nbc.com

first?

BEDBUG- I'm so happy for you to be getting your Kindle! How did you swing that one? LOL!
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DR DONNA- I'm glad for you that the next get together is in Minneapolis/St Paul. It's lovely there.

Cute vid, but a little hard to follow.
So, into my office today walks a lively little old man and I ask him how he is today and he answers "joy filled." Isn't that great? I made a quick note-to-self to try to be able to spontaneously answer that sometimes and mean it.
By the time he left (after his museum visit) and had handed me his card, it turns out he is Robert Moyers (and the O is a smiley face!) and then it says "aka Mr. Happy")
Most excellant.
He apparently is an "inspirational speaker, author, educator, consultant and the president of COUL - the Center of Unconditional Love.
Can you beat that?
His web site, which I have yet to visit, is www.unconditionallove.com. What an interesting "meet." I love my job. I feel like I'm just sittin' at the crossroads of the world and waiting for another fascinating person to drop by. I should host a video talk show right here at my desk. I'm so not kidding. You literally just NEVER know who you will meet and what you will learn from them.
Takin' it all in!

Okay, I typed that incorrectly. If you were checking it out, it's
www.unconditionallovelive.com
Sorry 'bout that.

Happy Monday!!! Very funny!

Hilarious lol. Thanks for sharing that with us. :) Part dos anywhere?

I guess Jigglin in Jax is going to be Jigglin in SanANT from now on! Welcome to Texas!
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Chris....I think your idea of leaving our footprints behind where ever we visit is a great way to pay it forward. I'm a firm believer of paying it forward.
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Steph, so glad your niece got here safe and sound.
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4 weeks from today summer ends and back to work I go...it has been a great summer and one I won't forget for a long time!

I got a sneak peek of this last week when you were "Tagged" in it on facebook. Can't wait to see part 2!

I am alllllll buzzed up about 2010 get together! Dr. Donna will be an amazing host. "Minnesota Nice" don'tcha know!

JUST got the title to the car that has been tucked away in my garage for 2 weeks. HURRAY it is MINE!

CHRIS!!!!!

I just read your "doing something in the Cities" good thing idea thing and I think it is a great idea.

There are surely a million ideas to be hashed over. It made me cry just reading that you thought of that.
I have a 9 year old great-niece in the cities, for example, who has MPS VI,or Maroteaux-Lamy Syndrome. She spent last year in a hospital in Mpls after a failed bone marrow transplant. What the families of chronicly ill children go through is unbelievable.
I also remember that ANT did a charity event there for a kids camp.
It can be ANYTHING and it will be great. I love the idea of doing something..... even if it is as simple as planting a tree somewhere (with permission I spose! HA!HA!HA!)

hello fellow colonist long time no see, i just want to send shout outs to all who remember me i will be going to germany on the nineth to see jason for twelve days and tomorrow i will be married 36 oh wow how time has flys thanks to all who said prayers for jason's safe return from iraq it worked and i am thinking of all of you now, coleen

COLEEN- Have a good trip, but why is your son in Germany? It's good to see you and yes we all remember you!!!
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EMJAY- You make me laugh with "Don'tcha Know! Too funny. That movie Fargo! I'm from Wpg so I know ND,SD, Minnisota very well. LOL!

TERI- Yes Shaf got the CD made as I could not go out. Long story. It took them 2 hours and he had to stay there. Not fun for him!! Yikes! I can't figure out how to get them to myspace or put who the person is under. Some of the pictures are from 1900's!!! It was about 100 dollars to do and they made 2 Cd's. One for me and I'm sending them one to Wpg.

♥

DAWN: Let me know when you're ready to put then on the MySpace, and we can put the names under them, too.

Please tell me I'm not the only "loser" who EATS (Oh, for God's sake!) while watching Ruby or Dance Your Ass Off or Biggest Loser...
What is wrong with me? No. I mean, really?

BedBug-
I just finished watching Ruby.
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I also just finished my cheddar & sour cream chips. ;)
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xoxo!

BEDBUG--I watched Ruby this morning on DVR while eating my breakfast (was not a healthy oatmeal like on the show!) I loved her tour of Savannah, totally would be fun! Congratulations on the Kindle!!! So very awesome!!

DAWN--I can't wait to see pictures from you! The Bachelorette guys night was scary tonight!!! I also watched a new reality show called Dating In The Dark. Okay, I want to say I then watched PBS or something intellectual, but I did not, lol! The dating in the dark was actually very interesting. I wouldn't recommend it without a camera crew, but it was an interesting (if not sometimes cringeworthy) concept. Did anyone else watch? Or am I the only rating? :)

(((CHRIS))) I totally got you were kidding! My sense of humor is the one thing that never ever leaves me. (Thank goodness!) It can get dark, but there is always a chuckle in there somewhere. ♥

Lots of love to ALL the beautiful ANTS in the COLONY!!!!♥♥♥♥

DR DONNA!!!!!MINNEAPOLIS 2010!!!!!! OH YAY!!!! LOA LOA LOA LOA LOA LOA LOA for ALL ANTS to be there and me too!

Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?......You're going to make it after all! :)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBTWF1bDPn0

ERIN- Yes, it will be interesting to finally see who Jillian chooses next week. I think I sent you the comment it's until the last 5 minutes that is the cliff hanger! LOL!
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ALI-KAT- Thinking of you today. Praying and hoping! ♥ ♥

DEE- I'm glad you made it to the Dr and everything today. Yes, you listen to them, but you have to do your own thinking too. ♥

Good Morning ANT and Antlings!
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Dawn- Good Morning!
You kinda have me nervous now that I might not get tickets to ANT's show. I wrote to Amy and told her I am leaving on Saturday afternoon and if she can send the ticket conformation on Friday instead...
she hasn't emailed me back!
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I fly all the way to Las Vegas and can not see ANT and Jason, I'm going to be very, very sad!
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GINGER- I know how you feel. I just got the feeling from ANT it was that day or not at all? I hope I'm wrong. I want you to have a great time. Where are you going to stay? I'm going to bed now. It's close to 3am. I tried at 1am, but couldn't sleep. LOL! Pain in the head!

Guess what y'all? I actually wrote something. Kay, a lady from my writers guild called me Sunday afternoon and asked me if I was going to be there? I decided I was. I am so tired of the only places I've been lately are to Doctors, hospitals and dentist offices that I decided I needed a break. So 4:00 AM Monday morning I got up and wrote this short romance story. Though it isn't my best work, I "wrote" something! Do you know how wonderful that feels? Please enjoy my first written piece in over three months.
Love You All, Jean hugging the stuffing out of everyone's Teddy Bears.
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The Dream
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Normally when Sheena wandered thru the low mist on the black moors near her village in the light of a full moon, she just wanted to be alone to think. However, tonight she had a purpose. She'd heard tales of a witch called Grizzled Greta and she knew that somewhere near a stream that threaded it's way thru the misty lonely moors lay her desolate croft.
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The dream she'd been having every night for over a month urged her to find Greta. She's asked several of the elders in the village if they knew where she lived. All said the same thing, she lived near an unnamed stream and was guarded by giant man, Uther, her son, but most important, it was at least an hour away by foot going north where she might encounter wolves or bands of evil knights and warriors.
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So that night before the moon had completely risen she headed off to find Greta. Only her mother and two old men watched her as she disappeared on the moors. Sheena wore her warmest woolen cloak and used a staff to help her walk the rocky moor lands. It could get very cold on the moors late at night and she was encouraged to take her cloak by her worried mother.
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As she traveled a low gray mist began to swirled around her ankles as if alive, teasing her with each step she took. Soon her ghillies, her prized shoes, and the hem of her skirt were soaked from the moisture of the mist. She decided to turn in land near a grouping of old rotten trees that had washed up on the shore of a stream she didn't recognize. She watched the water carefully as she edged along the stream hoping to find some stepping stones. She was not disappointed. It wasn't long before she found a nice set of them that look like they had been placed there on purpose. Carefully she made her way across the stream. Once over, in the distance, she could see fire light that seemed alive and dancing. She moved closer, but at a much slower pace. When she could see the croft clearly she suddenly heard a loud scream. The next thing she remembered was waking up on a warm pallet, her cloak, shoes and skirt all hanging by the fire to dry. She was covered by a scratchy woolen blanket that made her legs itch.
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She could hear humming outside the croft. She was too frightened to call out so she laid back down and tried to get warmer. It wasn't hard to do, the croft had a large fire blazing in a fire pit in the center of the room. She watched the smoke being drawn upwards to a flue in the ceiling. When she looked at the door way again, an old woman stood there watching her.
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Greta smiled. She was missing a few teeth and many that she had left were black. "You've come a long way to talk to me. Tell me what brings one so young to my home?"
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Sheena lifted herself up on her elbow, looked into the woman's black eyes and felt compelled to tell her even though she was afraid. "I've had the same dream now for over a month. It leaves me shaking, and cold with sweat. I am afraid of what it means. In it is a large black bird, an eagle or a hawk, I cannot tell. His beak and talons are covered in blood, but a man's face appears imposed over the birds body. His face is gentle and his voice is soft and soothing. Then suddenly the black bird screams clutching a sword and flies off. The man's face melts away, but it is always smiling and had gentle brown eyes."
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Greta had sat down on a stool next to Sheena as she retold her dream and chuckled. "It is a lover's dream lass. You are seeing the face of the man you are to marry soon."
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Sheena turned white, "but it, ... he is a warrior isn't he? I mean the sword means he is a warrior. Why would a warrior want me? I am a simple shepherdess"
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"I know this for a fact, a man known by friends and enemies alike call him the Black Hawk" Greta smiled once more. "You see lass, he's been having dreams about a black haired woman, young, full of figure and gentle in her ways. He says she is surrounded by lambs all day. He says she distresses him because she is always running away from him." She then continued, "I told him she was afraid of warriors because one called Angus the Bold had killed her brother when he and his horrible band of men came to raid her village. She wasn't raped because she was with the sheep out on the moors, but still fears warriors."
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Sheena looked surprised. "Yes, that happened to me and my village and I am now very afraid of warriors. I do not want to go thru what the other lasses in my village had to endure."
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"My Uther will take you back almost to your village. Once you see it, he will let you go alone. He is afraid of people. He cannot talk, only grunt, and people are afraid of him too."
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Soon Sheena, who was almost dry, started on her way back to her village. She would talk to Uther and was very patient with him when he grunted his answers. She felt that if she only listened to him and not the sounds around her, she could make out what he was saying to her. After about an hour, her village, dark save for one lighted croft, came into sight. She turned to smile at Uther and then ran off to her village. Uther watched until he was certain she was safely home.
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For the next month the dream was different. No longer was there a fierce black hawk scaring her, only the gentle face of the man whose name she didn't know. On Beltain the village was celebrating,a large band of men came riding in. Everyone ran away and hid except Sheena. She knew his face and she smiled at him.
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He looked down at her from his large black horse, extended his hand to her and waited. Sheena, dressed in her best because of the holiday, reached for his hand. He pulled her up and placed her in front of her. They didn't even know each others name's, but they set off on a new destiny for both of them.
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I hope you enjoyed it.
Love Jean

TLJ you didn't get rusty, that was beautiful, I just wanted it to go on a little longer SIGH....
GOOD MORNING COLONY

another Red Hat Hoot today, I am the hostess of this one so I have a lot of things to do today, get together my picnic basket blankets chairs food etc and clean out the car get ice for icechest lots of little things we are seeing the outdoor play/musical 1776
hope you all are enjoying what is left of summer too ttfn

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=RPS
BSA

((ANT)) Looks like you had fun. I jumped to your part and skipped the rest. Oops. :-P


((TLJ)) What a great little story! Wonderful that you put that together so quickly. :-)

TLJ- Thank you for writing your story and posting it. I'm so glad you are feeling up to a little writing anyway.
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GOODMORNING EVERYONE
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BIG BROTHER tonight!!! Bachelorette last night was almost a waste of time! How I get suckered into these shows! LOL!
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Back to bed with a bad headache today so I may be MIA for the day.

