the season premiere of Burn Notice last night? Did you guys watch it?! I missed it, but the NBC microchip implanted in my brain forced me to see SOMETHING NBC related in exchange... So I went and saw The Incredible Hulk! There was one love scene that was awful, but the rest of it was TOTALLY AWESOME. Holy crap. That scene on the college campus was, dare I say, INCREDIBLE? Seriously. Him getting mad at the thunderstorm was also a nice touch.

I'm super excited about this weekend, because one of our producers, Daniel Ferguson, set up a special "Dark Knight" screening for Conan, and I get to go!!! It'll be me, Dan, Producer Frank Smiley, and Conan!! I can't wait!! I did Gary Oldman and Aaron Eckhart's research, so it's technically "work"... THE MOST AWESOME WORK THAT I'VE EVER HAD TO DO. I'm super pumped.

Great and HORRIFYING show today, as LaBamba sheds most of his clothes! I can't believe that dude shot down a bit I pitched to him where he had to wear a black spandex bodysuit... AND THEN GOES AND DOES THIS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. What gives, bro?! Anyway, watch as he tries to leave the studio - I think he got what was coming to him.

Finally, today is the last day of SHARON HARDY IS THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD week!! the response has been OVERWHELMING - Thank you to everyone who sent in your stories; I'm sorry we couldn't get to all of them! Almost every single one was totally crazy, however, and that was something that I didn't expect! I thought it would be appropriate to end the week with an actual, TRUE TALE of how Sharon is so great... TOLD BY THE WOMAN HERSELF!! So ladies and gentlemen... May I present... The Best Person In The World... SHARON HARDY:

"Hi all! I've really enjoyed reading all of your stories about how awesome I am. But I just wanted to set the record straight that I'm not THAT awesome. You know, I can't fly and I don't have crazy powers... I am a REAL PERSON, just like all of you! So I thought I'd share with you my own story of how awesome I am:

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Wow... NBC Really Wants You To Watch "Burn Notice"

After my "Burn Notice" elevator freak out yesterday, our office was on high alert for anything and everything BN related - and, UNFORTUNATELY, I've got two new insane things to report.

First of all, The Best Person in The World Sharon Hardy saw something crazy on her way into work today: Outside on the 30 Rock plaza, there were 8 or 9 people all in Burn Notice Tshirts, short-shorts with Burn Notice across the ass, holding "Burn Notice" boogieboards, on rollerblades. Hardy says that they were all together posing for a picture, but she was under the impression that they were all about to zoom off in different directions to rollerblade all over the city. That is insane.

Secondly, one of our interns Scott said that he was walking through Times Square this morning and he saw a GIANT SAND CASTLE WITH THE BURN NOTICE CHARACTERS ON IT. So I sent one of our trusty interns, Ian, out to grab pic of this shameless promotion:

...Or what USED to be a shameless promotion. HA HA HA HA. Looks like some of you faithful readers got there first!! Nice work, guys. ;)

Anyway, I'm going to let it go. I'm not going to let it bother me. I'll just punch an intern in the head a couple of times, take a steam bath in Chillemi's APO Room, and then relax. (that's how I usually deal with most of life's stresses). My unhealthy fixation with ridiculous Burn Notice promotion is starting to bleed out into other areas of my life - it's affecting my work! For instance, yesterday I was so angry about those stupid Burn Notice posters that I forgot to mention a couple awesome things that happened yesterday! They are as follows:

- I went down and watched the legendary Joe Cocker during his sound check. It was incredible! He did one of my favorite songs of all time, "Feelin' Alright" - and was accompanied by Dave Mason (from the band Traffic) on guitar!! For all you younger/not-as-musically-nerdy-as-me people out there, this is cool because Feelin' Alright was originally a Traffic song that was written by none other than - you guessed it - Dave Mason!!

- The Hulk tripped while running through the brick wall out of the studio yesterday during the show!! Did you guys catch that?! To make matters even more funny, Lipton looked lost after he got out into the hall - providing us all with one of the funniest impromptu show moments in the last couple weeks! Poor Lip.

- There was a fire drill yesterday... BUT IT WAS AT 9:30AM, BEFORE ANY OF US GOT HERE!!! Ha ha ha ha. Awesome awesome awesome. One less time that I have to hide under my desk is always a good thing. ;)

And today, TODAY kids, something completely RAD went down in the Research Office:

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You Have Got To Be Kidding Me.

Guys, I am mad. I am angry. I am irate. I am ireful. I am fuming. Vexed. Incensed. Choleric. Livid. Outraged. Huffy. Hot. Cross. Full of raging, vitriolic fury. What I'm trying to say is that I am upset. Also, I finally bookmarked Thesaurus.com.

Why am I filled with so many synonyms? Well, because those sweaty suckas over in the NBC marketing department have put MORE GIGANTIC AND FRIGHTENING AND UNNECESSARY AND OBNOXIOUS POSTERS IN ALL OF THE 30 ROCK ELEVATORS:

Can you believe that crap? Ugh. Man! There is nothing worse than obnoxious, "hey look at me look at me look at me" in-your-face advertising. They did this once before with an ad for "The D-LIst Awards", and it was almost unbearable - I took the stairs for weeks. And I'm fat, so you KNOW I was mucho pissed.

To recap briefly, my problems with these insane posters are thus:

1. They are actually giant, wasteful PLASTIC STICKERS (aka they make Mother Earth cry).

2. Putting these giant ads in the elevators is TOTALLY POINTLESS because we here in the building already know about these NBC shows - we are the people who are make them, dude.

3. All these posters are for just one show. ONE SHOW. Why not mix it up? Do we not have enough money to make more than one kind of poster at a time? Or is NBC trying to saturate us employees so fully with "Burn Notice" ads that we become part of their new "NBC Universal even owns your dreams while you sleep" advertising campaign? (Honestly, that'd be okay with me - I really could do with one night of NOT dreaming about my teeth falling out while I'm naked in the Housewares section of Kmart).

Let me just say something right now: I've seen a couple episodes of "Burn Notice". And I'm not gonna lie; I thought it was a pretty awesome show. It was smart. It was funny. It was action packed. It had the totally awecellent and hilarious Bruce Campbell. It was kind of like "Miami Vice", but like, good. However, now that I see that Burn Notice has been given the "D-List Awards" ad treatment, THERE IS NO WAY I WILL EVER WATCH THAT SHOW, EVER. NOT IN A MILLION, BILLION BILLION BILLION YEARS, NOT IF YOU PAID ME MONEY, NOT IF YOU GAVE ME A SWEET JETPACK SO I COULD FLY AROUND, NOT IF YOU BROUGHT MY CHILDHOOD TEDDY BEAR CHIEF SNUGGLEBUTTONS BACK FROM HIS WATERY GRAVE, NOT IF MY LIFE AND ALL THE LIVES OF EVERYONE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET DEPENDED ON IT I WOULD NEVER WATCH BURN NOTICE NEVER NEVER EVER. Seriously. Right now, if aliens or werewolves or sentient trees (like in that stupid Shamalamalan movie holy moses it was terrible) took over the earth, and they came to me and were like "Aaron. Dude. We will let everyone on the planet live if, and ONLY if, you watch just ten short minutes of the season premiere of Burn Notice", I would be like "Sorry, Tree Men. Looks like those posters have doomed humanity. Just kill us. And make it as painful as possible." (Unfortunately, "As painful as possible" probably means "riding in a 30 Rock elevator with one of those dumb Burn Notice posters for more than three seconds", so they've got me either way. Oooooh NBC. You are some right smart bastards.)

Now, as many of you know, I don't just take things sitting down (except whiskey - getting black out drunk while standing is too dangerous). So when this new BN elevator invasion sprung up, I decided enough was enough!! It was time to put "Burn Notice" on...Uh, burn notice! It was time for some VIGILANTE JUSTICE, BABY!!! Just like Batman!! Except that I'm fat. And poor. And bad with gadgets. Also: I am afraid of bats. BUT I KNEW THAT IT WAS STILL TIME FOR SOME AWESOME BATMAN VIGILANTE JUSTICE.

Unlike Bruce Wayne, I am a man of simple means and sparse funds - so I took some paper, scissors, a marker, the most dangerous weapon of all - MY MIND - and I went and "Modified" a bunch of the posters a little bit. Here's a taste of what I'm talking about:

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Best Game Ever

Sharon Hardy is The Best Person In The World Week continues today with this little nugget sent in by Samuel Ou... It's a fake story (I'm guessing) about how awesome Hardy is, but IT'S AN AWESOME STORY ABOUT HARDY NONETHELESS AND SO SHALL BE PRINTED HERE FOR ALL TO SEE:

"How Great Thy Is" by Samuel Ou

always grateful,
shardy fan.

Excellent work, Sam! I mean, you sound completely insane, but I appreciate the awesome Hardy story!! Remember kids, if you've got something to share about the World's Greatest Late Night Researcher, Sharon Hardy, sent it to Sharonhardyisthebomb at gmail dot com and join in the fun fun fun happening all this week!!!

Now, on to the sports section of today's blog:

Last night we had our first Late Night Softball Game in three years! Why three years? Well, here in NYC space is at a premium - and softball permits are harder to come by than a clean stall at the Port Authority! So all of us here at the show were just delighted when our friends over at the hilarious and awesometastic VH1 show "Best Week Ever" invited us out to swing the ol' bat around!! (They actually don't have a permit either - The Daily Show is on hiatus this week, so we were all using The Daily Show's permit! Thanks guys!!). About 17 Late Nighters came out to play, and many more hung out in the dugout cheering us on! It was pretty sweet... And the game was INTENSE, yo. Late Night was down by 6 at the end, but we made a major rally to force extra innings! The final score?! 15 to 15!! IT ENDED IN A TIE BECAUSE THE LIGHTS ON THE FIELD WENT OFF JUST AS WE WERE STARTING THE 10TH INNING!! Laaaaaaaaaaame duuuuuuuuuuude. Much booing ensued! You know what THAT means... REMATCH!

As for the specifics of what will soon be referred to as "The Legendary Late Night Comeback of '08", I'll let Coach Chillemi give you all the play by play of how the end all went down:

"Never have I been more proud than by our "never say die" attitude. Down by 6 in the late innings, we were able to cut their lead to 15-12 entering the bottom of the 9th. With 1 out, Aaron Bleyaert and Matt O'Brien hit a couple of clutch base hits to get the tying run to the plate. Then with 2 outs and our backs against the wall, Todd Blass hit a double to center that scored them both, making the score 15-14. That monster hit was followed by an even bigger one as John Rau rapped a triple to right-center that scored Todd and tied the game. This run forced extra innings which wasn't able to be finished due to the park closing, but I can only assume we would have won because that is what we do. That Is What Late Night Does!"

It was crazy crazy crazy, but we all had an awesome time - and both teams hit a bar down the street afterward to moan about how crappy the NYC park service is! Ha ha ha. It was great. Thanks, Best Week Ever! You guys are awesome!! The pics are after the break:

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Sharon Hardy Is The Best Person In The World

What's up what's up what's up what's up what's uuuuuuuuup!

Before we get down to silliness, let me just say that tonight's show is AWESOME. Mr. Ted "The Red" Koppel is on our show tonight... And HE THROWS DOWN A RINGSPIN CHALLENGE FOR THE AGES. Dudes, the battle is awesome. You haven't seen gladiatorial combat like this since Russell Crowe played a gladiatior and fought that other gladiator in that one movie that I can't remember the name of right now! Also, COB takes a little visit to Joe's Pub and runs into an unexpected delight that made all of us here in the office crack up! All in all: A show not to be missed!!

I tell ya - It's only been two weeks, but it seems like YEARS since I've talked to you guys!! What's been going on? What's the haps? What's the word on the street? What's the whisper on the stairs? What's the shouting from the rooftops? Seriously. What's with the shouting? Knock it off, bro! If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was ol' Bad Singing Larry all up in my eardrums!! DUDE! Go play in the street or something!

Anyway, BSL notwithstanding, I had a great break - I spent the last two weeks climbing Oregonian mountains, passing out at The House of Pies in LA, fishing up in Northern Michigan... And trying to decide which shirt was the least dirty to wear. Living out of a suitcase is ROUGH, yo! I had a great time, however.

What WASN'T a great time over the break was what shall here fore be referred to as "Sedgwickgate '08". Oh, it was a fiasco of epic proportions. To make a long (and extremely boring) story short, Hardy had to come in, OVER BREAK, to pull my ass out of the Kyra Sedgwick file fire that I was burning in. So, to thank her, I gave her two "Get Out Of Work Free" cards today;

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Ice Ice Baby!

Crazy, crazy day today... First of all, due to intern mixup/me being bad at my job, there was a miscommunication with the Masi Oka file (meaning that it wasn't done). Result? I was at work until 3am last night!! Let it burn, Bley. Let it burrrrrnnnnnnn.

It burns bad.

Speaking of burning bad (Aaron Bleyaert = Segue Master), today I fought off the woozy sleepiness that threatened all day by setting up a little tournament... An ICE BUCKET TOURNAMENT. That's right, fools!! The stupid mistake that Chillemi, Tracy King, and I made yesterday by shoving our hands in ice water for sport went PRIME TIME FRONT AND CENTER today!! Chill and I set up a whole podium/ice bucket/stop watch competition situation! I even made posters, people! POSTERS. It was awesome - we got pretty much the whole staff to compete against one another to see who could hold their hand in ice water the longest!! I lasted 30 seconds. Yes, I am a horrible wimp.

Today and tomorrow we're taking everyone's best times, from Head Writer Mike Sweeney to Executive Producer Jeff Ross, and then the top 16 ICE WARRIORS will be put into a sweet sixteen competition bracket, whereby (after our impending 2 week hiatus) they will battle head to head to see who will be THE FIRST EVER LATE NIGHT ICE BUCKET CHAMPION!!! (Don't worry, we're shooting it all for a little future Late Night Underground madness to happen later on!) I think you guys are going to be happy. Or as least amazed and/or frightened. Ha ha ha. Seriously... Sweeney is like a robot or something.

Anyway, before I go, I just have one question - would any of you guys happen to know off the top of your head the point at which ice cold water starts causing permanent nerve damage to the hands? I was just curious.

Your Blue Veins

Knock knock!

(Who's there?)

There's a brand new video up over at The Late Night Underground right now!

(There's a brand new video up over at The Late Night Underground right now who?)

Don't be a douche, dude. Just go over there and check it out already! Yeesh!

I hope you all enjoyed the little Chill-tacular edition of the Late Night Insider yesterday - it sounded like Chill had a great time running the Deepak Chopra remote!! I hope you all enjoyed watching it!!

Conan was in a great mood today... Possibly because of the AWESOME 40 POINT CELTICS VICTORY LAST NIGHT?! Perhaps, perhaps. Or maybe because TONIGHT'S SHOW IS FREAKING AWESOME?! Yes, I think so! The hilarious and talented stair-running Mike Myers is on the show this evening, as well as My Boys' Jordana Spiro, and bellydancer Dolphina!! A first rate show by any standard (especially the standard I'm using, which is the "Pretty First Rate to TOTALLY First Rate" Standard).

Today Chillemi, Producer Tracy King, and I played a fun game down in the NBC Commissary. It is called "Ice Bucket". Here's how it works: Two people each put one hand in a bucket full of ice and ice cold water. Whomever takes their hand out first loses. And what happened? You guessed it, party people - I took my hand out first, every time. Even the last time, when I screamed for a rematch against Chillemi and told myself that I was leaving my hand in no matter what, that "This Time I'm Not Screwing Around" and "Just Try To Think Of Your Happy Place When The Pain Comes", I took my hand out first. I AM SUCH A WIMP GUYS SRSLY.

The big winner? Tracy King, who beat both Chill and I with ease. WITH EASE. After my eyes started watering (read: Crying) and I had to take my hand out of the punishment bucket, Tracy left her hand in for 30 more seconds just to prove how much more pain she could take. Holy crap. It was both impressive and HORRIBLY FRIGHTENING at the same time. Like that guy who can pull a truck up a ramp with his tongue piercings. Or Clamato Juice. HORRIBLY. FRIGHTENING.

So the next time you're wondering what it takes to be a big time television producer, remember this: You have to have ice water in your veins.

Literally.

the inner self

Hey there Internet

Chill here. This is just like the old days, and by old days I mean April, when I was hitting you guys with blogs daily. First Thursday, now today, what's next? I told you I would keep popping on when I had stuff to say, so that is exactly what I am doing. I mentioned on the blog on Thursday that I was out late the night before because of a Late Night remote. Well that shoot is on tonight's show, ladies and gents. And it is 10 minutes of hilarity from your very own Conan O'Brien. The premise was simple: Conan O'Brien would meet with Deepak Chopra (best selling author and spiritual advisor) at the Chopra Center and Spa in Midtown, and together they would help Conan look within himself and find the path to enlightenment. And since I was there, I can tell you guys it is a sweet ride.

Now the hardest part about remotes with 2 celebrities is:
A. Finding a location that would work for the bit and our talent, and
B. Coordinating the arrival of both to our shoot location.

But when one of them owns their own Chopra Center and Spa, it becomes fairly easy.

A. It is Deepak's place so getting permission was no problem and
B. getting Conan, myself, and my crew (2 Cameraman, 1 Audio Engineer, 1 Wardrobe person, 1 Prop guy, 2 Interns {I like to bring interns on remotes so they can experience Late Night outside of the offices} and 1 Writer) there was pretty easy as the place was just 4 blocks from 30 Rock. As far as Conan remotes go, this was basically like hitting the jackpot!

And it keeps getting better: Not only did I have the easiest remote setup ever but then I got to watch Conan be hysterical for the next 3 1/2 hours! Conan and Deepak were the perfect team. Deepak was all business. The perfect straight man. He acted how he does everyday of his life. And after hearing him throughout the remote, he had all of us thinking about how we all could be better human beings in our life. And Conan, of course, was his usual insanely funny self. (I thought I heard all the funny stuff while it was taping but then when we showed it at rehearsal, I was laughing even harder cause there was stuff I missed that night). So all of you should tune in to NBC tonight and catch this beauty. And maybe you all will learn a little something about yourselves.

Until next time....Chill is out

Bananagram!

Hey everybody! I hope you're rocking it Monday Style as hard as I am today. Because I am rocking it harrrrd. How hard? Well, head on over to The Underground for a sweet new video! I actually posted it on Friday, but didn't wanted to dirty Friday's Russert-dedicated post with my stupid comedy. At any rate, I hope you like it!! Thanks to all our awesome interns who helped out - you guys are showbiz naturals!

Speaking of interns, like I've said before, there are Summer Interns everywhere. Seriously. I go to the bathroom - interns. I get in the elevator - interns. I close my eyes - INTERNS. TINY INTERNS HAVE INFECTED MY BRAIN OH SWEET LORD THERE'S SO MANY THEY'RE JUST SPRAWLED OUT ALL OVER OUR OFFICES ON THE GROUND LIKE DEAD BODIES. It's insane. Normally, they all sit around in the conference room (aka "The Pit")... But when The Pit is being used, they all hang out right outside The Pit - and trying to wade through them is exactly like running through some kind of medieval gauntlet where all the knights are dressed in Old Navy and discussing last night's Gossip Girl Episode. In a word: Extremely difficult.

So I become violent.

Look; I'm only human. And sometimes humans get angry. Especially if humans are hopped up on the fifteen DCVDPs I just drank. So sometimes I lash out at these poor undereducated souls who want nothing more than to pop their collars and undress each other with their eyes. It's not their fault! It's MY fault. And today, while running the Abercrombie & Fitch Underage Summer Gauntlet 2K8, I grabbed an intern's magazine and threw it on the floor while screaming "I DON'T RESPECT YOU AND NEVER WILL." I then stared into his soul while I walked away. I think it was... How do you say? A little much. Perhaps a tad too violent, even for comedy purposes.

To make matters worse, it turns out that the innocent magazine-reading intern I horribly abused was actually the same dude who went and got all those phone cords for the new video I made! Oops! I felt bad (which is saying something, because I have a cold, black heart that only bleeds Smicker's Jelly) so I decided to write him a crappy apology. But not Just ANY kind of crappy apology - a crappy BANANAGRAM Apology:

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Tim Russert

Hey everybody. A dark, dark day here at the show. In case you haven't heard, Tim Russert passed away today. Tim was a great guy; extremely nice, incredibly smart, and a good friend to both our show and Conan himself. We're all deeply saddened by Tim's passing, and our hearts go out to his whole family, especially his wife Maureen and son Luke (who was an intern here last summer). Our thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Have a good weekend everyone, and remember to all hug your dads a little tighter this Father's Day.

See you Monday.

dog and pony show

Hey there Internet.

Chill here. Hope all is well with you guys. I've missed you!!! How is everyone doing? Fill me in with your lives. Huge thanks to Bley for letting me jump on and say hi to the Late Night faithful. That guy has been doing a great job with the blog and the Underground. Speaking of Underground, we shot something today which was loads of fun but I will let him tell you all about it. Things have been crazy busy for me the last couple of weeks. I have had many locations shoots. Some big, some small. Some really fun to do, some more work than fun. All hours of the day, all days of the week. I was actually out last night shooting something with Conan until the wee hours for a remote that will probably air in the near future. But that is another tale for another time. What I want to talk to you guys about today was my plans last Saturday involving everyone's favorite insult comic dog...

I have been on every Triumph remote since they started. We have gone to places warm (Arizona for the 2000 presidential debates) and places cold (Quebec during the Conan in Toronto shows). We have gone far (Hawaii - to make fun of American Idol auditoners) and near (Right outside our building at Radio City for last year's Tony awards). Some we had permission (At the Meadowlands when Triumph went to a Bon Jovi concert) and some we didn't (Westminster Dog Show - we got kicked out all 3 times we went). Some involved famous people (Santa Barbara for the Michael Jackson trial) and some had famous characters (The Star Wars line outside the Ziegfeld theater). ALL had Triumph at his cigar chomping, hilarious best!!!

This past Saturday, my adventures with Triumph brought me to Elmont, Long Island for the 140th running of the Belmont Stakes. Ten (myself, Robert Smigel, writers, camera crew, PA, props) of us jumped into a van around 12:30pm and left NYC. We arrived at the racetrack around 2p, four and a half hours before the big race involving Big Brown's shot at the Triple Crown. We picked up credentials which I had asked for earlier in the week (Always nice to have permission to shoot somewhere, way less stressful) and began to tape. The place was crowded and the day was REALLY, REALLY hot, but that didn't stop us. We literally shot as much as we could as fast as we could. And we got a lot of really great stuff. There was plenty of characters there to talk with/make fun of and horses for him to bond/poop on. Plus we got to see a possible history-making race which was pretty cool. Too bad the result wasn't what I had hope for. I was rooting Big Brown hard! As in I had him in "eight $3 Exactas" hard! I lost $24 but at least we got a pretty sweet remote out of it which you all are invited to watch tonight!!!! That is right - The new Triumph remote is on tonight's latest awesome episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien!!! So tune in and tell me what you think.

And I will try and touch base with you guys next week with details about my literallly "late night" of shooting with Conan this past Wednesday.

Oh yeah, and get your sweet Late Night commercials in so you can possibly cash in on some quality time with stagehand Steve Graham and get some sweet Conan mugs from the NBC Experience and mac and cheese from the NBC commissary. What are you guys waiting for?

Until next week...Chill is out

Balloon Animals... Or AGENTS OF TERROR?

Do you guys like to laugh? I mean like, really laugh? I'm not talking about that fake crap you call "laughter" that you do when your grandparents are trying to bond with you by telling you a story of their childhood. I'm talking about a gut buster. A side splitter. You know - the kind of laugh that happens when you're a kid and you're trying to throw a sweet rock off the deck of your summer cottage into the lake, but your Grandma is having one of her nature walks along the beach and you don't see her and you can't throw very far so it was a stupid idea in the first place but you end up hitting your Grandma in the back of the head with the rock really hard and she falls over and then I accidentally did it again the next year? Yeah. That's the kind of laugh I'm talking about. By the way - Grandma, if you're reading, I'm sorry. I hope there are no rocks in heaven. And no children.

ANYWAY. If you like to REALLY LAUGH, catch Louis CK on tonight's show! The guy slays. SLAYS. He's my favorite comedian working today, and you can see exactly why tonight!! Don't miss it!!

Today was a day full of tension in the Research Office. Things were tense! Things were tight! People were on edge!!! And by "people" I mean "everyone in the office besides my sister". MAN.

See, it's no secret that we here in the office are into weird stuff - I've got a jackalope and a carebears poster hanging next to my desk, for pete's sake - but for some reason, my sister (who is a craft queen extraordinaire), got a weird idea in her head... Weird EVEN BY THE WEIRD STANDARDS OF OUR OFFICE...

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The UN-Masturbating Bear

Hey guys! You know how many entries we've received in our LATE NIGHT MAKE YOUR OWN COMMERCIAL CONTEST?

One.

One submission.

Seriously.

*Sniff*

Now, this contest has been going on for the past five days... And apparently only ONE OF YOU OUT THERE IN THE WHOLE WORLD is motivated enough to put down the remote, pick up a camera, and make something magical!! Come on, guys!! Stop being so lame!! The only person on this giant ball of dirt and water that we call "Spaceship Earth" who ISN'T on my "Seriously, You Guys Are Super Lame" list is Jonathan Harchick from Pittsburgh, PA (hopefully I'm spelling his name right because he is actually totally awesome and not super lame like the rest of you) - he was the ONE PERSON IN FIVE DAYS WHO ENTERED. I mean, his commercial was terrible, but he is still TOTALLY AWECELLENT FOR ENTERING. We show his terrible (yet FINISHED and ENTERED) entry on our show tonight, and you know what? It got laughs. GIANT HUGE LAUGHS FROM AMERICA. Did you? No. You didn't. BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ENTER OUR CONTEST (yet).

