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Creed Thoughts

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January 03, 12:38 PM

Creed Thoughts


This is the year I’m finally going to tack on those extra fifteen pounds. I’ve been skinny since birth (2 lbs. 8 oz.) and every year I tell myself that this is going to be my big year for bulking up. Well guess what, body? THIS IS THE YEAR. I’m going to get so fat.


I better not become one of those dudes that get a fat belly and nothing else. I hate those jerks. From behind, they look like normal joes, but as soon as they turn around – bam! – how did that guy get pregnant? Skinny legs and a fat tummy is no way to go through life, that’s for sure. When I get fat, I want to be fat everywhere. I want people to look at me and think “doughy.” I want kids to puff out their cheeks at me and pretend there’s an earthquake every time I take a step. I want to get so fat that I don’t even get fat-rolls when I sit down, I just get a blob.

In order to gain the most weight possible, I’ve set up a very strict regimen for myself. I’m going to park as close to places as possible so I don’t have to walk. If there aren’t any spaces available, I’ll just wait in my car and eat a candy bar until somebody comes out. When I go to the grocery store, I’m going to get one of those electric carts to zoom around in so I’m not burning calories as I’m buying calories. I will never, ever take the stairs. As for eating, I’m going for quantity over quality. Do I want cheese on my fries? Yes. Do I want to mega-size something? Always. Will I finish food left behind by people at other tables? I’ve been doing that my whole life.


By summertime, you’re going to see me on a beach and tell me to put my shirt on. There’s going to be a whole new Creed around these parts and this guy’s breaking every chair he sits in. Say goodbye to the skinny old guy you once knew, because here comes Chubby Creed and I’m going to eat your lunch.


Wish me luck.

Comments (40) permalink
Posted by Creed at 12:38 PM

COMMENTS

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pure gold creed represent the large people

Posted by cody
January 03, 2008

wow... um. why would you want to be that fat? I can understand a little bulk but honestly...

Posted by Michael Behnke
January 03, 2008

Sounds like a lot of people!

Posted by James
January 03, 2008

oh wow , creed actually kills me, this made me laugh so much ..

Posted by katie
January 03, 2008

hey creed, good look with getting bulk, btw your blogs are awesome!

Posted by Zamie
January 03, 2008

sodd off, you fat F-word!
Happy?

Posted by cock
January 03, 2008

i meant to say good luck with getting bulk O_O'

Posted by Zamie
January 03, 2008

Good luck, dude. Eat a lot of Twinkies.

Posted by spaz
January 04, 2008

You know what would really help you beef up? Carnival foods. There's nothing like smoking some Creed then heading out to the land of hecklers and ferris wheels. Once there, my friend, you can take care of three days worth of caloric intake with a couple of deep-fried Snickers bars. Or how about an 18-inch diameter funnel cake topped with canned whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberry sauce, and half a stick of butter? I'm telling you this will work! Have you EVER seen a skinny carnie? Even if you have, those are the ones that are on meth. Have fun you sly bastard.

Posted by Killerwit
January 04, 2008

I think a good goal to have is to be so big you have to buy 2 airplane tickets when you travel, because you are just way too big for one. That should be something you shoot for.

Posted by Flibis
January 04, 2008

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