Bedbug/Robin!!..#1 and you sure are!..I just received the sweet, crunchy, sticky, chewy American goodies!..I just took out the retainer and I am chewing on a sofy/chewy Bazooka gum right now!..I haven't had 1 in 20 yrs..I had to LOL when you threw in the 100 calorie stuff as well that we don't have here...You know me so well! Hugs and Love always xoxoxo

Craig..psstIdidthesamethingkoffkoff ;)

Ginger..Everything will be fine..You will be seeing ANTS show in Vegas..LOA :)

Mrs.Bean..Thanx for posting that MTM vid..It's such a feel good song. xo

♥♥Colony♥♥

(((( ALI))))) just because. ♥♥

Gum out and now time to enjoy some Goobers!..I went to the gym this morning so I'm good for atleast 600 calories :)

♥Cilony♥

oops
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♥Colony♥

After eating hot chicken dip and garlic bagel chips while watching Ruby (what a low point) ... I had several epiphanies last night (which began while watching a DVR'd Oprah re-run with Star Jones as a guest.) Yes, this was also the episode with Valerie Bertinelli in a bikini.
I think it started hitting home for me when Star talked of being a powerful woman who realized she was so ashamed of that one thing in life she could not control. The word "ashamed" was a hurdle for her, as it was for me. It's not easy to say you have shame. It's much easier to put up the facade of being somehow okay with it all ... and believe me, that isn't easy at all.
I'd already been doing a lot of self-examination of the soul regarding my health/weight issues -- one in the same for me.
Well, the planets were lined up right for me yesterday to have a breakthrough, I guess.
I don't know how to put it other than that I am in a different place today, physically, mentally, emotionally. Oh, and I had a relatively good night's sleep.
The dialouge I had with myself last night was brutal, revealing, exhausting and productive.
What I once called "reasons," I realized were EXCUSES. Plain and simple. And while I once thought excuses were things to be examined (perhaps even in therapy), I have since determined -- for me at least -- that excuses are just that. EXCUSES. They don't need to be understood, explained, rationalized or anything else.
All they need is to be put aside -- eliminated.
If I choose to eliminate the excuses, there is nothing I can't do.
I had no real reasons for why I was stuck where was, no reasons for why I've been doing this to myself. Oh, I had plenty of excuses.
No amount of self-examination is going to change them from excuses into anything else.
(If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ... must be a duck!)
I have literally thrown down the bullshit flag on myself and called myself out ... right here ... in public. About as public as you can get, really, without standing in the middle of your local department store and shouting into a bullhorn. I mean, I could have written a blog, I know. Maybe 50 people would have read it. Maybe 6 or 7 would have felt compelled to comment.
But, here it is, no hiding. No cute nicknames. Not BedBug here, but rather Robin Webster -- all 265 pounds of her -- picking up the bullshit flag that I have thrown down on myself and accepting it, owning it for what it is. And from that, my friends, there is no turning back.
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As a footnote, I thank you all (especially you, ANT) for giving me this place of grace where I can feel comfortable baring my soul in the full knowledge that I will be thought of no differently, will not be judged, and will continue to be loved and accepted for who and what I am. I know not everyone has that in this world. And I am grateful. Knowing that did make this step somewhat easier to take. So, thank you all just for being you and for being here.

Robin - that was AWESOME! What a good feeling to just take a nice deep breath, fill those lungs, and exhale. Ahhhhhhh.
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I'm sure that for 99% of people out there who have struggled with their weight, there is a long list of EXCUSES we have played for ourselves over and over again. I know I have mine. And the continued excuse making does have its consequences (besides the obvious toll it takes on our physical selves). At the BASH, when the TROLLS were in full effect, it's not as though I didn't see what they were saying. "BIG FAT WHALE IN THE ORANGE" - I willed myself not to react in any way - but of course those words hurt. A couple of years ago, I lost a substantial amount of weight - over 50lbs in about a 6 month period. I still had weight to lose, but I sure felt better than I do now, back at my original weight again. And, I'd look at pictures of myself at this weight, and think, "Good God, how did you let that happen? Never again!" Then, slowly but surely, the pounds crept back on. I had worked hard to lose that weight - and I LOVED the feedback it got me, I LOVED buying smaller clothes, I LOVED feeling like when I got ready to go out somewhere that I actually looked nice/cute, felt attractive. My biggest challenge is getting back to that place where it's about ME and what I want for MYSELF. I am complacent. I come to work every day, I go home. Occasionally, I meet friends for dinner, or go to a family birthday party. I was in a relationship for 10 years, so I never had to worry about going out and "meeting someone" - so I was never in situations where I felt pressure to change. My biggest "EXCUSE" has been my so-called "need" for accountability. I kept telling myself if I talked about my weight here, with all of you, that I'd feel all of this pressure to do something about it before I met you all. Well, the trip to Seattle came and went, and I met you all - large and in full Technicolor! LOL (I do have a sense of humor about these things). The ACCOUNTABILITY needs to be with MYSELF. Otherwise, what's the point? If I had been accountable to myself when I lost all of that weight, I'd still be wearing the jeans I got to buy for myself back then. So, that's my goal. Accountability. And, sure, it will help that you guys know about it - but in the end, it's up to ME to be the boss of ME. Robin - I still have those jeans I was going to be wearing by Thanksgiving last year. I didn't make it that time - - but 2009 is a whole new year, and I'm feeling good about it. I WILL take a picture of myself in those jeans and post it. I'm going to hang them up in my room so that I see them every day.
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BRAVO, Robin. I’m giving you a full-on standing ovation here at my desk in the office.

Today will be a great day.
Today I am loved.
Today was made for me.
Today I love me.
Today I attract only the good.
Today I attract what I seek.
The best in life finds me today.
I have abundance beyond imagination.
I am a magnet for positivity.
I am centered.

Thank you for the affirmations, Donna.
And for the ovation!
And, if it helps, I am picturing you in those jeans sometime in the coming year.

(((( BedBug ))))..Me luvs! xo
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((( Dr.Donna)))...I am so sorry you saw those comments..If you could have just heard me cursing at those morons I was fuming! To me you are Beautiful inside and out. xo

Both of you are!!!

HEIDI--I love that you are enjoying goobers and bazooka! So cute! :)

ROBIN--WOW!! What an amazing post and breakthrough you had. It moved me so much. I have struggled with my weight almost all of my adult years. I have felt so much self hatred and allowed how I felt about my body to hold me back so many times. In truth I am a pretty healthy eater and I exercise. I feel like my body has betrayed me and because of that I am angry with it all the time. I know that because of my health problems I am not supposed to eat certain foods, but I do. Thanks for sharing what you did. I hope as I ponder your words that I will discern between my own excuses and my own truths and learn to just love myself, whether I lose weight or not.

(((DONNA))) Those trolls are/were complete idiots. They obviously hate themselves or they would not have felt the need to be so cruel. You are an amazing, beautiful woman just as you are right now. If you choose to lose weight, you will still be an amazing and beautiful woman. Tonight is a new show similar to The Bachelor but where the man chooses from "plus sized" women. I am so hoping it does not just become a bash the large girls show and actually shows that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I know that in our culture finding large women attractive is somehow considered a fetish or oddity, but I have lots of neighbors from Tonga and the men and women can be quite large. They don't seem concerned with weight like so many of us are. I am rambling, but I just find it fascinating how much of what we feel about ourselves and others is programmed into us by current societal norms.

YAY! To TLJEAN on writing your story! Thanks for sharing it with all of us! ♥♥♥♥

♥♥L♥VE TO ALL♥♥

Heidi - you are so sweet. ((HUGS))
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It's kind of funny how far the denial goes with the weight thing - it's terrifying for me to let others take pictures of me because what if they don't follow the "rules"?
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The rules are:
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* Only take pictures from the shoulders/chest up - no full on body shots.
* Always have the camera at a higher angle, so we have to look up - no double chins that way...lol.
* NO pictures from the back.
* NO pictures from the side.
* In group shots - MUST be in back, with plenty of people in front of me.
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The list goes on - it's amazing the lengths to which we go to make sure we don't SEE ourselves this way!

((ERIN)) You're so sweet! And smart, and empathetic, and giving, and kind. LOVE YOU! :o)

And HEIDI - you are ALSO smart and empathetic, and giving, and kind! (in addition to being so very sweet). :o)
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We can take a GROUP PHOTO next summer...right? Erin? Heidi? Robin? Beuller...? EVERYONE!!

Can we crop the photo DONNA? ;o) Just Kidding!!!!

I so want to be in that group photo next Summer with EVERYONE!!! I can already see it---there will be so many people we will need a special camera just to fit everyone in. LOA!

I am so grateful that I stopped by here today.
My first thought while reading was Robin's thought on being ashamed.
I think I may be opposite of what I understand Robin saying.
I live in shame. I know I am ashamed. I have never been afraid to say that I am totally ashamed and embarrassed of myself.
I also am not in denial.
I know I am fat.
Have known for YEARS! HA!HA! KNOWING that and not being in denial about it, however, keeps me from being proud of me, keeps me uncomfy, keeps me hiding so "trolls" don't hurt me more than I am already hurt.
The chat that night was brutal.
I was sick to my stomach for days after. Literally. People in the world can say all they want "don't listen to that, etcetc, they are wrong, etc" but all I hear is what they said, what society thinks of overweight people.
I told my doctor that week that still it seems it is ok to make fun and judge fat people and gays. She just looked at me funny! HA!HA!HA!HA!

Donna. I am a total photophobe.... but have been since I was very young. It truly terrifies me to think of next year's colony event and all those photos and vids out there on the web. TRuly. It sounds stupid, but if there is one thing that makes me petrified to come to it, it is that. Ask my mother in law and Blake's family.... I have spent 20 years running from their cameras. It sucks to be so uncomfortable about it, and people make fun... but it is as real to me as some peoples' fear of spiders or snakes or heights.
I am skurd of heights too, btw! HA!HA!

All of you are so amazing. So caring. So beautiful.
It is funny to me that I do not give a shit if you each weigh 800 pounds and talk in pig latin..... but I don't have that same grace and love for myself. Always working on it..... that is what I know for sure.

Robin! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

That was an amazing post! You are amazing!

What is wrong in this world that the most beautiful women in my life can doubt themselves. Let society dictate what is beautiful or not. Do what you have to do to feel healthy but KNOW YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL as you are.

I never forgot this lady saying to me when i was shopping. oh you are so thin how do you do it. I said get sick. she says "cool". Society is messed up.

I love you ladies so much for sharing your feelings. I bet you helped many people sharing that. Letting them know they arent alone in those feelings. YOu ALL Rock!!!

(((EMJAY))) Me too! That night I think I said so many times, please just turn chat off and let us watch the picnic. I could not stand the vile things that were being said by the trolls and have unfortunately thought of them a lot since. What hurt the most was that I was so afraid of someone reading them and being hurt by them. I hate having my picture taken and always offer to take the photos at any gathering so that I don't have to be in them. I too have been worried about all the videos and photos that will be taken at the next colony picnic. It is, I am sure a feeling shared by many. The sad part is that I enjoyed seeing the photos and videos of the colony picnic so much and thought everyone looked amazing! EMJAY it just has to be said that the few photos I have seen of you show to me a beautiful woman with a smile that just makes you want to go to lunch with her because you know the conversation will be fantastic and lots of laughs will be had. Maybe for some photos are like the psychic that can see the future for everyone, but can't see their own future. We can see the beauty in everyone else, but ourselves. There is a sad fairy tale in there somewhere.

(((EMJAY)))
It's so hard to respond without seemingly trivializing something that I know, for you, is completely real. I want to say "oh, it won't be so bad - we'll ease our way into it, you'll have a cute outfit on, your beautiful eyes will be sparkling out at us, your light-up-the-room smile will be beaming, you'll be FINE!!" But, I know what it's like to have those fears. (For me, it's swimming in lakes or deep ocean water...anyplace where you can't look into the water and see what is "in there" with you. Dump me in a pool and I can swim for hours. Set me up on a sandy beach with clear water where I can dig my toes in, and I'm thrilled! But, add a little green seaweed stuff, or let something slimy brush against my leg and LOOK OUT - eeek!!!!) So, let's just say - we'll see how things go, and if you want to be in the group picture, we'll save you a spot. If you don't feel up to it, you can take the picture...standing on your tippy toes so that the camera is nice and high! LOL!!
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But, between now and next summer, we have lots of time to practice - and maybe, just maybe, when we're all together, we can take a collective deep breath, and say "CHEESE"!!
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(Hopefully, that won't trigger a stampede to the snack table!) LMAO

Ginger - LOA! LOA! LOA! You Will get tickets to the show! I hope you and Ray have a great time.