So anyway. Make me, and Late Night proud, and ENTER OUR AWESOME CONTEST ALREADY. Go here for details. Just do it... Don't make me cybersmack you. I don't know exactly what a "cybersmack" is, exactly, or how I would do it, but I'LL FIGURE IT OUT HOW TO DO IT AND IT WILL HURT AND DUMBARRASS YOU. (Dumbarrass is a word I just made up just now where you feel really dumb AS WELL as feeling really embarrassed. It can be found in the title of my new book, "Dumbarrassed: How Aaron Bleyaert Got Through High School").

ONWARDS TOWARDS TONIGHT'S SHOW - Lions, Tigers and Bears - oh my! Wait, that's a kind of a lie. While there's no tigers or bears on today's show, there IS a lion! And there was almost a bear!! We've got Animal Expert (and host of "The Jeff Corwin Experience") Jeff Corwin on today's show, and he's brought some really amazing creatures on - an albino alligator, a lemur, a little fox, some kind of giant scary nightmare turtle, and... Well, a really cute baby bear. Only, in rehearsal today, the little guy was super rambunctious - Jerry Springer's people would say that he was "Too Hot For TV" - and so Jeff was a little concerned about the lil' bear being brought out onto the show, so the bear got cut! No bear tonight! I guess even though the bear was the size of a small dog, it's still A BEAR (meaning much stronger than you'd think), and since the little fella tried to eat the guest chair, tried to gnaw on Jeff's leg, and tried to hump one of the little wolves that Jeff brought along and was in the studio, everyone decided it wasn't a good idea to put Beary McBear on the show!! I mean, to be fair, we've already got a bear that masturbates in our cast of characters, so I think that everyone agreed that a humping bear might be a little over the top!! Ha ha. He was a cute little bugger, though! Maybe next time, buddy bear. Maybe next time.

See you all tomorrow! AND ENTER THE CONTEST ALREADY. Sheesh!!

Don't Need Nothing But A Good Time

First of all first of all first of all - In case you haven't heard, we here at Late Night are having an AWESOME CONTEST WHERE YOU MAKE YOUR VERY OWN LATE NIGHT COMMERCIAL AND SEND IT TO US AND THEN WIN AWESOME STUFF!!

Go here for details, my babies!!! Make it happen!!

Awesometastic show today, as we've got the amazingly beautiful and bubbly Kate Hudson on the program, as well as the not-quite-as-beautiful-but-still-quite-good-looking funnyman Robert Smigel!!

If you'd be so kind as to indulge me in a quick story: One of my favorite memories about working on this show is when I first started as the Assistant to the Segment Producers, Frank Smiley and Daniel Ferguson. My desk was right across from Frank's office, and Frank & Robert Smigel are great friends - so whenever Robert would stop by the show, he'd always end up hanging around the outside of Smiley's office (aka right at my desk) until late at night when no one was around... And to make matters extra dope, more often than not Conan himself would walk by and get sucked into Robert & Frank's conversations! They would talk about everything from the projects that Robert was working on, to the movies that were out, to their friend's projects, to whatever - but all the convos would inevitably turn into those three dudes trying to crack each other up, which was really amazing (and obviously entertaining) to watch. It just felt like I was privy to something that no one else in the world was, and even though I was working late, I would make up stuff to do just so I could sit at my desk and watch what was basically a free comedy show!! Listening to those dudes talk about comedy late at night was and is a major highlight in my career here. It was incredibly awesome (not to mention enlightening) to be a fly on the wall listening to these comedy geniuses make each other laugh for hours on end without anyone else in the world being around. Those were some very cool and private moments that I'll never forget!

See you all tomorrow!

Hardy Likes Getting High

Well, it's summer and it's Friday - and here at Late Night, we've started our yearly tradition of EARLY TAPING FRIDAYS!! (I tried to think of a better, more sexxxy name than ETFs, guys. I really did. For like an hour. Nothing came to mind, though... Lemme know if you can think of anything better). ANYWAY, so on Fridays during the summer, we tape an hour early - at 4:30 instead of 5:30 - for no other reason than IT'S SUMMER AND WE WANNA START OUR WEEKENDS RIGHT, Y'ALL. Oh, it's so exciting... And when we in the Research office get excited, we like to jump up in the air:

Harrrrrrrdy Rockets in Flight! Afternoon Delight!

Well, at least Hardy does. LOOK, LOOK HOW HIGH SHE CAN JUMP AND BE AMAZED. Seriously. It's incredible. She doesn't take the elevator up to our office - she just thinks of something exciting and WHOOSH!! Pops right up here, Mary Poppins style! I can only jump about thishigh. It's pathetic, But... Wait, no. It's just pathetic.

Well, that's about it - it's Friday, and I'm outta here!! A bunch of us are all hitting the bar downstairs for a little summertime show bonding, so I gotta run... But before I go, I just wanted to say once again: If you guys have any questions about our sweet new MAKE YOUR OWN LATE NIGHT COMMERCIAL CONTEST, please post them in the comments below!!

Have a great weekend, everybody!! See you Monday!

NBC's New Marketing Strategy: Elevators

VERY exciting news tonight, kiddies - WE'RE HAVING A SWEEPSTAKES!! THAT YOU CAN MAKE STUFF AND ENTER!! AND THERE'S A PRIZE AND EVERYTHING OMFG LOL LOL SRSLY.

Actually, there IS an awesome Late Night Contest that we're announcing on tonight's show I think you're all going to be PRETTY PUMPED ABOUT, SUCKAZ!! So make some room on your dance card for this evening's program!! (PS - Details will also be up at nbc.com/conan later tonight!!)

Now, here's something you may not know about me: On the way to work, I usually rock out. You know, headphones on, jamming to the beat, tapping the leg, maybe doing a little stutterstep up the steps. Oh yeah!! It's a between the ears raging danceparty every morning!! Anyway, so yesterday I'm on my way to work, rocking out, raging, stutterstep, etc etc, and I step into the elevator. I'm looking down at the floor as the doors open and I step in. As the doors close, I take off my phones and look up - AND JUMP INTO THE AIR FROM FRIGHT. Why, you ask? Simple: BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED BY A HUMONGOUS AD FOR SOME BRAVO SHOW THAT'S BEEN PLASTERED INTO ALL THE 30 ROCK ELEVATORS:

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Today's Cool Thing: Volcanoes

ATTENTION PARTY PEOPLE: There's a brand new webvid up over at everyone's favorite site with "Late Night" and "Underground" in the title... THE LATE NIGHT UNDERGROUND!! It's a little bit that happened during Monday's rehearsal! I hope you enjoy it and it makes you cry from it's high hilariosity content. I like it when you cry. OH, I'M JUST KIDDING. Not really.

Okay, I know that I was a little obsessed with fire yesterday - but you know what? Today is a new day. And today... I'm still obsessed with fire. Listen, I'll stop being obsessed with fire when fire stops being awesome! BLAME THE FLAME, DUDE. NOT ME. Now, I know I can't write about how awesome fire is two days in a row, so instead I've decided to branch out a little bit and talk about something totally awecellent that's RELATED to fire - namely, VOLCANOES.

Oooooooh yesssssss.

Guys, listen. I'm not sure if everyone reading this is truly, fully aware of how awesome volcanoes are. They are AWESOME. A volcano is like a freaking mountain, right? And mountains are ALREADY pretty sweet... But a volcano is like (and by "like" I mean "exactly is") a mountain that shoots LOTS OF FIRE AND ASH AND MAGMA and crap. MAGMA, dude!! MAGMA!!! That's MOLTEN ROCK, for those of you keeping score at home. How sweet is that? THE ROCK IS SO SMOKING HOT THAT IT'S AN (f word)-ING LIQUID. Damnnnnnnnn. You know what ELSE is wicked mad about volcanoes? They spew huge amounts of poisonous gases and ash... But the catch is that the ash is actually tiny pieces of glass. OH SNAPS, LUNGS. Have some of that!!! YOU CAN DIE BY INHALING LITTLE TINY ITSY BITSY KNIVES THAT CUT YOUR LUNGS LIKE A PIMP PROVING A POINT. Volcanoes are so cool, man. You show me someone that thinks volcanoes are lame and I'll show you SOMEONE WHO WILL DIE BY MY HAND.

Like I said yesterday, I am primarily an Amateur Scientist, but I am ALSO an Amateur Historian (the hat is brown tweed, and it says "History, Yo!" on it). So, for your benefit, I will unlock my big dusty leather bound book of World History and let you in on some of the more famous Volcanoes from years hence:

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I Really Want To Light Something On Fire Right Now

On tonight's show: Colin Firth, Ice Road Trucker Hugh Rowland, Musical Guest Jackie Greene, and a special cameo by none other than the Myspace celeb himself, Pierre Bernard! Bam! Tune in tonight and let us punch your brain with funny jokes! Bam! Bam! Bam! Ha! Ha! Ha! Bam! Bam! Bam!

Now here is something - I don't know what's going on with my brain, but I've just really felt like trying to light something on fire all freaking day. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't even have to be anything big. I'll settle for something small - a magazine, or a script or something. Maybe an envelope. Or some stationary. Just, whatever it is, I want to light it on fire. The bad news: Fellow Research Officemates Hardy and Parra won't let me. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HARSH MY MELLOW, DUDES? Let's light this fun candle! With fire!

Although you all know me as a Late Night Researcher (and extremely handsome man), many of you might NOT know that in my spare time I am also an amateur scientist. That's right! I wear many hats on this show, and the "amateur science" hat is one of them (it looks pretty much like a chef's hat, but it says "SCIENCE RULEZ" in big blue letters across the front). As a matter of fact, I am not just smart in only ONE kind of science, but I have been (self) taught in MANY scientific disciplines, such as Chemistry, Biology, Rocks, Judaism, Tae Kwon Do, Crying, Naps, and the effect of Quantum Decoherence on Statistical Thermodynamics. So, as a member of the scientific community, it is my pleasure - nay, my DUTY - to pass along some facts about fire that you might not be aware of:

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Guys, The Raconteurs Are Totally Awesome in Every Way

Welcome back, everybody! I hope you all had a great week last week - I was back in Michigan digging about a thousand holes for my parents (I can't figure out if they're actually redoing their garden or starting their own graveyard) and my hands are still sore. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME AND MORE ABOUT THE RACONTEURS, WHO ARE TOTALLY AWESOME IN EVERY WAY AND ALSO JUST HAPPEN TO BE ON OUR SHOW TONIGHT.

Let me just say that one of the sweetest and most amazing things about working on this show is the fact that we book amazing musical acts... And The Man Behind Our Music is the unbelievably magnificent music booker superextraordinaire, Jim Pitt.

Late Night's very own "Musical Nostradamus" got his humble start as so many of us here did: Jim started as an NBC page! Soon after, he was lucky enough to snag a job answering the phones up at SNL, before working his way up into their talent department and becoming a talent booker! After seven Saturday Night Live-ly seasons, Jim left when Conan got the Late Night gig to come pull the musical strings on our show! And trust me, our ears are all richer for it!!

Jim's mark and influence on the last 14 years of Late Night with Conan O'Brien is as profound and indelible as any of the writers who have walked our halls or written a sketch. He's single-handedly responsible for the our show scoring the network debuts of Radiohead, Coldplay, Green Day, Jewel, Linkin Park, Sheryl Crowe, Moby, The Strokes, and many many more!! I love music, and I think that the quality and type of musical acts that we have on our show is unparalleled. I really like the fact that we can have an indie band that no one's ever heard of one night and have U2 the next - and that is all because of Jim. Thank you, sir!!

So, thanks to Jim, Detroit rock Supergroup The Raconteurs are on tonight's show - and being a huge fan, I just HAD to run downstairs and watch their soundcheck!! To say it was awecellent was an understatement. First of all, watching soundchecks are great - it's literally your own private concert, with only twenty or so other people there watching. Second, it's really cool to see bands screwing around and having fun; today, for instance, I got to watch as Brendan Benson and Jack White improvised a new Bo Diddley-dedicated intro to their song "Many Shades of Black" for tonight! So, SO great!! Also, Jack White and Conan are friends (The White Stripes were our musical guest for a whole week a few years back), so it was also really cool to see Conan & Jack talk guitars for a bit between songs!! It's days like today that I feel incredibly lucky to work at such an amazing place... Even after a whole week off!

So flip on tonight's show, lock the doors, open the windows, turn it up, and ROCK IT OUT!!

Sally.

Recently, a lot of you have been asking about the creation of one of our rudest and most depraved characters; the purple velveted weirdo known only as The Interrupter. Not knowing how The Interrupter came to be myself, I went to the source; the long haired impolite nutball is brilliantly played by none other than our resident improvisational genius, Late Night scribe Brian Stack! Brian was nice enough to write a little bit about how one of our funniest and most beloved social misfits came to be:

"THE ORIGIN OF THE INTERRUPTER

The original concept for the Interrupter came from Michael Koman, one of the best writers our show has ever had and a really great guy to work with. He recently left to become head writer of new Demetri Martin show, and we all really miss him a lot around here. Originally, the Interrupter was just brought out to briefly interrupt one of our "New Characters" desk pieces, and was inspired by the fact that we've had countless characters interrupt Conan during the show for one reason or another. A year or two later, Michael and I thought it might be fun to bring the character back, and we began writing full-length Interrupter sketches together. The character evolved a lot from a weird guy who simply interrupts Conan to a guy who is also gleefully aware of how seriously messed-up his own life is. I always loved writing those sketches with Michael, and doing the character has always been a lot of fun."

Thanks for the insight, Brian!! The Interrupter's self-aware gleefulness always makes the staff laugh - whenever The Interrupter is on the show, you can hear everyone in their offices laughing out loud! It's a sight to behold!!

Now to switch gears a little bit, today is a dark day around these Research parts. Sure, it's a Friday - not only that, but it's the Friday before hiatus (we have next week off). HOWEVER, today is a bummer - because it's our intern Sally's last day.

Here's a picture of me begging Sally not to leave:

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Spaced

Mr. Kaiser Soze himself, Kevin Spacey, cames on our show and rip it up tonight, and the sexy (& city-esque) Cynthia Nixon stops by to talk about her son's obsession with boobs! I can't say that I don't understand the kid HA HA HA OH COME ON WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE. Except for you. And you. Seriously. You two are tools. You know you who are.

Also on today's show, we've got the hilarious stand up of one Mr. Brian Kiley! Now, anyone who's ever seen our credits (and true fans have them MEMORIZED, HELLO) knows that Kiley is ALSO a writer here on our show - specifically, he helps write Conan's monologues (or "Conalogues", as their referred to in the script)!! It's always so weird to hear Conan refer to one of his own as a stranger! Especially when Kiley's done with his standup, and Conan walks over to thank him for coming, it's hilarious to think that they'll see each other in like ten minutes up in the conference room at dinner!!! Ha ha ha. Awesome!!

Also today, the office was inundated with nuts!! For some reason, Planter's sent our Intern Coordinator Chris Formadoni a bunch of cans of nuts - we're talking cashews, peanuts, mixed nuts, roasted peanuts, more cashews, salted peanuts, etc etc. The best part (other than me eating a whole can of cashews from 3-3:15pm) is the fact that he has no idea why they were sent to him. So if you work at Planter's and you're reading this... What's up? Why all the nuts?! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, YOU BASTARDS?! JUST SEND ME A BOX OF NERD'S AND GET ON WITH IT. Oh... And thanks! They were delicious!

D Day... As in harrison forD Day!!

Well, it's not every day that I get to write these words: HARRISON FORD IS ON OUR SHOW TODAY!

Yesssssssssssssssssssssss.

He's great, obviously, but what makes his appearance even MORE awesome (to me, anyways) is a little cameo of a certain bullwhip-cracking, hair-gel using, Indy-obsessed Associate Producer of ours, who comes in and tries to stump Harrison with some obscure Indiana Jones knowledge!!! Three guesses as to whom I'm talking about... And the first two don't count! I smell a fruit alright!

I spent the day doing the Ira Glass file (he's on on Friday, and I have a feeling will be a completely awesome guest), trying to frantically put something together about the primary last night (it got cut), and thinking about whether or not I should try to run down and see Harrison Ford in person!! Last time he was on, I remember thinking that he was much bigger than I thought - like, totally muscled up!!! Usually with celebrities it's the opposite; they never seem as hot or handsome or impressive in real life. But Ford just seemed taller and more ripped and more... I dunno, "larger than life". I know from the research that he hates the term, but he more than almost anyone else seems more like a "Movie Star" in person. It's insane. The guy is an icon, not just to me but to millions around the world!! It's mind melting to think about. Literally, your MIND WILL MELT if you think about it too long! It's either that, or my brain is filling up with all the Diet Dr. Pepper I drank today. No joke, I drank like 50. Is that bad? I cleaned that pop machine OUT, sucka!! Have some of THAT!

Dudes, I am sorry about falling behind in Scrabulous - I'm in like 100 games, and it takes me an hour to go through and make all my turns!! I just didn't have the time today... But TOMORROW... WATCH OUT!!! ps -for those of you who keep asking me to join "Scramble", you guys are crazy! Just give up and get an Xbox already! Enough of these crappy Facebook games!

Pender II: Super Slop-eroo!

Howdy y'all! A fun day here at the show, as Mr. Denis Leary stops by to make us all laugh our stomachs out! Okay, maybe not laugh our stomachs out, but certainly laugh so hard we bleed out of our eyes! In a good way, of course!!

Leary is hilarious - Chill reminded me of Leary's promos that he used to do for MTV, and we spent a good half hour (30 minutes foryou math majors) looking them up on...uh... Ootubeyay!! Great, GREAT stuff, if you haven't seen them! Just search "Denis Leary and MTV". Hilarious!

Also today on the show today: If you didn't think that we abused Mark "The Love Man" Pender enough by making him get naked/covering him with slime/having a dog hump his leg, then JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL TONIGHT! Oh man. It makes our pie video look like child's play!! Super nasty, with a capital NAST. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Pender is The Man and will do whatever it takes to make you laugh. Do him justice, people. Watch tonight.

Now, switching gears for a second: For those of you who remember that plasma TV that sat unused on the floor of Chillemi's office, you'll be happy to know that he finally hooked it up today!! Oh, it is sweeeeeeeeet:

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Summer Internvasion '08!

First of all, as promised there's a sweet new episode of ComedyBusters up over at the Late Night Underground!!! Check it out!

Secondly, let's now turn from the white knuckled discipline of The Sciences to the free flowing beauty of poetic literature. As the master bard himself, William Shakespeare, once wrote about the most heated of seasons:

"A day in April never came so sweet,
To show how costly summer was at hand,
As this fore-spurrer comes before his lord."

Now, I have no idea what any of that crap means (I just Googled "summer quotes"), but I DO know one thing about the summertime; it's the season in which Late Night is flooded with hundreds upon hundreds of human locustsnew summer interns!!! (Ha ha, just kidding interns. Please think I'm cool and accept me as one of your own.)

Seriously though, today a huge boatload of fresh faced new summer interns started (I have no idea why they arrived on a boat), and these guys are just the beginning!! According to Intern Coordinator (and all around cool dudebro) Chris Formidoni, this summer is on par to equal or top our previous intern hiring record of six hundred thousand!!! Ha ha ha, JOKES. Actually, there will be around 35 interns generously donating their time and energy this summer - still a pretty big number, considering it's like 10 or 12 more than we usually hire per semester!! With all these interns around, there's only one question that I'm sure is on all of your minds: How am I going to be able to abuse 35 freaking interns?! I'm going to have to put some time aside to really get my whipping arm into good shape!! Luckily, I have the whole summer. And a new whip. (That I stole from here)

Anyway, I'd like to throw out a big ol' internet welcome to all you new 'terns!!! Thanks for coming to "work" on our show this summer!! I can't wait to forget your names and then be awkwardly stuck in an elevator with you and your parents and have to dance around the fact that I'm actually laying eyes on you for the first time!! IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME, EVERYBODY!!! ;)

See you tomorrows, Charos!!

Taking It To The Max!

Happy happy Friday, everybody!! After days of being tied up in red tape and legal mumbo-jumbo (not a Scrabulous word, by the way), I'm happy to report that we've got a brand new video up over at The Underground.... McCann's Cans!! Writer Brian McCann was nice enough to let us invade his office and learn about his sweet and obscure (former) hobby of beercan collecting!! The video is one of my favorites that we've done recently... For reasons that will become obvious once you watch it!! Enjoy!

Bad news, guys... Well not bad bad, but certainly melancholy news: Max is leaving us again!! Only for two weeks, this time - but tonight on the show, we give him a touching send off... LATE NIGHT STYLE, by showing footage of Max during interviews when he's off camera (like we did awhile back on The Underground with LaBamba).

People have asked "HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?" and to those people I "DUDE, RELAX. AND STOP YELLTYPING AT ME." The reason we're able to do this is because we have five cameras that are all recording for the entire show, so if there's a mistake or something that our director missed, we can cut it into the show later from a different camera angle!! Awesome right? Right! Anyway, one of these "iso" cameras is trained on Max at all times, so we can quickly get a reaction shot of him during an interview if Conan or a guest refers to him unexpectedly... And, well, since that camera is recording all the time, we've got a LOT of tape of Max just sitting there or doing other things - things that we slapped together and showed tonight!!! BWA HA HA HA. Bye Max!! See you in 14!!

That's all for me, y'all - have a really excellent weekend! See you on the flipside, riptide!!

Save the Last Dance (Belt) For Me

Man... You guys are really kicking my ass all over the Facebook!! I finally won my first Scrabulous game today in a dramatic come-from-behind nailbiting victory!! Sorry, Annie... I guess I just have the bigger brain. And the prettier face.

Today's rehearsal was a crazy insane mess... And when you watch the show, you'll know why! Pender nude, covered in slime; a dog running around the set, MASS HYSTERIA. It was totally crazy. I felt bad for the guy. See, whenever there's any "nudity" on the show, they obviously blur out the, uh, bits and pieces, but in real life they make you wear this thing called a "Dance Belt". I have absolutely no idea why it's called a Dance Belt, but it's basically a supertight pair of flesh colored tighty whities - so it's basically like you're naked. I mean, it's not any less awkward or uncomfortable. I had to wear one for a photo shoot once, and it was all I could do to keep my crotch garbage from falling out. Not cool, party people. Not cool. So I was extra impressed with Pender today, because the guy had to wear a Dance Belt in the studio LIVE, which means that it was on the feed and everything!! It's a good thing that dude is okay with his body, because it wasn't a pretty sight. Especially after he got covered in slime. And certainly not when he started rubbing the slime all over his chest. And absolutely especially not when he bent down to grab his glasses... Yeah. That's a mental image that will haunt me for the rest of my days. THE RESSSSSST OF MY DAAAAAAYYYSSSSSS. *Shiver*

Wow... Well, I'm sorry to report that that's all for today. I am super tired! We just finished an INSANE after hours shoot in the scene dock; it only lasted an hour, but it was mucho intense. I even had to recruit Hardy this time to help out with the massive undertaking!! What was it for, you ask? Well... Since you asked nicely...

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Taters of The Lost Ark

I am a nerd.

And, like most nerds, I am a huge fan of Star Wars. And Indiana Jones. Can you guess who's research I've been working on for next Wednesday? THAT'S RIGHT, BABY!!! Handiana Jonesolo!!!

Harrison Ford is a BEAR when it comes to research articles (and coin flipping) - He's one of those guys who's just absurdly famous, and just also happens to be in the summer's MOST GIGANTICALLY PROMOTED AND ANTICIPATED MOVIE... So there's like TEN TRAMILLION articles on him - so many articles that I had to make up a new number to get my point across. That's a lot of words to read!! But read them I will. All all of them tomorrow. Jealous?!

TODAY, however, because I'm the researcher assigned to The Case of The Gigantic Movie Star, I got a little surprise in the mail from some very nice people...

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Today I Got Mono!

AWESOME show tonight, as one of the funniest people on the planet stops by... STEVE CARRELL!!! Man, that guy is mucho hilariouoso! He actually literally "stopped by" - he was already in the building, because he's rehearsing his hosting duties for the season finale of SNL this weekend! Should be an awesome show! I can't wait to hear musical guest Usher through the Research office wall on Thursday!! (My office is directly behind SNL's music stage, btw. We all hear every SNL musical guest performing through the wall!)

One thing that's always impressed me about Steve Carrell - and continues to impress me more and more he gets more and more famous - is the fact that he's just so completely humble. He is seriously exactly like you'd think he would be; extremely nice and down to earth!!! I can't wait to see Get Smart when it comes out; like Conan, I'm a huge fan of the original TV show. If you haven't seen it, and you consider yourself a fan of comedy, you owe it to yourself to check it out ASAYPA (As soon as you're possibly able). Classsssic..

I had a pleasant surprise today with a call from Guy Nicolucci (seen playing the accordion here), who asked me to produce a monologue joke in tonight's show - and it made it in! It's the Cheney joke in the mono! How exciting, am I right?! Check it out and lemme know what you think!!

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon!

Today was a very special day here at the show, for one simple reason:

It was officially announced earlier today that Jimmy Fallon will be taking over Late Night in 2009!!!

...And, of course, it should now be obvious who that "special mystery guest" was that I was researching last week. ;) I told you it was TOP SECRET, suckas!!!

Mr. Jimmy "Late Night in 2K9" Fallon himself stopped by our show today to say hello and make with the funny! Of course, he did awesome - I mean, JF is mucho hilarious, and he always brings tons of great material. The interview was really fun (and obviously for all of us here in the office very compelling) to watch...It was a little surreal for me personally, just thinking about the fact that this is the guy who'll be in our studio come 2009!! Treat her well, Jimmy... Treat my 6A baby well. ;)

I've said this before and I'll say it again: It's always nice when someone who's a good friend to the show comes on, because it's nice to see Conan just goof off and have a good time - like Fallon, or Will Farrell or Will Arnett, or... Will SHATNER, OUR SECOND GUEST TONIGHT. Fallon?! Shatner?! An awesome Year 2000?!? Ha ha. That's right, baby!!! INSTANT LATE NIGHT CLASSIC.

