NBC's New Marketing Strategy: Elevators
Posted June 05, 05:37 PM
VERY exciting news tonight, kiddies - WE'RE HAVING A SWEEPSTAKES!! THAT YOU CAN MAKE STUFF AND ENTER!! AND THERE'S A PRIZE AND EVERYTHING OMFG LOL LOL SRSLY.
Actually, there IS an awesome Late Night Contest that we're announcing on tonight's show I think you're all going to be PRETTY PUMPED ABOUT, SUCKAZ!! So make some room on your dance card for this evening's program!! (PS - Details will also be up at nbc.com/conan later tonight!!)
Now, here's something you may not know about me: On the way to work, I usually rock out. You know, headphones on, jamming to the beat, tapping the leg, maybe doing a little stutterstep up the steps. Oh yeah!! It's a between the ears raging danceparty every morning!! Anyway, so yesterday I'm on my way to work, rocking out, raging, stutterstep, etc etc, and I step into the elevator. I'm looking down at the floor as the doors open and I step in. As the doors close, I take off my phones and look up - AND JUMP INTO THE AIR FROM FRIGHT. Why, you ask? Simple: BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED BY A HUMONGOUS AD FOR SOME BRAVO SHOW THAT'S BEEN PLASTERED INTO ALL THE 30 ROCK ELEVATORS:

See if you can spot the ad in this elevator (Hint: It's somewhere behind Chill).
Yo! National Broadcasting Corporation!! What's up, dudebros? Can't you ad people just send out a mass email or slip something under the door, or something? First of all, these INSANELY LARGE AND FRIGHTENING POSTERS ARE ACTUALLY HUGE PLASTIC STICKERS. Nice work. Whatever happened to "Green Is Universal"? Or that whole "Ecomagination" thing?! Maybe the adhesive is like smashed bugs or something? I don't know how that works.
SECOND OF ALL, these posters are ABSURD. I mean, look - the microchip that NBC installs in our brains when we're first hired already forces us to compulsively watch all NBC and Bravo and Telemundo and USA and Sci Fi and Olympics and Bravo television (including having to visit Universal Studios twice a year), so why the giant posters?! You're preaching to the choir, dudes. The overworked, underpaid choir (not me... Uh, the other choir members. I am, uh, paid greatohgodpleasedon'tfireme).
THIRDLY AND I SERIOUSLY CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THERE IS A THIRDLY BUT THERE IS, the posters are all for the same program. How badly do you want people to watch this thing, dudes? I mean, let's talk seriously for a second - is this it? Is this the last show that NBC is showing before they go under? Is this the flare off the bow of the Titanic? Because if it is, then maybe I could understand why there'd be insane looking posters in Every. Single. Elevator. I mean, that would still be totally crazy, but it I guess it would make some sort of twisted sense in a "let's kill this network off with a bang!!!" way. .
Or even if these eyesores were all for the Olympics - I mean, the Olympics are a big freaking deal, seeing as it's the only place where athletes from around the world can compete to see who's been shooting the most HGH - But these murderously large and obnoxious plastic stickers are NOT for the Olympics! They're all for something called "The A-List Awards"... Which is what, another awards show? Because that's what I think television is really lacking right now; a good ol' pat on the back. Hey look! It's another awards show that means... Nothing! If there's one thing that people love to do, it's award each other for doing nothing. You know what? I'm going to have an awards show called "The Awards Awards", which only gives out self-congratulatory awards to other awards shows. You could have categories like "Coolest Award" (clearly The Emmy, because you can stab someone with it). Or "Award Show with the Choicest Babes" (The Country Music Awards, I'm pretty sure). Or even "Most Boring Award Show"... WHICH WOULD BE A SIXTEEN THOUSAND WAY TIE, BECAUSE AWARD SHOWS ARE LAME GUYS COME ON.
Anyway... Make sure to watch the always hilarious Kathy Griffin host "The A-List Awards", Thursday June 12th at 10 - Only on Bravo. Watch what happens!