Ali-Kat - Thinking of you today!!
Sending tons of love! ♥♥♥♥. Love you so much!

Dawn - Thank you my little Hawaiian hottie!!!! teehee you know i never listen to doc.

Jigglin in Jax, Jigglin in Jax - just getting that out of my system. I love saying your name. now it will be Jigglin in San Antonio. doesnt have the same ring. ;) Hope you enjoy your new home.

(((DEE))) I doubt that I am the only one that has had the flu and been a little excited that it might result in losing a few pounds. I could sadly relate to the woman you spoke to at the grocery store. Love you! ♥

DEE - the airport code in San Antonio is SAT - so maybe Jigglin' can become "Swingin' in SAT"? Nothing will ever have the same ring to it, though. Jigglin' in JAX will always and forever be the name I remember. I think we'll just have to imagine the San Antonio part, and keep callin' her Jigglin'. We could abbreviate it to JJ, maybe? Lots of those Texas ranches have letters for names when they do their brands, like the Circle Q Ranch, or the Double Dee Corral...

Thank you to everyone for all the heartfelt posts today, sharing your own pain, and sharing your support and love. I feel it deeply, and I hope everyone else does, too.
We can all use the support. We all have our issues. If it's not weight (up or down), it's something else. So wonderful that we are here for each other.
Hell with the group photo. What I want is a group HUG!
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DONNA: I LOVE the Texas ranch aspect for Jigglin' revamping her name, if she does. She SO could be Jigglin' at the Double J Ranch, right?
***
The group photo talk has me smiling and nodding. At the BBQ, I instinctively headed toward the back and kept shoving people in front of me. (People usually try to shove me forward and say "shorties to the front" -- but now I resist and counter "no, sorry, fatties to the back."
But I got nothin' to show for it but a soaking wet pant leg from standing in the hot tub overflow.
And because I was pretty sure I would HATE what I looked like in the initial photos of me and ANT, I specifically had some more shot before my goodbyes. I literally stood directly behind ANT and tried to hide every bit of myself. I knew my smiling fat face and chins would show, but I'd have to deal with that in order to be IN the photo with him. And when he realized what I was doing -- okay, I admitted it out loud -- he sternly told me to stop it and stand up, forcing me to be present in the moment and in the photo.
(God bless Craig for helping me get what I was looking for -- a couple of photos that didn't make me want to die of embarrassment!)
But, you know, when push came to shove, I posted all my photos. I figured, hey, everyone saw me there, so what am I hiding other than hiding from myself.
What is wrong with us all? Really. What?
I KNOW that you all are quite wonderful just as you are, and so I suspect I'm pretty okay the way I am, too.
What in God's name has life done to us to put our hearts and minds where they are about the state of our bodies?
I, for one, am really going to quit asking the question and just move forward.
Forward. Forward. I'm in a dark hole, and the only way out when you don't know the way out, I suspect, is just to keep moving forward. Eventually, you will come out the other side. Right? (Sounds like some twisted kind of Dr. Seuss book, but I'm counting on it.)

MRS. BEAN: Oh, Erin, how I know what you mean! I've been excited over the flu for just that reason. My sister-in-law gave me a couple boxes of Fullbars and I tried one last week. Well, it didn't set right on my stomach, I guess, and I've had a bit of a "problem" every single day since then. You'd think I'd be weary, worried even, that it hasn't gone away ... but, yes, I did find myself thinking yesterday that if it continued at least I would lose weight THAT WAY from the Fullbar, even if I can't seem to use them for their intended purpose of mimicking the gastric bypass by making you feel full at your meals. (Well, it DID that great at that first meal, but I'm so afraid to eat another one, because I might turn my digestive system inside out. Not a pretty sight.)
I know. TMI.

In addition to the Flu self-talk ("well, at least I might lose a few lbs..."), in my darkest moments, I've also thought that a carefully monitored tapeworm might not be the worst thing to have...isn't that horrible?! I mean, I don't seriously want one, I'm about 92% kidding about it, but if I did get one just think about how the weight would just melt off! LOL!! Okay, that's just wrong. You can pretend I didn't say that. :-/
.

I've always wondered, with those Full Bars: wouldn't you get the same effect with a rice cake and all that water? That would expand in your tummy, too, wouldn't it?
.
And - when I did lose that weight, I did it in a healthy way - I counted points for WW. I've never found anything else that worked so well for me. You have the flexibility to eat what you want. For me, being told that I "can't" have any specific thing only makes me crave that one thing constantly. Ridiculous. You could tell me that I could lose all the weight I wanted, so long as I didn't ever eat rutabagas, and suddenly, all I'd ever want to eat would be rutabaga parfaits, rutabaga sandwiches, fried rutabagas...well, you get the idea. So, being able to choose what I wanted to eat every day; knowing the consequences if I splurged on a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast made it possible for me to make good choices. The weight I lost was TOTALLY due to diet change, and not working out. If I added in a workout plan, I'm sure it could come off even faster. Gee, such a simple solution. The old: "Eat less, move more" theory. Hmmm. I bet there's something to it! ;)

OMG Robin! I love the full bar story! I have come so close to ordering them! :o)

This whole convo is wonderful, of course.
It just truly is so tiring really isn't it?! HA!HA!
I am laughin cuz it just simply is tiring. I often wonder what people who don't have weight or body issues possibly think about! :o) Oh, or health issues, because those too can be constantly on the mind and effect every minute of the day it seems.

I guess it just feels "Telling" to me when people say to someone who lost weight "OH you look SO GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!" To me it tells just how important being smaller is. UNLESS you are bone thin, then people say "You look soooo good" when you finally don't look immaciated.

Did any of you grow up with the "round genes"? Meaning... when I was growing up, I so envied the families with naturally fine features, those long thin muscles, etc. As young as I can remember as a little girl, I knew I was not in that type of body. I guess the HUSKY section at Penneys didn't help matters! HA!HA! I remember wearing 6x like it was yesterday. That store STILL uses that term.

Anyway.... I am not sure what I am trying to say. I guess I am just grateful to not be the only one feeling like I do.... cuz for the most part with many things..... I do feel that I am the only one who feels like I do about some things.

Erin...... I was begging in my house during chat "turn off the chat and just let us watch"!!! Thanks for the kind words. My PLAN is to take a current, like soonish photo and post it to the web. It will be good therapy for me. Hard, but good medicine. My personal mantra that I am workin on is to stop taking myself so seriously!!!!!! Something I always struggle with.

Donna!I don't think the group shot is my issue, though, well, it is. But it is all the freakin cameras EVERYWHERE!!! UGH! May as well just drop me down into a pit of rattlesnakes or hang me over a cliff on a string. just thinking about it makes my hands shake.
I will deal with it.
Life is too short to not deal with it. Would I pass up this opportunity next year right in my dang-near back yard!?!?!? Man I would think NOT!!!!
I have overcome fears before.
I will conquer this one.
I have been dealing with some crud health issues for awhile now and think I am sorting them out. Feeling healthier helps me both physically, mentally, and emotionally.... so I hope to keep cruising down that path also.

Thanks to everyone for being open and real. What great people!

Yes, MJ, it's true - cameras were everywhere. I get the sense that if we could somehow "splice" every photograph together from the whole night, we could make a 3D model of the entire event. It's true. Too funny!

So - this weekend it's VEGAS! I've never been to Las Vegas. I think I'd like to visit, but not live there. A fun weekend with friends is easy to imagine, though!! Happy Travels to all of the ants making the trip.

Time for an "oldie but goodie":
.
Life is short.
Break the rules.
Forgive quickly.
Kiss slowly.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably...
and never regret anything that made you smile.

The body image thing when looked at is really all lies. When I started 6th grade I was 5 ft 7. I went over the 100 pound mark that year too. I was the oldest girl in my family and I remember my mom (who had no sisters) tell me that it was impossible to find clothes for me. I internalized that to mean that I was BIGFOOT and that I was FAT. From then on, I always no matter what I weighed felt fat and ugly. When I got married I thought I was huge, but if I could have my body back from any period of time that would be it. When I watch Ruby and she weighs herself, I feel like a terrible person because I find myself thinking (as I eat another bite of Ben and Jerry's Key Lime Pie) ;o) at least I don't have as much to lose as she does. I guess I am saying weight is relative. My weight or your weight is often somebody elses goal weight.

It's true. Everybody is somebody's "after" picture. Even Ruby. Some poor soul who can't even get up out of bed is looking at her 350 pounds on tv and whispering, "I'd kill to look like that and to be able to walk around."
***
I can solve the gathering photo-phobia easily enough. In order to bring a camera into the gathering, you would have to make a solemn pledge to your fellow colonites that each person has first right of refusal over his or her own image. (I already assumed that in this group of friends. I know if I messaged anyone in the group and said, "Oh, please, that third photo from the right ... you're KILLING me here" that it would disappear. Right? We don't want to knowingly hurt each other.)
But by the same token, everyone attending has to pledge to try to understand that we are what we are, and we are loved within this group. So, no photo that truly represents what we look like should be able to hurt us much, among friends. And we can't just ban all photos of ourselves, especially if others are in it, too.

YEP YEP YEP to it all.
I think I will just come to the damn gathering next year in a tube top and thong. HA!HA!HA!HA!
A!HA!HA!HA!HA!
If the tube top rolls down I will wear it as a belt. :o)

Actually, not a bad idea..... cuz facebook and myspace would not allow the photos to be put up! HA!HA!HA!

You guys make me smile.
Oh, and I have MANY MANY times seen people's current weight and said out loud "that is my GOAL weight".
I also am sooooo grateful that I CAN walk around, CAN do what I can do. I can't run a marathon or grab any old thing off the rack to buy.... but I also CAN do so many things. Life is all about perspective isn't it.

One of the most entertaining/inspiring meeting leaders I worked with at WW said her "aha moment" happened while watching Football with her husband. Each time they listed the stats of the players on the TV, she was shocked at the fact that her weight was higher - - even though they were a foot taller, and solid muscle...She decided then and there to make the changes in her life...and she said she was tickled pink as time went by, and she was smaller than the offensive line, then smaller than the running backs, then smaller than the quarterbacks, and finally the only one left was that little kicker!! LOL!! Yep, it's all a matter of perspective.

EMJAY: Oh, I DO like the way you think. So we just have to make sure the photos are lewd enough that they can't be posted ... Shrewd. Very shrewd.

LOL EMJAY!!!!! Oh my heck that had me laughing! Wearing the tube top as a belt :) So Donna, are there any nude beaches in Minnesota? ;o)I am going to have to leave the kids at home, I think!

Perspective is so funny. I saw the pics of you all at the picnic and thought wow, how come the colony is so photogenic. I would surely ruin that pic with my eyes half open and tongue out.

Hi all!

I am now going to put it all out there. Robin and everyone who has contributed to the weight issue conversation I just love you guys. Weight is a big issue with me. My family on both sides is obese with my dad's side majority "morbidly" obese. I lost my dad 3 years ago at the age of 55 due to diabetes. In high school I was anorexic weighing only 75 pounds. Come 19 here came the weight. My dad's family just ate it up making fun of me gaining the weight and no matter what I did it kept coming. I remember being at the hospital when my mom was in ICU and my aunt telling me oh we thought you were pregnant come to find out you are just fat. It is a sad world when I was more accepted at 75 pounds than overweight. I have had friends from high school not even recognize me (which isn't always a bad thing..lol) because of the weight. When I hit 200 right before my wedding day I thought I would die. I remember my best friend in high school who was always overweight had gone on the famous Phen-fen diet and lost all of hers and said now I know where all of my weight went. I literally went into hiding after my wedding. No pictures ever!! My excuse was oh well someone has to take the pictures so I would be behind the camera. As a matter of fact when ANT did the video blog with me about my cancer he wanted a picture to put in the video and I told him I couldn't do it. Since the video I have lost 65 pounds due to lifestyle changes and side effects of chemo, cancer, etc. But too little too late. Last week I was diagnosed with diabetes and now on insulin. Even though I weigh less than I have in 16 years the damage was done. I do not judge people by their looks. What Emjay said is exactly how I feel. I do not judge others but I am so harsh on myself. I also was upset by the Trolls. I could not stand the way they invaded our safe world that is so kind. I love each and everyone of you and I mean that not just saying that.