There's really nothing more I could possibly say about such a ginormous announcement, so I'll just say that y'all should make sure you check out tonight's show!!! It's a barnburner!! Enjoy!!

just chillin'

What's up, everybody! Happy Friday and all that. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait until Monday to check out the webvid I shot with McCann yesterday - but hopefully it's worth the wait! We had a great time, and now his office smells like stale beer. Intrigued? Oh, you should be. ;)

As you all know, this week has been a busy one for everyone here at the show, but no one more so than everyone's favorite Late Night Ninja, Jason Chillemi. He shot a couple really sweet remotes this week, and I thought you all would want to hear about them! So without further ado... Herrrrrre's Chillemi!! Have a great weekend everyone!!

- Aaron

***************************************************************************

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Thank you Bley for the sweet intro. I hope all is well with my faithful readers. I have missed writing for you guys and am excited to fill you in on what has been going on in my neck of the woods. These last couple of weeks have been nonstop!

Warm weather + May sweeps = Sweet location shoots.

You all know what our "Satellite TV" comedy piece is. Conan brings down the television and talks about all the crazy cool channels that only he gets here at the Rock. I am usually heavily involved in this bit and that was definitely the case this time. Some of these "Satellites" were actually shot way back in October before the strike went down. (I am still doing the research on it, but if these "channels" air it might be the longest period of time between the shoot date and the air date in our show's history. I will keep you posted.) This week, the "Satellites" had me running to batting cages, yoga studios, Central Park, subways, our fine city's streets, the "Scene Dock" (our 2nd studio where we put up a lot of sets) and elevators. Some of these channels were successful and some of them you get the feeling are not going to be as good as they might have sounded on paper. Some were done on the "up and up" where I set up locations via contract and had permission to shoot there such as the batting cage and yoga studio; and some were "done down and dirty" where I basically stole the shot and prayed we wouldn't get thrown out or arrested (remind me to tell you guys about all my near arrests over the years, but that is for another blog) such as the subway, elevator, and even the city streets( need permits for everything!!!).

The elevator was my favorite: It was for a channel that involved Brian Stack dressed like God. So I know our building is going to be very difficult in letting us get control over an elevator especially when we want to do it (12pm - LUNCH TIME) so i am forced to keep hitting buttons until we get an empty elevator, then I pile in with a 2 man camera crew, a writer, and God (long grey hair, a robe, sandals) and we just ride up and down until we get our shot. You would think that if an elevator that you were waiting for opened on your floor and their were 5 people in it clearly filming something that you would wait for the next one. Apparently, I was in the minority with that thought, because a shoot that should have taken 10 minutes tops, took almost an hour due to "other passengers" hopping on, not even doing a double take to God talking his head off to a camera. Sometimes a group of 5 would pile in. That is 10 people on a not huge, hot elevator, people!!! I can't imagine Stack in that heavy robe and crazy wig. He must have been dying. Even the most simplest of shots can be really hard to get done.

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Monday Tuesday Wednesday Turdsday!

Hello you beautiful World Wide Web, you! What's up?!

Look, I may have oversold this whole "MYSTERY GUEST" thing. I tend to be a little excitable, and just the fact that it's a mystery made me all giddy... It's not anyone like Obama or anything (not that we wouldn't book Obama - he was on our show when we were in Chicago and was totally rad), but it's not anything like that. Maybe I'll just keep my stupid mouth shut and let you all find out when you find out!!! Oh snaps!

Busy busy busy. This week has been brutal, and I'm ready for it to be ovvvvver! I talked about this a little bit with LCW in the comments, but it really is like feast or famine around here - sometimes it's like Rockband all day for a week, and then there'll be a week where I haven't left the office before 12:30am (like this week, for example). But whatever, I'm not complaining; I mean, even the hard work is pretty fun!

For instance, today I got in super early so that I could lay down a bunch of videogame playing on the Wii - it's an extension of the GTA bit, but I think it's gonna get cut (I'm writing this before our taping today), so that was a wash. Then I rocked out Becki Newton (from ABC's Ugly Betty) who's on tomorrow, I'm knocking out this blog baby right now, and then I have to run upstairs and shoot that thing with McCann!! Something hilarious today was that I had to call Props for them to get two sixpacks of beer (you'll see), and it took me like 10 minutes to convince them that it was for THE SHOW, and not for me!!! Hahahaha. That doesn't mean I won't be drinking it... It just means that I'm drinking it for the show.

I'm not the only one who's having an insane week - Chill has been running around frantically shooting Satellite TV bits as well as a very... INTERESTING remote this week! He was out until 2am last night taping it!! It sounds totally crazy, and there's no point in ME explaining how it went, so I'll have Chill himself talk about it on tomorrow's blog!! End the week on a strong note, you know?! So look for that Manana!

Until then... See you on the flipside!

Pickup Sticks Times Six!

Today was a mad scramble, I tell you! A MAD SCRAMBLE!!

For those who aren't aware, I do like a hundred jobs here at the show... And today they all came together in THE PERFECT STORM...And if you remember the end of "The Perfect Storm", they all drowned to death.

Which is pretty much what happened today. Let's go!

First: A super secret mystery guest is booked for next week (who is it? IT'S A MYSTERY, DOOD), and since the producers are talking to them tomorrow for some reason, all that sweet research had to be done today! Ouch. Why ouch? Well because

Second: I had to spend a good large chunk of the day playing GTA IV and laying down mini scenes (I know, right?) for more of that comedy goodness that's happening on tomorrow's show! Of course, playing videogames for work would be totally fun, except for the fact that

Third: I was busy trying to put this OTHER comedy piece together on Obama to show to Conan and head writer Mike Sweeney by the time rehearsal ended - rehearsal usually starts at 2:15 and goes until 3:30 (depending on if there's a band, which today there was), and it can be kind of tricky to get things timed right so that you can actually get it in front of their eyes for them to see... But I managed to finish the piece in time, which was awesome!! Not awesome: They didn't dig it, so it got cut! It wasn't a big deal, except for the fact that working on the Obama thing meant that I had to take time away from

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Jason Lee: The Bruce Lee of Breakdancing!

Howdy! There's a sweet new rehearsal vid up over at The Underground tonight - I was going to put it up last night, but as we all know, mayonnaise can make a man forgetful!

Wait, did I say mayonnaise? I meant whiskey.

Great show tonight, as we've got My Name is Earl's Jason Lee on the show showing COB some proper breakdancing moves!! Not only that, but there was a guy in the audience this evening who looks almost exactly like Conan, so COB brought him up to help out with the monologue (and then later brought him back for some sweet breakdancing!) It was crazy!! I had the pleasure to meet Jason Lee a few years back - right before he got the Earl gig - and he was nice enough to sign a wedding card for one of my friends! He signed it "Happy Wedding!". That dude is awesome.

Today I spent my morning playing some more GTA IV for tonight's show, and spent my afternoon coming up with some more ideas for Liam Neeson's segment... And I found a little thing online called Liam Neeson's Irish Stew! Ha ha. Watch tomorrow and see how it all plays out!!

Also, and this is big for Hardy & Parra, TODAY I PLAYED MY FIRST GAME OF SCRABULOUS. Yes, you read that right. Not only was it my very first game of Scrabulous, but it was also my very first game of Scrabble! I've never played!!! If you guys wanna beat up on a newbie, look me up on Facebook and throw down a challenge!!! You will probably beat me. I only know like 6 words, and four of them are swear words.

By the way, does Scrabulous recognize "Poopy"? I was just curious...

Cinco De Mayo... Or as I call it, "The Day Of Five Mayonnaises"

Happy Cinco De Mayo, everybody!!

Before we get down to silliness, let me be the first to welcome back Mr. Max Weinberg, who's back from touring today!!! Welcome back Max!!

Now, according to Wikipedia, Cinco De Mayo is a holiday that "...Commemorates an initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. The date is observed in the United States and other locations around the world as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride."

Cinco De Mayo, as I'm sure you all know, simply means "The Fifth of May" in Spanish. However, I don't speak Spanish very well, so when I hear the words "Cinco De Mayo", I don't think "the fifth of May", I think "The Five Of Mayonnaises". And damn it, that just sounds so much more fun to celebrate than just some vague sense of "Mexican Heritage". Sorry, Mexico. I don't mean to ditch you for a sandwich topping but... Well, that's actually exactly what I'm doing. Let it burn.

Anyway, enough talky! More pictures!!! LET THE DAY OF THE FIVE MAYONNAISES BEGIN!!!

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Prank You Very Much

Even though I've been off the blog for a month, it doesn't mean I haven't been busy here at the office... I just haven't been busy doing work. Unless you call exacting revenge "working".

Let me explain.

See, this past Wednesday I was doing a little web video editing on my laptop (working on a sweet behind the scenes webvid that's hitting the Underground Monday, if you must know), and I guess I was pretty focused on what I was doing... Because when I rolled back to stand up, I bumped into a bunch of crap that had been piled up behind my chair!! Someone had piled up a couple of boxes and a metal shelf behind me as a joke. Ha ha ha ha - GOOD ONE, DUDERS. After raking my officemates over the coals (for 30 seconds - wimps), they 'fessed up that the culprit was none other than Stage Manager Steve Hollander!

Here's a tiny tip from moi to vous, kids: It's not a good idea to go around playing practical jokes on people if you're the kind of person who spends 90% of their day away from their desk. Oh yeah, baby. Big mistake. I had PLENTY of time to get even.... And get even I did! When Hollander came back up to his desk after the show, he came up to this:

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BACK IN BLACK

Hey everybody! What's up?! MAN I missed you guys.

As you all certainly know by now, i did NOT leave the show - "Just Chillin" was a little month long April Fool's joke cooked up by me and my good buddy Jason Chillemi (who you all now know rather...intimately). We had a really fun time making all the "kidnapped" youtube videos and dropping obtuse hints about my abduction here and there (the video with my tied up legs was my favorite) - and we I hope you guys enjoyed taking it all in as much as we enjoyed pumping it all out! Not only was it a blast for me personally to switch things up a bit, but I actually even learned a couple things... Like, for instance, how sllllllllloooow a month can drag by! Holy CRAP April was a long month!!

Yeah man... It was brutal.

But all that's over, and I'm back like a thumbtack in a burlap sack! For those of you who fell in love with good ol' Chill over the past month - and how could you not, that guy has really pretty eyes - have no fear! Chillemi will definitely be popping in from time to time to write a blog or two about some sweet remotes he's working on... Or even just to update you all on what's shaking in the life of The Chillcat!! MEEEOW, SUCKA.

So what have I been doing this past month? Well, I've been doing a little of this and a little of that - for instance, on today's show I was responsible for Darrell Hammond's research, as well as the guy who played GTA IV for that whole joke that's on today's show (apparently I'm the show's resident 12 year old gamer. JEALOUS?).

FUN FACT OF THE DAY: I'm actually a voice in the new Grand Theft Auto game!! That's right, fool - I'm a jogger/Personal Trainer (which, if you've ever seen how out of shape I am in real life, is pretty hilarious). So yeah! I actually managed to track my jogger self down and punch myself in the brain a few times, which was pretty sweet... But then I ran away super fast and got away!! What gives?! It looks like Rockstar made me a huge wimp... JUST LIKE I AM IN REAL LIFE OH SNAPS. Music Coordinator Roey Hershkovitz (also the director of almost all our Underground videos) is also a voice in the game - he plays one of the Hasidic Jewish guys wandering around the city! I have yet to track him down and murder him, but I'm REALLY looking forward to it. MUA HA HA HA HA!!

Well, anyway, enough about me... WHAT'S UP WITH YOU GUYS?! Update me on your lives! How did the month of April treat you?! Good, I hope! It's good to be back. We've got a lot of great stuff in the blogpipe, and I think you'll all be pleased with the all the awecellence we've got planned!! Here's to a great summer!!

See you all tomorrow! ;)

aaaannnnd scene

Hey there Internet

Chill here.

First off, let me start by letting you guys know that I will be leaving Late Night, and pursuing a career as a PA on a Film set...

...Just kidding. Seriously, I just want to take the time now to tell you how much fun I have had this past month. It really was great to get to know you guys, and by you guys, I mean: Ashley, Courtney, Kat, Lindsey, ralph, stef, jubjub, Jack D., Cindy, Jacki, Melissa, SOJ, e, David, LCW, Sarahmel, Emily Anne, Cheryl, Alex, Paul, Grant, Miranda, Kelly, Bren, Hana, Haylee, Jackmcc, Bea, Kati, and ANYONE ELSE I might have left off!!! I apologize if I did. You guys have been a big part of my life these last couple of weeks and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

It has been really hard over the last couple of weeks to talk more about myself and less about Late Night and Conan, but it was part of our whole plan to make it look like I was losing it. Not that the Chill isn't awesome to talk about! The Chill is pretty sweet. (That third person talk is just for you, Ralph!) The whole idea of kidnapping Bley and keeping him hostage in my boiler room is obviously absurd. I love that guy and would never want to take him away from the Late Night Insider, which I think he is awesome at!!! I know he has missed it and he cannot wait to hit you with some AWECELLENT behind the scenes scoop about Late Night.

Thank you for taking me in as one of your own. Some even risked further punishment to hear what I had to say. (Thanks Courtney!) Some from as far as Finland, Philippines, and Jackson Heights. You listened to what I had to say even if it was utter nonsense. Or at least you pretended to. I appreciate it.

If it is ok with you guys, I would love to jump on every once in a while and say hey. Especially if I have a sweet remote going on or a cool story to tell, like the one today where I was in a gorilla costume riding on a subway in front of an entire 5th grade class during a "shoot" for an upcoming Late Night show... It was pretty crazy.

Anyway, thanks again!

Until sometime soon...Chill is out

more than words

Hey there Internet

Chill here. No blog today. Instead go to the Late Night Underground.

Until who knows...Chill is out.

mistakes and consequences

Hey there Internet

Chill here. First off I have to start by asking you all to ignore the ending of the "Bley on Location" video. You were not supposed to see that version. It should not have made it on there. I was trying to get someone on the phone all weekend so they can take it off the Late Night Underground. I have now been told it will not be able to come off until later this week, so PLEASE DO NOT WATCH IT!!! I have gotten a lot of comments about it and all I can say is: You guys wanted to see Aaron Bleyaert "On Location" and that is what I have given to you!!! Just because the edit was incorrect, I shouldn't be getting comments against me. I should be getting comments THANKING ME!!!

I GAVE YOU BLEY!!!!

For the people who did see it, didn't Bley look really good in the video? It was the happiest I have seen him in a long time. It seems that leaving Late Night to pursue this film career was the right move for him. He seems really healthy and full of life. You know being stuck at a research desk all day probably really wore on him. Now he is outside in this beautiful weather living life to the fullest!!! There is a very small part of me that envys him and his choice. I wish I was that brave.

I also can say that having seen Bley over the hiatus, talking to him over the phone every once in awhile, and going down to the research office earlier today to visit Sharon and Grace and sitting at his old desk, I have noticed that I really do miss that guy. And as much as I love "Just Chillin" with you guys (and I am sure you guys LOVE it as well) (Way More Than When He Was Doing It!!!) (A THOUSAND TIMES MORE!!!!!), sometimes I wish he was back here at Late Night running the Late Night Insider. But I do not think that is going to happen. He seems really content where he is, or at least to me he does. I am sure my feelings of guilt, I mean, sadness will fade away. I apologize for being so glum today. Tomorrow I will try to be better!!!

Until then...Chill is out

lets keep the good times rollin'

Hey there Internet

Chill here. So I think we have reached an important crossroads. I feel like we are as close as we have ever been. I am supplying you with sweet "behind the scenes" Late Night action. Stuff that only the faithful bloggers can get their hands on. And, thankfully, we are putting this "kidnapping Bley" stuff behind us. I think you finally are starting to believe me that:
A.) I would never do anything to harm my good friend, Aaron
B.) Even if I did, I would not keep him in the boiler room here in my office, where I work!
C.) He has left us and is now a PA on a movie!!!

And because of the new found love between you and I, tonight is the night I am hitting you with a new Late Night Underground video: My hunt for Bley on his movie location set! So head on over and take a gander! I actually did this a few weeks ago, when we had that week off, but there were some editing issues (I got into a fight with the editor about the ending, but I have the final say so they had to do it how I wanted). Anyway, it was really awecellent to see Bley again, he looked really really happy!!! I am sure you will enjoy. It's up now at Late Night Underground!!

I am truly, truly happy with how things are right now with the blog and everything. I feel like it's all come together for ol' Chill. Thanks for making it so easy. Have a wonderful weekend guys!!! And I hope you enjoy seeing Bley again!

Until Monday...Chill is out

the time is now

Hey there Internet

Chill here.

I have talked you guys through it over the last couple of weeks. From when it was just a wee idea to now its arrival on every television screen across the world!!! The remote I've been talking about finally airs tonight!

You guys were with me through it all:

- First an idea was born. St. Patrick's Day week started out with Conan calling out Good Housekeeping (GH) magazine over their St. Patricks Day recipe using his likeness, and ended with an appearance by the Editor-in-Chief live in the studio while Conan was eating some sort of a Lucky Charms/Guinness Stew. While that was happening on the air, we were backstage talking with the GH people about the possibility of having Conan visit their Research Institute and to shoot a remote there. (The GH Research Institute is where they test everything, from food to appliances to makeup, to see if that product lives up to what they say they do. If they pass they get the GH seal of approval!!!)

- Then came the scout. One of our writers Andrew Weinberg and myself walked over to the Institute to check on a couple of things. First we checked the lighting of the place which was perfect because they had these huge windows that let in all this awesome natural light. (Natural Light = Good, Fluorescent Light = Bad). We then met all the different people that Conan could possibly talk to and saw what their specialty was. As you will see tonight, there are many different areas covering anything you can think of. We also saw all the different ways that they test these products. Things that seem crazy, like a machine whose sole purpose is to drop things just to see if they break. You might think why can't a person just drop it from their hand? The reason is so the height remains the same for accuracy purposes. The machine can drop 15 different cell phones from 5 feet. The human hand can never be exactly accurate. The machine never lies. Where is Sarah Connor when we need her? Judgment Day is upon us...

- We returned to 30 Rock, so that over the next couple days, Andrew Weinberg and the rest of our writers could come up with some really funny and specific jokes that we could do on the remote if needed... But really, nothing is better than watching Conan just do things on the fly. That man is the king!!!

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green day

Hey there internet

Chill here.

So today we have a special "Green" show, dedicated to the Earth and recycling, etc. Seth GREEN, Peter, GREENberg, and the environmentally conscious Radiohead are all guests on today's show. Also, take a look up top and notice the new green NBC internet banner!

But I know you guys. You guys don't want to hear about a show you can watch. You come to me, Chill, to get the scoop on the behind the scenes action. And here's something behind the scenes that you'll only hear about on "Just Chillin": NBC, in all of it's consistently backwards "wisdom" has papered all the bulletin boards around the building with posters telling everyone to recycle and use less paper! They are wasting paper on reminding us all to not waste paper! Check it out:

Notice that they even put extra copies of the same posters on the same bulletin board! Typical. Thanks for the heads up, NBC! I'll be sure to not use as much paper in the future... Seeing as there won't be any paper LEFT after your little campaign to be more "Green".

Finally, I want to address one more thing. A lot of people are writing in saying that they saw what they think are Bley's legs (What?) in the newest Underground video! Clearly, they are dead wrong. I can't be sure what all you guys are talking about in the comments, I think someone photoshopped a still from the video and they put legs in it. Do not pay attention to that doctored nonsense! There are definitely not legs in the video!! Take a look at the video and decide for yourself. Legs or not? Clearly not. I'm glad we can FINALLY put this issue to rest! Whew!

Until tomorrow, Chill is out.

a serious word from chill

Hey there Internet

Chill here. And I need to start off on a serious note. There have been a lot of comments recently regarding some strange youtube videos (that are probably hoaxes) and the crazy possibility of me holding Aaron Bleyaert (MY FRIEND, BY THE WAY) captive in a small boiler room in my office.

NOTHING could be farther from the truth!!!!

To all you "anti-Chills", listen to yourselves!! Why would I kidnap Aaron and hold him hostage? It doesn't make any sense. Aaron LEFT Late Night to go work on a movie. HE LEFT YOU!!! It was his choice!!! I have taken over the blog cause I was asked to. It is not like I was dying to do it this past year, although I did think (rightly) that I would do a better job than that grey buffoon. When Bley disappeared, I was ASKED to take over the blog (and so far I've done a great job) because it makes sense that a friendly face to the faithful readers would ease the transition. But getting hit with all these comments about me holding him hostage and possibly harming him is making me think I made a mistake.

You guys know me. I'm a good guy! I am the same guy who you all know from the show or on Underground videos. I couldn't hurt a fly! How would I be able to hurt one of my best friends? Do you really think that little of me?

For those that obviously do, based on all these comments, you might want to head over to the Late Night Underground to check out this so called "cage" where I am supposedly holding my good buddy. As you can all clearly see by this video, I am holding NO ONE captive in the "APO" room. It clearly states "Authorized Personnel Only" on the door, and I respect that!

Hopefully my new underground video will put an end to all of this nonsense!!!! If you want me to continue as your blogger, the comments from here on out will only be about Chill and some about Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Can't we all "Just Chill"?

I apologize to my fans who don't believe these horrible lies. I am sorry that I had to waste today's blog on this. Especially on such a glorious day of Late Night: The Return of Andy Richter!!! Andy comes back home providing the same old sweet laughs that made us all love him to begin with. He looks so perfect on that couch. We miss having that guy around but know he is happy doing other things. Speaking of which, check out the new cartoon he is working on, it is called "The Mighty B!" and starts this Saturday morning. Check it out! It is hysterical!!!

That is all for today guys. I am really drained from all these horrible accusations. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Until then...Chill is out

chills is back

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Hope everyone had a fun week and an awesome weekend!!! I am back!!! Hiatus is over and we are on for a nice 5 week run. That means 25 days of pure, unadulterated, non-stop Chill.
CATT!!! (That is short for Chill All The Time)

Any questions you got for me, hit me in the comments and I will be glad to answer. Obviously if it is about myself, I should know the answer. If it is about Late Night, I will do my best, though I cannot make any promises. But if you want to ask something about the dude who was blogging before me, please don't. He is old news.

Ahead for the week:

- Possible updates on where we are at with the remote shoot before hiatus...

- Was I able to find Bley on his big movie set over hiatus? Only because I promised will I maybe answer this one...

- A new Late Night Underground video or two...

- Maybe a quick inside peek on how many more girl scout cookies I have left in my office...

Basically loads and loads of fun, so tune in all week because the Chill will bring it nightly!!!

Until tomorrow...Chill is out.

wednesday over hiatus

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Hope everyone is having a super week. Day 3 of my week off is drawing to a close and so far it has been a pretty nice week. I have done a bunch of errands, took in a couple of movies, rooted on my NY Rangers in the NHL playoffs, and got my taxes done. Of course on April 15th, the last day you could do them. I do not know why I wait for the last day every year. I am like that with everything!! Be it going Christmas shopping on Christmas eve or pulling an all-nighter studying for tests when I was back in college. I always say I am going to get things done earlier, but sure enough, there I am trying to cram whatever I have to do right before its deadline.

Well tonight it stops...

Right now, in front of all my faithful readers, I promise to turn over a new leaf and be more proactive doing things way in advance. I am going to do my Christmas shopping on Halloween, my taxes in early March, and figure out what I am having for dinner on Friday, this instant: Pizza!!! Of course, all this will fall the way of the dodo when I have pizza for lunch on Friday, but it sounds good now!!!

Thank you for being there for me when I make this big decision. Because of your support I will live up to my word and try to hunt down Bley either tomorrow or Friday (if I can find him) out on his movie set and try to get some sweet video of it. Though I know you are happy with the way things are now, "Just Chillin", and would never want to go back to the "Late Night Insider", it will be good to see how he is doing. You guys deserve it!!!

Have a great week!!!

Until who knows...Chill is out

chill's end of the week report

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Friday is here. Weekend is here. And to make matters worse for "Just Chillin" so is another week off. The show goes on hiatus next week so "Just Chillin" will be dark, though like I promised, the Chill will try to pop on 1 or 2 days next week and say a brief hello. Maybe talk about a repeat or two, or maybe just talk about pure Chill (the way the world likes it). Either way, it's going to be pretty sweet.

Other big news that I have is to let you know that all my planning and scouting for one of my earlier blog-mentioned surprises has passed the next stage. It was successfully shot this morning on location.
1. Where you ask? ------- Can't give that info out yet.
2. Who will be in it? ------- Hmmmmmm, sorry.
What I can tell you is: the editing process will begin in the next couple of days. We shoot a lot more footage then what you see on your TV. Sometimes hours and hours of footage gets edited down to a 5 or 6 minute piece.
OK, that is enough about that. Mum is the word until the air date arrives. Intrigued?

The news just keeps on coming!!! Head over right now to the Late Night Underground cause you are going to get some very WELL DRESSED behind the scenes action. What do you guys think? Black suit, black tie all the time? I personally like him mixing it up, but would love to hear what you think.

I hope you guys all have a great weekend!!! Lets go Yankees!!!

Wait! One last thing! Next week with all my free time, I am going to try and find Bley wherever he is On Location and give you guys some Underground footage of the "big man" in action. Wish me luck!!!

Until who knows...Chill is out

chills across the world

Hey there Internet

Chill here. On the way to work today I was late, so I had to jump in a cab. And as I was waiting at a red light, I noticed a movie shoot happening on the sidewalk. The crazy thing was that I saw Big Bley with a walkie talkie directing people out of the shot! I tried to yell to him but the light turned green and the cab drove away. What are the chances?

