Accessibility

NBC.com

Division of NBC Universal

spotlight. on nbc

Subtle Sexuality

Subtle Sexuality

The Office's new web series has arrived! Watch the video now. Click Here »

Creed Thoughts

www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts

July 24, 09:33 AM

Creed Thoughts


I’m Batman. At least that’s what I tell women in bars after a few rounds. It’s a great pick-up line because they have no way of knowing if it’s true or not. Sure, they have a 99% chance of knowing that you’re not Batman, but it’s that 1% that gives you the in.

What you’re really looking for is the lady that wants to argue with you about how much you’re not Batman. Those are the broads that end up in bed with you later on yelling “Yes, Batman! Show me your utility belt!” It works every time. It also helps to have a utility belt with you because up until that point, she may still not believe you’re Batman, but when you produce the utility belt, you send her head spinning.

I never used to be good at pick-up lines because I was too direct. “I’d like to be your blanket” works on some chicks, but most of them just slap you and walk away. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good slapping. It’s good for the skin and makes you focus on the task at hand. I’d just rather talk to the woman than get slapped, that’s all. So I had to take a different approach. I’ve heard of new dating advice books where you’re supposed to insult a girl to get her attention, but I think that’s the wrong approach. If I’m not pretending to be Batman, I like to use really impressive facts to get them to talk to me.

I’ll pick out the hottest lady in the bar (or zoo or botanical garden or wherever else I might happen to be) and get her attention with a really loud whisper. Women respond really well to whispers. It’s because they like secrets. So I’ll whisper, “Hey you, come over here” and I’ll look like I’ve got a real big secret to tell them. When they come over, I reach into my bag of facts (not literally) and pull out a good one. “Dolphins are the only animals besides humans that copulate for pleasure.” It works like a charm. Most of the time. Not really. It gets me slapped less, though, so I’m sticking with it.

Comments (19) permalink
Posted by Creed at 09:33 AM

COMMENTS

Pages:    1 |  2 

you shouldn't pretend to be someone who you're not. You could get hurt...

Posted by The Dark Knight
July 24, 2008

guy who posted first is gay

Posted by Anonymous
July 24, 2008

Bonobos, dude.

Those are some sex-obsessed chimps.

Posted by wintermute
July 24, 2008

wat

Posted by Shii
July 24, 2008

It can't be denied, the ladies love the Bat.

Posted by Mecha-Shiva
July 25, 2008

i would definately be creeped out by a man whispering loudly 2 me.

Posted by Kayci
July 25, 2008

You should look into writing a date advice book.

Posted by Merissa
July 25, 2008

"I reach into my bag of facts (not literally)" that was really funny!!!!!

Posted by edgarvs
July 25, 2008

lmao @ u all actually responded to Creed seriously.....have you seen The Office...duh! lmao Creed is funny as hell and that passage was written by his character.

Posted by tracey
July 26, 2008

I need to start seeking out men in zoos and botanical gardens. I think the bars are getting me into trouble. And also, I think I might not be slapping enough of them.

Posted by Angela
July 27, 2008

Post Your Comments Here

         
  Name: Remember  
  Email: Personal Info?  
  URL:  
  Comments:    
Small print: All html tags except [b] and [i] will be removed from your comment. You can make links by just typing the url or mail-address.