Ah man, I love it when a topic really gets goin here. :P
I'll jump in too. Because ever since I got back from Seattle, I've been obsessing over my own weight issues. Except mine are a tad bit different than the ones discussed today. I'm trying to gain weight. I hate the size that I'm at, and I'm getting sick and tired of the "eat a sandwich" jokes. They do hurt, believe it or not. It doesn't matter what your size is, it's never ok to poke fun at anyone's weight. If people would stop with the over-used anorexic comments and the "sandwich" jokes and look beyond the mask, you'd see that I've had body image issues since I was 9. And a love/hate relationship with food since I was 7, when I got food poisoning. I was in the hospital for week, couldn't walk or even stand, and couldn't keep any food down. So I thought, "if I don't eat anything, I won't get sick." I was dead wrong, but I was only 7, gimme a break lol. I lost over 15 pounds that week. Even after I got better, I was so terrified of getting sick again, that I just hated food.
Until I was 9 and saw how thin I still was in a full-length mirror from a distance. That's when I started hating myself more than I hated food. And then I used food as a reward system...if I do good, I eat; if I make a mistake, I skip a meal. It took me until a few months ago to stop doing that.
Weird thing is, whenever I look in the mirror now, I think I look fine. Thin, yes...but not to the point that I'm 'deteriorating'. But when the pictures from the Colony BBQ started showing up online, it was no sh** that all ANT could talk about with me was my weight. I'm still hurt, but it was a wake-up call. I've gotten out of hand with this strange relationship with food. Sooo, now I'm on a diet to gain weight - the healthy way. And I never thought I'd say that "d" word! :P Hopefully by next years BBQ, I'll look somewhat normal lol.

((SHANNON)) You have had so very much on your plate to handle. Isn't it amazing that through your battle with cancer, your diabetes diagnosis, and all of the "regular" life stuff in between, that there is STILL this focus and concern about the weight? That's pretty amazing to me... Still, you deserve congratulations on the healthy choices you've been making. In addition to the weightloss that you've wanted to achieve, you're making healthy choices for your body, for yourself, for your life. YAY for you!!
.
I'm sorry I brought up the Trolls today. For me, honestly, it kinda sucked in the moment, but at the same time, it was a reality check. With all of my tricky angles and cropped pictures, and sideways glances in the mirror (with the tummy sucked in), I had the ability to really just pretend that "bad" pictures were simply "bad" angles, or "unflattering outfits". The truth is, I'm not at a healthy weight for my body. So, in a way it was almost refreshing to just "hear" it spoken. Obviously, anything said with malicious intent, the way their words were spewed that night, can be hurtful. And, of course, I can only speak for myself in this reaction to it - - but I am not going to give them the power by feeling bad about what they said. 99% of it was just random, nasty nothingness, and the parts of it that weren't random, might just have turned out to be what I needed. Weird, right?

KRISTEN - Okay, you are a very petite person, there's no doubt. I support you fully in any decision you make for yourself, and your health. It's my firm belief that anyone who saw you as truly "unhealthy" wouldn't just blurt it out to your face, in a social setting. All of those charts and graphs telling us what is "healthy" for our height have pretty substantial ranges, and I know that the lower end of the healthy weight for my height would have me showing ribs and hip bones. I do need to apologize, though, because I repeated the sandwich jokes in your presence, and that was insensitive. I'm sorry. It could be that my "lens" is just way off because of the way people look in magazines, but I honestly just saw you as petite. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time with food issues. I'm really happy to see that you've made as much progress as you already have - and will definitely send positive vibes your way as you continue on your path toward a place where you feel healthy and good. You are amazingly brave and mature - when I was your age (insert old fogie joke here) I had absolutely zero of the coping skills that you've been forced to develop. So, I'm super excited for you, and for your ability to make these kinds of decisions for yourself. You ROCK!!

Kristen, Thank you for sharing that. I feel similar to how you do. Food is not my friend. It taunts me. Jack gets upset that i dont want to eat meals he cooks. Friend wanted to come by and bring supper. I said no. I cant handle the smell of food. But it upsets others. They seem to take offense that i dont want to eat what they do. That i feel nauseas at smell of food.

Kristen, i know gaining weight is a diet in itself. apparently coffee and yummy creamer is keeping my weight on. its sure not from food. There are really good health food shakes that you can get that give you all the nutrition you need and taste good. You can drink those while you make friends with healthy foods.

While some are naturally heavy, some are naturally small. I think you are beautiful just as you are. but all of us could use to improve our nutrition intake. Its more about what you eat than how much. so if you know you are getting nutrition from shake you wont put so much pressure on yourself to eat when you dont want to. maybe find fun healthy snacks that you can munch on when desire hits, rather than trying to force meals.

and Kristen. Dont ever try to be "normal", whatever that is. Just be YOU. You are perfect as you are. You are beautiful, intelligent and wise beyond your years. You cant really ask for more than that. ♥

(((♥♥♥Dee♥♥♥)))

KRISTEN: Many of us owe you an apology or two or three for ever remarking on your size whatsoever.
You are fine the way you are, but I'm glad you shared your food issues with us here. Any food issue is bad. Food should just be fuel for our bodies. We shouldn't be punishing or rewarding ourselves with it. That's where we ALL get into trouble.

If you hurt in the middle of your body (after exercising), it must mean there is muscle underneath all that fat somewhere, right? Because "fat" can't hurt, right? Or can it? I'm confused. But I think I might actually HAVE abdominal muscles under there. And they aren't happy tonight.

KRISTEN--I am so glad you shared your own struggle with food. I think that sometimes it is harder to relate when someone needs to gain weight because it can be more easily disguised. I have a sister in law who is absolutely wonderful and she is absolutely thin. Whenever we have family dinners or holidays she eats so much more food than anyone else. She does not have an eating disorder, she just has a high metabolism. I have had to deal with my extreme jealousy over this many times! My brother has to work hard to keep his weight down and I know it must be hard to have a wife that can fix and eat anything and not really worry about her weight. Her whole family is this way and they have 5 kids together and some have to be careful and some don't. It is no wonder with how many different variables there are in our weights, body types that we are all dealing with it on some level. A side rant is that I hate the descriptions of figures like pear, apple....they just seem rude to me :)

I am not sure why I am sharing this other than it seems to fit with today and the topic. Tonight I went to my church's temple. I can't really say exactly what I do there, but one aspect of it is receiving a certain type of blessing for your body. The blessing goes into descriptions of each function of your body and asks that it will work properly for you. As I sat there listening to the specific uses and purposes of different parts of our body, I could not help but think of the colony and today. I am so grateful that my body does perform for me and that I have a body that I can run after my children, that I can hug people, that I can speak and hear and see......Anyway it was a perfect cap for me to the conversation with all of you today.

I once hiked with my mother to the top of this trail to get to a cave. It is a steep hike and not easy if you are fit. My mom at the time needed double hip replacement and could barely walk on a straight path without pain. For some reason she really wanted to do this hike with her family. We started up and it got really hard. My mom just kept chatting with different people as they passed us. She would stop and take breaks. This one man and his mom passed us from England and the son talked to my mom for awhile. After they passed us about 10 minutes later he came back down without going all the way up. He said it was too hard and he could not do it. I asked my mom if she wanted to stop and told her I would go back to the car with her (I was dying myself at this point!) She said no and eventually we made it and went through the caves and down. The whole point of that is that my mom knew that she had use of her body and she was afraid she was going to be in a wheelchair and she wanted to do everything she could before that happened. She has had the surgery and is not in a wheelchair, but it was a teaching moment for me to not take for granted that I CAN exercise, that I CAN walk, that I CAN do so much. I don't always take advantage of the gift that my body is offering me with those abilities.

Thanks for all the food for thought today EVERYONE!!!!

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE
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SYTYCD 100TH EPISODE SPECIAL TONIGHT!!!!

Robin, I applaud you for your willingness to change your life. It is a major step and I am so proud of you. Yay for Robin.
Robin, You are still much smaller than me and I envy you, I don't really have a goal weight in mind other than enough to get on the liver tansplant list and I am not sure how much that is, so I just eat small portions that I can handle. Once I reach their goal weight (once they set one) I do not intend to have one after that, I just want smaller meals and to feel healthy. I had a goal weight once before and it frustrated me trying to stay at it, so in defeat I ate.
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Love the stuffing out of you.
Jean
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♥

Most of you know my issues with this subject and how it's a daily struggle..I hope one day I can make peace with my body and mind.. I love you all for sharing your stories.♥♥

GOODMORNING EVERYONE. It's hump day today. SYTYCD tonight too. Something to look forward to. Back to bed with my head for now. HOT HOT HOT! Too flipping HOT!!!

Part TWO of ANT's interview is now up at youtube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLpBrhMIevA

Donna, you made sandwich jokes? How dare you....
Nah I'm joking. I didn't know you did! LOL Don't be sorry, nobody here needs to be. You guys are good people. It's mostly strangers that come up and say hurtful things to me. And at the end of the day, I guess those people don't really matter, but how can their words NOT stick with me?
Although I am "petite", turth is, I was also wearing a lot of layers at the BBQ to at least fit into my clothes lol. Annnnnd I never thought I'd tell anyone that, but this topic got going, you guys are non-judgmental people and there's no need to lie. I'm not happy with my looks and I never have been, so I'm going to change things the healthy way. But I did enjoy getting a free Twix bar on the plane ride to Seattle....and so did the 11, 12 year old girl sitting next me lol. When I saw that Donna didn't get one, I was like "oh great, they think I'm 12"
I know if I put in the effort, I can be healthier and actually look my age....or at least closer to my age. My 12 year old cousin can pick me up and carry me... and I'm 18. That's not right. :P But everyone always has a story. And I have mine. I've shared a tiny bit of it, but there's more to it. It's behind me now, and I'm no longer living it, so today is Day 1 of my new diet. I don't have a certain number in mind, I just want to look and feel healthier. We'll see how this works out. :)

Robin ♥
Donna ♥
Erin ♥
Heidi ♥
Emjay ♥
Dee! ♥
Shannon ♥
xoxox

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I have missed you all so MUCH! I love that this place is still always constant... love seeing you all do what you do best! Heidi, LUCKY!!! A package of U.S. goodies... Sweet Bed Bug! Nancy have fun and stay COOL with your Red Hat ladies. I think I can join soon (isn't there a birthday that signals your arrival to the Red Hat society?)
Bed Bug, Love reading the story from the Joyful man... HOPE!
Just a quick note: (that's already a lie) Ben is in Cambodia! I have seen pictures, AMAZING. They are there on a missions trip helping women and children who are sold... He saw the school where the horrible genocide happened and walked through the killing fields. It rained two inches in 30 minutes. He will be back Aug. 1. Justin (a long, longer sad story) he is on the run, in another state. We have had many heartbreaking moments and now we are seeing we are not in control. He was transported to a residential, therapeutic home and in three days, his peers helped him run. He has been missing since 7-13-09. No word. He is in bad shape.
I am OK. I am grateful to still be here and hoping I can celebrate the joy.
Keith, stressed to the max. He finds ways to unwind and will go with a buddy to ride motorcycles in Mammouth in a week.
I hope all is well. I will try and check in. Still on a borrowed computer, but maybe get one soon!!!
All of my photo's and programs are gone in the last computer.... bummer. Hope your summer is WONDERFUL!!!
STEPH, Happy Vacation!
Erin.. Bless your heart!
Jean... I love you!
Heidi, I still have something for you... I am so BAD!!! Love you all! Thanks for being here...
Coleen... I remember you :)
Elliot's Friend ♥♥♥♥♥ XOXOXO Everyone!
ANT♥ LOVE,LOVE,LOVE YOU!