Now that "Just Chillin" is a huge hit across the land, I am assuming that I have a lot of international fans. So I am now going to take the time to translate the one word that we all should know: CHILL

Dutch - Kou

French - Froid

German - Schauer

Italian - Freddo

Portuguese - Frio

Spanish - Frialdad

Czech - Chlad

Hungarian - Hideg

I hope that this helps you all spread the word of chill across the land.

Today on the show we have an actress and then a comedian. I can't really remember the show that well because I didn't actually watch it. But people in the office were laughing so maybe it was a good one.

Until tomorrow... Freddo is out.

i got chills

Hey there Internet

Chill here. First off, I want to direct you right away to the Late Night Underground to check out a glimpse into the life of Chill. It is not really anything Late Night related besides the fact that it is my office at work. But you do get to see where I reside from about 10a to 8p, five days a week.

I was thinking early this morning, that all we ever blog about is Late Night this and Late Night that. You guys must get sick of it. I am with you! So I figured today we nix the Late Night subject and focus on things I did today that aren't work related.

1. Checked my fantasy baseball teams at various websites. I am doing pretty good, so far this year!! Any fans out there want a tip? Pick up Johnny Cueto, pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds. Gonna have a great year.

2. Played a little Conquer Club (online risk). I have been in a slump lately. Got to get my head back in the game so I can take over the world.

3. Had half a box of Samoas (The purple boxed girl scout cookies).

4. Voted for myself a couple of times on this new poll created by John S. - Who's the better blogger; Bley or Chill?

5. Had a turkey burger and fries for lunch.

6. Voted for Chill some more while finishing off the box of Samoas.

7. Missed the show today to go out and get my taxes done. Not a good year...

8. Made a couple of phone calls, none work related.

9. Paid some bills online.

10. Left early to meet some friends out.

11. Got home and watched my sweet Late Night Underground video again.

There you have it. All Chill, All the Time!!!!

Until tomorrow...Chill is out

p.s. Please lets try and STOP the comments about Bley, he went to go work on a movie, and that's it!! We have to forget about him!!!

late night zoo

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Hope everyone is doing well!!! First off, I just wanted to give the Kansas Jayhawks a HUGE Congratulations for their winning the NCAA Championship last night!!!! That game was insanely, awesome. Just to let you guys know a little more about me: I Love Sports. Playing sports, watching sports, reading about sports, playing videogames about sports, and watching people play videogames about sports. I love it all. And so I know what a monumental comeback, Kansas had last night and I am proud to call them champs!!! True, I am also proud that maybe I won a couple of "pools" because of their victory but that is not important. Go Kansas!!

Today we had Jarod Miller on the show, along with the many animals that he brings with him. And that is always a great day! Animals in general always get people excited: Be it cute animals that make people go Awwwwww or crazy, scary animals that make people go Awwwwww. (If you say the Awwwwww's in different ways, they can mean different things!) Also the fact that animals sometimes do things that no one is prepared for can also be fun. (Quackers the duck is a prime example). But my favorite part happens backstage during the day before the show starts. It is literally like we have our very own Late Night Zoo back there. All kinds of animals. Staff and crew walking by, some coming from as far as 3 floors away to come take a gander. Jarod and his team are back there answering people's questions. And of course, my favorite is all the noise. You can be way down the hallway waiting for an elevator and all of a sudden hear an owl's "Who, Who" or a sheep's "Baaaaa" and you cannot help but smile.

Or maybe I was still smiling cause of Kansas' sweet victory and what it did for me...

Until tomorrow...Chill is out.

just another manic monday

Hey there Internet

Chill here. I hope you guys had a great weekend!!! I did a whole lot of nothing. Watched some college basketball...did some laundry...took a couple of naps. So I am well rested for the week ahead. And good thing cause I hit the ground running today. I am working on two things right now that I cannot tell you cause I want them to be a surprise, but I can tell you that if they come to fruition they should be alot of fun. Both are way in the early stages and we have just begun the process of setting them up. What that means, for people who want to know, is as follows: An idea comes up and if it involves some sort of taping outside of the studio, I get involved. It could be in the room right outside the studio (William Shatner Secrets) or it could be in India (Andy Blitz IT remote) or Finland (Conan goes to Finland). Pending on where we want to shoot, decides if I need to scout a location, get a film permit, rent vehicles, etc. I, then, make the different departments aware: Remote Camera Crew, Wardrobe, Makeup/Hair, Props, Special Effects, Casting, and PA's (Production Assistants). All this sometimes takes a day and sometimes takes weeks. Like I said earlier, we are at the super beginning stages on both. Though we did end the day with a successful location scout on one. I will keep you guys posted...

Before I sign off, I just want to touch on some of the comments I have received regarding Bleyaert's visit on Friday. A bunch of you were concerned about his eye, his shirt, the note he wrote, and even something about his smile. I can tell you that after having seen Bleyaert for the 1st time in 2 weeks, he looked and seemed really, really great!!! I actually have never seen him happier!!!

I know you guys miss him and were big fans of his, but please can we try to move on from him so we can focus on the future. I just don't want to keep being bogged down by the past. That is all I ask. Please lets try. I think we can build something strong together. Together we will prevail!!!

Chill is out

delivering the goods

Hey there Internet

Today is Friday and the weekend is upon us. I am getting ready to watch the big NCAA Final Four games tomorrow night and mainly just relax. I need to rest up if I am going to hit the Just Chillin' hard next week!!! But before the weekend begins I have a a couple of surprises up my sleeves. Two to be exact! First you might want to head over to the Late Night Underground cause there is a sweet new video up. On Tuesday's show we had Wylie Gustafson, the professional yodeler on. During his segment, one of our studio cameras was able to catch something funny going on, and we are giving it to you!!! NO one else has seen this. First glimpse right over at the Late Night Underground. Enjoy!!

Crazy, right? What was he doing? Are those trombone lip exercises? I will try to get to the bottom of this.

Now onto surprise #2:
Even though I personally think it is too early to bring him back into the fold, especially with me and you hitting it off so well. I said I would, and Chill delivers on his promises. So, here is that big guy who left you for greener pastures. He stopped by briefly today and asked me to post this quick good bye message. I told him he could email me, but he insisted on writing you guys a personal note. So here it is:

And because words are not enough, I persuaded him to take a picture with me before he left us, and you, again:

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new regime rolls on

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Day 4 post-Bley is in the books and Late Night is breaking out of its mourning period. We are climbing out of our desperation pit and we are ready to conquer the world again. And by conquer the world, I mean write funny jokes, talk to sweet guests, and put on a kick-ass show.

That also goes for this blog:
First off, I have mastered the comments feature so all should be updated now and I will try to stay on top of them. No falling behind for me like Bley constantly did.

Second of all I think you all need to learn a little more about myself. You all know me from my past Late Night Insider (I mean, Just Chillin') antics and from the Late Night Underground videos but I am not always that fun, sweet, carefree guy. I also have a serious side. So to get that point across I threw up 2 more photos of me with my glasses on. This is to show you that when it is time to get down to business, the Chill can represent. Bley, on the other hand, was all fun and games. Did that dude have a serious bone in his body? Well, except for his left Femur. That bone was crazy serious. (See, that was an example of me breaking out of my serious mode and hitting you guys with a little funny). And now I am right back, so be prepared that we are going to have some real discussions on here sometimes.

And finally, I know Bley took hiatuses off from the blog. That is a big no no for Chill. I am not saying you will be hearing from me everyday over the break but I will pop on 2 or 3 days just to say hey and maybe talk about one of the sweet repeats or two.

So lets get to know one another. Tell me about yourselves and let me know of any questions you have about me in the comments below.

New regime = New rules. The future is now...

Until tomorrow...Chill is out

welcome to the future

Hey there Internet

Chill here. Based on your comments, which I promise I am going to get to (I am still getting used to this whole thing myself), most of you have been very welcoming. I know when you grow attached to something, it is hard when change occurs. So I figured instead of easing my way into this, I should move it along so we can forget the old and move on to the new. Basically, I wanted no trace of Bley at all. So instead of waiting for the Internet design team to go to work, I wiped away Late Night Insider up top and hit you with a sweet Chillemi style graffiti tag. So no more Late Night Insider, today we are Just Chillin'.

And the Future is gonna be bright folks...I have stories to tell and people I want to tell them to (you guys)!!! Today though was pretty slow day for me. Some small location shoots that did not make it onto today's show. Alot of paperwork and returning emails. Watched the same Sportscenter like 3 times, googled Aaron Bleyaert to see if there were any updates on his life, and drank like 4 Cokes. Maybe today's Future wasn't that bright but there is always tomorrow. Welcome to It...

Today's show featured Johnny Legs (I hate when people call him Leg-zam) leading off, followed by "Sulu" himself, George Takei and musical guest, The Bravery. And also for all you guys and gals out there, there will be another contest involving buckets of water and tight wardrobe. Who gets wet tonight? How can you past that up!!!

Until tomorrow...Chill is out

a dark day/new day

Hey there Internet

How are you? As many of you know my name is Jason Chillemi, proud member of the Late Night family. And speaking of proud, I am exactly that, for getting the privilege to write the Late Night Insider. What I am not proud of, besides the fact that this was the 3rd time I have written the word "proud"(4th), is that I am sorry to say that Aaron Bleyaert, research extraordinaire, will not be returning to the Late Night Insider. It is a DARK day that will only get DARKER when I let you all know that Aaron has left Late Night with Conan O'Brien. I don't know all the specifics but I know it has something to do with a new movie that has started production here in NY. He actually started last week over hiatus. I have spoken with him. He is doing well and this decision was really, really hard for him but hopefully will be better for him in the long run. Besides keeping you up to date with the comings and goings of Late Night, I promise to get more info and keep you posted about the big Bley's life. He also has said he does want to write a quick good bye to you guys at some point. So hopefully I am able to get that to you soon, with some more details about his departure.

I am going to try and carry the torch that Bley has lit and run with so triumphantly. I know you all are big time Aaron Bleyaert fans and in no way am I going to try and be like Bley. I am just going to be pure Chill all the time and hopefully that will be enough for you, the faithful fans, to accept me onto your computer screen*.

Now enough of the dreary and on to today... GREAT show today... We had the timeless Helen Mirren on. And let me tell you something she is HOT for a 62-year-old Oscar winner. But also extremely cool and her and Conan have a really fun time!!! Musical guest Carbon/Silicon, which features rock legends Mick Jones from The Clash and Tony James from Generation X, equals sweetness. But the highlight of the day involves a dude name Wylie and a Yodeling duet. That is all that needs to be said.

All right Internet, I am signing off now. Don't hate the messenger. We can get through this together. Until tomorrow... Chill is out.

*If that fails, I promise I will throw an "awecellent" in there every once in a while!!!

no blog today

due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no late night insider tonight.

Up Up and Away, MK!

Hey guys! Another awesometastic vid is up over at the LNU... A bunch of us band together and try to fix our screwed up 8th Floor microwave situation!! Oh, it's just delightful. I hope you like it!

Also, Conan's going to be a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Thursday next week!! Set your VCRs!!!

Now. Onto what happened today.

Even though we're 24 hours from being on a week long vacation, today was a dark day.

Why? Simple: Today is writer Michael Koman's last day. This is him as a hotdog (he's in NCAA Mascots tonight):

This might come as a bit of a shock to you guys, with all the feuding that him and I had going on a little while back (all completely made up, by the way), but Koman and I are actually great friends in real life, and I'm really going to miss him!! He started here at the show right after I did, and he's an extremely talented and intelligent dude - some of his more famous bits are the "Big Balls Airlines" commercial, the "iPhone" piece, "Hotdogs for Homophobes", and of course the infamous "Walker Texas Ranger Lever" (which he co-created with Andrew Weinberg). Great stuff. Things will definitely not be the same around the office without him. All of us here at the show wish him the best of luck at his new job; he's headed off to become the head writer over at Demetri Martin's new show on Comedy Central!! With those two dudes at the helm, I have no doubt that it will be a hilarious show. Thanks for the memories, buddy. It's been quite a ride!!

Have a great week off everybody!! See you on the flipside!

T Minus 1

Just one teeny tiny little itsy bitsy day to go until another week of hiatus (I know, I know, I'm sorry)... And what a crazy day it was!!!

First off, there's March Madness. As you all know, we here in the office are all a bunch of no good degenerate gamblers, so this time of the year bodes well for the spirit and POOR FOR THE COFFERS. Already today like 6 of my first round picks lost, and even though my homeboyz Michigan State won, it doesn't change the sad fact that a mere seven hours after the tourney has started, I'm ALREADY OUT. That suuuuuuuucks. My sister, by the way, is rolling strong with nary a single loss to her name! She will be murdered by sunrise. THAT'S AN AARON BLEYAERT PROMISE, KIDS.

The second crazy thing that happened today was on the show - every once in a while, we do this bit where Conan messes with a member of the audience. (Sidenote: The bit was originally conceived by accident when Brian Stack's wife Miriam was on the show as an actor - she kept making faces when the camera would cut to her, and Conan started joking around when they would cut back to him) Anyway, normally the camera keeps cutting back to one person in the audience, and COB gets upset that they're stealing his focus; which they keep doing over and over by doing zanier and zanier things. Well, we're doing the bit today on the show, and it's going okay. But then, there's supposed to be a pizza deliveryman who comes in and delivers the offending audience member a pizza... Only the delivery guy clearly wasn't watching the show backstage, because when he came in he handed it to the wrong guy. It was hilarious and crazy - he gave it to the guy IN FRONT of the guy he was supposed to - and the guy knew it was supposed to go to the guy behind him, so he's trying to shove the pizza away, but the deliveryman keeps shoving it at him... It was completely confusing and the whole audience started completely dying!!! Make sure to catch it on tonight's show!!!

The third and final thing that happened today was that we created a BRAND NEW SPORT today in Research: SLINKY BASEBALL. Check out our "bat" and "ball":

It's awesome - like playing baseball with A BAT MADE OF METAL SQUISHY WATER!!!

I broke a lamp.

(Slinky --> Lamp)

Say Hello to the Bad Guy

Guys, I am a wussbox - I didn't try to Shoot The Moon last night. The risks were too great. Were I to fail, I might have ruptured something important - like my stomach! I MIGHT HAVE NEVER EATEN AGAIN. And for this fat guy, that's too high a price to pay... It's a horror too, um, horrific to comprehend. Or even think about.

HEY YOU. There's a sweet new video up over at the Late Night Underground this evening! And unlike the last one about the lamp, it's not a piece of crap (hopefully). Yesssssss!!! Or, as Eliot Spitzer would say, WHOREAAAAYY!!!

Today I did some Big Show research, and I did the same thing that I always do whenever I do a Professional Wrestler's research... I stare wistfully out the window and wonder about whatever happened to my favorite wrestler of all time - Razor Ramon. What's he up to these days? Is he still wrestling under a different name? Did he finally get out of the biz and start that company that makes those rotisserie chicken things like he always wanted? Does he still love me? Sigh. I guess I'll never know.

Oh Razor... If you're out there somewhere reading this - be it in a cybercafe in Mali or on an iPhone in a Las Vegas Honeymoon Suite - I hope you've found whatever it was that you were looking for. And I hope that you're happy.

Also, I hope that you haven't swallowed that frickin nasty toothpick that you always had in your mouth like some kind of shady arms dealer!! What was up with that, bro??! Seriously. Even an idiot knows that it's just not safe to wrestle another man while sucking on a toothpick. And it was mucho creepy, senor!!!

For all you SDoW fans: Hit "Scott Hall" (aka Razor Ramon) to "Las Vegas Weddings" in 6 or less and you'll be my friend forever!!

Shooting The Moon

How's everybody's St. Paddy's hangover?! The zombies disappeared today... Or at least were all sleeping or something. Wait - Maybe they all wandered into the river!! That would be awesome. A sweet river of zombies!! SOMEBODY WRITE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

Great show today - the O'est of the OGs ICE T drops a sweet convo bomb on COB & America... And the super hilarious Brian Posehn stops by to crack us up with stories about how he tastes like Gummi Bears! Oh man. Our office was howling. NICE WORK, DOOD. If he had a hip hop group, it'd be called "House of Posehn". You know, like "House of Pain"? Right? That hip hop group from the 90's? They had that song "Jump Around"? Remember them? Yeah. Okay... Maybe that wasn't such a great joke. WHATEVS. I'M POSEHN IN THE MEMBRANE.

We had a sweet surprise today when Hardy and I received a big ol' package from Kentucky... That was filled with cookies and brownies and candy!!! Whaaaaaat?! Luckily, there was also a letter - and it turns out that all the goodies were from a former Research Intern of ours, Kristen!!! THANKS, DUDER!!!! Hardy and I promptly ate like 6 brownies and 20 cookies apiece. I feel really sick, guys. But you know what? I'M GOING TO SHOOT THE MOON. That's right... I'm just going to keep eating MORE cookies and brownies until my overwhelming nausea flips over and I feel awesome again!!! That's right, baby!!! THAT'S JUST HOW THE BLEY DOES.

Well, The Bley either eats himself better or eats himself sick - either I'll feel better or I'll throw my guts up. Wish me luck everybody!!!!!!

Happy St. Zombiepatrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!!!

Today I spent the day alternating between reading about Tracy Morgan and listening to drunken A-holes screaming and cheering outside. See, my window looks out on the corner of 49th st and 6th ave, so if anything loud goes down in Midtown we here in the office hear it clearly. That sucks. But usually it's worth the noise, because the view is awesome!!! Well, awesome except when that view is one of an "Army of The Unsober" stumbling around midtown! It was a little bit like being in a zombie movie at times - being trapped in a building surrounded by staggering, slobbering, uncontrollable creatures - Only, instead of brains they crave beer!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER. BEEEEEEEEER. *Vomit* BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER. Many of the Zombieholes had apparently been working on their "cravings" for quite a while, seeing as I heard my first drunken screaming Z-hole right after I got in this morning... AT 9:30AM. It's frightening, kids. Damn frightening.... Especially for someone who was as drunk as I was this morning HA HA HA KIDDING.

Tonight's show is extra special, being St. Paddy's - we've got Martha Stewart cookin' up some delicious ham on the show!!! Oh, it was the sweetest smelling rehearsal of all time today!!! Mmmmmm. Hammmm. Like Chill said, I wish I had my camera to show you guys how hard everyone was chowing down on that sweet juicy ham during the commercial break!! It was a lot like one of those Discovery Channel shows where they show piranhas going to town on a cow... Only more greasy. And I don't even think the bone was left when they were done!!!

Today's SDoW Challenge: Zombie to Ham. GO!!!

All right; I'm gonna go downstairs and see if I can't find that pan and make sure it's been, uh, properly licked down!! See you all tomorrow!!

SDoW: The Legend Continues...

Wow!! There was a HUGE response to yesterday's post about our new research game Six Degrees of Wikipedia... And Holy Moses!!! A lot of you guys who wrote in were pretty harsh on my man Lee for not being able to get from "The Great Wall of China" to "Curtains" in less than 16 steps. So to all you HATERS out there, Lee's got a few things to say....

"OK, OK, you guys are right, I totally screwed up Great Wall of China to curtains. Admittedly, it was a feeble effort - I started down a path I shouldn't have and then refused to turn back, mostly because I'm a stubborn ass. (And thanks to Aaron for posting that shameful attempt for the world to read about - nice bud, 'preciate it. You will pay.) Remember, once you get your two topics, you're only supposed to take one stab at it (you're not supposed to start all over again if you don't like where you're going), and clicking the back button is supposed to count towards your total just like clicking on a link does. At least that's how I play the game - I'm hardcore baby. And that's how I got my "wow, did ever I screw that one up" score of 16 - yeech. Two of my better efforts from yesterday were Flavor Flav to War and Peace (the book) in 6, and the Declaration of Independence to Mae West in 7. Can someone find a way to do those two in less clicks than me as well? Sure, probably. Do those people have waaay more time on their hands than I do? You betchya."

Yes, I kind of threw him under the bus yesterday. Soooo..... Sorry about that, buddy!! Also, I changed the SDoW rules a bit to make it more fun to play - I don't do that crap where you count every click you take, I just count how many steps it takes to get from one place to another. Why? BECAUSE I'M A NICE GUY WHO DOESN'T PENALIZE PEOPLE FOR CLICKING MISTAKES. When playing "Six Degrees of Wikipedia" we count DEGREES, not backclicks... Fool. But that's neither here nor there.

Something that IS here and there is the fact that there's a tad bit of controversy regarding our new little game - namely, should categories be allowed or not?! I say no - half of the challenge is getting to a broad enough topic to be able to cross over to something closer to the goal!! However, Dayton says that you SHOULD be able to use categories.... His argument being that the links are still on the page and inside Wikipedia - fulfilling the requirements for a legal link!! What do you guys think? What should the final ruling be?! We'll let the majority rule!

Here's your assignment for the weekend: "Sausage" to "Shaolin Kung Fu". Ready?! GO!!!

THE WIKI-SIX

First things first: There's a new video up over at The Late Night Underground today... So make like a librarian and CHECK IT OUT.

Now it's time for a little LATE NIGHT CONFESSION: I'm not ashamed to say it - I am a nerd. A huge nerd. My life is a constant rotation of videogames, comicbooks, sobbing, and Sci Fi novels. But what do you expect?! I'm not a stuntman; I'm a RESEARCHER - I research for a living! And because I do research all day, I'm constantly on the look out for ways to procrastinate and NOT do research. Ha ha. What? Reading can get boring! So, what do bored research nerds do when dodging responsibility? MAKE UP SWEET SWEET RESEARCHING GAMES, FOOL. In fact, We here in the office have just recently hit upon a sweet new game that we love... One that's PERFECT for all you other cubicle monkeys out there! Dig this:

It's called "Six Degrees of Wikipedia". Oh yes. Oh yessssssssss.

Here's how it works:
- One person issues a challenge; two completely random things. Say... "Aspirin" and "Io" (one of Jupiter's Moons).
- Go to Wikipedia.
- Using the links in the entries (only the links of other Wikipedia articles) you have to get from one to the other in the least number of clicks. So, if I was going from Aspirin to Io, I would do this:

1.) I start at the page for Aspirin.

2.) Reading along, I'm clearly already in a science category, but I need something much more broad, that might have grander scientific topics. I see a link for Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine, and I'm hoping that it'll be a page with a giant list of crazy stuff! It's worth a shot, anyway...

3.) Aaannnnnnnnd success!! A big list with a lot of different crap. Okay, well, if I'm gonna make it all the way to one of Jupiter's Moons, I know I have to get to a page with less chemistry... So when I see a link to X-ray, I take it!

4.) From there, I go to the link for Astronomy... It's all coming together...

5.) On the Astronomy page, I zero in on the link to Planets.

6.) Then I click on good ol' Jupiter... Almost there...

7.) ...And voila!! I DOUBLETAP THE MOUSE AND HIT THE LINK TO IO!! SUCCESS IN SIX CLICKS, SUCKA!!! (Your milage may vary). I'm not sure it's possible to get from any topic to any topic in ONLY six steps, but the person who can do it with the fewest clicks is the winner!!

Like I said, we're all a bunch of nerds, so we're digging this game pretty hard. Whaddya think? Want to give it a try? How about one I posed to our web guy, Lee Dayton: "The Great Wall of China" to "Curtains" (the things that hang on windows, not the Broadway show). It took him 16 steps... Think you can do better!? LET'S SEE IT!

Man. We are a bunch of bored nerds.

Peep That S***, Got Deep And It Was On...

I'm feeling a bit... Funny. Why? Easy: Snoop D.O. double G is on the show today, and the studio hallways are all filled with... A "Sweet smelling" haze! As is usual around the show when Snoop appears, the sticky icky icky was in full effect today - I mean, I'm sure that it was just incense or whatever (Dear Dogg: Please don't cap my ass. Thanks.)

The best part about having Snoop on the show, actually, is his crazy entourage! Man, that guy travels in style, and travels with people who have names like "June Bug". It's awesome!! Plus, Snoop is a super cool and nice dude, which always helps things!! Actually, If I remember correctly, a couple times back he did our show and then went back to his dressing room - and him and some of his buddies played some PS2 basketball game until like 10pm!! Man. I can't think of anyone's life that I'd rather have! The guy's got major street cred, and yet he still coaches little league football!! He's friends with both David Beckham... AND dudes named "June Bug"!!! How much cooler could your life get?!?? Snoop's The Man!!

In other, COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWZ: Like I've mentioned before, our Research Office has gone through some changes as of late: For one, we've added everybody's favorite blind date, Grace Parra, to the Research fold... And, like you would imagine, it has changed the office dynamic. Let me get right to the point; with the addition of Grace, our office has hit "Critical Mass" on girl-related crap. Don't believe me? Here's a typical scene from our office as of late:

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Fresh Tesh!

That's right - the rumors are true: JOHN TESH IS ON OUR SHOW TODAY! And what's he plugging, you ask? HIS NEW HIP HOP DVD. I am not making this up. You can't make this stuff up. New Age Music + Hip Hop = JOHN TESH BEING A MAD GENIUS!!! Seriously. The guy is awesome, and a great friend to our show - I mean, who else would play a keytar in a pen of wild turkeys on Thanksgiving? Who else would ride a bicycle made for three with Vigoda & Shatner? WHO ELSE WOULD COME ON OUR SHOW AFTER WE REPEATEDLY SHOW CLIPS OF HIM AS LURCH FROM THE MUNSTERS?

Only T-Dawg would. You gotta love The Tesh, baby! He's like a sugarsnap in the summertime!

I did Tesh's research and I read his book and everything... I wasn't worried about his segment at ALL, because, well, he's the man! He's got a great sense of humor, and he always kills. We're talking money in the BANK, people! COMEDY GREENBACKS. Awesome. The dude is hilarious AS WELL as being a super talented musician! Unbelievable!!

Speaking of hilarious and super talented individuals, head on over to Late Night Underground for a sexy little video featuring the hidden talents of one of our sickhouse monologue writers, Guy Nicolucci!! I hope you like it!!

