Alright, alright. I'm back. I have emerged from seclusion to face the music. A second contestant has ever so rudely walked away with a million dollars. I will not say that she won it, or even that she earned it--it was HANDED to her. I gave her nine million-dollar cases, for Heaven's sake! A trained chipmunk could have won the million.

Some day I hope to come across an adversary who can play the game the original way and make it even remotely exciting. I tell ya, It's really tough being so intellectually superior to all those around you.

Well, you'll just have to take my word on that...

Election day is almost here, so be sure you go vote! (Resist the urge to write me in on your ballot, though--being President would really cut into my vacation time.)

I was quite saddened to read Dollydeb's comment from a September 7th posting where she wrote that I pick on you bloggers here. Thank you Dollydeb for your honest comment. You have opened my eyes. Perhaps I have been a bit tough on you bloggers. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Can't we all just get along?

Now having said this, I do think you all need to get a life. I picture you all at home, writing me in your underpants at your kitchen table. The thought makes me ill. The day you all show me the respect I deserve, is the day I will be your true friend! So stop your whining.

Capisci?

The Glorious Banker

I'm back from my glorious Paris vacation. And I'm miserable. If you've been watching NBC promos for "Deal or No Deal," you've probably figured out that some lucky fool has finally won the million dollar prize. Beginners luck! I'm so sick of looking at Howie's little grin in those promos. He couldn't be happier announcing that I've been beat. Howie, leave me alone! What have I ever done to you?

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm fuming mad about this whole thing. NBC was running those promos throughout the Olympics. Some dolt gets lucky and it gets repeatedly rubbed it in my face. Don't you know who I am? I'm the Michael Phelps of TV game shows! I'm a legend when it comes to stopping people from winning the Gold on "Deal." I'm actually MORE impressive than Michael Phelps. He just swims. I get absolutely no respect! I save the network millions of dollars when contestants leave with little money and NBC never runs promos bragging about me. I am FURIOUS!

This is an outrage. If you are planning to face me in a future episode, be warned. I have a fire in the pit of my stomach that can't be extinguished.

Prepare for your demise. I will not be humiliated again!

The Banker

I'm still having the time of my life here in Paris. Check out my vacation photos below.

That's me in front of the Arc de Triumph. (Try and find me in the photo.) Also see me in front of the Eiffel tower, Notre Dame Cathedral and Sacre Coeur. Oh, just in case you aren't aware, these are all world famous landmarks - especially the Eiffel Tower. You may have seen a replica of the Eiffel Tower while you were in Las Vegas. (The Vegas one is NOT the
original.)

I wish I could stay here forever. Johnny Depp was right to move here. This is where classy, sophisticated, educated and worldly citizens of planet Earth live. It's nothing like Northern Indiana.

Au Revoir,

Monsieur Banker

I'm very proud of you Howie for getting your Emmy nomination. You do a yeoman job hosting "Deal or No Deal."

If you win the Emmy, I look forward to you thanking me, the Banker, in your acceptance speech. We both know I'm the one who should've received that Emmy nomination. No sour grapes here. Just don't forget me on Emmy night.

Still vacationing in Paris,

The Banker

Hello, Dollydeb and friends. Thank you for the invitation to your cute little July 23rd soiree in Muncie, Indiana. I'm flattered. But count me out. No offense but I never waste time in America's "flyover states."

Indiana does look pretty from the air, when flying over it in my private Gulfstream G550 jet at 35,000 feet to important world destinations like New York, London and Paris. Speaking of which, I'm currently on holiday in historic Paris. As I write, I am sipping a fine Bordeaux on the balcony of my $3500 a night suite. I'm literally a stone's throw from the Eiffel Tower.

It's great to have money.

Au Revoir,
The Banker

I have to be honest, I'm AMAZED at how good I really am. (Sometimes I surprise even myself.) I bamboozled every pathetic contestant this season - making sure none of them left with the million.

I chuckle when I think of all the contestants who blew it! Remember Katie Henslin from Minnesota? That airhead had the million in her case, yet she just couldn't pull the trigger! I LOVE IT!

Oh sure, I had a few scares here and there. But ultimately I won every battle. It's been such a truly profitable year, this summer I plan to renovate my office for next season. It's going to be gorgeous.

I'm raising my champagne glass and making a toast. "Here's to all of season three's misguided, foolish contestants. You make my heart pitter patter. You complete me."

Oh, and to you bloggers... keep those postings coming. I read everything you write and I'll be responding to your ridiculous postings throughout the summer. You all amuse me.

Thanks for the good times,

The Banker