L♥ved the VIDEO.... so much fun... they have fantastic timing... I am so behind the times, I have never twittered (yet) but if I knew I could follow Liz following you... that would make my day!

L♥ved the VIDEO.... so much fun... they have fantastic timing... I am so behind the times, I have never twittered (yet) but if I knew I could follow Liz following you... that would make my day!

KRISTEN - I didn't mean I made the joke behind your back, but I did repeat it in front of you, I think - doing my "ANT impersonation" because I thought it was so "cute"...so that's what I feel bad about. In any case, I thank you for reminding me of something that I really should have known - which is that words can hurt, and everyone has their own issues. I'll definitely remember that!

Hi, JANINE! Good to see you!!

I'm following Dr. Wayne Dyer's lead and imagining a life without excuses. I stumbled onto a PBS program of his last night. How serendipitious after my big night of revelations.
Can you even begin to imagine that? It's incredible.
In fact, it's almost impossible to imagine because you would have to take into account that you need everyone who stands between you and your goals to eliminate THEIR excuses, too! But it CAN happen.

JANINE: I'm so sorry for what all your family continues to go through. I have to believe there's a grand plan and that this is somehow a part of it. I know that must be hard for any of you to believe, but I do hope it's true. I keep you all in my prayers.

Kristen - LOL to your free treat on the plane. Love how you told that. You have a great attitude and sense of humor. I just love you!

Bedbug - its so good to see your posts again. You always post such thoughtful things. gives me much to think of. Love that you were watching Wayne Dyer last night. He is aweseome eh?

Dearest Janine2 - Hold strong. Ive been where you are. Justin will come home. remember all i went thru with Trev? Well he is a well adjusted young man now doing well. I know that will be so with Justin too. Time is a great healer. All we can do is keep loving our children. but they need to choose their own paths, just as we did. Maybe there is a lesson he needs to learn. Im sending so much love to you and the family. especially Justin right now.

I would appreciate so much if anyone else would share in a prayer for Justin. When my son was MIA, your prayers helped me so much. I even told Trev of them and he was moved. Im LOAing to the universe to take good care of Justin and teach him the lessons he needs to learn. Big hugs to you Janine.

Doc!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ You Rock!!!!!!!

Happy Hump Day Colony
I abstained from yesterdays forum on wt and self image issues...face it we all have them one way or another

I am so ready for SYTYCD tonight

Miss Donna...you're so sweet. I still say you have nothing to be sorry about. I don't remember hearing anything about a sandwich from you except when you, me and Beck went to that sandwich place lol. And yes people, I ate one......ok, half. But I ate the rest later!
((((Deeeee!)))) ♥
Prayers going out for Justin. It seems like there are so many great mothers here at the colony. It's very comforting considering that I don't have one. All of you colony mamas are amazing. I see it everyday. xox.

PS - KRISTEN - Did you see the pics I tagged you in, from the night we had dinner with my friends? Those pics turned out kind of cute, I thought! :o)

hello fellow colonist i wanted to drop by to say hello and send all who needs prayers i am with you and thanks for being so kind

Hi Coleen! :)
I sure did Donna, I LOVE them!! That whole day was awesome. :)

ANT if I had a twitter, I'd tweet you (that sounds weird), but good luck tonight! You'll do great :)

Weight is a tricky subject to approach because most everyone is defensive to one degree or another.

When we speak about weight, we talk about YOU in the third person... as if you're not even there. You don't matter... the size of your ass matters. Right?

( | )

Not really. It does and it doesn't. I've battled it for years and could not imagine being in Kristen's *petite* shoes where she's trying to gain.

I suppose it's all relative.

To me it's a simple issue surrounded by emotional complexities. Everyone's list is a little different.

In high school I weighed 240 pounds. Today I weigh 150. I got back up around 210 last year, and then came back to 150.

My issue was the quality of food intake, nothing medical. Thankfully my body packs on the pounds as it should. Thankfully my body also burns off the excess when it's not needed, like it should. I'm very licky.

I will leave the above typo alone for now! It should theoretically have the letter U inserted... somewhere... in the middle.

*cough*

I was going to post something semi-intelligent, but you already know how that goes.

Weight for me circles around one question: How much do I want it?

YAY ICE CREAM!!!!! (How much do you want it?) Do you really want it, or do you just kind of want it, want it because it tastes good?

*disclaimer* I am an authority on nothing. I speak from my own experience of having too much weight and no medical issue that prevented the change of becoming smaller. Food disorders I have no experience, other than simply eating too much (at all the wrong times of day)

I've spoken alot but said nothing. You're used to it now.

Fresh vegetables
RAW vegetables
fruits
nuts / legumes
fish
chicken
water, water and more water.
no sugar! Your vegetables and fruits have everything you need PLUS minerals and enzymes that are almost impossible to find elsewhere.

I eat as though it's 300 years ago. Did this food exist 300 years ago? If not, dump it and never look back. Packaged food for the most part, is junk.

They even get you in the cereal aisle where you think you're buying natural grains for breakfast... YUCK YUCK YUCK it's loaded with sugary crap, and you've just fallen prey AGAIN to big business in America.

Kellogg's wants you to be huge, so that you WANT to lose weight, and subsequently purchse their "healthy" breakfast substitutes.

bahahahahhahaha

Most all of us will list reasons or excuses why it can't be done. Then a few will see the light, make a decision and follow through. Maybe that's too black & white judgemental-ish... hopefully not.

"See. Do. Become, dammit all." That could be ANTs new tagline? :-p

Who else wants a pop-tart?

I like the blueberry! :-p

*sidenote*

Some of the large food corporations play both sides of the field. They have the "healthy" stuff but they also have all the junk that validates the need for "healthy" in the first place.

It's about profit, not your nutrition.

An apple tree is much more sincere than Coca Cola Corporation, even though they can't afford Super Bowl (tm) ads.

Whatever. :-p You can say it to me... WHATEVER CHRIS!

The spankin' line starts here: ♥

(and I will not mention a sandwich to Kristen, because the bread probably isn't that great.)

Honey, you want a chicken & spinach wrap instead! Much yummier for the tummier :-p

Why am I telling Kristen what she wants? I barely know what I want.

God bless us all.

CHRIS- Hello to you too!!

I love one thing more than anything... CHOCOLATE!
.
nuff said!

(((JANINE))) So happy to see you post, but so sad that you are having so much to deal with. I am hoping and praying that Justin will be safe and that he will find his way home and to the right people who can help him. I hope that earth Angels will be placed in his path to guide him and that as he is on this journey he will be held safely. You are an unbelievable mother with awe inspiring strength. ♥♥♥♥

CHRIS--I think you made complete sense. I lost a lot of weight before I had my 6 year old and probably why I had my 6 year old! Long story there, but I lost 65 pounds in 7 weeks without dieting or changing my exercise habits. The only thing I did was change my dairy products to all Organic and anything I ate had to be real food. No processed food. I did not eat things with yeast or sugar. I was able to find frozen dinners at Wild Oats that were not processed and were all "real" food. The company went out of business and I got pregnant. My budget changed and I started to eat the "cheap" way again. You are right, I know what I need to do, I just need to convince myself that I am worth the extra money and effort that it would take to eat the right way for me. I know that I am not the only one who gained weight on slim fast. My body does not react to all the chemicals in those kinds of things. I do feel that just like with cigarettes or alcohol, the chemicals in our food are addictive and so for some they will be more addicted than others. I have friends who smoked and quit easily because they didn't really have any withdrawals, then I have had some who the withdrawals were excruciating. I am just glad that everyone shared, because it has given me a new resolve to eat "right" for me and to not be complacent about it.

(((KRISTEN))) You are going to be a great mom someday ♥

NANCY--Hope you had fun as the hostess. You inspire me to take advantage of activities as they present themselves. ♥

DEE--Joining you in prayers for Justin. How are you? ♥

Watching SYTYCD.... loving Ellen as a judge! :)

Hope EVERYONE has a great night!

I certainly relate to the topic of weight. For me the issue is not eating often enough and smaller portions. I sometimes eat larger meals and then the rest of the day I don't feel like eating anything at all.

I've heard that you should eat before you are hungry. If you get the 'hunger pangs' you are waaaay late for a snack.

As Chris mentioned it is the quality of the food that you eat as well.

I applaud Bedbug, DRDonna and Kristen for each being aware of their food faults.

It is possible to change. And asking the question: Do I need that?

Talking to yourself kindly.
Weight control can be a journey.

Keeping it simple is the advice I am reading here today.
Being consistent.
And not listening to those around you. They don't know your body. They don't know you.

And, Kristen, if you ever felt you were being 'sized up' at the gathering it was because we were trying to figure out whose suitcase you would fit into.
There...
I said it...
the terrible truth is out.
:-P:-P :-P
And for the record you would have never fit in DRDonna's suitcase. She already had a kitchen appliance in hers. he he he :-)

((Janine2))

Thank-you for the update. Hoping Justin finds his way back home soon. ((HUG))

(((CRAAIIIGGG!))) ♥

God Chris, I adore you. I'll take a pop-tart!
And you people can mention sandwiches around me and I swear I won't curb-stomp you. :)

I'm a little confused...what's wrong with sandwiches? I like them, perhaps too much

Chris your post 5:47 made perfect sense to me...what's up with that LOL

are you and Craig timing it to be here simultaneously?

Yes Kristen will make a great Mom!

Wait, is someone threatening to "Momify" her? This isn't cool.

Donna - get that guys number! We need to set the record straight with him... HANDS OFF THE KRISTEN! And anything else he's thinking of using.

She will be a great mother when she's 40. until then, hands off please. -enough said-

Craig & I share a similar wavelength. We seem to trail each other online more often than not. He's a nicer person though. I'm the rotten one. Sometimes rotten is good.

Look at banana bread. Spank it. ♥

Kristen!!!! What up girl?! I'll be your mom AND dad, you can't beat that! My daughter informed me tonight that she might start getting me Father's Day cards because they make more sense when it comes to her mom....LOL...love it!!!!
.
.
.
Ellen, LMAO, Ellen SYTYCD...."Well, we tried Christmas lights, but we kept get tangled up in the cords." LMAO, wasn't digging her make-up though, wasn't quite her...
.
.
BananaNANA bread?!

BECK- I loved Ellen's hair tonight!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Soupdiva

Janine, I hope and pray that Justin finds his path and that it is a good one that leads back home to you. I won't kid you, he's in a lot of trouble, with your families support and Gods blessings, he will get his head on straight.
.
Love you so much,
Love Jean

HEY PPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I uber love and miss ya'll! xoxoxox

GOODMORNING EVERYONE
.
It's slightly cooler this morning so I hope it stays that way. I will be in the 30's on the weekend. I'll need to find a pool and sit in it!!!
.
Have a good day.

Dawn, I loved her hair too! Something about the eye makeup was off. And, since I know nothing about that stuff, I don't know what it was...anyone?

BECK- She had false eyelashes on that's why it looked weird. She wears them on her show though too.

YES! I have new parents now...Beck and, uh.......Beck!! :D


do I have to watch NASCAR? And carry your things while you shop at Niketown?

HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE

BEDBUG, DR. DONNA and everyone who shared their pain and offered their support. Whether tall, short, fat or thin I doubt that there's anyone who comes here who can't relate in one way or another. It's very comforting to know that we can come here and get the support we need. MRS. BEAN, I watched my Dad suffer for 20 years with bad knees and hips. He always walked even when the pain was excruciating. He said it was because his philosophy was use it or lose it and he didn't want to end up in a wheelchair and he never did! I will always admire his strength.

DR. DONNA...I agree that as long as we believe what the trolls threw out there then they win. We have to remember that they are Morons and not heed anything they said.

COLEEN...Have a great trip to Germany! It's good to see you here.