Aaron's "Room 101" = Giant Freaky Spiders With Huge Fangs & Creepy Long Legs

WE'RE BACK LIKE JACK BLACK IN A BURLAP SACK!

How was everyone's week last week? Really? That's DOPE/FRESH!!

Late Night is back on the airwaves... And SICKER THAN EVER.

See, tonight we have Mark "Dr. Bugs" Moffett on the show, and - how do I put this? - tonight's show might be the hardest show I've had to watch in my seven years of working here. It doesn't help that I have a thing about creepy giant spiders with long legs... And it doesn't help that Conan has one ON HIS FACE FOR ALMOST THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW. Ewwww. I seriously was like freaking out during the whole segment - especially when it crawled up back behind his ear and sat there like it was laying eggs in his brain!! Seriously, dude. SERIOUSLY. DOOD. NOT COOL.

Normally I'm as manly as can be, but that was just too much. It was COMPELIVISON, people. YOU JUST CAN'T STOP WATCHING NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE IT IS... And trust me, that puppy is freaky! Sweaty-wake-up-in-the-middle-of-a-nightmare-screaming-for-momma-time, here I come!!

Take a look for yourself and see what I'm talking about. Caution: You might never sleep ever again:

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Happy Leap Day!!

Happy Leap Day, everybody!! Leap Day is one of my favorite holidays, primarily because it only happens once every four years!! I like it also because it's a holiday dedicated to a mistake - we have leap day because we don't properly account for the Earth's rotation around the sun or the Earth's rotation around itself or because King Ralph or whomever forgot to carry the one when they decided to divide up a year into 365 days. Oops! Who let John Goodman become the head of a country, anyway?!

Mostly the reason why I like Leap Day so much is because it's a good way to measure yourself. As you all know, I am into self improvement. Karate, Origami, Bungee Jumping; these are all things that I've learned... How to spell properly. BECAUSE I AM COMMITTED TO SELF IMPROVEMENT AND ALSO EDUCATION. I am never satisfied with how I am as a person. Sure, I am good looking. Tall. Tanned. Funny. Dreamy voice. Pretty eyes. Half a beard. 80 pounds overweight BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH. I feel like I could do better. Like, REALLY pretty eyes! A FULL beard!! 100 pounds overweight!!! My point is, we've all got goals.

See, every year on New Year's we make these promises to ourselves... These "Resolutions". I'll lose weight. I'll try to start recycling. I'll try to stop making you feel so bad about yourself by being so perfect. IT'S HARD TO KEEP THESE RESOLUTIONS, PEOPLE.... But you know what? Sure, it's hard to improve yourself, but it's even harder to do it in just one year. Why put such a tight time constraint on yourself?! See, yes - I am into self improvement. But I am ALSO extremely lazy and a terrible procrastinator. There's NO WAY that I can actually make a decision and change my life in just a year!! Ha ha ha ha!!! I need AT LEAST four years to make any kind of headway at all on this thing that I'm increasingly realizing is supposed to be "My LIfe".

I think you see where I'm going with this: Nudity. Just kidding.

IT'S TIME FOR SOME LEAP DAY RESOLUTIONS!!! That's right. Look deep within yourself and tell us... Where do you want to be in four years? What do you want to have accomplished by then? What do you want to be doing? Who do you want to be doing? You get my meanings, yes?

YOU'VE GOT A WEEK TO THINK ABOUT IT - because we've got next week off so no blogeroo - AND THEN I WANT SOME ANSWERS, SUCKA.

Have a great weekend and an amazing week, y'all!! See you in seven!

3...2...1.... FEEL DISAPPOINTED! GO!!!

Okay, I have good news and bad news... Which do you want first? The good news? Really? Because most people choose the ba - no, no, that's fine. I'll go good news first:

Today I had to make good on my bet of losing the Oscar Pool to Stage Manager Steve Hollander.

The Bad News: HE ONLY HAD ME WEAR A WIG!! THAT'S IT:

The bet was that, whichever one of us got less points on The Late Night Oscar Pool this year would have to dress up as a character from the movie that won Best Picture... A character of the winner's discretion. So "No Country For Old Farts" won Best Picture, and Hollander had me dress up like the villain of the flick, Anton Chigurh... I mean, I GUESS it was dressing up!!! That's it, dudebro!? JUST A WIG?! YOU MADE ME WAIT IN FEAR FOR THREE DAYS AND THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS. A. WIG?! You can be DAMN sure that if I had won, Hollander would be in heels, dress, long blonde wig, handbag, etc. What's that? Yes, I am a SORE WINNER.

But you know what I ain't? A sore loser. I am a good loser and a trooper and a joker and a midnight toker and I abide by all the wishes of the winner... No matter how soft or lame or WEAK they might be. The rules were simple - if I ever left my chair at all during the day, the wig had to be on:

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Zzzzzz

Boooooooooooooo.

Hollander STILL has not delivered on the win of his bet. I'm bored with this, dudes. BORED BORED BORED. At this point, the joke is ON HIM. Am I right, Secret Internet Army of the Night?! Yes. So, unlike Hollander, I am a man of my word... And I promised a stupid looking picture of myself today. SO HERE IT IS:

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Blunder Bear!!

Okay look; I lost the Oscar pool. Hollander beat me, 25 to 22 points. Honestly, I never thought it would be that close... But it doesn't really MATTER how close it was, because I LOST. Is anyone really that surprised?

So, if you remember the bet, the loser (me) has to dress up as a character from the movie that won Best Picture... Which was No Country For Old Men. Fine. Obviously, Hollander is gonna make me dress up like Anton Chigurh, the psychopathic killer with the madcap haircut. As the winner, that's his right - however, we were going to do a Chigurh bit on the show today, so the costume was unavailable... Which means that I have to dress up tomorrow!!! The Humiliation Executioner's blade has been stayed for another day. How delightful. So I've got that to look forward to. Right now, I'm stuffing my face with donuts, hoping to gain 500 lbs by tomorrow so that my head won't fit into that wig!! Wish me luck.

Even though all y'all were expecting some sweet pictures of my public humiliation, I have an even BETTER surprise for you... So stop the whining and curb the pining, cuz the Sweetness Train is pulling into the station! TOOT TOOT BABY!!!

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TRIPLE. DIGIT. BEARD. ACTION.

Well... That's it!

Our Strike Beard Ebay Auction has just come to a close, and WHAT A BREATHTAKING FINALE!!! It seemed like Doylia had it all but sewn up... Only to have redcatmcgee & crutchy-mccrutch swoop in and tangle in a heated battle at the last minute, bringing the price up to 101 dollars!!! Unbelievable!! Redcatmcgee, if you're reading this, CONGRATULATIONS!! We will put our beards in the mail on Monday! To everyone else: Thanks so much for bidding and making our Late Night auction a success. What started off as a stupid experiment ended up becoming a REALLY stupid experiment! Now comes the fun part... WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THE MONEY?!? We're open to suggestions... For instance, 101 bucks can buy a lot of Hannah Montana CDs. What? I'm just sayin. Sometimes Bley just needs to rock Miley Cyrus style, you dig? GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY SHE'S AWESOME.

So I've got to come clean about something - every year in our office, we do a little gambling. That's right. Jason "Chilldog" Chillemi huffs and he puffs and he throws together a show wide Oscar Pool. It is fun and it is awesome and I have never even come CLOSE to winning the stupid thing. But who cares, right? Not me! Nothing much is at stake; I don't pride myself on knowing a lot about movies (well, movies that don't have zombies in them) so it's not like I need to win to secure any bragging rights or anything (Unlike Bruce Brumage, who fills out two every year! Oh, Brumage.) The stakes this year, however, are somewhat higher for myself and my "Lil Oscar Pool Ballot That Could".

Let me explain.

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Cough, Cough, Sip, Repeat

Sweet baby Jesus, our Strike Beard Ebay auction is up to 29 Dollars!! American!!! I think I've hit upon a sweet new way to make money, folks - it's called not shaving. Which means that I'm actually making money from doing LESS ACTIVITY!!! It's like I work at the Best Buy near my house in Queens!!! HA HA HA AM I RIGHT, GUYS? Seriously. That place will suck the love out of your heart. I think they pump like sleeping gas and nachos into the air in that place - mostly because everyone who works there is like half asleep and smells like nachos. It is a place both delicious and infuriating - AN EMOTIONAL PARADOX, PEOPLE. And all I wanted to buy was an extra Wii controller. Sigh.

Although there was something rehearsed in rehearsal today, COB didn't feel like we really had what it took to take out the raccoon tonight, which means only one thing - KEEP THOSE RACCOON SHOOT EM UP ENTRIES COMING!!! I've seen a bunch of good ones, and we've all got our favorites here, but nothing has really brought it home yet!!! I'll give you guys a little inside tip - the best entries seem to be the ones that are simple, yet also different. As Ralph will tell you, that's the kind of stuff that these dudes are looking for!!! Think you've got the perfect plan for Raccoon destruction?!? Pop on over to our favorite underground site Late Night Underground and send us that sweet sweet mind honey (aka "awecellent ideas")!!!!

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Carnival Of Mucus

Hahahaha... Well, Conan goes for a SECOND attempt at that damn raccoon tonight - and not to ruin it for anybody, but he's not exactly successful!! Wait, I guess I ruined it for everybody. HA HA SORRY KIDS.

Tonight we use a viewer's suggestion to try and take that screeching mofo out, BUT IT'S NO USE!!! You know what that means... WE NEED MORE VIEWER SUGGESTIONS. Come on, people!!! Is that the best you've got?! Put those alcohol soaked, caffeine tweaked brainpans to use for something important for ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND HELP US SHOOT DOWN THIS RACCOON. As always, head over to Late Night Underground Dot Com and submit your entries!!! With a little luck and some good thinkin', YOU COULD SAVE OUR SHOW FROM THIS OPPRESSIVE AERIAL MENACE.

In other news... Do you like whining? Do you like crybabies? Do you like hearing whining crybabies rant about being sick? THEN THE REST OF THIS POST IS FOR YOU!!!

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$10.45

I hope you people have been thinking long and hard about shooting Screeching Raccoons with Jetpacks, because that baby IS STILL UP THERE, TAUNTING US. We need your help - come up with the best way to shoot him down, and we'll do your idea on the air!!! Head over to Late Night Underground and send us your drawings, sketches, blueprints and plans!!! LET'S KNOCK THAT MAMMAL OUTTA THE AIR!!!

Out here in Internetland, our Strike Beard Ebay Auction is going strong at over 10 bucks!!! WOW!!! Get in there and make your bids - THERE'S ONLY THREE DAYS LEFT!!

And on our show tonight... Probably the greatest musical guest I've ever seen. His name is Jake Shimabukro, and he plays the Ukulele. Just totally, absolutely amazing and magical. Definitely make sure you check it out. Everyone up here in the offices were all completely silent, staring at The Feed for his entire performance. Truly incredible. Nice work, Jake!!!

Hit Us With Your Best Shot... Fire Away!

We start out the week with MAJOR STRENGTH. For everyone who loved the craziness of our strike shows, and wished for a little more COB style insanity, MAKE SURE TO WATCH TONIGHT. Conan tries to shoot the Screeching Raccoon with a Jetpack out of the sky with a giant tennis ball air cannon!!!

Unfortunately, he's unsuccessful.

FORTUNATELY, however, YOU CAN HELP US!!!

Just like we did with the World Famous Late Night Zipline, LATE NIGHT NEEDS YOUR HELP WITH THIS JETPACK RACCOON SITUATION. So think up a good idea, sketch it out, and then head over to the Late Night Underground and send it to us!!! We're looking for any and all (illustrated) thoughts, plans, & ideas on how to knock this rabid raccoon outta the sky! Just like the Zipline, if we like your idea, we'll do it on the show!!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

Answer: Tres Awesome!!!!

Speaking of things that are awesome, the Late Night Strike Beard Ebay Auction continues!!! That's right - you have the once in a lifetime opportunity to buy a piece of Late Night history... THAT WE GREW WITH OUR FACES!!!! Check out the auction here and make a bid... The last time I checked, we were up to 3 bucks!!! I'd like to mention that these beards are totally free range, and organic - you know, if that's influencing your decision at all. BID ALREADY!!

So that's TWO assignments for all you party people out there tonight... GET TO WORK!!!

110224906628

Hello and Happy Friday!! I hope you all had great Valentine's Days yesterday - I did a lot of drinking and crying and staring into the mirror, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Not because it was Valentine's Day, mind you - just because that's what I do EVERY Thursday night!!

I'm still having issues getting used to this whole new "clean shaven" thing!! It's very strange. Chill and I filmed the shaving of our beards (of course), and there's a nice little Underground video up tonight that proves it!! I hope you all like it - I was pretty busy today, so I had to edit it all in like 20 minutes!!! Sorry about that! I probably shouldn't have said anything. ;)

I'm sure many of you are wondering what's up with the title of this post. You all think that I've finally broken my brain, haven't you?! Well, I HAVE gone a little insane... But there's a reason for those numbers up there. See, they're not just random numbers - THAT'S THE ITEM NUMBER OF OUR NEW EBAY AUCTION:

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HELLO, LADIES.

The strike is over, and so are our Strike Beards!!! Man oh man. It feels REALLY weird to not have any hair on my face anymore - the last time I shaved was in NOVEMBER. Craziness!!! It's kind of like when you have braces, and then you get them off and your teeth feel all smooth and weird - except all over your face!! Crazy. Also, I'm sad to note that my fat doublechin is back in FULL EFFECT. And it looks like I have a weirdly shaped face again. Man. Maybe that beard wasn't such a bad thing after all!! (Although things like eating, drinking, and brushing my teeth have all become MUCH easier!) Looking at pictures of me with a beard, it's almost as if it was allllll a dream.... But then I scratch all the razor burn I have all over my face, and it seems real again! Ouch.

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CHECKMATE.

The Strike is over. The beards are gone. Madness tomorrow.

Until then, check out how some other Late Nighters got rid of their beards.

That Jack Frost, He's A Real Flake! GET IT?!?

Hopfully tomorrow will be the end of the strike... And, of course, THE END OF OUR STRIKE BEARDS. It's been a long, hard, hairy road. A road that hopefully is at its end! And if it DOES end, we'll have to do something special!! What, you ask? I have no idea!!! Ha ha ha. We'll think of something, though. That I promise you.

Today I helped out with a shoot that took place outside... And man, it was TERRIBLE. I mean, it hasn't snowed in months, and we haven't shot anything outside in months - yet THE ONE DAY WE TRY TO SHOOT SOMETHING OUTSIDE IT'S A MAJOR BLIZZARD TWO TIMES. What gives?! Stupid Mother Nature. You know what? I'm going home tonight and spraying a dozen cans of hairspray outside in my backyard. Let's get the global warming thing up and running already!!! TAKE THAT, JACK FROST.

So many of these wrtierless shows have broken the boundried of late night talk shows, and tonight is no exception!! Another first today, as COB takes us to a place NEVER BEFORE SEEN BY THE EYES OF MAN... Okay, that's not EXACTLY true, but Conan DOES take us on a little tour of a place that very few people have ever seen before!!! Oh; and it's really gross! Bonus!

See you all tomorrow... WILL THE WRITERS RETURN?!?!? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!

The Big Surprise...

... IS HERE! Head over to Late Night Underground to check it out!!

Come on, that was pretty cool, right? Sorry for the delay, but we had to have Jon and Stephen sign off on it - the only problem is that neither one of them has shows on Friday, so we couldn't track them down in time to put it up!! But hey - it was worth the wait, no?! I thought it was just supercool to see three of the funniest guys on TV just hanging out and joking around!!! Good stuff.

Well, it's Monday, and rumors are flying fast and furious that this whole strike might actually get settled - and that we might have our writers back as early as Wednesday!!! Madness!!! I, for one, am extremely happy to see my old buddies once again - for instance, this is the longest I've ever gone in my WHOLE LIFE without seeing Kevin Dorff!!! I know, I know... It's seems impossible, but it's true!! So let's all keep our fingers crossed that this thing gets resolved!!

Awesome show tonight... Conan sings a duet with (a very nervous) Susie Santomauro!! Don't miss it!!

Bley Hole

Cccccccccccccrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.

All right, guys. Let me say right upfront that my "Big Friday Surprise" isn't happening. I'm sorry. For it to happen, certain things had to come together, and for a number of different reasons, it just couldn't happen today. Again, I apologize. HOWEVER, there is a silver lining... And that silver lining is called "Monday'!! So, with a little luck, you will all stop hating me then. Sorry.

Sorry.

Anyway, it's Friday! And you know what that means: MORE INSANITY ON OUR SHOW TONIGHT. Conan unveils his new, um, "invention"... And more importantly, Conan makes a strike at the Ring Spinning title with the help of an MIT Physicist!!! WILL HE BREAK THE WORLD RECORD OF 41 SECONDS?!??? Oh, my babies. You know me better than that. Watch tonight to find out!!!

Man. I feel really bad about letting you all down. Monday, people! Monday!! Until then, please enjoy something that we haven't done in a while... A STRIKE BEARD UPDATE!!!

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Super Tour Thursday!

Today's show has it all - Hot sexy women! Threat of death and/or severe bodily harm! And, of course, Conan O'Brien! Awesome!

Today on the show we did an incredible thing - Conan grabs a random audience member, and takes them on a whirlwind tour of our backstage area... Which quickly turns into a sprint all around the NBC building!! Unbelieveable!!! I was worried, because more often than not when you pick someone random from the audience, things can go horribly wrong; it happens every so often in a desk drive here and there. It really sucks, because the wrong douche can really screw things up - you want the person to be nervous, but not paralyzed; excited, but not insane; funny, but not wiseassy; the list goes on and on. But you see what I'm saying, right? It's always a crapshoot whether or not a particular sketch or bit os going to work anyway, and so adding a completely unknown variable can mean complete disaster... But can also produce an amazing, hilarious comedy bit - which is what happened tonight!! Conan picked Chris out of the crowd, and the guy was absolutely PERFECT... And as a result, the "Whirlwind Backstage Tour" was a home run!!! I won't spoil it for you, but there are a lot of perfect little moments in there that could never have happened without improv magic (okay, just one - I love it when Chris is barrelling down the stairs and yells out breathlessy "I love you, Conan!". It was PERFECT!). So yeah! Check that out tonight!!

And BOY OH BOY DO I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR ALL OF YOU - and EXCLUSIVE kickass totallyotally awesome surprise... That I'll share with you tomorrow!! Ha ha ha LET IT BURN.

Enjoy the show!!

Let The Good Times Roll!

Hey kids! Hey adults! Hey old people! Hey... Corpses? How's it going?

My beard is insane. Completely insane. I can feel it working its way back into my face and up into my brain and fiddling with... Things up there. Not good. Pics tomorrow. However, I've been reading good ol' Google news, and am cautiously optimistic that the writer's strike will be solved soon... Keep your fingers crossed!!

Tonight on the show, LaBamba almost gets his junk clipped - and lemme tell you, he almost wet himself in rehearsal! It was awesome. Oh, by the way, WE'VE GOT A KNIFE THROWER ON TONIGHT'S SHOW. I think you can put two and two together! ;)

Like I promised yesterday, if you were unfortunate enough to miss the sweet ass ALL OUT LATE NIGHT BRAWL that took place Monday night, have no fear!! I've posted links to the whole thing below to help you catch up!!

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I Hate To Say I Told You So

... But I told you so!! How awesome was that little slice of Late Night Armageddon last night?! Did you manage to catch all three shows?! If not, have no fear - I'll post all the videos and links tomorrow, so you can see what's blowing everyone's mind!!!

Speaking of "blowing minds" (nice segue, Bley!), we've got a BRAND NEW VIDEO UP OVER AT THE UNDERGROUND TONIGHT!!! Yeah!! Why, you ask? Well, because I love you. But ALSO because there was a major Strahan snafu tonight, and we've got it all on tape!

What happened was this: The Superbowl Champion NY Giants Defensive End Michael Strahan was on the show tonight. However, 5pm rolls around and Strahan isn't here... But we weren't that worried; the Giants had a "Giant" Superbowl parade today, things were crazy for Strahan, etc. However, when we couldn't raise him on his cellphone - and we found out that he wasn't with anyone else - we started to get worried. Frantic backstage phonecalls ensued, resulting in someone tracking Strahan down. That was the good news. The BAD news was that he was OUTSIDE OF MANHATTAN, and was stuck in traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel! It was a debacle!! Strahan ended up getting to our show, but very late - late enough that we had to tape the segments all out of order! So, The Underground video tonight is the sweet sweet COB improv that studio audience saw... And NOT what you'll see at home!! Enjoy, y'all!!

LATE NIGHT ARMAGEDDON

People.

I'm not sure how many of you watch The Daily Show or The Colbert Report as well as our show... But tonight, you will DEFINITELY want to see all three. I don't care if you have to go to a wedding, a funeral, or both. BRING A TV AND WATCH IT. Put a cover on the couch and a diaper on your butt, because things are gonna get crazy! DO NOT MISS THESE SHOWS.

Tonight, History is made.

Tonight, Destiny takes hold.

TONIGHT, THE HUCKABEE FEUD ENDS.

OH SNAPS

Hey Colbert & Stewart: Keep talking junk, and Conan is going to come over to your studio and shut you up... PERMANENTLY. In other words, you boys better check yourself before you WRECK yourself!!

A little preview of tonight's show:

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You Know Who DOES Have That Sweet Sweet Oprah Dough? OPRAH.

I miss our writers, and I want them back soon... But I have to say - these strike shows have been INSANE.

For instance... Today's show.

I think you'll want to check it out.

I don't want to ruin the surprise - I'm a big fan of surprises - but on today's show, Conan lays a MAJOR super awecellent surprise on the audience!!! And NO, it's not that everyone gets a car, dude. Sigh. What show do you think you're dealing with!!? We don't have that kind of sweet sweet Oprah dough! We can't even afford a SPINNING RING, people - Conan has to use his own!! I will give you a hint and tell you that it uses donuts, two beachballs, and a dummy... Can you guess what happens?! Ha ha ha.

Regardless of the cost, the "audience surprise" on tonight's show is still great... And I don't think it's building it up too much to say that it's BREAKING ALL THE RULES OF TELEVISION AND PRODUCING SOMETHING NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN THE HISTORY OF THE BROADCAST MEDIUM. I'm not overselling it, am I?

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The Beastmaster Reigns Supreme

I've said this before, but it's always a really fun day when we have animals on the show.

First of all, we usually get to go down to the studio to watch, which is pretty sweet... And breaks up the workday rather nicely!

Second of all, it's just COOL. Animals are awesome, and when you're sitting in the studio audience, you realize that the whole thing is really a lot more of an experiment in "controlled chaos" than people realize. Contrary to what it looks like on the ol' idiot box, our studio is really NOT that large - and having animals like an alligator or a huge golden eagle that close to you is pretty shocking/freaky/dangerous (which, coincidentally, is the name of my new poetry slam album... Aaron Bleyaert: Shocking/Freaky/Dangerous)!! I mean, if the animal were to get loose in the studio, it would really be insane... And the thing is, that almost happens every single time we have animals on.

One of the reasons I think why animals are always so great on our show is that COB doesn't like to rehearse too much with the animals - he won't really pick them up or play with them before the cameras start rolling. I mean, it's not that he doesn't like them, it's because he likes stuff to be fresh and spontaneous for the actual show!! He's saving the gold for YOU, party people!! I think it's a strategy that's really paid off over the years, because we've always had AWESOME animal segments where anything can happen... Including death!! Gee whiz! THAT would be something, wouldn't it!?

I joke, but in fact there was a show a few years back where a HUGE 12 foot python all of a sudden went totally SNAKECRAZY and started thrashing around like mad - even with four people holding it. That snake wasn't takin' no guff from no one, yo!! The writhing nightmare was thisclose to getting loose in the studio - to the point where Conan & the trainer actually had to run over to the monologue area to escape the gigantic serpent!!! That was pretty insane - I'll see if I can hunt down that clip and post it on here for you all to see tomorrow!

Today, Beastmaster Jeff Corwin was nice enough to stop by our show with some really awesome... Uh... Beasts! Yeah!! Rehearsal was pretty fun - Corwin got stuck with like 10 porcupine quills on his hand, but otherwise everything went smoothly...And of course, Corwin's appearance on the show was fantastic! I can't believe that we've never had that guy on! He was just a supercool and nice dude! After tonight, I think you'll agree with me in hoping that he comes back real soon!!!

Oh - and more Turtle Racing tonight... Except with ROCKETS!!! I think I speak for all the other ten-year-olds out there when I say: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Also On The Show Tonight: Turtle Racing

Thanks to everyone who wrote in and liked my little cameo on the show last night! And to those of you who DIDN'T like it... Thanks for NOT writing in and keeping your traps shut!!!

It's funny - even though we haven't done one lately, Conan still does the Ring Spin in rehearsal all the time! Call it a habit, call it an obsession, call it a time wasting habitual obsession - whatever it is, it's a constant here at the show. Lately however, both on the show and in rehearsal, COB's spins have been pretty weak. He can't seem to break into the 30 second range, no matter what he does. It's bizarre. So, for some reason, I recently decided that it was my duty to try to help The Rooster out in his quest for that elusive 42 seconds. Bley to the rescue!

Now, we always run tape on rehearsals, and we actually have his record-making 41 second Ring Spin on tape - this is nerdy, but I decided to go back and study the tape to see what, if anything, he's been doing wrong lately... And I think I figured it out: IT'S HIS FOLLOW THROUGH. His more recent spins have fallen victim to a stunted right hand motion! I went and told him this, and LO AND BEHOLD, today he came INCREDIBLY close to breaking the record of 41 seconds... He hit 39!!! The whole studio let out a huge gasp... And then a huge groan! THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. BLEY WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY. I guess I'm his Ring Spin coach?! Whatever - he's sure to break 41 soon, and I don't care what folks say... I'm taking the credit (a little, anyway)!!

