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My Nephew's Wedding
August 13, 09:43 AM
Just got back from Syracuse after attending my nephew's dumb-ass wedding. He's such a handsome young man - bright red hair, pale Irish skin, and just enough meat on his bones to really grab onto - but instead of listening to his wise Aunt's advice about getting his freak on for another ten or fifteen years, he went and threw his whole life away by marrying this uppity little blonde chick. I liked her okay before the wedding, but then "Bridezilla" threw a lil' tantrum when I fell on her wedding cake.
Getting kicked out of the wedding was fine by me, I just wish they had done it a little sooner, 'cause I had to sit through that awful ceremony surrounded by a bunch of weak, crying, rich kids. Violins make me want to puke and the humidity made me sweat like a whore in church - which normally I enjoy, on account of all the pheromones I get to release, but this wedding was in some nasty rose garden and apparently the dudes' noses got all confused 'cause the hot young man-meat seemed more interested in the flowers than in smelling me. Or maybe they were just gay.
The only highlight of the wedding was sneaking back into the reception and downing tumblers of bourbon with a lanky guy who told me his name was "Mr. Jim Beam." Pretty soon we were cutting a rug and I was having thoughts about becoming "Mrs. Jim Beam," at least for a night. But then some stupid little girl just had to be the center of attention and stole my thunder by leading everyone in a bunch of lame-ass dance moves. Conga my ass! That 9-year-old knew exactly what she was doing - being a total cock block.
Mer, what did you wear?
stupid 9 yr. old girl
Did they have any Rum?
That would be a twat swat, lol, not cock block.
omg this is so hilarious!
poopooop
Why does no one comment on this
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You didn't even get dinner out of the deal? What a rip!
Black Badger (02:16 PM)