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Creed Thoughts

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February 14, 08:00 AM

Creed Thoughts


Love is in the air and I’ve got to find a way to bottle it because I’d make a killing.


Most years on Valentine’s Day, I like to dress up in a little diaper and walk around with a bow and arrow shooting at happy couples. I intentionally miss because I don’t want to go to jail or see anybody get hurt, but sometimes I’d just like to nail those nitwits in the forehead for rubbing their relationships in everybody’s faces. Other days, I ditch the bow and arrow but I stick with the diapers because it’s a lot easier than finding a water closet every time I have to go potty.


I want to know why St. Valentine got a holiday but St. Louis just got a crappy city.

Animals don’t have holidays. They just go about their business from one day to the next and sometimes I think they’re happier for it. I bet they’d be pissed though, if they knew they were missing out on so many presents.


I’ve got a tattoo of a heart. It was supposed to be a scarlet “A,” but the guy messed it up so I had him make it into a heart. It was that or a red tepee.


Love is evil spelled backwards to a dude that doesn’t know how to spell.


Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if blue was the color of love. Lots of romantic skies, I guess.


Valentine was the name of a girl I dated in the early Seventies. Everyone called her Val, but I called her Lenny. I dumped her the first week of February because I knew that one day the next week, everything was going to be about her. People should only get one day that’s “their day” and that should be their birthday.


I’d say that my perfect Valentine’s Day would be me, a special lady, a bottle of red wine, a steak dinner, two heart-shaped cupcakes, a box of high-quality prophylactics, and that special lady’s credit card so I can go buy two more bottles of wine after she falls asleep.

Comments (39) permalink
Posted by Creed at 08:00 AM

COMMENTS

Pages:    1 |  2  |  3  |  4 

ive always hated the season of love..if i have to i hand make any gift i make for the significant whats her face..just so i could deny hallmark the 3 dollars that i would spend on some card..however
as far as love struck couples go..zaboo and codex take the cake..it should be what those guys have or nothing at all..in case you didnt know they're characters in a quaint webseries about a clan of online gamers
friggin hilarious
http://effinfunny.com/theguild

Posted by kaoticchick
February 14, 2008

I'm disappointed, Creed. I thought for sure you'd celebrate Singles Awareness Day. It's a lovely unofficial substitute holiday.

I know what you're thinking: the acronym is SAD, and that this is depressing. But Valentine's Day shares an acronym with Venereal Disease. Being in a relationship might get you Valentine's Day, but it could also get you a VD, and you'll be Single and SAD soon enough.

So I wish you a very happy Singles Awareness Day!

Posted by Angela
February 14, 2008

Creed, if you would use a paintball gun with festive paintballs (red and white for V-day)rather than a bow and arrows you could actually hit your love-stricken targets. Just don't go for head shots since they tend to hurt and just might get you arrested. Also, maybe you should try the diaper attire on random non holidays as people may try to feed you thinking that you are suffering from dimentia or something. And where is the ID I paid you for? I need to go out of the country and don't want the government to know I'm leaving.

Posted by alan
February 14, 2008

Creed, if you would use a paintball gun with festive paintballs (red and white for V-day)rather than a bow and arrows you could actually hit your love-stricken targets. Just don't go for head shots since they tend to hurt and just might get you arrested. Also, maybe you should try the diaper attire on random non holidays as people may try to feed you thinking that you are suffering from dimentia or something. And where is the ID I paid you for? I need to go out of the country and don't want the government to know I'm leaving.

Posted by alan
February 14, 2008

So good to hear you're wearing diapers. Love that idea but agree with the paintballs... a much better combination. Can't wait to see you soon!

Shizel

Posted by Forshizel
February 14, 2008

I like you Creed. You remind me of the cool hippie Uncle that I almost had, but not quite. If you were ever to step into the ring with Apollo Creed to have the ultimate "Battle Of the Creeds" showdown, who do you think would win? Probably you, since Apollo Creed is dead...oh, and he's fictional...OK, who do you think would win if you were to scuffle with Carl Weathers?

Posted by Billy
February 14, 2008

My favorite Valentine's evening involves some Kleenex and a small farm animal.

Posted by Jimbogosteelers
February 14, 2008

lol a Scarlet A? why would you want a scarlet A? I just "read" a book for a book report I had to do for school called the Scarlet Letter and the girl in the book was forced to wear a scarlet A on her chest as a sign that she was an Adulter...are you tryin to tell us something?

Posted by Dubl_D
February 14, 2008

lol a Scarlet A? why would you want a scarlet A? I just "read" a book for a book report I had to do for school called the Scarlet Letter and the girl in the book was forced to wear a scarlet A on her chest as a sign that she was an Adulter...are you tryin to tell us something?

Posted by Dubl_D
February 14, 2008

lol a Scarlet A? why would you want a scarlet A? I just "read" a book for a book report I had to do for school called the Scarlet Letter and the girl in the book was forced to wear a scarlet A on her chest as a sign that she was an Adulter...are you tryin to tell us something?

Posted by Dubl_D
February 14, 2008

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