Baby Borrowers: Shelley The Nanny

The Terrible Twos

2008-07-10T23:15:57Z

The "Terrible Twos." Perhaps the most fear-inducing time in raising children, second only to teenagers. And you know it is an appropriate title when one of the toddlers has on a shirt that says, "My name is Trouble." Any relief that the parenting teens may have felt at the departure of the infants was shortly replaced by a new kind of exasperation in Episode 3.

As you noticed in the first couple of episodes, the babies were a handful with all the different needs that had to be provided for them: food and drink, giving them comfort, cleaning them, and every other basic survival need. Additionally challenging was the fact that these young infants were unable to communicate their needs. However, toddlers are in some sense at an awkward stage of interacting with the world. They are gradually developing the ability to communicate, but it may be difficult or too simple for an adult to understand. Maybe they want something but don't know the word; maybe they're feeling a certain way but don't know how to express it; and even the tantrums are a type of interaction with others around them. What I said also illustrates another subtle difference from the infants: wants. Yes, toddlers still need the vast majority of their survival needs taken care of (and, conversely, infants probably have wants as well), but now the concept of "want" becomes more evident through the toddlers vocal and physical expressions.

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Whether you give in to these wants or not is a very important consideration in raising a child. It is tempting to indulge a child in order to stop the tantrum, but if you consistently buy candy in the store because the toddler won't stop crying, you are reinforcing the behavior. In some sense, you are rewarding them for their behavior and it may then be more and more likely to occur. This is not to say that treats and candy or giving into the various wants is wrong or shouldn't happen, but it should be done with discretion. The concept of reinforcing behavior applies to more than just wants, too, and we saw a clear example of that in tonight's episode. While Daton and Morgan were in their living room, Colton put his hands on his hip and peed on the couch. It was hard not to laugh at a kid being a kid, but Daton hit the nail right on the head: because they were laughing, Colton will probably think it is funny and might be likely to do it again. The lesson we can take away from this is that our reactions and interactions always have the potential to impact a child's behavior – for better or for worse.

The toddlers have much more energy than the infants, and as such, the challenge of keeping them entertained (and wearing them out so they go to bed) is much greater. The scenes with Alicea and Isaiah on the couch, or Jordan playing on the slide with Luke, shows that even though the twos may be terrible, they can be just as rewarding. Stay tuned for Episode 4 and see what "rewards" making it through the toddler years brings!

Bouncing Back

2008-07-03T19:13:34Z

Getting over the first-day jitters of day one only segued into the next-day challenges of Episode 2: if you thought that raising a baby while still having plenty of energy looked tough, now we see how dramatically a poor night's sleep can impact performance (and attitude) both as the caregiver and as the primary "bread-winner." Cory and Alicea seemed to be the most affected by this, especially over a couple days; waking up at 4 a.m. put each of them behind the power curve in terms of energy, but also exceeded their threshold of patience for the baby and for each other.

Alicea's attitude was a constant source of concern throughout the entire episode. Not only was she unwilling to take care of their baby, but she was unwilling to put forth the requisite effort at work. As a result, Cory shouldered much of the burden, albeit somewhat grudgingly at times. The tension mounted quickly and neither of them really found a respite from the crying and tantrums of their child, and consequently, they failed to interact positively with each other. This is an important lesson for all of us: working together is absolutely imperative. It is finding the extra bit of energy after a long day of work to spend time with the child and significant other, or sharing the struggle of getting up at early hours to calm a crying child, or even just conceding that the other person may have had a harder day – whether at work or at home. The reality is that with two people, it could be and should be easier; however, if one person fails to contribute adequately, the sum is really less than either part.

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This support is essential in another way, as well: in helping each other bounce back after mistakes. We are all prone to being hard on ourselves, and many of us would want only the best for our children. But nothing will ever be perfect; we will constantly make mistakes. We must bounce back, accept that we erred, and move on while trying to improve. All of which is made easier when our significant other is there to provide the emotional support in addition to just the practical support of changing diapers. Sean's and Kelsey's parents hit on this fact perfectly: Sean may have gotten an "A+" but Kelsey's failure was ultimately his failure as well. With two people working together, they are a team: they succeed as a team and fail as a team.

Finally, such external support is also invaluable. When the teens' parents arrived on the scene, they provided critical insight, constructive criticism, and encouragement. They were a calming influence not just by their presence, but by their empathy and "I've been there too." As Sean Karsten says, "Do not learn from your mistakes, learn from the mistakes of others so that you do not make any." The teens' parents have made many of the same mistakes, and while the teens will themselves continue to make their own mistakes, the wisdom of their own parents can be a guiding light through the challenge of raising a child. Nothing emphasizes the value of this support more than Morgan's relationship with her mother – especially in contrast to some of the other teens' relationships. Even though her mom was trying to be helpful and supportive, Morgan failed to open up or lean on her mom, leading to a bitter goodbye and a renewed frustration with the situation – much of which could have been mitigated by having an open mind and a willingness to listen and learn. Nobody is perfect, and people are people, and our relationships with our parents each have their warts and all, but the more young parents can learn from their parents, the better their lives – and of ultimate importance, their baby's life – will be.

