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December 20, 02:03 PM
Creed Thoughts
I’ve practiced a lot of religions over the years and of all of them, my favorite is still the Fraternal Order of Eternal Christmas. It was a fairly small group that I helped put together in ’83 just outside of Lincoln, Nebraska. The basic tenet was that, for us, Christmas was every single day. We’d wake up every morning and open presents, then we’d all sit around and have a delicious group lunch. At night, we’d have Christmas Eve dinner with goose and stuffing and then we’d go to bed, waiting for the whole thing to happen all over again. I came up with this groovy creation story about Santa being a real man that arose from an elven tribe living among the polar ice caps. People really seemed to dig it. We got about thirty or forty followers before we got shut down by the State of Nebraska. Apparently, people were doing a lot of stealing to keep the religion going financially.
This is going to come as a shock to all of you, so find yourself a recliner and park your caboose in it because here we go: I love Christmas decorations. I do. Lights, mangers, inflatable Santas – you name it, I love it. They remind me of some really great trips I took back in the day.
You know what I found out? Menorahs make great weapons. Just swap out the candles with razor blades and you’re good to go.
If you can’t afford a Christmas turkey from the supermarket, just bag yourself a free Canadian Goose. They’re all over the place and taste very festive.
During the holidays, I like to go to the mall dressed as Santa. You’d be surprised how much free food you get when you’re in costume. Last year I got in a fight with the “real” mall Santa and I kicked his ass back to the North Pole, which, for him, was somewhere out by Altoona. Took a lot of pictures with kids that day and I made a bunch of moola, too.
Listen up, people: I’m going on a little holiday “vacation,” so I don’t know when I’ll next be in front of the old com-pu-ta-dor. Hopefully Customs won’t be too much of a problem this time and I’ll be back in no time with a new balloon collection. Good tidings to all and to all a good fight.
COMMENTS
i will miss you darling...
hey creed see you in a while.. i miss the new episodes
We shall miss you terribly, Creedster. While you're away, please dress up as a Santa again, but try it in a more interesting place, like a bar. Heh heh...
Dig your style Creed man. Be careful on your journey. I know you are experienced in getting things across the border - but its never a sure thing. Check all your balloons 3x minimum before you swallow them. I like to use the blue ones predominately. Just me being superstitious I guess. Make sure you count how many you swallow, and how many exit your body. Cant have any lingerers stuck in there can we ??!! Also rinse them off real real good. Dont want no bacteria clinging !! Other than that - chop it up and snort it down. Its gonna be a good year...
Thanks for nothin. See you later.
Creed - you owe me money. Pay up.
i love money... it allows pepole to go on vacations real quick
Creed the Weed man. I am happy to hear from you every time. It gets me so ramped up that you have another post that I have to pee my pants just to let some of my pressure out that was built up from the anticipation. Dressing up like Santa reminds me of that movie you played in with the little midget and his oriental wife where you two break into banks on Christmas eve I think it was called Bad Santa. Was that part of your gig you learned in the F.O.E.C.? Big times in the little city. If you are into the menorahs as weapons then try using a steel-plated yamukah as a shield to deflect the blows from your opponent. This comes in very handy when your fighting dwarves who tend to carry around those plastic hors dourve swords. Mean little SOB's. Good luck with your time away from the 'puter...but who is going to run your Ho, Ho, Ho, Website for you? Maybe a couple of your silent business partners. Good luck with Customs. Just remember that a lot of fiber after the "balloon trip" equals alot of dough in the bakery. By the way did we do time together?
Happy holidays, Creed. Call me if you have trouble at Customs. I know people...
i think we need one last excellent night together before you leave.
call me asap
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