Meredith's Sex and the Electric City Blog!
Atlantic City
July 02, 06:22 PM
Last week was rough. Work blew, Jakey and I got into a big fight over how he keeps burning things that belong to me, I drove my van into a tree, and my rent check bounced again. I had enough – it was time for me to take a vacation. So last weekend I hopped on a bus and made my way to Atlantic City.
I can’t think of a place on this earth that’s greater than Atlantic City. There, no one will stop you from smoking your cigars in a bathroom stall. It’s fan-f*#king-tastic! On Saturday night I cleaned up on the penny slots, won the super jackpot: 2,800 pennies (enough for 28 shrimp cocktails)! After I finished my shrimp, I snuck into the International Hunks Show – got away with the Australian stripper’s thong. And on Sunday, I got free drinks all night because one of the bartenders thought I was a cocktail waitress (I had on a similar dress). The only glitch in the trip was when I had a little too much to drink and accidentally dumped my Bloody Mary on the roulette table – the people at Trump Casino weren’t too happy about that. All in all though, it was a great trip.
When I came back Monday morning I saw that Jakey had burned down the garage and there were angry letters waiting for me from my landlord and the owner of that tree I hit. I decided I was in need of more vacation, so I called in sick and went back to Atlantic City. Under the Boardwalk, Meredith be havin’ some fun!
FFFFkkk yy Cooommpttttttter!!!!!!!!!
June 25, 02:27 PM
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Bachelorette Party
June 18, 05:47 PM
My friend Patti is getting married, again. It’s the little skank’s fifth time and I am not looking forward to having to go to another one of her crappy-ass weddings! But as the maid of honor, I’m very excited about the bachelorette party I’m gonna throw. I throw a party the same way I conceived my son—lot of booze, lot of sex, lot of screaming girls in the back of the Party Wagon. If you want to rock your friend’s world before she throws her life away with some loser who hasn’t even heard of AC/DC, just follow these steps:
- Don’t go to your neighborhood bar. Too many witnesses.
- Make sure your cab driver is a chick. If it’s a dude, your friends will be too tempted to get him drunk and jump his bones and then you’re stuck walking.
- Get a white shirt, write a bunch of crazy tasks on it (like “give a cop a lap dance” or “rob a stripper”), and make the bride do ‘em all one by one.
- Buy some fishing line and attach it to a dollar bill so when you stuff money into the stripper’s banana hammock, you can pull it right back out.
- If anyone (be it cop, club owner, bartender, waitress, jogger, pizza delivery guy, etc.) gives you a tough time, get all the girls to scream, “but she’s getting married” tomorrow. It’s a get out of jail free card, unless you’re actually in jail.
- Bring some fat friends. They love to get wild and crazy and they’ll help ensure the stripper goes home with you and not someone else.
- Don’t wear heels. Sure they make my ass look great, but I always get tempted to attack someone with those stilettos.
- Never pay for nothing. If you’re not cute like me, make sure some of the invitees are sexy as hell. Guys will gladly “pay the cover” to get down with a hot bachelorette party.
- Make sure the bride-to-be has a good time. After all, this is her night. You and your friends can take over a Chippendale club anytime, but this is her last chance, so make her the star.
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