www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts
February 28, 10:19 AM
Creed Thoughts
So guess who didn’t watch the Academy Awards last weekend? Me. I was too busy selling my TV for a case of hand towels. The story’s way too long and my arthritis has been acting up so I’m not going to write about it here. Needless to say, I’ve got a lot of hand towels now and I’m only a little bit upset that I missed the Oscars. Doesn’t matter, though. I’ve got my own awards to give out. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you The First Annual Bratton Awards, chosen by me. For the record, nobody’s getting a gold statue or anything. If I had gold statues lying around, I’d melt them down and sell them for cashola. On to the awards!
The Fatso Award goes to…
Fatso. In accounting. This one was a no-brainer. That dude is heavy. I don’t want to make him mad though, because I eat a lot his M&Ms when he leaves for the day. If you’re reading this, Fatso, I’m talking about the other Fatso in accounting. The one with all the hair. Not you.
The Katharine Ross Award goes to…
The Receptionist girl – Penny! She’s everything that Katharine Ross was in The Graduate. I don’t really remember much about the movie, but I do know that she was a foxy lady and so is the receptionist girl. Plus, she has a hot mom.
The Black Guy Award goes to…
Nobody. I wanted to give it to Stan, but he really cheesed me off today when we were both in the kitchen and he took the last Sleepytime tea bag without even asking me if I wanted it, so I disqualified him. I guess I could give it to the security guard downstairs, but that guy’s kind of a jerk, too. There’s always next year, black guys.
The Lifetime Achievement Award goes to…
My shoes. I’ve had them since 1987. That’s a lifetime for a pair of shoes. The soles wore through in the mid-nineties, but I just duct-taped the hell out of them and they’ve been fine ever since. Thanks a lot, shoes!
Look, my arthritis just flared up real bad again, so I’m calling it quits. Check back next year for The Second Annual Bratton Awards. I think I’ll start calling them The Creedos.
COMMENTS
First!
Yeah, there's no reason to watch the Academy Awards anyways. Its always just the artsy fartsy films that win. How come The Simpsons Movie didn't win Best Picture?
you rock creed
what about Daryl thoughf or the black guy award??
I'd like to be considered for next year's Bratton Awards... or The Creedo's, whichever it ends up being.
I'm an unemployed musician who sucks at remembering names. I'd change my name to Breed Cratton but then people would think I breed Crattons and then I'd have to sit down and figure out what a Cratton is.
Don't get mad at Stan, get even. Switch the Sleepytime for On Edge Alert --- and enjoy the show.
Qualify, believe it.
Waiting til Oscar night to sell your TV ... smart. A lot of demand for TV's that night so it's a seller's market.
Seemed kind of racist to me.
Seemed kind of racist to me.
And the Idiot Award goes to:
Andrew! He apparently doesn't know a frakkin' joke when he sees one.
Stop being such a bunch of sensitive pansies, the office is all about inappropriate comments. U the man Creed!
Post Your Comments Here
Watch The Recruit, the all-new Heroes webisodes, sponsored by Nissan.
Shop online now at the NBC Store!
America's Got Talent, now casting for Season 4. Details here.
Get your music fix with the Last Call Concert Series. Sponsored by Vegas. play louder.