As we leave this episode behind, we leave the infants behind and transition to the toddler stage. Although it is an accelerated and therefore artificial look at raising children, don't underestimate the challenges that these teens face and the emotions that they feel. And if you don't believe me, just see how they handle the "Terrible Twos" of Episode 3.

Relationships & Parenting

2008-06-26T22:46:32Z

When we think of raising children, and the challenges that go along with raising children, some things tend to come to mind more quickly to most people: crying in the middle of the night, feeding and burping, and the always intimidating (at least to the uninitiated) changing of the diapers. While the Baby Borrowers might be only a short and accelerated journey through parenthood for each of the couples, Episode 1 has already shown many of the more complex facets of raising a child.

One of the important aspects actually has little to do with the child itself. It has to do with the couple and their relationship even prior to introducing a baby onto the scene. Because the babies didn't arrive until the latter half hour of Episode 1, it was possible to see the dynamic of each individual couple – and the differences between each couple on the show. Some, like Jordan and Sasha, appear to have a fairly stable relationship; others, however, like Daton and Morgan, admit to dealing with internal relationship challenges even before they get their baby. This will have an obvious impact on how well each couple is able to work together to provide for their child. Their interest level in having children also became apparent: Kelsey was highly enthusiastic while her boyfriend, Sean, was more conservative and cautious. It's important to remember that while two people might be taking on this challenge together, their opinions and motivation – as well as their prior experiences – might be vastly different; even before the baby arrives, this can impact the relationship tremendously.

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Another, perhaps more subtle, aspect of the relationship challenges is that none of these teens have lived together before. It's an entirely new feeling walking through that door of a home together, going through each others' laundry and hanging up each others' clothes, trying to assign a division of labor, and ultimately transforming a dating-style relationship into a living-in union, where two people must cohabitate daily. The first few nights that the couples spent together reflected some of their youth, inexperience, and trepidation; however, it's only fair to say that these are challenges that pretty much every couple faces, regardless of how old or how long they have been dating. As if adapting to each others' personal routines and habits wasn't enough, oftentimes this relationship challenge occurs fairly close to the time when a baby is on its way. Needless to say, patience and tolerance can run thin rather quickly.

The Baby Borrowers focuses so much on the strength of the relationship and the interaction of each couple because both of these elements play an integral role in the environment that a baby grows up in, which ultimately corresponds to the amount of love and support that the child receives. When the babies do arrive, some teens fall more naturally into the role, while others struggle to find out just how to hold, or comfort, or feed the baby. Like real life, though, regardless of how much (or how little) they are prepared, the teens confront challenges almost right away, finding out that what they know is not nearly enough. We see some of this already in Episode 1, such as when Alicea is confronted by her baby's real mother who emphasizes the need for patience for the baby's sake, or when Jordan changes a diaper for the first time, or when Kelsey feels slightly maligned that their baby seems to prefer Sean. Episode 2 will be dedicated to showing you more of these "infant stage" challenges, how they are handled by the teens, and the consequences of their decisions – whether illustrated by how the child responds or by the intervention of the parents. You've seen some of this already and I hope you'll stay turned to see more in the next episode!!

Baby Borrowers Premiere Date!

2008-04-23T22:27:53Z

For all of you who are anxiously awaiting the start of “The Baby Borrowers,” I’m happy to report that the show will begin airing on June 25, 2008. This reality show was very exciting to be part of, and I know many of you are going to enjoy watching the teenage couples experience parenthood. There has been a lot of enthusiasm about this show and I am very eager to hear what everyone thinks. Check back soon for further updates!

Welcome to the Nanny Blog

2008-01-23T23:40:07Z

My name is Shelley and I was a nanny on the NBC reality show”The Baby Borrowers.” As a nanny on the show I did not perform the traditional nanny roles. My job was to let the young couples experience the challenges and joys of caring for a child firsthand. They got to share many laughs with the children as well as a few dirty diapers that I’m sure they would have rather had me take care of. Supervising the teens as they took the journey into parenthood and giving them support when it was needed was my priority. Although I was with the family in the home and on outdoor adventures, I allowed the teens to problem solve different situations that come with caring for children. Safety for the children was my number one concern.

Over the course of the show I will be giving weekly nanny tips on childcare based on experiences from the show. Check back soon for pointers on childcare from the nanny on “The Baby Borrowers!”