JAX...How's your son doing?

MRS. BEAN...I loved the MTM vid. Brought a smile to my face. I used to watch that show all the time! Thanks for sharing.

TLJ...Great to see you writing again. That was beautiful!

JANINE2...Great seeing you here. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. LOA'ing Justin makes his way home soon. I am keeping you all in my prayers.

HI CRAIG, BECK, KRISTEN, SHANNON, ALI, EMJAY, CHRIS, DONNA, HEIDI, GINGER, HEADY, DAWN, NEBBY AND ALL ANTS.

Have a great day everybody.

And to answer Kristen's question: 'Yes, you do have to watch and LOVE Nascar. And you carry and buy your own things at Niketown. Do you think your mother/father is made of money?' :-P :-: :-P :-P :-P

((Beck)) I thought it was really sweet that your daughter wants to start getting you Father's Day cards. :-)

:-: :-: :-: :-: :-:

:-: :-: :-: :-: :-:

Look! I made Nascars! Starrrrrt your engines!!

Well in my mind they look like cars.

Acutally Nascars usually have their numbers on the top.



:34: :25: :61: :52:

:16: :61: :70: :43:

There! And if you add the two numbers together on each car you get 7.



Random Person: So, Craig. What did you do today?

Me: I made NASCARS!

Random Person: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.


:-P

I keep seeing this movie preview and I still love it.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NOkQ4dYVaM


I think it is due to this song by Arcade Fire which has caught me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEKC5pyOKFU



"You gotta look out for love."

While I "get" the concept of speaking kindly to oneself (regarding weight issues, etc.), I have realized that doesn't work with me. I need to talk to myself like a drill sgt.
I need to keep throwing the B.S. flag on myself and just shake my head and figuratively walk away from myself when I'm not being real.
I will never accept an "excuse" from myself again. And when that's the case, sometimes tough love is really in order.
I've started watching Dr. Dyer's presentation "Excuses Begone," and it is a huge help. I'm researching the "memes," calling myself out on my most overused and identifiable ones, and it's really guiding me.

Morning Peeps!

Heady! so good to see you!

Bedbug - I agree with you. I too need the drill sgt to give me a kick. I feel like a spoiled brat who can get away with anything i want. so i need to be tough with myself. weather it is trying not to eat or trying to eat, both are a struggle.

One thing i can say to people fighting weight issues. Be happy that you like food. i would sooner be overweight than malnourished. when you get older you will appreciate that you have an appetite.

Bedbug, i love that you share so openly. you have an incredible attitude.

quick note to my buddies. sorry i havent written lately. not feeling well. hard to hold still. i will write soon. want you all to know im thinking of you. ♥♥♥♥

Craig -thank you for the write up. i loved it. will comment soon k? ♥

LOL Craig. I wish you could have seen Beck when we went to Niketown. Donna can back me up on this. She was like a kid in a candy store. :P
One of the many highlights of the whole trip in my opinion lol.
And cute cars, by the way. :P

Hey Headyyyyy!

BedBug I love your attitude. It's the fire that's under my ass with my own diet, weight issues, etc. Tough love is best for me as well. Otherwise I may never get on track.

(((Dee))) I'm thinking of you. I hope to see you here soon. Love you oh so much! ♥

Hi everyone..Robin/BB sent this to me back in Feb..If I am not mistaken she wrote it herself. I saved it and thought it might be the right time to re-post for all those with body issues..I have removed my name and added The Colony...Hugs xoxo
.
Dear "Colony"
This is your body.
I love you very much.
Every day my heart beats strong for you, and my lungs take in the morning air to refresh you and the evening air to calm you. Night and day. Day and night. My lungs and heart never stop, never let you down. We are strong and healthy.
My hair is long and luxurious. It isn't brittle or short or gray. It doesn't fall out in alopecia.
My eyes are big and bright and beautiful and expressive. They see clearly and serve you well. You can read a newspaper, watch a sunset, work on the computer ... you don't need a white cane or seeing eye dog like so many bodies do.
My ears hear things as soft as the purr of a kitten and enjoy things as loud as a favorite rock song blared on the radio. They do not need a hearing aid, and they do not ache. (They also look mighty pretty when studded out with a pair of your earrings.)
My digestive system is an amazing work of art -- a miracle really. When you think about how it takes in both the nutrition and the junk and somehow makes the best of it all ... you could hardly ask for more. You don't have any awful problems with it like Chrohn's disease or another issue that won't let you take nourishment from what you eat.
And, man, if you want to talk about a real miracle, look at my brain. Can you even conceive of how it works? I can't! It's awesome. It's like the best computer ever made ... and then some. And mine is healthy and very smart, not slow or ill.
I know you have some painful problems with parts of me that you've been working on, and I'm sorry about that. I do the best I can. I promise to try to get better. That's another cool thing about me. I have the ability to heal myself. But sometimes it takes time and struggle.
I also know that when you look at me in the mirror, you don't often like what you see. That makes me sad.
I know I'm not perfect, but nobody's body is. What I am is perfectly good for you. I love you and I work hard for you every day of my life.
Are we friends? I would say so. I hope so anyways. I am really the very best friend you have. I came into this world with you on our birthday, May 12, remember? It was a special day. And I will take you to the very end of your days. I will get older, yes. And I may have some problems here and there, but overall, I'm pretty freakin' wonderful if I do say so myself. (Look around, kiddo. Some people really got gyped!)
We must make peace with one another. We will be together for a very long time. I wish you could see me for what I am -- an amazing, God given human machine. And, as they say in the street slang, God don't make no junk!
" Colony" put your right arm around your left should and your left arm around your right shoulder, and give me a big ol' hug. I love you, Colony, Let's work on our friendship this year.
Love,
Your Body

((( Dee))) Hope you feel better soon. xo
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Chris..I have been craving frosted strawberry poptarts all day...Thankyou very much! :P xo
.
Janine if your reading this please check your myspace mail or email ..xoxox

Kristen....yes you MUST watch Nascar, and you can pick your own driver. However, your father (me), maintains veto power of said driver.
.
.
Craig, great job with the Nascars! ^5 (that's high 5 for you non-butch people.)

HEY PEOPLE!!!
I am back from vacation and I missed you all. We had a fantastic time pool hopping, riding bikes, and walking around. Totally fun to chill with my parents and watch them laugh at my boys! I am tired and have no idea what is happening around here. Hope you are all well and happy. I love ya and will catch up later tonight or tomorrow! {{{{{hugs}}}}} love prayers to all that want or need them!

Hey all you beautiful women!! You are not defined by your weight you are all wonderful women! I haven't been around in while but nice to see you all still here. Reading the posts are like slipping on the comfortable house shoes. Jax~~ Hate to lose you to Texas, ha! (I dont know if you remember me, I live in ga, just up the coast). I hope San Antonio is nice to you and appreciates you! Have a great night all....

(((DEE))) Hope you feel better soon!

CRAIG--I love that movie trailer. I have seen it a few times now and cannot wait for the movie. Thanks for sharing! :)

MELANIE--Good to see you again! :)

KRISTEN and BECK--you two are too cute! The Niketown stuff was creasing me up!

TERI--How is your week going? Your dad sounds like he had a great way of looking at life.

DAWN--How are you handling the heat? For all of you who don't have a/c but it gets hot (90-100) how do you cool your house or yourselves off? I feel like I have been hiding out for the last few weeks, trying to stay cool and failing miserably at it. I am about ready to start a nudist colony at my house, just to avoid having visitors and to cool off.

I actually googled pictures of ice today to try and see if I could feel cooler just by looking at them. :)

(((ALI))) Thinking of you ♥

Hope you are all having a great day!!! (Night)

MRS BEAN
Freeze an empty milk jug full of water. When it is frozen, put the jug in a bowl large enough to hold it and then place the bowl in front of a fan. It sounds totally ghetto but it works to cool you down a bit!

Thank you Steph! That sounds like a great idea and I do have a really good fan......now if I could just get Craig to scoot over in my freezer so I could fit those jugs of water in ;o)

Oh and I am never worried about a ghetto idea. I like to think of it as ingenuity! :)I already lined the windows in the back of my house with those sun reflectors that you put in your car windshield. You can't tell from outside, but they do help to keep the sun out of your house.

Those ANT Colony Members using Facebook....Mrs Bean found this out:


FACEBOOK has agreed to let third party advertisers use your posted pictures WITHOUT your permission. Click on SETTINGS up at the top where you see the Log out link. Select Privacy. Then select NEWSFEEDS and WALL. Next select the tab that reads FACEBOOK ADS. There is a drop down box, select NO ONE. Then SAVE your changes. (REPOST to let your friends know!)
Thank-you Mrs Bean!!

Thank-you, Kristen I will make a note to myself:
Do not get in between Beck and Niketown...or any Nike store...or any Nike product or anything related to Nike.

:-)

Thank you for the Facebook info!

Ooo! cheddar & sour cream chips? I don't think I've had those. They're probably similar to a baked potato which I could eat about 10. My grandfather grew up on potatos and might have passed the flavor-gene to me. Well, to me there's not much flavor in the potato itself.

Here's what ya' do: SCOOP butter, DRENCH sour cream and SHAKE as much salt as you want. Load it up and enjoy. Bacon bits? Gimme!

One night each week: don't give a second thought to your "diet" or body's weight. Live... eat... breathe... eat some more... enjoy life and the flavors we've been offered. Then on Monday, cut it back a bit :)

It's tough to mention food on a blog where dieting is predominant... then again food is the lifeforce of our existence. Why look away? We're stronger than that, aren't we?

A message to food in general: You have been a real bitch to me and yet I still love you. :)

I might eat your cousin later this evening, the fudge brownie.

He might have ice cream with him and I'll eat her too.

I wish I could post something reasonably intelligent. We all have dreams, right?

Drive-by Post...

Happy Friday everybody. Have a great weekend

thanks craig about info on facebook hello fellow colonist and our mr. ant i really just wanted to stop by and wish all above this post a great day even though it is pouring in vacationland maine, hello

TGIF
GOOD MORNING COLONY

I just got my confirmation I am on ANT's guest list for Sunday
WOOT WOOT but that's all it said, so I guess I go to will call or something, it doesn't say

CHRIS
I love your posts...even if you think you need to post something more intelligent! I love you just the way you are!

NANCY
Have a wonderful time! Give ANT a squeeze for me please.

HEIDI
LOve you sister

DEE
Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

TERI
Have a great Friday and weekend.

DAWN
Lets talk SYTYCD later. I was shocked!

COLEEN
Hugs and love to you. Hope you are doing well.

KRISTEN
{{{{{hugs}}}}}

COLONY KAT
Who is in the hospital? What did I miss? Sending prayers and hugs

SHANNON
Hope you are having a good day today. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

CRAIG
{{{{{hugs}}}}} just because

JANINE2
I love you and my heart breaks for what is happening. I will keep praying for you all.

BEDBUG
How was the chakra class? I am curious...

DR DONNA
Hope you get out from under all that laundry! Looks like a fun job!?! LOL

MRS BEAN
Thanks for the info on Facebook. Did you try the ice jug thing yet?

HEADY
Love ya girl and miss you...come back around more often will ya!

THIS WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOU SMILE!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0&feature=player_embedded

Happy Friday ALL! ♥

Thanks Craig! I got the Facebook info from our very own DR DONNA-- so thank you DONNA! ♥

CHRIS--When I was growing up we had a meal we called Potatoes Alice and it really was just a baked potato bar. My favorite potato combo is the potato, butter, sour cream, ranch style beans, a little green onion and cheddar cheese. YUM!! I think the potato gets a bad rap in the diet world.

HEADY--You should stop by more often!!

You too COLEEN! :) Please send some of your rain to me!

STEPH--I have the frozen jug in a bowl in front of the fan right now. Conveniently placed very near me :)

TERI--Thank you for the picture of the ice tunnel----it was very soothing, lol!

DAWN--What did you think of who went home on SYTYCD? I was surprised by the girl.

(((DEE))) Send you a message soon!

