I'll Never Think Of "Pooh Bear" The Same Way Again
Posted July 18, 07:07 PM
Ha haha. Let's see. There's really nothing that I could possibly write that would make this less awkward... So here goes nothing: Today I spent a large fat portion of time looking at Fat Male Gay Porn.
That's right, baby. ALL. DAY. LONG.
It wasn't for my own entertainment, mind you... They wanted to show a fake clip for Sandler's segment tonight, and someone came up with the idea that it should be two heavyset males making whoopee. And even though I'm no longer the Video Research Guy, when you've got a talent, you've got a talent! Let me put it this way; even though Michael Jordan quit basketball, he still plays from time to time, right? It would be a CRIME if Jordan was to never play again. Well, even though I've moved on from video, I'm still called upon to search through porn and pick out the "best bits" (pun intended, fool). And before anyone says anything, yes - I realize that my reasoning leads to the fact that I'm calling myself the Michael Jordan of Porno Movies.
And I'm fine with that.
Anyway, for all you "uninitiated" out there, a heavyset homosexual man is sometimes referred to as "A Bear". I'm sure that this also stems from the fact that these dudebros are incredibly, UNBELIEVABLY hairy. So I watched a LOT of hairy "bears" doing many things to each other today. It was interesting. I'm not sure if this is just a "motif" in the movies I happened to watch or if this is a theme that is found throughout the genre as a whole, but there were many dudes eating food and feeding it to each other (among doing other things with the food). The sex and stuff is not a problem, but when you start involving different creamy foods with all that jiggling sweaty flesh and hair, it can be quite a sight. As a fat hairy man myself, I now know what it would look like if I tripped and fell into a giant pie while naked; it would look delicious.
As I've alluded to, this is FAR from the first time that I've had to deal with porn on the show - and having seen a fair amount of all different kinds of porn, from the preposterous to the prosaic, I have one question for those who enjoy this specific genre of big burly bear porn - what's the deal with the no plot thing? Like, in most porn (even ones that involve feet and stuff), there's almost ALWAYS some kind of story... But the porn I watched today the plot was non-existent! The only plot I saw was basically one dude going "Hey man - I just made this pasta" - that was it! I know the cliche is that most porn isn't really plot heavy... But I felt a little cheated, to be honest.
So be sure and watch Mr. Adam Sandler on our show this evening... And when we cut to the two "bears" sharing an apple, just know how much hard work went into that.
Emphasis on the "hard".
Oh Aaron!
Gross! I would die. I have ALWAYS wondered though, why does porn even have a plot? Even the regular kind. It all just seems like a means to an end. I have actually never seen porn in my life, thank goodness, but that fat hairy guy porn sounds horrifying! It better be worth it tonight.
Anyway, how is the Harry Potter marathon going? Well, I hope. Did you get my last comment saying that I am coming on Friday?! I'm excited. Can't wait.
Sending you good clean, "bear" free thoughts,
Cassidy
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Aaron Responds: I have no idea. But let me tell you - porn with a plot is a LOT less disturbing. I have no idea why... It just is!
The Potter marathon is definitely dragging, as I'm only partway through the third book! I was a fool to think it could be done. A FOOL, Cassidy!
Thanks for the bear free thoughts. I wish I could conjure up some of those... But I think my brain is permanently broken!
Well bears are the number one threat to America! :)
I promise any time I see two fat men getting it on I will think of you :) You'll have to forgive me for hoping I dont have to think about you too often!
Loving the technical glitch last night. Any time things like that happen they should so leave it in. It's much, much funnier :)
By the way, did you hear that INSANE thunderstorm this morning? I thought my house was collapsing or something!
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Aaron Responds: Not these bears! All these bears want is to be loved... Trust me!
As far as I know, most technical glitches are left in - and I agree, I think it's much funnier as well!
Yeah, the thunderstorm woke me up and flooded my kitchen! It also shut down a bunch of trains, so I was an hour late for work!! It was crazy.
The pasta reference made me lol. How did you get involved with the porno research in the first place?
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Aaron Responds: Great question, Katherine! Well, Frank produced Adam's segment, and I used to be Frank's assistant... We would talk comedy a lot, and we've got a lot of the same instincts when it comes to comedy - and because Frank couldn't handle watching it himself, he asked me to do it because he knew that I'd find something that him and Sandler would think was funny!
Katherine, (11:01 PM)
You couldn't just pick the first one you found? And how come they made you do it? I have so many questions that will go unanswered.
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Aaron Responds: No... We are perfectionists here at the show, unfortunately. Either that, or people enjoy making me suffer!!
As for why they made me do it, I can only guess it's because I have a good sense of comedic timing?
