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www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts
May 15, 09:30 AM
Creed Thoughts
Between the ages of 18 and 31, I completely lost my sense of smell. I was using this nose spray that was supposed to make me a better lover and after about a week of using the stuff, I couldn’t smell a damn thing. It might have been all of the ground-up tiger particles that were supposed to really jump-start your manhood, but who knows? Anyway, I didn’t get my sniffer back until a few days after my 31st birthday when I was walking past this Ukrainian deli and thought to myself “Am I smelling kovbasa?” Indeed I was. I launched into that sausage like there was no tomorrow because it was the first thing I could really taste in years. Ever since then, I’ve been really aware of how important smell is to me.
That’s why I’m proud to announce the arrival of my new fragrance, “CreedScents.” It’s a mixture of my favorite smells: gasoline, three-day-old cigarettes, cash money, pineapple, bleach, and dirt. It smells awesome. When you walk around, people stop and look at you as if to say “Is that you that I’m smelling?” Well, folks, yes it is, and now, for the first time ever, you can smell like me, too. I’m personally bottling it in 100% recycled water bottles that still have their original labels. Just hook up a little squirt attachment to the top (sold separately) and spray away! You can smell like Creed! Your pet can smell like Creed! Your home can smell like Creed! Your car can smell like Creed! Even your kids can smell like Creed! Buy some CreedScents now!
Just a little legal disclaimer: Don’t drink CreedScents. Don’t use CreedScents as a cleaning liquid. CreedScents is not intended to touch the human skin. If your skin comes into contact with CreedScents, immediately scrub the infected area for roughly one hour or else your skin may begin to melt. CreedScents should not be inhaled. Once in the bloodstream, CreedScents can do serious damage to both your brain and most of your major organs. CreedScents should not be used as a narcotic, although it functions as one if distilled into a gel-cap. Please do not distill CreedScents into gel-caps, as the narcotic it becomes is equivalent to a lethal combination of absinthe, lithium, and hemlock. You may get high for a minute, but you’ll be dead forever. By purchasing CreedScents, you agree to release me, Creed Bratton, from any legal action whatsoever. Also, any problems not mentioned here that arise from the use of CreedScents shall be deemed “implied risks” and cannot be used against me, Creed Bratton, in any type of lawsuit.
Stop sitting on your fat ass and buy some CreedScents today!
COMMENTS
First.
So if CreedScents can't touch the skin, how are you supposed to wear it? Good call with all that 'fine print' by the way.
REALLY FIRST!!
I bought a five gallon jug at my local costco along with a three gallon jug of soul-glo. Can't wait to hit the streets tonight.
wow 4th thats my best ever.
so where can i buy CreedScents
i am soooo excited about the show tonite i had to miss it last week it was sooo depressing i wanted to go up yo some one and stick my hand down their throat and pull out their stomach and wrap it around their head and then punch them in the stomach/face
see u 2nite creed i cant wait
Just brewed me up some CreedScents...mmm... they're gonna love this at my office. heh
Can't wait for the episode tonite...should be a good one.
Considering there is gasoline in CreedScents, is it a fire hazard to be near to an open-flame when using the product?
Hey Creed, maybe you and Jan Levinson can go into business together. CreedScents and Serenity by Jan. I don't know, sounds like a lethal combination.
I am a little disturbed by how much you enjoyed that sausage.
QUALITY ASSURANCE MAN!Break me off a piece of that KIT KAT BAR! Creed I hope you read this, you ARE the man, if you email me at Freakoffmyleashz@aol.com ill send you my life savings, just so i can brag. Ill buy your Scent and never open it, its worth more that way right?
Drat, Creed. I think we're going to be in direct competition here. "Angela Water" smells like gasoline, bran muffins, red wine vinegar, city rain, grapefruit, and old books. *sigh* If only I'd had the foresight to sell it in the recycled water bottles like yourself. I was just selling it out of pitchers at the neighbor kid's lemonade stand. It'll get you good and doused, but I have to pay the kid 5 cents an hour in rent.
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