Today, we've got the NBC Newstastic (and extremely tall man) David Gregory, the Motocrosstastic Travis Pastrana, and the amazingly Walshtastic Kate Walsh on the show!! Also, a special treat for you Late Night Underground fans out there (and you freaks know who you are, wink wink), make sure to watch for a little cameo of my main man Chillemi on this evening's program!! Keep your eyes peeled, yo! Later!

Just Like A Baby's Ass!

Welcome back, everybody!! What did you all do last week?! One day, I played Xbox for 13 hours straight! (wait, did I just think that, or write it?). Anyway, we hit the ground running tonight, as our show STORMS back on the air with some SHOCKING revelations, some HILARIOUS comedy, and some COMPLETELY SEXY RESEARCH ACTION!!!

From the SHOCKING REVELATIONS dept: You all know that this blog is called "The Late NIght Insider", and here's some EXCLUSIVE Insider goo that you guys are the first to know: CONAN HAS SHAVED HIS BEARD OFF. Yes, it's true. Sorry, kids - it's gone! No beard! He's clean shaven! We all still support our writers (of course) - but as we all know, solidarity is more than beard-deep!! How in the world did this happen, you ask? Simple! With a pair of clippers and a safety razor! Oh, jokes!! (Seriously though, seeing him without a beard took a little getting used to. His face is so... Hairless!)

From the HILARIOUS COMEDY dept: Having done away with the beard, COB takes matters into his own hands once again, by taking control over directiing the show!!! It's hilarious - I have no idea where he got it, but Conan has this little camera switcher on the show tonight that lets him (instead of Director Allan Kartun) switch between cameras!! Awesome!!! It's amazing what a few different camera angles and a little mugging with do!

And finally... From the COMPLETELY SEXY RESEARCH ACTION dept: Make sure to tune in, because I am on the show this evening!!! Yes way! It was a little something that we shot before last week's break... And is all about an issue near and dear to my heart - the bathroom!! See, I have a litle problem with the men's room on the 9th floor, and, well, Conan heard about my problem and decided to TAKE ACTION. What an awesome boss!! I think he came up with a really great solution - BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO TUNE IN TONIGHT TO SEE WHAT IT IS!!! I really hope you guys all like it and think it's funny. Also, I can finally check "being pulled on a sled along with a urinal" off my own personal "Bucket List"!!! Finally!! That was one that I was worried would never happen!!

See you all on the flipside!! Watch tonight and lemme know what you think!!

Start Your Feud Engines!

How interesting. How very... INTERESTING.

As all you regular readers of The Late Night Insider know, us Late Night talk shows are all friendly with one another... And none more so than Late Night with Conan O'Brien and The Colbert Report. There's a mutual respect between our show and theirs, and rightfully so - many Report staff members were one time Late Night staff members!!! Great. Awesome. Everyone wins.

Now I like Stephen Colbert. I like Stephen Colbert's show. HOWEVER, Stephen Colbert somehow thinks that he's responsible for the success of Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee!! Clearly, he is mistaken. And clearly, STEPHEN COLBERT HAS STARTED A WAR. For you fools who missed it, I'll let The Man himself explain what's going on:

(Also, pay particular attention to how STEPHEN Colbert's name is spelled in the caption above. Come on, NBC!! You guys are morons!! Do you live under a rock?! Sheesh. PS - Good catch, Nicole!!)

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Chimps & Chumps

I got up this morning, took a deep breath, and smelled something in the air. What was it? Excitement? Anticipation? The scent of awesome things about to come? No, my babies - IT WAS ALL THREE. Wny? Simple... CONAN CHRISTOPHER O'BRIEN IS ON THE COVER OF ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY THIS WEEK!!!!!

As if that wasn't cool enough, COB himself wrote a hilarious "Strike Diary" about how things have been during the Writer's Strike! Check out a little sneak peek RIGHT HERE, SUCKA!!!

Oh, but that's not all. As you might guess, there was an awecellent "castaway style" photo shoot with COB and a chimp (as evidenced above), and EW takes you BEHIND THE SCENES in a series of short videos you can check out right here!

And if THAT wasn't enough... You know that we here at The Insider like to give you guys the EXTRA SPECIAL Late Night goo that you can't get anywhere else - so I'm happy to say that we've got our very own EXCLUSIVE, BEHIND THE BEHIND THE SCENES SPECIAL REPORT by none other than Late Night's very own Lord Of Public Relations, Marc Liepis, who witnessed the madness firsthand!!!

I'll let Lieps take it from here...

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Look, I'm Better At Post-Its Than Tools

WOW!!!

Sweet Lord - you people have some crazy Zip Line ideas... Lucky for us all, Conan picks two of his favorites and does them on the show tonight!! I just came up from watching it happen in the studio, and it does not disappoint!!! Man. Our show has gotten DANGEROUS!! And I can only hope that it continues. Why? Because I like seeing people get hurt HA HA HA JUST KIDDING GUYS.

You know what else continues? OUR HUNGER FOR YOUR ZIP LINE IDEAS. Head over to our "Dangerous" Late Night site, Late Night Underground Dot Com, and show us what you got! Do it, fool!!

Hmm... Let's see... What else of interest happened today? Oh, I KNOW! I went all Bob Vila up in this plizace and FIXED MY CRAPPY BROKEN CUCKOO CLOCK:

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Zippity Doo Dah!

The people have spoken! (That's you, by the way)

The response to Conan's Sweet Sweet Zip Line has been absolutely tremendous!!! Keep that artwork and those ideas coming in, folks!! Tonight Conan shows a bunch of his favorites on the air, and tomorrow... Well, tomorrow hopefully those favorites will become REALITY!! Never has a Late Night talk show host risking his life been this much fun! Am I right, y'all?! Sooo... If you've got any ideas (or any MORE ideas) about how to make Conan's Zip LIne more dangerous or exciting, head on over to everyone's favorite underground website, Late Night Underground, and let us know about them!!

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Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!

Welcome back, party people! I hope you all had a good weekend! Well, everyone but YOU. Aaannnnd you. Sorry. You two are jerks.

Today's show is another doozy, as Conan risks LIFE AND LIMB FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT!!! There's nothing better than Late Night death defying stunts, is there?!?? THERE'S A ZIP LINE!!! THERE'S SMOKE!! THERE'S DANGER!! If you miss the show tonight YOU ARE A FOOL. Do you hear me, Internet?!? A FOOL.

Sorry to get so worked up. Just watch, okay? I don't want to have to hurt anyone.

Also, once you've watched tonight's show, you might want to head over to The Underground and submit your DANGEROUS & AWECELLENT Zip Line ideas or artwork to help make it more CRAZY & EXCITING!!!! Seriously. If we like what we see, it could end up on the show! So whether you've got art skillz or no, I wanna see some kickass stuff!! Don't disappoint me, Internet. Don't disappoint me.

Oh tonight's show is a doozy. A MAJOR DOOZY.

Hey... What's a doozy, anyway?

I Promise You That It's Not My Booty

Well... The People have spoken, and we have delivered (hopefully)!! There's FINALLY a brand new video up over at The Late Night Underground for all to enjoy! And I'm not going to spill the beans about the ending, so DON'T EVEN ASK, SUCKA. Okay, maybe I'll spill the beans if you ask nicely. Ha ha.

Those of you lucky enough to catch last Friday's show SHOULD know what's coming tonight... But those who didn't are in for quite a surprise!! What can I say, other than the fact that The Man does it all! And this time he's wearing a WHITE hat, which I'm much more into!

Today's show was pretty awesome - because Conan & I are nearly the same height, I got to be his stand in for the laser light show!! It was fun, but really nerve wracking; everyone kept saying "DON'T LOOK BACK! DON'T LOOK INTO THE LASERS OR YOU'LL BE BLINDED!!" I looked once by accident(!), but I think everything's okay... However, I think my right eye can see into the future!! Sweetness!! You're going to get a terrible papercut tomorrow.

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Tony's No Phoney!

When you have no writers, sometimes you're forced to do some crazy stunts to fill the time... And today's show features a pretty hilarious and crazy stunt! No, it doesn't involve the following: Fire, showgirls, dragons, piercings, electric shavers, electric balalaikas, dogs, ponies, pony/dog hybrids, or jumpkicks. HOWEVER, this stunt is one that is sure to make a lot of people here at 30 Rock extremely grumpy tomorrow:

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Baby, Seasons Change... But People Don't.

Our show is without writers... Still. Man oh man. Again, I hope that this thing is settled soon and that they're back safely in my arms before too long. What? Why are you looking at me like that?

On tonight's show, something GREAT: A trip inside the life and mind of Associate Producer Jordan Schlansky! Those of you with minds like laserbeams may remember Jordan from our San Francisco shows, when he accompanied Conan to Lucasfilm only to show up the tour guide with his freakishly extensive knowledge of Star Wars trivia!! Nice work, Schlansky. Apparently, the Star Wars thing didn't even SCRATCH THE SURFACE of Who Jordan Really Is... And Who He Really Is is quite a hilarious story in and of itself! Check it out!! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Well... Surprised, at least.

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It Almost Makes Me Want To Become A Vegetarian... ALMOST.

Great show today.... Well, as good as it could be without anyone to write us some funny jokes! Come on, people!!! No more strike! Let's end this!

You know, we do this all for you guys; the fans. We are nothing without you. And some of you choose to pay us back by sending in or bringing gifts to the show - and it's all very nice of everyone who does that. HOWEVER, there are some people out there, for whatever reason - some inside joke, some need to stand out or feel different - who insist on giving gifts to the show that are completely insane. Now, we've been on the air for 14 years, and we here at Late Night have pretty much seen everything there is to see when it comes to fan submissions. Heck, I even remember when I was an intern, and we opened this box that had been sent to the show, and it was full of hair!! It was really creepy and gross and I have no idea why anyone would do such a thing, but it happened.

That, however, is not even CLOSE to the weirdest thing that anyone has ever given us. Oh no. Wanna know what the weirdest thing is? Think you can handle it? Okay... But don't say I didn't warn you...

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HULKAMANIA

I've talked about this in the past, but working at this show can really be amazing at times. One of those times was today. Why, you ask? Well well well... Because one of our guests on tonight's show is a CHILDHOOD HERO of mine. Possibly bigger than Superman - and I'm talking about physically, sucka!

It's weird. I don't really get starstruck anymore; different celebs visit us every day, and after about two weeks of working here and being around Conan and all the different people in the studio you just start to realize that they're real people just like you or I - okay, "Real People" who are fantastically wealthy - But real people all the same. However, there are people who STILL, no matter how many celebs I've been exposed to, are NOT real people. There are still a small handful, after all the glamour and fame, who STILL MAKE ME SHAKE IN MY STARSTRUCK BOOTIES. And one of those people was on tonight's show.

HULK HOGAN.

I couldn't say anything to him - I was waaaaay too nervous. I mean, how can you talk to Zeus personified?! He walked right by me when I was in the hall, and up close he's everything I would've thought - he's huge (tall AND wide), and he just looks exactly like he does on television!! They haven't created a number high enough to count how many hours of Professional Wrestling that I watched when I was a kid - and it was a huge thrill to even see the Hulkster in person! Amazing. I got the same feeling seeing him in person as when U2 was on and I saw Bono in person... His face is so famous and iconic, he reminded me of a life size bobblehead! Oh - I should also mention that I'm completely insane..

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Finally... A Strike Beard UPDATE!

Oops! How rude of me.

Since the strike is still going on, and we've been off for the last two months, you are all probably wondering about our...STRIKE BEARDS!!! As the two dudes who brought the whole strike beard thing up in the first place, I'm happy to report that our beards are turning out QUITE NICELY:

Here we are being distracted by something shiny

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Oil...Can...

And hello again!

Day Two of doing shows with no writers, and if anything, it's even weirder around here... Just a lot of offices that are empty and people missing in the hallways, you know? Our writers are more than a bunch of dudes who write our jokes, folks; they're also great friends, and each one is a critical component to our office dynamic. It's just not the same without them. Not even close.

Today we've got Megan Mullally, Fonzworth Bentley (P.Diddy's old butler), and musical guest Kid Rock!! And let me tell you... Having the entourages of both Fonzworth and Rock backstage was pretty trippy! Fonzworth, as you'd expect, hangs around with some pretty impeccably dressed people... And Kid Rock, well, he hangs out with some interesting folks as well!! What I'm saying is there were both people in three piece suits side by side with people in silk pajamas and bunny slippers! Madness. The second day, and my brain is already melting!! The only thing that counts is that everyone backstage was extremely polite and nice, which is always a relief... Because you just never know who's gonna be naughty and who's gonna be nice!! Oh! Mullally, as always, was a delight.

It's great writing this blog again, but MAN... It is DEFINITELY going to take me a little time to get back into the swing of things here! I feel like a sitting stone shaking off the moss! I feel like a grandpa breaking in a new walker! I feel like the Wizard of Oz's Tin Man just getting the oil he needs to move again!! WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS I'M RUSTY, Y'ALL. Also, I have no heart.

See you tomorrow!!!

Welcome Home

Hello, Internet.

I've missed you.

Today, we here at Late Night with Conan O'Brien taped our first show in two months!! Two months to the day, actually. Pretty incredible. It actually seemed like much, much longer than two months. It feels really great to be back here, but obviously it's also rather bittersweet - the Writer's Strike is still going on, and we are sadly without our writers. Being that we are a comedy show, and they come up with The Funny, we're in a rather difficult and terrible spot. Like I've said in the past, all we can do is hope that the strike is resolved as soon as possible. Until then, we're doing the best we can under the circumstances... Circumstances that were made much better (and more delicious) today by our writers, who bought our whole show lunch from Carnigie Deli!! Thank you, guys!!! That was unbelievably generous and classy. Man! They write jokes, they deliver meats... IS THERE ANYTHING THEY CAN'T DO?!??

I'm sure that some of you are wondering what we did after we got laid off... Well, as many of you already know, a few of us kept busy by doing little videos and posting them them up over on The Late Night Underground; we had a great time doing them, and it really kept us sane during the whole time off! And although it won't be every day, we still plan on making little things to throw up there intermittenly. Oh! I should also mention that, for everyone who wrote in asking how I could get into the building if I was laid off, the answer is simple - there was a small, four person staff that was kept on for the duration of our time off, and Chillemi was one of them...So he signed me in as a visitor every. Single. Day. I got to know the folks at the security desk extrrrrreeeeeemely well. Hey guys!!! I got my ID back, so you won't have to deal with my incoherent ramblings every morning at 9am!! Fantastic.

So, that's about it! This blog is back up and running on a daily basis, look for stuff over at The Underground, check out the BRAND NEW SHOW tonight for some awecellent Strike Beardy goodness, and I'm happy to say... I'LL SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW!!!

I Just Got Laid! ...Off.

Well, we were all hoping that it wouldn't come to this, but hoping doesn't always work.

Today we got laid off.

They broke the news to us at a meeting this morning with the whole show present. We then had other separate smaller meetings where the Human Resources folks explained things like filing for unemployment, applying for insurance, and so on. It was all pretty surreal, to be honest. But I have to say that it was all handled really well; the HR folks knew what they were talking about, and it all went very smoothly... So instead of it being a crazy and stressful day, the whole thing actually seemed really comfortable. We were even joking around in our meeting about what to do if we come back to find that Telemundo has moved into our offices! The answer: Murder.

The rest of the day was spent tying up loose ends - passing around contact sheets, packing up stuff, talking about the strike, etc. After today, our security passes won't work... So I'm taking everything home that I think I'll need in the coming months. It's incredibly strange to say goodbye to all of my co-workers not knowing when I'll see them again. These people are my friends, and it's going to be weird to not see them every day.

So... That's it. Thank you to everyone who entered the Ring Spinning Contest, and keep those entries coming - we'll extend the deadline until the blog comes back. Think of it as homework!! While The Late Night Insider will no longer be updated until we're back in business, we will continue to update The Late Night Underground, so make sure to check over there for new stuff. Today, we've got a sweet rap I made about the Writer's Strike!! Oh yeah!!!

As always, thanks for reading. Let's hope this strike gets resolved soon, and I'll see ya when I see ya!

Best,

Aaron

Awesome Two Times!

Hello, party people. How are you? I'm fantastic. Why am I so happy, you ask? Two reasons: First off, today on The Underground we've got a super special video starring The Man himself - Conan O'Brien!! In this time of doubt and uncertainty, COB blew our minds today... BY UNVEILING HIS STRIKE BEARD!!! As Plato once put it, "Oh Snap!" The Strike Beard is sweeping the nation, y'all!! I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. WHAT ARE YOU STILL READING THIS FOR?! Head on over to The Late Night Underground and check out his sweet Strike Beard for yourself!! Do it now!!

Welcome back. How was the video? Pretty sweet, no?

AS IF THAT WASN'T COOL ENOUGH, the second reason that I'm so full of love today (careful...) is because we had an unbelievably awesome "Good News Bomb" dropped on us this afternoon! We found out that Conan will be paying the Late Night staff all next week out of his own pocket!!! Amazing!!! There was thunderous applause following the announcement, as well as gasps of shock and relief!! You have to realize that we all thought that we were going to a meeting about us being laid off on Monday; so to hear that we're getting paid another week solely because of Conan's generosity... Well, words can't describe how happy and thankful we all are!! THANK YOU, CONAN! Thank you for looking out for us, thank you for taking care of your staff when things get rough, and THANK YOU FOR MAKING SURE THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO PAY MY RENT THIS MONTH!!!!

It truly is a pleasure and an honor to work for such a great guy. Everyone who works here knows how great Conan O'Brien is to have as a boss (and a friend), and now so does the rest of the world!! Wow! I'm still giddy with the news! Once again, CONAN IS THE MAN. See you tomorrow, everybody!!

Xmas Tree Lighting = TOURIST ASSAULT ON 30 ROCK

Yikes. Every year on this day, we usually tape our show at 2 or 3pm - instead of our usual 5:30 - because of one GIGANTIC pain in the postierer... THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING. Sweet holy moses. You know that part in the very beginning of the first Lord of the Rings movie where all those elves and orcs and everything are all running in a gigantic assault of billions and billions of warriors? Well, that's exactly like how it is to work in 30 Rock on this terrible day - except all the elves and orcs are tourists, and instead of maces and mallets they all have shopping bags... And somehow, that makes it all the more frightening!!

So, yeah - today was a super short day in the office because of the impending (doom) tree lighting, and the fact that we had no show made it even shorter!!!

Next week is still up in the air for us, so I can't be sure whether or not the blog will be happening past Friday... So make sure to keep those sweet Ring Spinning Contest Entries coming!!! The deadline is Friday at 4pm est!!! Gah!!

Finally, have you ever wondered what it's like to be a Casting Director for an awesome and hilarious Late Night comedy show?! Well then WONDER NO LONGER!!! Check out The Underground tonight for a little taste of what Casting is like... With a brand new "Day In The Life" by our Casting Director Cecelia Pleva!!! Sweetness!!

Tuesday's Rhythm & Blues Day!

Yo.

Buddy.

Yeah you.

No, no, not you, lady - the person behind - no, not you either, pal. Nice hat, by the way. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I didn't realize that people's hair came in that color. I was pointing at the person next to you. Yeah... YOU.

WHAT'S UP, SUGARSNAP?!

Listen; in case you haven't heard, we here at the show are having a little contest this week. It's called "The Contest of The Spinning Ring", and the details for entry are here. Do it!! Do it now! Make us proud!! Make us cry with excitement!! Make us feel and do all these things before Friday at 4pm when the contest is over!!! That's right, sucka. Who said achieving ETERNAL GLORY was ever easy?

Now, moving onto other things... With all of us anxiously awaiting news of the results of the strike talks, many of us here at the show are a little on edge. I personally remain hopeful and optimistic that everything will be worked out soon... And that's all you can really do - just stay positive!! Today, something here at the show that REALLY helped us all stay positive was a sweet impromptu rock concert, by our very own sweet in-house rock band - The Max Weinberg Seven!!!!

Jimmy and the boys put on quite a little show this afternoon, to get our spirits up and our fuNky booties DOWN!! Yeah baby!!! It was awesome two times!!! They put the whole thing on The Feed, so even people who didn't have time to come down to the studio to watch in person could enjoy the sweet tunes! GREAT CALL, GUYS!!!

Today over at The Underground we've got another little video we shot this afternoon, so unless you're a bad person, I think you might want to point your little web browser over there and chickity check it out!!! I don't want to give away any spoilers, so all I can say is that it's a small tour of a department that's near and dear to my heart... I department that shall remain nameless except that it's The Research Department!! WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, BABY!!!

One Ring(spin) to Rule Them All

Is it possible to get a hangover from eating too much tasty turkey? Because that's the only explanation I can muster for my pained belly and throbbing head!! The amount of turkey I ate for the culinary holiday this year was only exceeded my the amount of stuffing I stuffed in my embattled stomach... And the amount of stuffed stuffing was exceeded only by the amount of gravy I drank! Mmmmmm. Gravy.

What? Oh sorry... I lost myself there.

So still no shows, but in the meantime The Late Night Underground keeps on jammin' today with a sweet new video!! Do you like LaBamba? Do you like Conan? Do you like things that are hilarious and awesome? Well then - today, all your dreams come true!!! Except for the one where you turn into a giant rabbit... And seriously, I'd keep that one to myself. What's wrong with you?

Also, I'd like to announce news of a SWEET NEW LATE NIGHT INSIDER CONTEST!!! It's called "The Contest Of The Spinning Ring", and here's how it works:

THE CONTEST OF THE SPINNING RING
1. Make a video of you spinning a ring (like Conan does here). It can be any ring on any surface. It just has to be spinning like Conan does in the video!
2. If you want to time it and tell us how long it spins, that'd be cool! We'll also time it ourselves, obviously.
3. Send your videos (or video links) to LateNightRingSpin at gmail dot com. Also, please don't cheat - no slow motion effects or camera tricks. Come on, doods!!!
4. The person with the longest spinning time will be declared The Late Night Ring Spinning Champion(!) and will get some sort of awesome mystery prize!!! (And let me state that the prize will be SUPER awesome if you actually beat Conan's record of 41 seconds!)

The deadline for this contest is THIS FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 30TH @ 4:00PM EST. So make sure to get your entries in by then!!! Sorry to make it so soon, but I have no idea if we'll be around next week to determine a winner... So yeah!! Friday it is!!! GET CRACKIN', INTERNET CADETS!

Gobble Gobble, See Grandpa Hobble!

Very, very little happening today... Being that there's no show today, and tomorrow is delicious Thanksgiving, everyone took off early (or didn't come in at all)!! It makes me a little sad - normally, Thanksgiving here at the show is really great - we get a whole Thanksgiving Day spread, with personal chefs and turkey and stuffing and everything you could imagine! It's awesome, and really makes us all feel like part of a giant Late Night family!! But that won't be happening this year, unfortunately. I'll have to spend time with my REAL family!!! This can only end badly.

At any rate, make sure not to miss The Late Night Underground today!! - I put up a sweet new video showing a little "hobby" that COB picked up during rehearsal (back when we had shows to do, of course). I hope you like it!!!

And on that note, Happy Thanksgiving!! Eat a lot of delicious turkey, give your fam a squeeze from Bley, and I'll see y'all Monday!!

Make That 51

Hello, knicknacks and paddywacks! The beard grows, the time flows, and I smack foes! Again, the writers are on strike. Again, there is no new show. And again, all I did was play ROCK BAND all day! Listen to me; I refuse to write another entry on us playing ROCK BAND. I just won't do it. It's fun for me, but boring for you... And that's what the blog is all about: YOU.

So, dear reader, I've made a little video for YOUR amusement!! It's a deep dark secret that only about 50 people in the entire world have seen... UNTIL NOW. So make like a library book, and check it out:

TO THE UNDERGROUND!!!

Back Like A Chicken Shack!

We're back, and it feels grrrreat to be back! Not on the air of course, but back in the office and on the blog. When you've got doom looming in the near future like I did last week, the dawning of another Monday isn't all that bad! How were your weekends? Mine was fantastic!

If you've been reading "The Papers" (and by that I mean "real news", not "the gadget section of Maxim", douche), you've read that we here in the office have been granted two more weeks of sweet pay - and I plan on making the most of them! I am hitting The Late Night Underground site hard these next two weeks, so look for new stuff over there on a regular basis.. Until the countdown stops and they push the button that pulls the plug that deactivates my NBC Neckrochip that gives me my superhuman Late Night Insider powers!

So what happened today? Oh, kids... Don't you know the answer to that, by now? Say it with me: ROCKING. Although perhaps not the same kind of rocking that I've been gushing on and on about these last few days... Oh no! More like YE OLDE SKOOL ROCKING:

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A Stay Of Execution!

Great news today, as we learned that the Late Night staff will continue to be paid for the next two weeks! Upon hearing the news, a sense of relief and gratitude washed over much of the show... The office is still a pretty tense place to be, but it's nice to have a little bit of breathing room! I'd just like to say a great big THANK YOU to Jeff and Conan, as well as whomever else made that happen!! Awesome awesome awesome... Awesome THREE times!

Someone else who was extremely happy to hear about having a job for the next two weeks was this guy:

... Because now I'll have the money to buy proper beard grooming equipment!! (I know, I know, I shouldn't be spending valuable bucks on grooming my beard... But I can't go around without a well groomed face! What am I, some kind of COMMONER?)

Oh, and that's right, suckas - I've begun to think of my Strike Beard as a separate entity!! I'm sure that this will lead to all kinds of future "battling for mind control" problems... But for now, it's pretty comforting having this little guy around!! I should also mention that, thanks to Carol F, our Strike Beards now have a most awecellent Wikipedia entry!! Thanks, CF!! You've made our Strike Beards the happiest two Strike Beards on the planet!!