Colette, (11:48 PM)
That clip made my day! --By no meams would I ever attempt to go that far to get a video of that nature...
I haven't laughed so much in a while. Congrats. Keep up the great work Aaron, your work won't go un-noticed.
;)
I hope the images you have seen today won't haunt you in your dreams. All I know is, it will be very tough to eat an apple and not think of that bit of video.
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Aaron Responds: HAHAHAHA. No kidding! But in defiance, I ate an apple for lunch today! I'm not going to be grossed out! NOT ME!
Anonymous, (01:37 AM)
I burst out laughing when I saw that. I had no idea what to except, but I am now horrified and possibly scared for life.
Anyway, I live in that land to the north called Canada. Or something like that. Plus I live on the west coast, but thanks to the magic of TV, we get the east coast NBC feed also (from Detroit!) and can watch Conan at 9.30 PM instead of 12.35 AM. Fortunately, this means that it's not possible to view NBC content or download the shows from iTunes which means I have to resort to the DVDs and PVR :(
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Aaron Responds: Whoa! I knew Detroit was good for something! That's crazy to hear about iTunes, though.
Sorry you had to see that. I'm REALLY sorry.
Steve 2, (02:35 AM)
YIKES. There are times when I think I don't want to go into research, and now is certainly one of those times.
I've seen what looked suspiciously like porn clips on the show before--I want to say on the Conan's Lullaby segments where "Mom and Dad please turn baby / Away from--the TV screen / Away from--the TV screen". You're saying it was you who did the "research" on those? Wow. Under the aegis of the show, you've become the MVP of fat gay male porno. That's gonna be hard to shake, kind of like "Party Space", which briefly had a Wikipedia page.
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Aaron Responds: Oh yeah. Days like that make you re-evaluate your whole human existence!! It's not a good thing to be known for...
And Party Space had a wiki page?! No way! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP ME UP TO DATE ON THESE THINGS, SOJ.
SOJ, (08:50 AM)
I already left you a comment but after seeing that apple footage last night...you have earned your vacation, sir.
One question - who provided you with this footage? I think I can guess. Your arch-nemesis, perhaps? A certain writer whose name begins with a K and is a notorious ripper of overpriced shirts??? This was his idea, wasn't it? He did it because he knows you hate to watch people enjoy apples when you yourself do not have an apple to enjoy. Diabolical!
Sev
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Aaron Responds: Thanks dood! No way Koman was a part of this... But I DID see Koman dacing around in tighty whities on the feed taping something for movie reviews!! Luckily, Hardy managed to wrestle the plastic cutlery away from me before I could gouge my eyes out!
Severina, (09:53 AM)
Oh my... yes I can see how watching porn for long periods can bring tears to one's eyes. I look forward to seeing the end result of your hard work Aaron *grin*
Was Q with you when you were bear-watching? I mean... SOMEBODY had to supervise, right?
Love and bear hugs, Rosie xox
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Aaron Responds: NO way Jose! I had to keep Q's innocent little eyes away from teh screen... As well as our interns and any extraneous staff members!
Poor Aaron,
How you must have suffered watching all that stuff you have no interest in! Why did they give you that job?
Congradulations to Conan, and his entire cast and crew on their four Emmy nominations!!! They deserve everyone of them! Who is hosting this year? I wish Conan were hosting again. He is the best Emmy host!
Cindy
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Aaron Responds: HAhahahaha... Low man on the totem pole, I guess! Thanks for the congrats - I'm not sure who's hosting this year; hopefully someone not boring!!
Anonymous, (05:36 PM)
Ok I just find this very interesting! if you need someone to tell you about bears you should of talk to me. I own porn studio cyberbears, and a magazine ( BearParty Magazine ) , which it feature bears, and bear life style. i deal with bears all the time they are most passionate, cuddely, and warm hearted men in the gay community ever.
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Aaron Responds: Hey Ken! Thanks for the info! I hope you don't mind that I had to take out your link, because it contained explicit material... But thanks for the comment!!!
Ken Slater, (05:48 PM)
I read from the a website that CyberbeaR studios will file suit because u showed the clip without permission, id like to comment as well im a bear too and i honestly dont mind any of this but.. my concern is peoples general reaction too the clip, i for one would not do something like that. but i appreciate ur upbeatness and tolerance for homosexuals its a change and it makes me smile , keep up all your hard work
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Aaron Responds: Sweet! Thanks, Z! Although I have no idea what's up with any legal stuff, I try my best to be funny and not offend people on the blog... But we all make mistakes!! Thanks for understanding, and thanks for reading!!!
Zbear, (06:31 PM)
Aaron Bleyaert