NANCY and GINGER--I hope you have a great time in Vegas! Can't wait to hear all about it! Travel safe ♥

Have a great Friday EVERYONE!

Oh WOW STEPH!!! That was a great video! Thanks for sharing it! At my brothers wedding at the end right after they said I do they played the song from Grease, "You're The One That I Want" and everyone kind of danced on the way out. This was 8 years ago, so fun to see how ideas snowball and people just keep making them better and better.

Morning Colony!!

Heidi - Thank you for sharing that email from Robin. I remember it from before. It was brilliant then and brilliant now. LOVE IT!! Thats our wise Bedbug!

Steph - Im glad you had a good vacation.

Can i ditto your post today?
Love you all!

HI DEE. How are you? Good to see you right above me. LOL Love You.

STEPH...thanks for sharing the video. Too funny. I was trying to picture my wedding party doing that and that cracked me up even more!!! LOL

MRS. BEAN...I was shocked by both who went home on SYTYCD.

BEDBUG...I am so sorry about your daughter's friend. Keeping all in my thoughts and prayers &hearts

*whispers* ...it's so quiet here...

Kristen, NASCAR race on Sunday. You have 36 hours to pick and submit a driver and get it okayed by your dad....you don't actually have to watch the race in it's entirety, you can do what my other kids do...run in the living room every once in awhile and ask where your driver is in the race.
.
.
Craig, you are SOOO right...Nike Town...heck yes!!!

Okay I know this will show how exciting my Friday night is (or isn't!) but because there are so many Bachelorette watchers here I thought I'd share.

Enjoy! ;o)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUIjxwr5Wvs

Lol Beck you crack me up. I don't know anything about these drivers but I'm leaning towards Tony Stewart. Plus, 14 is a good number for me.
Do you approve...father? :P

Kristen! Great choice! He's my 2nd favorite driver.

Hello ANT and ANTlings!
.
♬♡♥♡♫ GREAT BIG ♬♡♥♡♫
.
♬♡♥♡♫ HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISHES TO ♬♡♥♡♫
.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥♪*♥ TLJEAN ♥♪*♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
.
.

TLJean-
I sent you a small gift in the mail.
I'm so sorry to say...
I didn't realize you couldn't send liquids airmail!
So your gift is going to come late. I'm so sorry!
I should not have procrastinated, I know better! I so wanted it to arrive on your Birthday!
I'm leaving Saturday for Las Vegas, we won't be home until Wednesday, so this may be the only chance I get to let you know just how much we all appreciate you!
The ANT Colony just wouldn't be the same without you here!
Enjoy your special day! We all love you!
{{{HUGGLES FOR JEAN}}}
*
*
I would have done the running
{{{HUGTACKLE}}}
but, I don't think either one of us would have survived!
.
:D

Jean-
If you copy this...
.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥♪*♥ TLJEAN ♥♪*♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
.
You can use it on your sign name!
.
.
(I think)
.

*I hope mine works!*
.
If it did it should look like this
.
.
✈✈✈Ginger is up all night✈✈✈

DARN!
.
It didn't let it paste that way!
.

♬ I'm a leavin' ♫
.
✈ on a jet plane ✈
.
I don't know when ♬
.
♫ I'll be back again...

Saturday, July 25, 2009

****************************************************
* *
* T e N d e r L o V i n g J e A n *
* *
****************************************************



Wishing you and AmaZing BirThDay!

A while back TLJ made a music request for her birthday. And the day is here and now!

Her song choice is "Memory" from the musical 'CATS'.


According to Wikipedia this musical first opened in the West End in 1981 before moving to Broadway on October 7th, 1982.


'CATS" is based on the book "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" by T.S Elliot. This musical ran for over 18 years on Broadway and 21 years in London.

The version "Memory" presented today is sung by Barbra Streisand .



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Ruh0ewBVo

((Tender Loving Jean))

a very merry unbirthday to ANT yes ANT

but...

a very very very very very
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♥TLJ♥

Happy Birthday Jean! Have a fantabulous Day! ♥

♥♥Colony♥♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEAN. Have a wonderful day!

Have a great weekend everyone. Love to All.

{{{{{ ♥ Tender Loving Jean ♥ }}}}}

Happy Birthday honey! From me to you~

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

♥

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything's going to be alright

♥

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

♥

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

♥

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything's going to be alright

♥

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

♥

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one

♥

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktUSIJEiOug

GOOD MORNING (((ANT))) and (((COLONY)))!!!!
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♥ ♥ Happy HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TLJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥ ♥

I hope this is a good day for you and also one that is filled with much love and joy! And many gentle loving hugs! :)
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((ANT))


((Ali-Kat)) Great to see you posting. Don't mind me I'm rummaging through your purse. Do you have any gum? :-P :-P


((Lois Lane)) Always wishing you and your family the very, very best. :-)

((Beck)) I would be one those people running in and out of the room for a status report on the car I picked. :-)


((TLJ)) Today is for You! :-)

((Chris)) Great song pick!

((CanadianGalHeidi))

((DEE))


((DAWN/Richmond/BC))

((Mrs Bean))

((Steph in Oregon))

((Ginger is up all night))

((Bedbug))

((colleen))


((DRDonna))

((Kristen))

((Teri))

((Nancy/SoCal))

((Heady))



Have a great Saturday!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTeZcHWHeW4

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=RPS
for Richard

GOOD MORNING COLONY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TLJ ♥ ♥
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Love all the music today. Thanks to everyone who posted. I know it's for Jean, but I enjoyed it too.
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STEPH- Love your wedding video!
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ALI-KAT - LOVE TO YOU TODAY!!
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TERI- Have a great day at the movies.
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DEE- Thinking of you in the sunshine. Enjoy!!
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Another hot one here today!! Wow! Fans going. I told hubby about your idea for the ice infront of the fan and I think we're going to do that. Need it badly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TLJ AND WISHING YOU MANY MORE TO COME

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TENDER LOVING JEAN!! I wish you all the best that life has to offer today and every day.

JEEEEEEEEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JEEEEEEEEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tender-lovin'-Bein'!
You are one-o-the-swee-test-people
I have ever SEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TL JEAN!!!!

Hope you have the best day! ♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HstbPtc5Cjs

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TLJ!!! ♥

Good Morning ANT and ANTlings!
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Ok, I found a tag agency opened today that reissued me a drivers license.We just got back home.
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I haven't flown since 2000, I'm a little nervous!
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We just need to finish the last packing stuff and we are on our way!
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Ok, maybe I'm a lot nervous!
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Nancy and John are meeting us tomorrow in Las Vegas before the show. Maybe go to dinner or site seeing.
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I'm so excited about this trip. This is the first solo vacation without our children ( no, I'm not kidding!)
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I hope ANT and Jason have a packed house!
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I'll try to check in if I can. My husband doesn't want me to take my laptop so...
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Wish us well and pray for our airplane pilots! :D
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HAPPY,HAPPY,HAPPY,HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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~*~*TLJean*~*~
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B I G H U G S
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HEADY: You're a tease.
STEPH: Looong story about the chakra class but we did not attend (school was under construction and two people found the class). So, I'll tell ya next week.
CHRIS

CHRIS: Never feel bad about talking about food, even to dieters. I'm a total foodie!

Rosie's raving about the Kindle on her blog!
She said:

i want to get a tattoo of it

its the most perfect invention
i love mine to the point of obsession
when i see other kidnle havers
i feel a kin ship

the kindle
worth every penny

Jean! Beautiful Tender Loving Jean!
Happy Birthday Sweet lady! I wish a most wonderful day and many more to come. You deserve it.

Ginger! Have a wonderful time. Im so excited for you. You deserve it!

Steph - me lil Irish girl. How are you doing?

Erin Bear, Nebbilegulous, Ali-oop! Dawnalicious (oh yes you earned that name), Teri-ific! LOve your faces off.

Bedbug - Can you keep your Sgt talk going? You are motivating me. Lets get ready for ass kicking August. Im ready to smarten up.

CRAIG! Just love you.. just cause...

I right excited! I talked to a cancer coach and she is incredible. I recommend anyone dealing with cancer talk to one. This one i found is going to help some friends of mine. They are called NAPCC. They teach patient about traditional and alternative treatments available. They actually test the tumor for exact chemical makeup and then work in lab to find best treatment. It is incredible. I feel nothing but hope from these people. They gave back hope to my friend who was lost.

This should be a service available to everyone for free. Im so impressed i had to share with you all. Just so you know there is a place you can go to for advice if you arent sure what to do.

Have a Fantastic Day Everyone!!

DEE
How are ya? I am good. It is really really hot here and we are told it will get hotter for the next 5 days. I don't do well with hot weather...(red hair and all! LOL) so the boys and I go out in the early morning and then come right back in the house. We may have to head to the beach next week in order to get some relief. It sucks to be cooped up in the house with 2 boys that only want to run, wrestle, and play outside.
What is up with you? Any plans? Any planting? LOL

DEE
What a wonderful friend you are to have found that amazing organization. I hope it helps your friend.

HOT HOT HOT, Too flipping hot is all I can say! Whew!!!! Fans going too. I'm going to have a fruit popscile thing. My plants int he hanging baskets and planter had the biscuit and I just threw them out. Normally I would replace them, but I don't care as it's way too hot to fuss with them.

Here's a flashback to my former self just last year... I hope it helps someone today.
 

Physical:

• tender ankles
• lower back pain
• shoulder problems because I slouched so heavily (trying to keep my man-boobs somewhat parallel with the body instead of upright where they wanted to be)
• nighttime acid reflux / indigestion
• heartburn
• continuous digestive issues

Emotional:

• general stress
• feelings of self-doubt caused by the physical state of my body
• depressed more often than not

The meals: I just ate what I wanted because it was safe and it was my life, my body, my choice...


My inner-self said to the world, "Don't tell me what to eat. I'll eat my food - you eat yours. Leave me alone."


Then the other little voice inside said "Hey Chris... you do realize that you have a choice here right? You really could be as thin as you dream. You have to change yourself first to change your world around you."


I remember once looking at my plate of fast food thinking "I would NEVER serve this to company." The inner retort... "Well why are YOU eating it yourself?" I threw the rest of those french fries away that day and went home quietly.


That was the day I became my own best friend again.

I loved myself again, even if I was heavier than I should be. I began to cook as though I had friends visiting who deserved only quality healthy food... I didn't want them to judge my eating, right? :D


Plus, friends don't let friends eat junk food.

I do not suffer today with the list mentioned above. Every issue is gone. (besides other unrelated financial issues that are constant, but who doesn't have those, eh?) I suppose what I'm trying to do is hug all you fatties who want to drop a few pounds. =) I can call you fatties because you know I'm very light-hearted about this. I am just like you, even though I may be a bit smaller now. I'll post pictures as evidence - trust me - I was large and in charge, baby!! :)

But I was not really in charge. I was sad. I wanted better than had been created... so the time came to change. I changed. Remember what I was dealing with? I am just like you all who want to lose weight right now, only I'm on this side of the process and not that one. I've stood in your shoes. Many times actually.

It's a very slow process. A few pounds each week or less. I hung images all over the house of trim fit men who I wanted to look like. :-) Any gay person can appreciate what this would do to the pervert in you. Okay maybe I'm alone on that one :) Cancel the gay thing.

At any rate, over time I began to lose weight one bite of salad at a time. Apples. Vegetables. Water. Fresh fish & chicken. I adopted almost an Asian-style of cooking. They're great examples of people who are generally in shape. I have a nice stew cooking today that I'll freeze for some weekday dinners when I'm feeling tired after work :) That's my version of the "frozen dinner."

I'm committed to helping whoever I can with their weight issues, but I cannot do it for you. Once you realize that you really are as beautiful as you want to be, start treating your body as such... and it will reward you in time. Who will you thank? Yourself! That's the ultimate reward... knowing that you did it. Then you can live your life free of these emotional issues that drag you down. Body weight that makes walking difficult... and all of this stuff. It will all go away if you just take time to examine the true underlying reasons of why you are carrying extra weight in the first place. Who do you love more - yourself or a bag of potato chips?

I know who I love more... and y'all know I could go talking all day about it.