The two weeks announcement isn't just great news for the Late Night staff or my pathetically struggling beard, but it's also great news for the blog and our new Late Night Underground site!!! It's time to get to work, party people!!!

On that note, have a great weekend... And I'm happy to say that I'll see you guys Monday!! Ciao!

Knitwits!

Still nothing new to report... Sorry everybody. Hopefully tomorrow we'll find out some more info as to what's up with next week - and whether or not the blog will roll on! (Insert dramatic sting and sounds of nailbiting here)

Some of you have been asking what's going on here besides Strike Beards and ROCK BAND; unfortunately, that's about it. There is NOTHING else going on, that I can see... Nothing work related, anyway! People here in the office are all handling the strike different ways; I walked around today to see what was up, and all I got was a couple of punches in the arm and some dirty jokes - aka "The Usual Treatment". However, I DID notice a couple people doing "Strike Beard-esque" things of their own!! VERY INTERESTING.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you....

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Strike Beards Across America!

Strike: Still happening.
Strike Beards: ALSO STILL HAPPENING, BABY:



Is it possible for the beard hair to suck back up into my face? Because that's what it looks like is happening. Come on, face!! Let's do this!! I'M A MAN, DAMMIT. A man! Stop laughing.

Anyway, regardless of how well my "Strike Beard" is progressing, America is catching Strike Beard fever! Variety was nice enough to mention our sweet facial fortitude, as well as our good friends over at TVTattle! Thanks, dudebros!! You know what I would love? A Wikipedia entry for "Strike Beard". Oh man... That would be mucho awesomeo!!! How does that work? Who do I call? Someone make that happen and you will earn Bley's undying gratitude!!

However, the most exciting/troubling Strike Beard news has to do with the fact that sweet Late Night fan John S. made a poll about whether or not Chill and I are "Brave Men" or "Ultranerds" for our willingness to unleash the beast!!! Come on, JS!! Only two options? Do or die?! Check out the poll here... And let your heart be your guide on which way to vote (Ladies, I'm looking in your direction).

Aside from the new growth on my face, there is nothing new to report about the strike. Today, a bunch of us watched a couple episodes of that show "Pushing Daises"... And (of course) we rocked out to some more ROCK BAND!! We bought a jet, got a PR Firm, and played some sweet shows in Iceland! AAAWWWWWEEEEEESSSSSSSOOOOOOMMMMMME.

See y'all on the flipside!

It's No Hunger Strike, That's For Sure

Hey everybody! The strike keeps going and the beards keep growing!

Last week, we had a show meeting every day to keep everyone on the same page about what was going on with the strike... On Friday, after several of these meetings where there was nothing new to report, our Executive Producer Jeff Ross said that, if on there was nothing to report at Tuesday's meeting, he promised that at least there would be food!

And Ross is a man of his word.

When I went upstairs this morning, I walked in the conference room to find this:

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Strike Beards!

(Production Manager Jason) Chillemi and I have decided to grow Strike Beards.

The premise is simple - we don't shave until the strike is over. We're not doing it for any kind of protest or anything - it's just more of something fun(?) to do to pass the time that we're on strike! And before you say anything YES, I REALIZE THAT WE'RE A WEEK OFF. Listen; sometimes awecellent ideas take a week to develop, k! GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY.

Here's what we look like today (we haven't shaved since Saturday):



By the way... How much bigger is my head than Chillemi's?! My God! It's like the Death Star! A beautiful, sexxxy Death Star. Wink, wink.

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Hush Little Baby, Don't Say A Word... And Never Mind That Noise You Heard

Well, it's Friday - STRIKE Friday! Again, no show. Sorry.

Today all we did was play that awesome, awesome, awesome game, ROCK BAND. Please see yesterday's post for details. I rocked some SERIOUS Metallica today, as well as that awesome Jet song "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?!" that you all remember from that iPod commercial way back when!! It was great. One of my favorite things about doing vocals (and there aren't very many, considering I hate to sing) is that during long breaks where there isn't any singing to be done, the mic becomes a tambourine or cowbell for you to hit!!! It's crazy. These people have thought of everything. EVERYTHING. I'm waiting for an arm to suddenly grow out of the Xbox and give me a sweet rocker face tattoo!!! Don't laugh... It could happen (you can already give your videogame self one, anyway).

I was really hoping to have a new (and totally sweet) video for up on The Late Night Underground today for all of you to giggle over, but as is sometimes the case in TV, we hit some snags and went down in a flaming mass of music clearances and other boring stuff that no one cares about but that comes back to bite me in the brainpan at all the worst possible moments!! It was depressing... BUT, that just means that we'll have some great stuff for you all next week!!! So make sure to tune in to the blogeroo on Monday... Have a great weekend everybody!!!

JEALOUS...?

Striiiiiike four! Day four, that is! Again, we have no show tonight. Sorry everybody.

However, today I had a life changing experience... And it will come as no surprise to most of you who regularly read this blog that the life changing experience occurred because of a VIDEO GAME. Oh yes, sinners. I have seen the future of awecellent video games, and its name is... ROCK BAND.

As many of you know, we here at Late Night are huge fans of the Guitar Hero video game. We all play it, Conan included. And we all love it. It is... How do you say... THE REASON I GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING. Well, that and the nest of roaches that live under my mattress. Don't ask.

Anyway, so being a big GHer, you can imagine how excited I was when I first heard that the inventors of Guitar Hero, a company called Harmonix, were hard at work on a multi-instrument game called ROCK BAND!!! I was super excited. I was nearly comatose with anticipation. I was... How do you say... FROTHING AT LE MOUTH. However, there was one drawback - ROCK BAND was (and is) scheduled to be released on November 20th!! I was hurt. I was disappointed . I was bummed. And when the tough get bummed, the tough get... Um... Videogames? Okay, I'm not that tough. But I AM that nerdy. And us nerds are determined!!!

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Dork on Golf

Well, still no show tonight. The strike continues!!

Today instead of doing Vince Vaughn research (like I was supposed to), I went down to visit John Rau and Bill Tull in Props... And found that they had set up a sweetastic portable golf ball driving range:



That's my favorite office mate and fellow researcher Sharon Hardy preparing to take a swing, as Stage Manager Steve Hollander looks on. Plus, fans of the show should also be able to recognize John Rau and the rageful Pierre Bernard (Tull's the one standing behind Rau)!! There was a whole gang of us down there smacking those balls around today! It actually worked out really well, because I am terrible at golf - and apparently I'm the ONLY ONE WHO IS, so I was getting A LOT of free lessons today. And you know what? I think they actually honestly really helped!! I would definitely say that Prop Golf was a "hit" today!! Get it? A "hit"?! GET IT?!?? HA HA HA HA HA OH I AM GOOD.

Sorry.

Even though there's no show tonight, I'd urge you all to head over to our new Late Night Underground website!!! We've just opened up the "Gazette" section this evening (nothing else is live right now, peeps), giving you that much more behind the scenes goo about the Late Night that we all know and love!!! And there's more to come, party people. MUCH more!! Stay tuned, y'all!! The blog rolls on...

iPod Club!

Well, day two of the strike is here... And there is no show again tonight!! Man oh man. I hope this thing gets resolved soon! In the meantime, head over to our new comedy site LateNightUnderground.com to check out tonight's brand new comedy video!! Like I said before, we're just starting it up, so it's a little rough around the edges... But I think it's going to turn out very cool!!!

With the strike on and no show to do, today was a very boring day! I spent the day playing games: Guitar Hero 3, sweet sweet internet Risk, and playing one of my favorite games of all time - IPOD CLUB!! Oh yes, people... Prepare those trousers for wetting!!! AND DADDY AIN'T TALKIN BOUT LEMONADE.

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The Late Night Underground!

Well, the strike is happening! This means that there was no show today... Which means that we went to a long sweet BBQ lunch up in Harlem!!! Oh, it was delicious and fun. Not as delicious and fun as doing a show, but still delicious and fun all the same. I had macaroni and cheese!

Even though there is no show, all you Late Night addicts can still get your Conan fix tonight... By going to our sweet new Late Night Comedy Website - THE LATE NIGHT UNDERGROUND!!!

That's right, party patrol!!! This is something that's been in the works over here for a while, and now it's finally coming to fruition!!! It's just starting out, so bear with us - it will be more and more awesome as the days and weeks go on - but it's something i hope will grow into a very cool thing; a very cool thing where you guys can get in on some of the awesome Late Night comedy action! For now, however, we will be posting EXCLUSIVE Late Night videos up there for the world to see and laugh at! And laugh at in a good way, not like the way you laugh at your Grandma when she falls down... You bastard.

Anyway, The Underground should be live at Midnight tonight... So right before you tune into our hilarious repeat that's airing this evening, power up your awecellent internet portal and check out today's brand new Underground video - I grab a camera and run down to the Prop Department to talk to our awesome Propmasters Bill Tull and John Rau!!! Also... Everybody's favorite foul mouth canine makes a cameo!! Don't miss it!!!

LATENIGHTUNDERGROUND.COM!

And be sure to check back here tomorrow, for some more sweet sweet blogging goodness!!! See you then, chippity chopperoos!!!!

Okay, I'll Admit It... Our Show Has a Problem

Will there be a show Monday?! I don't know!!! But show or not, there will definitely be another blog post Monday letting you all know what's going on... So make sure to come on back and check us out!!! - Aaron

AWECELLENT SHOW TODAY, as we bring out to the couch Jerry Seinfeld, Boston slugger David Ortiz, and musical guest Sondre Lerche!! Great stuff!! Seinfeld killed, and Ortiz was wearing a jacket with a scorpion made of sequins on the back!!! Damn, man... I gots ta get me one of those!!! Plus, the King Awesome Dudebro of Awesome Dudebros, Rick Ludwin, gets a sweet shoutout!!! Rick is super, super awesome, and it was great to see him finally get a little face time!!! GO RICK!!!

Onto today's business... And what weird and sad business it is!!!

A while back, I made a post about a deliciously disgusting unopened bottle of Clamato juice that we've had for the past nine years. It got an incredible response - the world was shocked! Babies cried! Nations crumbled! Pants were soiled! The letters came pouring in; everything from "How could you keep a bottle of Clamato juice that long?" to "Just throw it in the garbage already!" to "Aaron, you are a handsome and powerfully built young man.". The world wanted to know WHAT WAS UP WITH YE OLDE TOMATO AND CLAM COCKTAIL.

Here's the thing: To this day, I still have no idea. But while we're on the subject of "old foods being kept past their expiration dates around the Late Night offices" (which isn't exactly a subject that you stumble upon too often), the nine year old bottle of Clamato juice is not the only thing we've been hoarding. Oh no, friends. Oh no.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to...

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Dane Cook = 1, Aaron Bleyaert = 0

What's happening with the strike?! No one knows. Keep your fingers crossed that we can do more shows!!

Today we've got a Fanjubjubtastic show, as the hilaritastic Dane Cook brings the goods, the sexitastic Emily Mortimer drops an F bomb, and the slashtastic... Slash comes on and proclaims his love for Guitar Hero!! Awesome, baby!!!

As you are all well aware, I did Slash's research (as is documented here in photo form) - so I was really anxious to see how he did on the show... And I'm happy to report that he did awesome two times!! Because I am a music nerd (and huge GnR and VR fan), I just HAD to go down to the studio and see him in person!! I know, I know, it's lame... But I had to do it, people. I was compelled. the Gods of Rock possessed my body and walked me down like a puppet on strings of fire. On a less creepy note, he's taller than I thought! (Of course, he was wearing the top hat, so that throws things off a little.)

After I finished staring at Slash in a stalky manner, I then headed back up to my desk. I was just about to start writing the blog WHEN EVEN MORE ADVENTURE STRUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry for the exclamation points, but what happened next is really exciting):

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Happy Halloweeeeeeeen!

Happy Halloween, everybody!!! I have to say, I'm bummed that my favorite holiday lands on a Wednesday this year, but what can you do?! Man. Is there nothing better than a day where you get to dress up like a psychopathic murderer and STILL have strangers give you candy?!?! No. There is nothing better. NOTHING.

Our conference room was all gussied up today with some sweet sweet HWeen balloons!!! Check the technique:

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Brian "Evil T-1000" Williams

Today was pretty grueling, for one reason and one reason only... Because today was SLASH DAY:

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All Hail The Jub Jub!

Howdy y'all! Welcome back!! I trust you all had a good week! What was everyone up to?! Really? That sounds totally sickhouse!! As is usually the case on weeks when I don't have to come into work, I drank too much gravy, spent most of the week half dressed, and cried myself to sleep every night!!! HA HA HA JUST KIDDING Y'ALL.

It was every other night. Sniff.

So if you remember waaaaay back a hundred million years ago (or actually just to the week before break), we had Monsieur Golden Throat himself, Mr. Joe Buck, on the show!! During the course of the interview Conan mentioned the fact that the last time Joe was on, Joe said that if Conan gave him LaBamba's horrid looking necktie, he would wear it on The World Series later that week. Conan did, and sure enough, Joe wore the tie for Game one (even though Conan had cut the stupid looking tie almost in half during the show) and it rocked and was great and we all loved it and it changed all of our lives. Actually, to be perfectly honest, it did change my life a bit - I clearly remember being in a restaurant stuffing my face full of delicious BBQ ribs, and I happen to glance up at the TV (I only eat in restaurants that have TVs in them) to see Joe Buck calling the baseball game while wearing the tie!!! I was so shocked and laughed so hard I sprayed chewed up rib meat all over my friend Pete and the floor next to our table!!! Ahh... Just another din din with good ol' Meatspewin' Bleyaert!

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Aaron is in Your Extended Network.

THE WAIT IS OVER, KIDS. I am officially a part of MySpace! Start your friend requestssssssssssNOW. Ha ha! Also, lemme just say that I know I promised to put a song up there, but it's just not gonna happen until the Monday we get back. Sorry. I'm a bad person. I've just been so swamped this week that I haven't had time to record anything!! Also, I can't sing or play any instruments, so the "song" is going to be pretty interesting! Like, "in a bad way" interesting. Like a train wreck - BUT WORSE. More like a train wreck that somehow flew up into the sky and hit a plane, and then the whole flaming mess fell on top of a bunch of boats... Which then ran aground into some orphanages. Maybe that should be the title of my song!! Ha haha!! We'll see, my babies. We'll see.

Grrrrreeeeeaaat show today, which is always a nice thing right before we go on hiatus! Josh "Sexxxy Man" Hartnett stops by and makes with the funny - as does our good old friend Jack "Kenneth The Page" McBrayer!! Nice work, boys!!! The McBrayer interview I especially loved because it's one of those interviews where Conan and the guest are such great friends in real life, that their inside jokey humor totallyotally spills over into the interview!! Awesome. We here in the office were all hooting and clapping the whole time! Jack... Is The Man. If you don't watch 30 Rock, you have no soul. WATCH IT, ALREADY. 30 ROCK IS AWESOME.

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CONGRATULATIONS, INTERNET. YOU HAVE DONE WELL.

Nice work, everybody! You have officially broken 100 comments on this post - which means that tonight, as per our cyberagreement (and my stupid promise) I will make a MySpace page!!! Then we can all be friends in the way that only MySpace allows; through ugly formatting, obnoxious self playing videos, and posting pictures of me and all my goth friends!!! I can't wait to start saying "Thanks for the add!". OH I'M SO EXCITED. (insert a gunshot and the sound of a body hitting the floor). Seriously though... It's gonna be interesting, and the perfect way to go out on hiatus!! And thank you for pushing me from the stone age into the MySpace age!!! We all need a little help... Some (me) more than others!!

Tonight on the show, we take on one of the greatest and most elaborate sketches that we've ever attempted!!! It's called "The Heist" and it is NOT TO BE MISSED. I don't want to give TOO much away beforehand, but for "The Heist", we actually went down to the deep dark basement of 30 Rock, and shot some footage inside the old Rockefeller Vault!!! No joke!! It's a real (although no longer working) vault, and it was built and used by The Rockefellers back in the day. When location scouting for the shoot, there was actually a little crazy adventure that took place - I'll let Production Manager Jason Chillemi take it from here...

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I Got 99 Comments, But I Still Need One

As the Jigga inspired title of this post suggests, as of this writing we are at 99 COMMENTS. Ha ha ha!!! One more day, people. One more day of "MyFreedom"... One more day before my identity is cast down into the cyberflames of the social networking pits!! ABANDON PRIVACY, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE! OH IT BURNS! IT BURRRRRNNNNSSSSS. In a... Good way? Yes, my babies. It burns in a good way.

So we've got next week off, which means that this week is CRAZY!!! It's coocoo for Cocoa Puffs!! Super loopy for Fruit Loops!! A total kick in the Grape Nuts! Okay, I'll stop. But you get the idea. Things this week are pretty Wild... Bunches of Oats! SORRY.

With all the craziness happening this week, I totally forgot to tell you guys about something sweet that happened this week! Waaaaay back on Friday of last week (if you can remember that far - my 6 Diet Cokes a day certainly aren't doing my memory any favors), I was asked to bring my suit in for a photoshoot on Monday, because I would be playing Al Gore's body double! Awesome! And like always, if the photoshoot made air, I'd be picking up a little bit of sweet cashola for my troubles! Awesome two time!

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LiptonGate '07

Oh, you bastards. You bastards.

As of the time of this writing, 10:40pm est, we are officially 7 comments away from me having to make a MySpace page. Wow. I have to say party people - I am IMPRESSED. I don't know how this happened, but it looks like I'm going to have to actually pony up and honor my promise of selling my cybersoul to Rupert Murdoch's goth ridden monstrosity!! Nice work, sinners!!!

And for the record (because I've been known to poke around the message boards), let me say this: The 100 comments thing was NOT about getting MySpace friends or anything like that - it was more of a challenge from me to you!! TO SEE HOW BAD YOU WANTED IT, SUCKA. And I guess the answer is... Pretty bad!! Damn. I can't believe I agreed to this! If it happens (and really, how could it not at this point?!), have no fear... I'll be a good sport about it. After all, I am nothing if not your slave for you all to push around!! ;) Nice work, all of you...Your punches in the face are in the mail.

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We Didn't Start The Fire!

ATTENTION INTERNET: YOU MUST WATCH OUR SHOW TODAY.

Truly, truly great stuff and a ONE OF A KIND MADNESS happened during the taping tonight, because, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOURTEEN (14) YEARS, OUR SHOW WAS INTERRUPTED BY A FIRE ALARM. Hahahahaha!! It was completely awesome and totally insane, or shall we say... AWESANE?! Yes. It was absolutely, awecellently awesane!!!

The thing of it is, out of all the shows we've ever done in fourteen (14) years, today's show was the perfect one to have a banshee shrieking ear piercing fire alarm interruption!! I will now open the floor to imaginary questions from the audience. Yes, you in the back -

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This Place Gives Me The Heebie Jeebies

Dear Internet, please note that there's no show tomorrow because Conan's going out of town... So no blog tomorrow either!! Sorry folks. Just a heads up. I love you all. - Aaron

If you've ever been a part of our studio audience (and if you haven't, what's wrong with you?) you know that we tape shows every day from 5:30 to 6:30... And because the show doesn't end until 6:30, it's no secret that we all work late. After all, our show is called "Late Night", so that kind of implies the hours we work!! I've said this before, but there are no real set "hours" here - there aren't any punchcards or anything, we're just all adult enough to make sure our work is done before we leave. However, because we're always doing shows, sometimes working REALLY late is unavoidable. Especially in research. Especially if you're as big a slacker as I am. (ps - I wouldn't wear pants if I could get away with it.). (pps - I tried)

Now those of you who read this blog know that, aside from being a horrible person and a terrible slacker, I am a HUUUUGE fan of horror movies. However, I am also a big scaredy cat. No, it's true. I am scared of many things, including, but not limited to:

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The M.Pooter Strikes Back!

Let me say right up top that I don't enjoy blog posts like these. I don't enjoy giving you all bad news. I don't enjoy thinking, much less TALKING, about a subject such as The Mad Pooter and his horrific gas... But you know what? I think that the fact that stuff that comes out of our butts is funny, so I'm talking about it. DEAL, SUCKA. Plus, I feel like the more we talk about The Mad Pooter, the less power he has over us - like Voldemort. Except that Voldemort was only the personification of all evil, whereas The Mad Pooter is something much, MUCH worse. I mean, not even Harry Potter's arch nemesis would subject people to something as disgusting as a "hey-look-you-guys-I-totallotally-pooped-in-my-pants" FART!!! YUCK.

For those of you joining us late and who have no clue as to what I'm talking about and think I've completely lost it (ps - I have), I respectfully and regretfully urge you to read the first blog post about The Mad Pooter and his smelly shenanigans. Oh, it is a hoot. A brown, wet hoot.

So anyway, I've got a little Mad Pooter update for y'all:

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FHM = Australian for "Failure"

Everything about today was crazy.

Okay, it was one thing that was crazy - but the ONE CRAZY THING took up THE ENTIRE DAY!

See, we have Mark Wahlberg on the show tonight - and he had this story he wanted to tell about the real life Johnny Drama, who was interviewed in the Australian Edition of FHM Magazine; no problem, right? Right. Oh, and Mark wanted to pull the magazine out live on the air and read a quote from it. No problem, right? HA HA HA HA WRONG. Big problem.

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Cubin'

Aaaaaaaaaah Monday.

I sank into this week's Monday like a raisin into a bowl of cold oatmeal. It feels good to be back from the weekend, but these long stretches of shows are double edged - on the one foot it's good to keep on rocking because you get into a groove, a rhythm... Guest, guest, guest, pow, pow, pow....But on the other foot it's bad because weekends don't bring any refreshment - come Monday morning, it's right back into the same old mix!! The wheel turns. The pressure builds. The office becomes a campground, because everyone gets tense. Hahahaha!!! Get it? GET IT?!?? SEE, I SAID "TENSE" BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE "TENTS" AND THOSE ARE WHAT YOU FIND AT CAMPGROUNDS OMG I AM A JOKE MASTER LOL LOL LOL!!!

Sorry about that. Have I mentioned that I think I'm losing my mind?

Speaking of losing your mind, it's no secret that everyone here at the show has their own way of relieving tension; Ullman throws things, the Masturbating Bear masturbates, Joel sobs uncontrollably, and me - well, I have a little "Strategie de Relaxo" of my own...

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CLEANING LOLCATZ

The AARON BLEYAERT MYSPACE CHALLENGE 2007 is starting to show signs of weakening, with a mere 28 comments to its name!! Ha ha ha HA! I will be victorious, people. I will be victorious and remain MYSPACELY ANONYMOUS!!!!

As was the case in other parts of the world today, it just so happens to be FRIDAY. Oh, glorious Friday! While it seemed that the week FLEW BY, it also seemed that it crawled by. It was like the week crawled by while on a jet plane that was flying by. Whatever. You know how bad I am at metaphors. I'm as bad at metaphors as a fish is at playing the guitar! Bad, I tell you. Baaaaad.

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... Or Maybe "Aaron Ninja-Jumpkick" Would Sound Better?

Well, at the time of this writing, So far we're up to 20 comments. 20?! That's the best you people can do? I was a little worried, but honestly I think I have nothing to worry about - I don't think that I'll have to make good on my promise to join MySpace! What's that I just dropped? Oh, IT'S A GAUNTLET. Double sugar snaps, sucka! Bring on the comments!!!

I ventured down to the studio today, and let me just say that, whenever Snoop D oh double G comes to our show to pay a visit, backstage always has the most.. fragrant and pleasant aroma! It's glorious, kids. GLORIOUS. The only other time I've smelled a guest that great is when I met The Wizard of Ozz himself, Ozzy Osbourne! Man. That guy smelled amazing! You would think that The Prince of Darkness would smell like... I don't know... Fire and brimstone or something, but no! He smelled like delicious lilacs!!! Awesome. I wish more of our guests smelled that great (Jarod Miller, I'm looking in your direction)!

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On MySpace, No One Can Hear You Scream... Unless You Put It In One Of Your Crappy "Songs"

Ooooh boy. Busy. So busy. They haven't yet invented a word for how busy I am... I'm totallyotally busy. I'm like the "Awecellent" of busy. How busy am I? I'm reading on the subway into work! I'm reading while in line at Subway for lunch! I'm writing the word "subway" at 12:20am in this blog! THAT'S BUSY, KIDZZZZ.

Well, what happened?

I'll tell you what happened: I lost a couple really bad coin tosses: I got Schwartzman, Kenneth Branagh, and Joaquin Phoenix. Not that these are bad people to get, mind you - I'm a fan of all three - but they all happen to have a LOT of press. The last time that Branagh had been on our show before tonight was 2000, I think! Joaquin's press you can measure in feet (as in "the articles are about a foot and a half tall"). And Schwartzman? Well, he's just a really popular dudebro! It's a little brutal. Plus, I pulled the Giant's Michael Strahan, who's got a new book out... Like I said, I AM A BUSY BEE. Also, a handsome bee who works out a lot. Also, a liar bee.

So I have to say; I'm pretty shocked at how many people have been writing in and asking (which is a nice way of saying VIOLENTLY DEMANDING) that I make a MySpace page! Should I be flattered? Or creeped out? Or creepily flattered? Or flatterly creepied? Here are a few of the reasons why I haven't made one yet:

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I Will Haiku Your Ass Right Off

Another late night Late Night bloggeroo tonight - I was so busy with crazy research (Britton, Branagh, last minute Schwartzman) that I haven't had any time to breathe today! I had to have an intern do it for me. Don't ask how that works.

At any rate, it's late, and as is normally the case when the sun goes down on any day that ends in "Y", it is time to write some poetry. Therefore, I shall express my feelings about tonight's show (Ted Koppel, Jason Schwartzman, Dana Gould)in the elegant form of the traditional Japanese free verse poetry known to comedy hacks everywhere as the "Haiku". As DJ Bruce Brumage would say... "Aaron, you are a stupid dumbass."

