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December 25, 09:15 AM
A Schrute Family Christmas
Froehliche Weihnachten faithful readers! Many of you have requested I divulge information regarding the Schrute family’s annual Christmas traditions. Initially I thought, what my family does in the privacy of our compound does not concern you, but then I had a change of heart after watching a special Christmas television program with Mose. In the program, a skinny green monster impersonated Santa Claus, broke into the homes of an entire village, and repeatedly committed felony burglary. I realized that this sort of lawless behavior is lauded by our society as exemplifying the “Christmas spirit” and it made me sick. So rather than stand by idly and watch mankind continue to emulate the skinny green Christmas monster, I’ve decided to share my family’s Christmas customs in the hopes that they may serve to exemplify the true meaning of the “Christmas spirit.”
Christmas Eve is a particularly holy night for my family. An Austrian priest, Joseph Mohr, penned a poem exploiting my family’s tradition of the “Silent Night.” As the title suggests, no one is allowed to speak or make any noise, without facing the bitter taste of the switch. The satisfaction we all got when someone accidentally spoke and was switched is still one of the greatest memories of my childhood.
Our Christmas day traditions are pretty mainstream. We wake up early to exchange small, handmade wooden presents and to slaughter our dinner—the Christmas goat. And of course, if a Schrute has been particularly good that year, then Kris Von Kindl fills his stockings with coal, a highly desired source of fuel during long, cold Pennsylvania winters.
And since our Christmas festivities are so much fun, we carry them on for another day, which we call, “Boxing Day.” In between feasting and personal meditation, the day is spent engaging in fierce hand-to-hand combat with our loved ones. Unresolved familial issues that have crept up over the course of the year get settled once and for.
Thus, after three gruelingly delightful days spent internalizing the Christmas virtues (love, obedience, and endurance), our family is ready to ring in the New Year with the true Christmas spirit etched into the musculature of our hearts.
May you and yours have the best of battles this holiday season,
Dwight K. Schrute.
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Dwight, you are in the finals at AwesomeOff.com Can you defeat the mighty Black Hole? Can you win the title of "Most Awesome"?
RYd7Hz hi! nice site!
Hi Dwight,
I'm kind of speechless at the prospect of writing to you! I am a big fan of yours and I simply don't understand how you come up with such innovative ideas to make us laugh. Anyways happy holidays Dwight we would love to see a million more episodes featuring you!!
Dear Mr. Schrute:
Im a admirator off your work and the other members of too.Im ilustrator and i made a draw in honour of you, you can see it in my blog.Thanks to be like you be.
Hi Dwight. Happy new year. I can't wait to see your own show.
I write for Script Magazine (heard of it? probably not), and I was wondering if I could talk to you, or perhaps a member of your team of volunteer writing lackeys, about what it's like to blog for Dunder Mifflin.
Dwight, shoot me an email if you're interested in hearing more. If you say no, I will wrestle you to the ground.
apm
I bested my relatives in all the holiday wrestleing festivities as I am a champion!
That is prett-y bizzare. I would have to say.
Hey, does anyone know if Rainn Wilson actually writes Schrute-Space blogs? ;)
Wowsers, and I thought we were the only ones who got down like that. Got anymore Unicorn Barbies?
Sounds like a fantastic Christmas. Happy holidays Dwight!
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