NBC.com

As we approach the season of eggnog, family squabbles, and mass consumerism, it's important to focus on what really matters. That's right; I'm talking about the tricks retailers use to peddle their wares on Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year.

The term Black Friday originated in Philadelphia, when, the day after Thanksgiving, consumers would flock to stores, causing horrible traffic jams and foul moods. During the 1980s, a great many merchants objected to the term's negative connotation. So they did what any good salesman would do -- they changed its meaning. Since then, Black Friday has become synonymous with the time of year that stores definitively turn a profit, a.k.a. the time of year when stores are "in the black."

There are a great many myths surrounding Black Friday, the first being that it is not, in fact, the busiest shopping day of the year. It might be the seventh busiest shopping day of the year, or the second, but it is not the busiest shopping day of the year, in terms of actual sales. The busiest shopping day of the year, sales-wise, is almost always the Saturday before Christmas.

Another Black Friday myth is more a ploy than a myth, which even I have to admit is pretty clever. So clever that I wish I'd thought of it. But I didn't. Have you ever seen, maybe a month before Thanksgiving, a breaking headline that Black Friday deals have been leaked? Well, that's not some disgruntled employee out to destroy his confidentiality clause. No, that information is leaked by an insider to whet appetites for products. Fascinating, huh? Or is it only fascinating if you're an economist? Or me?

Well, here's one for you, if you don't care about press leaks. If you don't partake of this very special holiday, maybe you don't understand why people line up at zero o'clock in the morning to snipe, push, and trash-talk each other. I'll tell you why. One word. Doorbusters. Or maybe that's two words. Does it have a dash? Anyway, doorbusters are supply and demand at its best. Retailers advertise an item everyone wants for a special price. The catch? They only have a few. Come early, try to get that very special item at that very special price, but if you don't, stay awhile, buy some more stuff. Everyone's happy.

Regardless of all this mystique, all this strategy and spin and traffic, I'm going to be first in line at my local mall. I have decided to start a new tradition since my time away. I'm going to get there as early as possible, be polite to everyone I see, but I am going to get as many doorbusters as I can as quickly as I can.

Then I'm going to donate them to a charity of my choice. What's that? You think I have a good heart? Actually, it has more to do with the fact that I get really discouraged every time a new gaming system comes out and I can't seem to get the hang of it. I may or may not have thrown a couple of them out the window, and why do that, when I can just give the item to someone who will treat it better than I will?

Whatever you buy, for whomever you buy it, have a safe and happy Black Friday.