"OCTOBER THE SECOND"
A Late Night Haiku in 3 Parts
By Aaron "Danger Is My Middle Name" Bleyaert

I.
Hair - well coiffed his sits
Punchlines fall like Autumn leaves
Into pools of smiles

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"The Swear Jar"... Or As I Call It "The New Big Joke In Our Office"

So look; I have a filthy mouth. A dirty, filthy mouth. In addition to my dirty filthy sexy mouth, I also have absolutely no self discipline. Therefore, anyone who took high school algebra knows that A Filthy Mouth + No Self Discipline = A NEVER ENDING TORRENT OF CONSTANT SWEARS. It's horrible. It's terrible. It makes kids cry and dogs whimper. I'll be the first ot admit that my swearing is a really bad habit... Unless you like swearing as much as I do; then it's quite entertaining and a fun way to pass the time!!!

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Rose... Meet Thorn.

Today I did something that I rarely ever do: I went down to the studio to stare at a celebrity!! Oh man. I'm kind of embarrassed to even say this, but I've been really into - like, "OBSESSED" into - Bret Michael's show "Rock of Love", so I just had to go down and see him in real life! That doesn't make me a bad person, does it? Okay, good. Also I punched an old lady in the face for no reason while getting lunch today. Does THAT make me a bad person? (Look; I don't care who you are - don't take a full ten minutes deciding what you want on your salad, okay? It's going to taste bad no matter what you put on it; IT'S SALAD)

Anyway, Bret Michaels is totallyotally* cool, and a SUPER nice guy! He did GREAT on the show tonight as well - they even used an area I pitched, which is always awesome to see!! The gravy on tonight's cake was that I watched the show while standing next to Bret's HUUUGE bodyguard, Big John (who's also on ROL)!!! Ladies and gentlemen, it was a THRILLER NIGHT!! And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver - for no mere mortal can resist... The evil of THE THRILLER!!!

* "Totallyotally" = A new word I made up that means "Totally" times two.

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I Scream, You Scream, We All All Scream For... MySpace?

Hey everybody!!! Two big announcements for y'all here on the ol' Late Night blog today:

1. WE FINALLY HAVE AN OFFICIAL MYSPACE PAGE!
That's right! For all of you who measure your friends in numbers and those annoying "Thanks for the add!" banners, we're about to shake your Top 8 with our brand new OFFICIAL LATE NIGHT MYSPACE PAGE!! Smack! Bam! Pow! Take THAT, Internet!!! Go ahead and aim those friend requests straight at the heart of Myspace.com/conanshow to show your love the only way that counts... The MySpace way!! Oh, but that's not all, my babies... See, our show is so awecellent, so great, that we have not one, not three, but TWO MYSPACE PAGES!!! B-b-b-ooyah! For everyone who's ever loved a band that they've seen on our little "Late Night" comedy show, we've also made a LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN MUSIC PAGE!!! What bands are on next week? What song did that awesome band play last Thursday? How tall is Bjork?! Find out answers like these AND MORE at Myspace.com/conanmusic!! Welcome to the future, party people!! Spread the word!

Now, that is a pretty exciting announcement, right? I just dropped a major knowledge bomb on your braintown. I'll bet you're wondering what could POSSIBLY be more exciting than the fact that Late Night has landed on the stalkerrific shores of Myspace! Well, dear readers... I just have one more little announcement ditty to drop:

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Danson Machine!

Grab the tear gas and rubber bullets, kids, because tonight's show is a LAUGH RIOT! Ted "Danson Machine" Danson, Patton "Comedy General" Oswalt, and the musical stylings of Devendra "Hey, I Play Awesome Music" Banhart are our guests tonight, and they all rock The House of Fun off its hinges!!! Conan also catches La Bamba in a rather... Compromising position that's not to be missed, party people! NOT TO BE MISSED. Be there or be... Somewhere else not as fun! Oh yeah I SAID IT.

So I have to step inside the Late Night Insider Confession Booth for a second: Today was BORING. Super boring. Uber boring. Snoresville, population me. There was a point today where I was actually wandering around the office looking for some drying paint so that I could grab a few minutes of excitement!! Why was it so boring? Well, I spent the first half of the day looking for a Ratatouille toy for Patton's segment, but couldn't find the right one - then spent the second half of the day (along with Segment Producer Assistant Adam Yenser) making sure that Patton's completely confusing plug was right! In between, (aka "while eating my lunch") I came up with a list of ideas to pitch for Bret Michaels segment - I didn't really know how many to come up with, so I stopped at ten (I'm hoping that's enough and that the Talk Show Gods will be most pleased)!!

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Crazy Like A Foxx

Man oh man oh man oh woman oh man! I'm excited. Can you tell I'm excited?! I'm excited.

Awesome, AWESOME show today, as we welcome Academy Award winner (and "Aaron Bleyaert's Awesome Dudebro Award" winner) Jamie Foxx, the lovely and talented Heather Graham, and the hilarious and culturally insightful comedy of Mike Birbiglia! Did I say awesome?! Because it WAS, baby!! I laughed so hard I busted a gut...And I have a large gut, so it was quite a laugh!

Jamie Foxx was GREAT. It's a pleasure to have someone on the show who's just so relaxed and having a good time... He waxes poetic about "New Jack City" style Snipes, Avocado farming, and property taxes!! Foxx and Conan even bust out into a little impromptu "YMCA" - and EVEN GET THE AUDIENCE IN ON THEIR FEET AND IN THE ACT!!! Incredible segment. It was kind of like seeing something awesome, like a crazy motorcycle jump over fifty flaming buses... And then seeing that happen IN OUTER SPACE.

What? I'm not that good at metaphors, okay?

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KICKIN' IT.

Happy Monday! If today had a theme song, it would be something with lyrics like "Come on everybody, use those hands to clap - HOLY MOSES OUR OFFICE SMELLS LIKE CRAP".

Maybe it would be a better rap than pop song, but you get the idea.

First off, I've written about disgusting office smells before, but this puppy was in a whole different category!! It wasn't a smell like something was rotten; it wasn't a Poopoo Mcfarty smell; it was a smell like two angry robots had a burp fight. It was the smell of brain cell killing poison. It was the smell of burning diapers. It was the smell of a tiny little plastic demon who reached into my lungs and stole just a bit of my soul every time I passed by - it was, in other words, a horrible smell.

I'm not EXACTLY sure what happened, but all I know is this: Our copier broke. We called someone to come fix it. The guy fixed it. Five minutes later it smelled like the hallway was wearing a perfume made from a hundred thousand burnt pencil erasers. Do you like that smell, kids? BECAUSE I DON'T. Yuck.

However, just when it seemed that the day was lost, good old Chilldog (for you uninitiated, that's Jason Chillemi, Production Manager) showed up and made us forget all about the nasty smell... BY INTRODUCING US TO A NEW ONE!! YAY!!!

And that smell was...

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Bad Singing Larry

So we've got a bunch of windows here in the office, and those windows face 49th street and 6th avenue - the heart of the world, right here in Midtown Manhattan! Sometimes, the noise outside gets to be a bit much... "Oh but Aaron!" You say. "Isn't it awesome to have such a perfect bird's eye view down onto the nerve center of the city?! Isn't it totally awesome?! Isn't it the best thang EVARRR?!?"

To those people (and really, who says "evar"?) I say this: Remember kids, we are researchers. Our job is READING. Besides drinking pop, playing internet Risk, and yelling angrily at The View, all I do all day every day 25/8 366 is RRRRRREAD!!! And, well, it can be hard trying to read with all the honking, yelling, construction noises, yelling about contruction noises, an assortment of different sirens, and the sounds of massive trucks coming apart while shooting through midtown at 100 mph going on!! Welcome to the monkeyhouse!!! IT'S A ZOO DOWN THERE.

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Finger Lickin' Bad!

In the morning meeting today, I happen to glance over at my sister - you know, to make sure she's not on fire or anything (you never know what's gonna go up these days with all the NYC cabs popping flames), and I notice that she's got a terrible, TERRIBLE look on her face. Like she had nibbled on some poo poo. Like she had just had just seen Gollum naked. It was bad.

I was going to ask her what the deal was with the visions of horror that were fleeing across her face - but she ran to the bathroom right after the meeting!! Now vaguely concerned, I went to my (our) office, and waited for her to show up... Expecting, of course, a doozy of a story. AND I GOT ONE. Here's what happened:

Lisa was eating a bagel with cream cheese during the meeting. She was a little dressed up today, because she's going out to dinner tonight - but unfortunately (because she's a moron) she failed to grab a napkin! OH NOOOOOO!!!

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A Whale Of A Good Time!

Sometimes you just get lucky.

Today I was super busy keeping on top of the whole OJ thing (for our comedy this evening), and didn't have a chance to grab any lunch. I also was running late this morning, and so I didn't have a chance to grab any breakfast - meaning by the time this afternoon rolled around, I was crrrrrazzzzy from hunger! I kept looking over at Hardy and seeing a giant delicious hamburger where her head should be (to be fair, I see that even when I'm not hungry... I just really love H-burgers). Anyway, I'm DYING of hunger - I can actually feel my stomach trying to figure out a way to digest itself - when all of a sudden, SALVATION ARRIVES!!! (Okay, it was just an email that arrived - but the email pointed me upstairs to where the salvation was waiting).

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Up In Smoke

HIGH DRAMA on the show today, as there was some added craziness to this afternoon's... Craziness!

So this afternoon all of us here in Research were shooting the poop - chatting it up, tossing around the ol' convo ball, y'know - and all of a sudden we start to smell something funny.

Now, all fart jokes aside, there are a lot of funny smells in this office. We look out over 49th street, and sometimes there are powerful smells that can, and have been frequently known to, drift up from below; garbage, sewer gas, The Mad Pooter out for a breath of fresh air, etc. It's not unheard of for our office to become a bit stinky in the afternoon (and like I said, this is not including all the... um... Natural byprodcuts of eating too much dairy that sometimes happens to yours truly). So when we detected the faint smell of burning diapers, we didn't really think anything of it! Well, I thought SOMETHING of it - what I thought was "man, someone down on the street is really burning some major diapers today"....Along with a mental image too messed up to be repeated here.

Anyway, it was at that point the Casting ladies ran in and the "S" hit the "F" (where the "F" stands for "Fan").

All of a sudden, I noticed that the diaper smell was really intense. And then it wasn't so funny anymore.

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12th Time's The Charm!

WE WON!!!

Wow.

The mood around the office today can be described in two words - EXCITED and EXHAUSTED!! I can't tell you how happy I was last night when the envelope was opened by Jon Cryer and Love (Love? Really?) and our name was called (Jon Cryer: "Oh!")!! It was awesome!! Sweeney made a great speech, too - I loved how he finished with "And we'd like to go out through the trap door!!!". HILARIOUS! The guy is awesome two times. At least!

We had a nice little low-key party for the writers this morning that replaced our usual morning meeting and was delicitastic:

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Clamato Was The Case That They Gave Me

Wow! I've been feeling a lot of pressure from the ol' mailbag from yesterday's post, and look - I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO'S WHO. But rest assured that there will be more adventures of The Mad Pooter in the future, unfortunately enough. And what rough smell, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? 'TIS THE ROTTEN STENCH OF THE MAD POOTER. Grosssssssssssss.

So remember when I was talking about how we've got a bottle of Clamato juice that's over nine years old? Well I blabbed it all around town (as I'm prone to blabbing and being out and about) and pretty soon Cadbury-Schweppes "got wind of the whole thing" (sorry, I still got a little Mad Pooter on the brain), and took action!!! For those who don't know, Cadbury-Schweppes are the people who MAKE Clamato and are responsible for bringing new bottles of Clamato into the world... And it turns out that they really got a kick out of our very own Senor Clamato!!! Such a kick, in fact, that they went and sent us over a special CLAMATO DISPLAY CASE!!! Check it out:

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Smellovision!

I'd like to open tonight with a hilarious bit of info - I've been all but SWORN TO SECRECY on this, so I can't reveal anyone's name... But trust me, this is a great story with or without names!

So...There's a member of our show who farts.

This in itself shouldn't be a newsflash. I mean, look - we're all human, even those of us in show business, and it happens. Everyone farts. But I'm told from an anonymous source (we'll call them "Deep Nose"), that this person we're talking about farts perhaps a little more often than most. Not only that, but this person is reportedly KNOWN for their farting!! Like I said, I'm not revealing anyone's name... But for the sake of clarity, we'll call this Human Fart-O-Tron "The Mad Pooter" - at least partly because they just SMELL ANGRY. Farting with a vengence! Whap! Bam! Pow!!

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September 12th, 2007: The Day Our Elevator Lobby Turned Into A Tanning Booth

Okay, okay - a number of you wrote in and asked how in the world I could've put a staple into the palm of my opposite hand. Well, let me explain: I was not exactly in the process of precisely "stapling" when the accident occurred. No. I was - okay, let's be honest here - I was swinging the stapler around over my head yelling something to the effect of "I AM STAPLE THOR!" or some other such nonsense and trying to prove a point to Ullman. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. It turns out I was... Mistaken.

Ullman, to her credit, was like "you better stop that or you're going to staple yourself and then I'm going to laugh at you for the rest of the afternoon". Then the phone rang. And I Immediately stopped what I was doing... But there's this thing called "momentum", which, roughly translated, means that I stapled the poo poo out of my hand. And Ullman, true to her word, spent the rest of the afternoon laughing at me. What's that? Yes, I am an idiot.

Please kids; learn from Uncle Aaron's stupidity: If you must wave a stapler around over your head whilst screaming about Norse Gods, then do yourself a favor and unplug the phone. Also, don't let Ullman see what you're doing.

Now, onto other matters. This evening, I went upstairs to turn in Tiki Barber's file (he's on Friday), and I noticed that there was something different about the elevator lobby:

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"Danger Is My Middle Name" Is My Middle Name

I'll bet that when you think of research, the first word that comes to mind for most of you is not the word "danger". Well I'm about to blow those minds right out of those thick skulls today... Because this researching gig is DANGEROUS INDEED. Don't believe me?! Think I'm a LIAR?! Shame on you, Seamus! Here are just a few of the hazards that we, as Late Night Researchers, must face on a daily basis:

The Paper Is Mighter Than The Sword - And Cuts Twice As Deep
As you can imagine, if your job involves reading a great deal - and quickly - you are going to get a lot of paper cuts. I get about three a week. They're really not that bad, unless you are unlucky enough to get one in the webbing between your fingers... And man, those SUCK. I keep a little tube of Neosporin in my desk, and it gets worked pretty often!

That's Cool, I Don't Really Need To Use My Eyes For Anything
Vision. Some would say that it's a pretty useful thing. Because my entire job is READING, I would say that I am one of those people. However, reading 1200 pages of Morgan Freeman research (like I did today - his last Late Night appearance was in '93) will make your eyes tired. Reading 1200 pages of Morgan Freeman RIGHT AFTER reading about a thousand pages of Tiki Barber research (also like I did today) will make your eyes cry "MUTINY!" - which is really unnerving because eyes don't have mouths, so I'm not sure how that's happening. Also, maybe I should discontinue my morning ritual of staring into the sun until I smell burning...Or at least cut it down to just fifteen minutes a day.

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CONANIZED!!!

Monday Monday Monday....MONDAY. How was everyone's weekend? Good? Bad? Ugly? Excellent.

Let me get right down to it: We here at the show rely a great deal on interns, but we rely even more on the lifeblood of NBC and the NBC family; we rely on a creature often sighted on the premises, but very seldom seen roaming in the wild: The NBC Page.

NBC Pages are indispensible to us. For one, they staff our ticket office, for another, they man the Studio Page Desk, escort our guests to and from their expensive limozzzines, and they help work our awesome audiences! We give them our thanks day in and day out, but there finally came a time when we here at the show decided that we needed to let the best pages know just how great a job they were doing. A day dawned where we realized that we needed to give back just a bit more. We thought that the NBC Pages who were really busting their butts needed to be recognized in a more public and permanent way than us just saying "thanks dude"... Both to let them know that they were super awecellent, and to encourage other pages to strive for a similar level of excellence!! So we here at the show created something special to give to those special Pages:

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Built To Spill

What can I say? It's been a rough week.

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Will Arnett... Or Won't Arnett?

Ooooh. A heartbreaker tonight: My sweet sweet blog entry was mistakenly ERASED!!! I KNOW!!!! Oh man. Two hours right down the poop slot. Damn. It's nights like these that make me want to heave my computer out the window and race it headfirst to the pavement.... But I'm not going to do that. Oh Internet; why can't you just gimmie a little love and autosave my posts? Or at least pull a rabbit out of your hat intead of making my hard written entry disappear? Okay, well, let's see if we can rally the troops and muster enough... Mustard? to get this thing up and poppin' again! It shouldn't be THAT hard, considering our show was muy excellente tonight!!! And as any Spanish speaking person knows, "Muy excellente" is Espanol for...

WILL ARNETT!!!

Aside from being one of my favorite comedic actors, Will Arnett is also one of my favorite guests. Why? Well... Wait a second! Are you stupid or something?! Will is AMAZING, both in general and on tonight's show; him and Conan cover such hilarious topics as Science! The Smithsonian! And the brief period when Conan toured with The Grateful Dead across Germany and Amsterdam!**

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Ol' Sweetbottom Rides Again!

Normally, on a day like today (basically any day that ends in "y"), I take the subway into work. I've got about a ten minute walk to the train, and then like a 15, 20 minute train ride. Zzzzzzzz. It bores. Bigtime. Snoresville, population me.

HOWEVER, today was different! Today was exiciting! Today I got to walk to a parking lot! (I know that sounds boring to you, but anything not routine is TOTALLY SWEETNESS TO THE MAX to moi) Here's what happened: I got a text message (or is it a "Pmail?") late last night from Production Manager Jason Chillemi asking if I could show up to the shoot we went location scouting for yesterday! Of course, I said yes. Actually, I said a few swear words and THEN the word "yes" (happy swear words, people), and told him I'd meet him at LOCATION X (where the "X" stands for "XSECRET"). Location X is also known as "a parking lot in Queens kind of near my house". Call time was 10, and I was there ten minutes early. SHAZAM!!!

After a few minutes some other actors showed up... Along with the sweet sweet truck!! It's a '68 something, and we got it from the same dude who supplied cars to The Bourne Ultimatium - only we asked for one truck that we were careful with, not 80 cars to be destroyed (they actually only destroyed 75, FYI):

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The King(s) of Queens

I trust that y'all (what's up Clara Lou) had a great three day weekend! Welcome back everybody!

Today I got a little reprieve from the researching world with a phone call out of the blue from Production Manager Jason Chillemi! I live in Queens, and he wondered aloud (with his silky smooth voice) whether or not I'd be willing to help him out with looking for locations to shoot a pretape tomorrow! Of course I said (insert Flava Flav voice here) 'HECK GYEAH BOYEEE" - so he called a car around 1pm and we were off!!

The pretape that Chillemi's shooting tomorrow is for the Emmys... See, we were lucky enough to be nominated for an Emmy for "Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program", and since writers write, and don't act, there's nothing to show as "a clip" when the writers names are called!! Traditionally the different late night shows do different things for their Emmy B-Roll footage to try and make the audience laugh: In the past we've done each writer as a "Price is Right" contestant, we've done each writer as a scene from a different Charlton Heston movie, we've had huge crowd scenes where we point an arrow and pick out one tiny person, etc. We've also shot our own stuff for the Emmy B-roll; one year we had Conan abusing each writer in turn, one year we had all the writers replaced with outsourced people from India, one year we had a superfast scroll of all the names with the VO "All of these people... And CONAN!" with a slow-motion beauty shot of Conan, etc. We've been lucky enough to be nominated a bunch of times, so we've done a LOT of these Emmy B-Rolls!

This year, we've got something involving Conan and a pickup truck (I don't want to give it away - you'll have to watch the Emmys to find out!), and they wanted to shoot it somewhere that could be Anytown, USA - so we headed to Queens to try and find a suitable spot! I gotta say, it's a weird feeling to come to work and then spend the rest of the day being driven around your neighborhood taking pictures... Wait, did I say weird? I meant to say TOTALLY AWESOME.

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Blast From The Past!

Everyone who was excited about the photo I posted of Conan the other day should be THRILLED with tonight's show... Let's just say an old friend sent Conan a special something from his past!!! It's hilarious! Pay particular attention to the belt! Oh, and make sure you watch Kevin Nealon's segment - him and Conan go way back, so whenever he comes on, it's always really hilarious - plus, he really makes Conan laugh, which is always fun to see. I love it when people lose their composure on the air! Two ghosts from Conan's past on one show! Awesome two times, baby!

Also on the show today: Made For TV Movie! If you've never seen the bit (and how could you not, sucka?), we basically pick a relevant topic from the news, and say that NBC is making a "made for TV movie" about that topic... Then we show pictures of who is playing who -the joke being that the real person (for instance Rumsfeld) looks exactly like someone who you wouldn't expect (like Skeletor)! The pictures match! The planets align! People weep with laughter! It's really something.

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Bacon... A Delicious Treat AND A Great Guest!

Wow! It was a right crackerjack of a show today! Kevin "Brings home the" Bacon tears the audience a new laugh hole... And then Mr. Will "My Forte is comedy and my last name is also" Forte takes the funny baton and runs it to the finish line of hilarity! Okay, my metaphors might be a little muddy, but I think y'all get my meanin' - it was a great show today!!! Make sure to check it out!!!

But wait a second. Hold your horses. Slow your roll. SLOW IT, I SAID.

"Aaron!" You say. "My Tivo didn't record/I fell asleep/my dog ate my television so that I missed last night's show! Your description of the show sounded so amazing that I'm totally sad/angry/aroused (aroused?) that I missed the show last night! Is there any way for me to catch it again?!"

First of all... Your dog ate your television? Come on, dude.

Secondly, I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. Because, dear reader, the answer to that question is... YES!!!

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And The Winner Is...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment that we've all been waiting for... No, we're not installing a webcam in the Research Office. TODAY'S THE DAY WE'RE ANNOUNCING THE WINNER OF THE LATE NIGHT QUACKERS ART EXTRAVAGANZA CHALLENGE 2007!!!!! Oh brother!!! THE EXCITEMENT IS INTENSE!!! THE ENTHUSIAM IS WIDESPREAD!!! THE CONFUSION IS RAMPANT!! AAAAHHHHH!! I CAN'T STAND IT - Wait, I have to go change my trousers...

...Okay I'm back! Before I announce the winner, let me just say THANK YOU to all you awesome people who entered! We here at the show were all really blown away with the amount of work that everyone put in! There were a lot of really REALLY great entries, and everyone should be incredibly proud of what they submitted! There were also a few entries that were completely insane... To those people I say - excellent job as well! Way to keep things interesting! Crazy and awesome; two great tastes that taste great together! Thanks for doing it!!

And now, without further ado... The winner of THE LATE NIGHT QUACKERS ART EXTRAVAGANZA CHALLENGE 2007 is....

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On The Show Tonight: The Words "Eye Jelly"

Sorry for the electronic mixup yesterday! Somebody fed the NBC Servers after midnight last night, and everything went haywire! Wait, maybe that's a bit strong.... But for whatever reason, something happened and yesterday's post was LOST IN SPAAAAAACE (okay, the post was only "lost in the Late Night Insider blog post archive", not "SPAAACE"... But that doesn't sound nearly as cool, does it?!)

However, yesterday is yesterday and today is today - obviously you're reading this, and you know that the problem has been fixed (I'd like to give a shout out to my main man Alvin over there on the Left Coast) - but I would like to make extra sure that everyone knows we extended the deadline of the Quackers Art Extravaganza Challenge thing to TONIGHT. So if you haven't submitted anything yet, get it in soon! We're announcing the winner tomorrow!! For everyone who's already entered: You guys rock the house for realz, yo! For Sirius! (Sorry, I'm just finishing the 7th Harry Potter book).

ANYWAY.

Yesterday I talked a little bit about The Infamous Intern Book - the book where all the intern pictures of interns go once the interns have stopped being interns. (Can I say the word "interns" again? Thanks.) Lo and behold, I forgot to post the intern polaroid one of our most famous interns to date:

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The Good Book

Welcome back, everybody! Did you miss me?

So there's some major crap going on with NBC servers or something, and this blog post somehow got hidden in the archives and not on the front page! WHAT A GIANT LOAD OF QUACKERS CRAP!! So because of our inexcusable technical difficulties, we're extending the deadline for THE LATE NIGHT QUACKERS ART EXTRAVAGANZA CHALLENGE 2007 to tonight at Midnight!! To repeat, the deadline is tonight, and we will be announcing the winners tomorrow (Wednesday)! As for all of you who have already entered... Nice work! You guys are really knocking yourselves out!!!

How was everyone's two weeks?! I had a great time, and the vaycay seemed really looooooong. It feels like I haven't been back to the office in like 6 MONTHS! Crazy. (Ripley's) Believe It or Not, but it's actually really nice to be back. I know that sounds weird, seeing as this is my job and all, but so many of us here on the show are friends and it's great to see everyone again to hear what they've been doing! We've got the rough and tumble waters of a 15 or 16 week run dead ahead, so I'm sure that I won't be feeling like this forever... But for now it's nice!

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Quack Attack!

Howdy! It's Friday, and the Friday before a sweet 2 week break - so of course everything here is completely insane! It's been a crazy, crazy day. We're paying full price for our next 14 days of rest and relaxation! It seems like all the bricks hit the fan this morning, and the whole research department has been crazed with upcoming Emmy stuff, files, plugs, etc. etc. I had a whole shovelful of Saget that I had to choke down in an hour, which sucked. However, I DID get to meet some very fine LADIES (thanks to Pierre) this afternoon, which was a bright spot on a dark thunderhead of a day!!

Hello, ladies.

So. Before we get down to Quackers business today, I'd like to share a little goo with everyone:

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Heads I Win, Tails You Lose

Hello, Sinners.

Intrigued?

Details tomorrow.