(and please - I realize some of you have medical situations that make your food-life more difficult than it should be... hopefully nothing I've said will be misinterpreted. It comes from love.)

Wanting to help. Wanting to share. Wanting to be with people... somewhere. ♥

Kristen? I know honey - you are on the opposite side with the weight scene... and you're a cutie still. Don't panic.

xoxo

CHRIS
You made me cry. Everything you wrote is what I have said, still say about me. Lots of the same issues physically too. I am on my way though. 3 weeks ago I had a talk with myself and said ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. I am taking back control. I am eating 6 times a day, every 2 hours. Small calorie amounts, lots of water, and learning to love myself. I am liking myself right now. Not to the "love" point yet but I am making progress. I have lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks and I am so happy and proud of myself. I struggle with wanting to share and feeling bad that others have worse issues than I. But if I am not proud of me, than who will be?! So, I am on this journey. Some days are better than others. But I have made a great start and I am LOVING the way I feel right now. I can only imagine how much better I will feel when I keep losing the pounds. I have to keep reminding myself that it took a few years to put these pounds on...it will take a while to get them off. Thank you for sharing your story. By sharing you gave me the courage to post this note. Love and many hugs to you!!!

Chris! you are amazing. Sharing and motivating others. It drives me nuts that any of you would not love yourselves. I wish everyone could see what i see in them. but i guess it is a struggle with each of us what we see in the mirror. and sometimes what makes people so beautiful is the fact they dont know it.

Oh Steph, Dawn it is a cooker here too 36 degrees. agh.. everyone went to the river on the quads and tomcar. wish i had the energy. would be nice down there right now. but at least while they are gone i can get these clothes off. aghh i hate clothes.

So Chris you have me thinking. I wonder if anyone else is interested in getting a motivating partner. to motivate each other to hit goals and be accountable to.

While many are dealing with wanting to lose weight. i just want to eat healthier. and that makes our goal the same. It is controlling what we take in. how much and how often and how we feel about ourselves. I know lots about nutrition but its the motivational factor. The kick in the butt i need.

Maybe can create a place where we can post our goals and then cheer each other on and give tips.
hmm i will have to think about this.

DEE
I love you for making me laugh out loud!!! You are the best!

DEE
I think you are onto something! Encouraging each other on goals would be great!!

DEE- You have to make sure 36C is stated! LOL! Some people think we are 36F!!! It's hot like hell!!!!

Chris..For sharing what you did ♥
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Steph..♥..Congrats on your weightloss! Fantastic, I am so proud and happy for you!
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For me..I just want peace with my body and food..I'm tired of feel guilty and loathing myself for anything " bad' I put into my mouth..It's so emotionally draining.

"36C is stated! LOL! Some people think we are 36F!!! "
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Are we talking about Bra's sizes? ;)

Hi all! Just driving by to check on my child and tell you all that I have been reading your posts and I am so happy for the progress made, and thankful we have each other. Love you all!!! I'm off to shop for a Jeff Gordon tongue ring!

Motivational partners would be a great idea! We support each other here already, but ultimately your own motivational partner is the person you know best… your own self.

Sure I can try to help.

♥

At the end of the day we all decide what’s best for us. Sometimes we figure out later that the choices weren’t the best, but nobody could tell us at the time.

It would be similar to an ANTling trying to make me quit smoking these nasty (censored) cigarettes. Until I’m ready I probably won’t listen. I know the reality and all of the causes & effects, and yet I puff ‘em down without thinking twice.

We hear what we want to hear.

Food is in the same category to me.

People who don’t want change will avoid it at all costs even at their own personal expense, citing that “I can’t…” or “I’m not going give up my… *said food item*.”

Steph is well on her way to getting what she wants! I couldn't be more thrilled for her! The hardest part is starting that journey, don’t you think Stephyyy? It sure was for me. Today’s choice: potato salad or green salad? I would choose the leafy greens today over anything else.

Years ago it wasn’t like that at all.

There’s nothing tremendously hard about eating ‘right.’ There’s so much hoopla made over the issue. To me the bottom lines are willpower and choice. When you truly want something, you will find it.

Move it move it move it move it move it! (Drill Sgt. Voice) ♥

Side note: Being over weight was not about the food with me. It was more an emotional expression of how worthless I felt inside. I had buried my partner 6 feet under and a part of myself to some degree. Years later and many pounds heavier, I starting healing those wounds. It took longer than anticipated.

The extra weight of those stressful years slowly began to go away as new life presented itself before me. The future… what a fancy pair of new jeans! So sexyyyyyyyyyyy

xo

CHRIS - ♥ ♥ ♥

My opinion: the best way to really motivate someone is to help them create a new opportunity that just *S*P*A*R*K*S* inside their heart. They will find inner strength they never knew existed when they truly want something.

I just made a DAWN comment sandwich! YAYYYYYY

CHRIS- ♥ ♥ ♥

(((CHRIS))) ♥♥♥♥

So much love for you!!!!

Thank you for all your words and sharing. Support comes from just knowing that you are not alone.

Emotions play a huge role in our bodies. I had a situation when I was in college that devastated me emotionally. I buried it deep and moved on (or so I thought) but within a year of it happening I had gained a lot of weight ( A LOT!) Last year I had some information given to me about that situation that changed my whole perspective on it and literally within a week I lost 20 pounds. It was the weirdest experience, but not really surprising. It was like I shed that baggage finally. Why did I carry it around? It was like I didn't KNOW that I could just leave it and walk away. Kind of like when they ask you at the airport if anyone else has had access to your luggage or if you left your luggage alone. I should just hold onto my luggage and not others. I am rambling, but somehow when I read your words, this is what it reminded me of.

Hope you all have sleep filled with peace and beautiful dreams ♥

I don't know how far any of you who are in Canada are from Kelowna, but I saw this video about the fires and this couple who had their lives saved by a stranger who they want to identify, (there are pictures) and I really encourage all of you to watch it and especially the last 2 minutes. Life is precious and angels walk amongst us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLOlgoAm5sY

CHRIS!! You are the best! I love your enthusiasm and wit. You deserve everything the world has to offer. I am so glad you are on your way to getting all of what you want!

I do agree with you that starting is the hardest part. Here is what happened with me:

I lost 75 pounds about 6 years ago. I was hell bent on losing weight before my husband and I started to have kids. I was successful at losing the weight, getting pregnant and subsequently gaining about 65 pounds during pregnancy. I took the "eating for two" LITERALLY!! LOL I did not lose all of that weight before getting pregnant with my 2nd child 4 years ago. So here I am today, telling myself that it is baby weight. BS!!! My boys are 3 and 5. That ain't no freakin baby weight! That is me being lazy, not caring about myself because my kids come first. The weight was also a shield. I had gone from a teacher to a wife who teaches to a mom who is a wife who teaches. I lost myself. I, like many many mothers, put everyone before me.

Cut to 4 weeks ago. I had a talk with myself. I decided that not only did my kids deserve to have a mom around for a long time, but I deserved to be happy and love myself. It was at that point I changed my ways. Like I said earlier, I eat every 2 hours very small meals/snacks. My hunger is not there, my metabolism is consistent, and my energy level has increased.

I went on vacation last week with my parents and my boys. We were going to be swimming a lot to keep cool so I had to have a swimsuit. I was so pissed that I would have to buy a suit at my size. But I did it. I went on vacation to this resort/ranch. I was BY FAR the heaviest most out of shape person there. But you know what? I got in the pool with my kids and I loved it. They loved it! We had the best time.

When I look back at the past 5 or so years I am sad for what happened to me. I am sad for losing myself. I am sad for all the missed opportunities I could have had with my kids having fun.

I am changing. Please don't think that it is easy. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is work to take back your life and to find yourself. I, like Chris, Heidi and so many others, just want to be healthy and feel comfortable with myself. I know that this will be a life long journey. But it is a journey I am willing to take in order to have the life I deserve!!

Sorry....that went on and on and on. LOL I can talk for days! Hopefully this all makes sense.

Chris - even though I'm the outcast here with the weight issues, I still loved reading every word of your posts. I've read that first one about 5 times now. :P I may be trying to gain weight, but I've felt the same things too (the emotional part). And I've said the same things to myself, just worded a tad bit differently.
If people were to ignore the fact that I'm dieting to gain, I'm sure they could relate to me when I say..
-I've looked in the mirror and hated what I saw.
-I've been that girl locked in the dressing room crying. (haha, right boys?)
-I hate the fact that I can't fit into the clothes I want to wear.
-I wish I could look like someone else.
My best friend said to me recently that in so many ways, I'm just like everyone else, but there's always a twist with me. I've read everyone's posts and I completely understand what people are saying about how they feel with themselves and the size they're at. I feel it too. But there's a twist with me. I don't want it to seem like I'm walking on a different path, going in the opposite direction from everyone else. While everyone will be losing, I'll be gaining. No one is going for the exact same size afterall. But we all want to feel better and live better.


Oh and Chris...I admire you. 9:14 post brought out the cry baby in me lol. I really look up to you. And I've caught myself saying that to a lot of people from the colony lately, but I mean it with everyone I say it to. I look up to you all. ♥ ..Probably cause I'm short, but all of you are my role models. :)

Dee, good thinkin! I've always been able to come here and get the kick in the ass that I need. I feel support here with wanting to change my weight, but not without a few looks of "what da @!#%??" :P
But I'm sure it might be weird if people were to go from "Congrats on your weight-loss so-and-so!" to "Congrats on your weight-gain Kristen!" lol, so I understand how everyone else may feel. But I know this is the one place that I at least can go to for love and support, no questions asked. ♥

BECK! I'm getting excited for the race tomorrow and I never thought I would say that ever. :) I'm guessing Jeff Gordon is your pick? ....you're goin' down.
Can I get a tongue ring too? :D

Steph, There’s several sentences above where you put direct blame on yourself for something I don’t feel you’re guilty. Maybe you do, but I don’t think anyone else would consider you less because you put the kids before yourself. The hell ails you girl? :-p Your body created TWO living people! There’s a perfectly good reason why your body’s size increased a bit. No shame!

You said “When I look back at the past 5 or so years I am sad for what happened to me. I am sad for losing myself. I am sad for all the missed opportunities I could have had with my kids having fun.”

Here’s what I say as your newly adopted, slightly revised version… Target: Springtime 2010 or sooner “When I look forward to the next 5 or so years I am thrilled for what will happen to me. I am beyond thrilled for finding my myself again. I am so excited for all the amazing opportunities I will have with my kids having fun.”

That’s what I think. So should you. ♥

Mrs Bean~ "Why did I carry it around? It was like I didn't KNOW that I could just leave it and walk away"

Exactly my experience too.

---

I wonder how much weight we could lose as a group if we added everyone’s achievements together for the 2010 bash. Course, we’d have to deduct Kristen’s gain.

Great. She’s going to mess it up for everyone! Let’s get a head start on this one… *hands her an alltime favorite - a Grape tootsie pop*

Outcast? Kristen is the perfect person for the opposing side of weight loss… those who are trying to gain weight.

The hell ails you too? Y’all need your asses kicked for blaming so much emotional junk on your own selves. :-p :-p :-p

I’m too chatty today. It seems everyone’s their own worst enemy… just drives me crazy.

ERIN- VAN GIRL lives in Vernon close to Kelowna. She said it's extremely hot there, haze from the smoke etc. Kelowna is in the Okanogan where all the fruit is grown in BC.

Kristen - I am like you that i am trying to keep weight on too. Trying to eat when your mouth doesnt want to is difficult. We need to do little tricks and have snacks around. Healthy snacks. so when we do take in something it is nutritious. im bad for grabbing some chips or trying to choke down a piece of toast. Everything is so unappealing. Everyday i say I love food and repeat it. thats not working.

whether trying to gain or lose weight or break a habit like smoking it is the same process.

will power and true desire for health i guess are the answer. Today was supposed to be start of my new regiment. not happening. still havent eaten anything. aghh. its like there is this stubborn person inside that refuses.

I love my body. I love me. I dont love being ill. but too darn lazy to work at getting better. My GAFF is way low..